Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“AND IF ANYONE ELSE HAS A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH CROW THEN YOU CAN COME DIRECTLY TO ME.”

Creed’s voice boomed across the tower with a power nobody had seen from him before. His cloak flipping aggressively as he turned on his heel and grabbed Crow’s hand, dragging him away from it all.

Crow’s eyes were wide as he trailed close behind the slightly taller Awoken male, glancing back to see the shock on peoples faces in their wake. The transmat wasn’t quite quick enough to stop him from catching a small smile on Zavala’s face while he leaned against the railing nearby.

Creed was huffing as they appeared in the living room of their apartment, his face flush with apparent anger. Crow didn’t think he’d seen him angry before then. He was always so happy and cracking jokes but the way rage seethed from his being was almost jarring.

Crow’s now free hand reached up to gently grasp Creed’s shoulder, his voice clearing softly.

“Hey.. Are you alright?”

Creed spun around looking like he was about to explode, pulling in a lung full of air before he caught himself. Crow’s ever glowing amber eyes looked up at him with so much concern and kindness it pulled him apart. Before he could even think about it he was wrapping his arms around him and sighing into his hair.

“No..” he breathed, eyes closed tight as he felt Crow ease into his chest. “It’s not fair. To judge someone for sins they didn’t even commit. The fact that it’s still even discussed..”

He fought back a borderline growl as his arms tightened around Crow one more time before pulling back just enough to look at him.

“You aren’t Uldren. Anymore than I’m who I was before.. this.” He sighed gesturing to himself then resting his hands on the other males shoulders. “You deserve respect. You’ve done too much for us all to still hear whispers in the courtyard by idiots who aren’t even fighting.”

Crow couldn’t fight the smile that found his face as he took in Creed’s distress with a fondness he didn’t expect.

“I have respect from those who matter the most.” Crow mused before reaching up and cupping Creeds cheek. “Thank you. For being my greatest defender.”

Creed’s heart seized in his chest as he leaned slightly into the touch. Crow was always warm.

“You know me. Always down to save a damsel in distress.” He teased before giving him one more hug and fighting the urge to linger. “I’ll go start the shower heating up then figure out something in the kitchen. Maybe this time I won’t burn anything.”

Crow laughed as he watched the man flee the scene into the bathroom down the hall. That was a good idea now that he thought about it, his bones ached from fighting all day.

“You’ll get there eventually!” He called out with a grin before kicking off his boots at the door and making his way back to him.

Rumors and gossip were everywhere but at least there was solace here together.

Chapter Text

Creed’s feet carried him swiftly down the stairs lunch bag in tow towards Crow, eyes lighting up when his face came into view. Though his expression turned more solemn and concerned seeing the look on the awoken’s face.

Creed took his seat heavily next to where Crow stood and dropped a bag next to him before leaning back and closing his eyes.

“What’s on your mind, feathers?”

Crow’s usual laugh didn’t come at the comment, rather a sigh and the sound of him sliding down the wall to sit beside him. Rare were the occasions that he was so downcast anymore. The fuss over the male long since had settled down, enough even that Crow was able to do real work in the Vanguard now and not just sit around all day ‘keeping guard’. But here he was looking utterly at war with himself.

“Have you ever-..” Crow’s voice fell off quickly as Creed opened his eyes to scan his face. “Have you ever been so at odds with yourself that you felt like you’d break in two?”

Traveler had he.. Creed’s skin crawled as he remembered multiple occasions of the sort. The biggest one being killing Uldren Sov. Was it the right thing? To kill a man for simply loving his sister more than anything? But then again in the mess of it all he lost someone he cared for more than anyone. Someone he swore to protect with his life.

Yet there would be no Crow if that hadn’t happened. And for the light of him he couldn’t have stopped himself loving who this man was now. The way the light under his skin danced similar to his own yet more brilliant.. more lovely.

“You know very well that I have.” His voice finally broke the silence and Crow’s eyes lifted to meet his own. “This is about Mara, isn’t it?”

The way his eyes fell said enough. He reached into the paper bag next to him and pulled out his portion of the lunch Creed had brought, picking at it.

“It’s.. so strange to be around her again. To know she’s just in the other room. I did so many horrible things to try and get her back and now that she’s here..”

Creed slipped off the bench and sat next to Crow on the floor, his shoulder lightly brushing against the other’s. “It’s hard to be face to face with someone who makes you remember your mistakes.. but when you love them as well…” Creed trailed off catching himself before he said anything even more revealing.

Crow bumped his arm in return, eating a piece of fruit before starting again softly. “Exactly. I’m so relieved to see her but it’s hard when I keep thinking about what I did. How.. How do I move past what’s between us? How did either of you ever forgive me? And I suppose how do you show that same forgiveness to yourself?”

Creed simply slipped a hand onto the other’s knee and gave it the softest squeeze he could manage.

“The Traveler gave you a second chance. And if it thinks you deserved another try then who am I to disagree? You’ve proven yourself at every turn to be different. To be a loyal and great man.. I’m sure Mara feels that way too. Though I think you could still be evil per se and she’d love you despite it.”

He could have sworn he heard a teardrop fall onto Crow’s leg but he wouldn’t say it. Instead he rubbed soft circles where his hand rested.

“Did I ever tell you about when you were a new light? What my life was like then?”

Crow shook his head gently, eyes drifting over to watch the hunter with an expression akin to fear. Creed simply smiled and shook his head before looking straight forward at the wall, gaze a million miles away as he recalled it.

“Despite how.. we.. ended, all I wanted when they said you were alive was to run to you. To see for myself that you were okay. To maybe start looking in the mirror again and not feeling like a monster.”

Creeds hands clenched fistfuls of fabric on his legs as he sighed.

“But they didn’t want me to get too close too fast.. kept me away from you when you first got to the tower. Kept me away from everyone else.”

Creed shook his head and slumped a bit onto his elbows resting atop his thighs. His eyes glued to a place on the floor so hard they could have burned a hole into it. Anything but looking at his face.

“I think Zavala and Ikora thought I was going to snap. Hell, maybe I would’ve. The way I reacted to the news of your.. plentiful deaths was not pretty… I picked glass out of my knuckles for weeks. Owed the commander a nice new table as well.”

The air between the two was heavy as Crow simply listened and watched the other male patiently. Always patient.

“It didn’t matter how it ended. Didn’t matter what you did. What I did.. I just wanted to see you. It was like the second the commander said you were alive I forgave it all. I’m not sure how. It felt like an eternity waiting for Zavala to finally agree to let you stay with me. To let you finally come home where you were supposed to be.. what you used to joke about doing back then.”

Creed’s eyes finally focused as he turned to look at the other male, the way the light under his skin danced in the dim corridor. The way his expression held no judgement, just understanding.

“And now I get to see you every morning. Your messy bed head, that smile always on your face when you see me, the way your laugh sounds when it’s just us. Every day with you I remember the bad parts less and less. It fades with time. The guilt and the anger. It can turn into something beautiful if you let it.”

Leaning into Crow’s shoulder, Creed let himself breathe, two hands conjoined, fingers lacing together between them.

“You should let it. I know now I can’t lose you again. You’re too intertwined with who I am. I’ll talk you off a million ledges. Give you a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t give up on yourself. Or your sister. Because your light in my life is irreplaceable. I know Mara. She’ll feel the same. We love you, Crow.”

Creed let the words fall from his lips without care in that moment. Let himself soak up the warmth of their skin connected so tightly. Didn’t miss the detail of Crow’s thumb gently moving over his knuckles as he listened and waited.

Few and far between were the moments as tender and peaceful as this. It was a rare commodity for a guardian to experience happiness, much less peace. Yet there in the floor of the H.E.L.M. two awoken hunters found solace amidst the storm if just for a moment.

The silence was warm and easy as the only sound in the room was the distant mechanical noises from the front of the ship and their breath.

“I hope you know I don’t hold anything against you. You did what you had to.. for Cayde.” Crow spoke, Cayde’s name leaving his mouth just above a whisper. “I hope Mara can find it in her heart to forgive me like you did. And hopefully one day I can say I don’t hold anything against myself either.”

A long pause filled the air as they sat slightly too close together. Close enough that they would never hear the end to the teasing of someone saw. It was pleasant though. Peaceful. Being in Crow’s presence was good for Creed’s soul, he thought. The way everything went quiet when they were together.

“I think she already has.”

Creed spoke, looking back up at Crow with a softness in his gaze that existed only for him. Their faces were close like this. Too close.

“You said when you love someone.. Creed-“

Creed hadn’t moved so fast in his life as he did standing up and making his way for the door.

“Anyways enjoy your lunch! Good talk-!”

His words were cut short as a hand snagged his wrist and pulled him to a stop.

“Creed.”

Crow’s voice was so soft.. so quiet and careful as if he was talking to a mouse. It almost undid him right then and there. Without turning to face him, Creed felt his whole face heat up as he spoke.

“Yes?”

The grip on him loosened a bit as Crow took a step closer behind him.

“Why are you running away?”

Creed’s words got stuck in his throat as he stood as still as stone. So many reasons. Because he always ran away. From his past. From any kindness offered to him by his team. From the voices inside his head.

Creed was a performance to hide the scared little awoken boy who wasn’t even brave enough to save his mother and sister. Wasn’t strong enough to keep himself on his own two feet half the time. Wasn’t fast enough to save Cayde.

He had trained every day since the incident. Could go for miles at a dead run without breaking a sweat. And yet the idea of letting someone that close ever again.. Wren and Aoshima were already close enough. Too close even. He woke up from night terrors too many nights seeing them die in horrible ways. Watching the light fade from their eyes. Remembering the way Uldren’s did the same. Seeing Crow’s face instead of the Prince on the other side of his gun and not being able to stop himself from pulling the trigger.

“Because if I let myself get too close.. if I even admit to myself out loud how I feel about you. The Traveler or the universe or something else beyond my comprehension will take you away.”

Silence.

Earth shaking silence as Crow’s hand moved from his wrist but not away, up his arm to his shoulder to turn him around.

“The Traveler itself couldn’t keep me away from you.”

Creed didn’t even give himself time to overthink it before he had closed the gap and claimed Crow’s mouth.

The sigh that left Crow as their lips found each other was heavenly, the way his whole body went slack under the grasp that Creed settled on his hips.

It was so many feelings. Almost too many. Years of pining and loving him. Fights and fears and the eventuality that Crow had become a part of their little fireteam that felt like a family. All poured into one simple connection.

Feeling Crow’s warmth under his palms, his breath on his skin, it felt unreal. Like it had to be a dream.

It was so much. Too much. It was a line he wasn’t sure they should have crossed because what if he ruined it again? What if-

A small chirp came from Cypher as he rounded the corner before speaking.

“I am very sorry to interrupt but there is urgent news from the commander. It’s about the Witness. He needs you right away.”

Cypher’s tone was reluctant and soft even with the tone of urgency. The two hunters broke away from each other, flushed. Creed’s heart was racing as he shook his head lightly to clear it and turned to his ghost to nod.

Truthfully he was a bit grateful for the interruption as his head was spinning. Though the mention of the Witness had his stomach in a knot.

“O-Of course. Duty calls.” Crow stuttered out looking positively embarrassed but smiling despite as he patted Creed on the chest. “Go on. Saving the world doesn’t wait even for you.”

His eyes held the question ‘talk later?’ and Creed steeled himself enough to smile a bit and nod before turning to Cypher and dipping his head.

“Let’s do this.”

Chapter Text

Creed felt his heart seizing in his chest as Mara’s voice sounded almost like it was underwater. Everything was a blur after realizing Crow planned to go into The Traveler no matter what they said. Creed heard the distant sound of Mara begging her brother to stay, to think of another way, but it reached deaf ears for Crow as well.

Crow couldn’t really be planning on sending himself on a suicide mission. Could he? They hadn’t even talked about the kiss yet. He had barely worked up the nerve to look at him. Not even close to trying to come to terms with how he had been feeling. Even less ready to admit to Crow out loud the things he was thinking those last few weeks. It was hard enough the first time with Uldren.. before. And now he was maybe never going to get that opportunity at all with Crow. 

The unfortunate thing that came with being a guardian was feeling like the time you had was infinite. Like you’d have the rest of eternity to be brave enough to tell someone you loved him. To admit that you wanted him forever. Then the universe promptly slapped you in the face with the reality: a ghost does not equal forever. Not at all.

Somewhere in the haze he heard Osiris explaining a plan as he struggled to see through the tears. Crow fidgeted with his belt refusing to meet his eyes. Mara seemed to be looking at him through the blur of it all, a hard to make out despair on her face. He wanted to hug her. He wanted to shake Crow. Creed didn’t think as he stepped forward and forced breath into his lungs as he clasped Crow’s arm.

They didn’t touch in public. Hadn’t done much more than hold hands since he came back as who he was now. But with tears pouring down his cheeks, Creed held onto him like he was already gone. He felt like he couldn’t breathe as their eyes locked and everyone else faded away.

“Reconsider.”

Creed’s voice sounded foreign and far away in his own ears as golden eyes scanned  amber. Crow looked unsure if just for a moment as he took in the other hunter’s face. 

“Let me. Please.. I- I can’t lose you again…”

Creed didn’t realize what he was saying until it was done and something in Crow’s expression broke just so. Images of Uldren’s lifeless body flashed in Creed’s mind like a waking nightmare as another tear burned down his cheek. The room was so deathly quiet as Crow placed a hand over Creed’s on his arm. Creed knew what was coming before Crow opened his mouth to reply. The look on his face spoke a thousand words as he parted two perfect lips that Creed knew he very well may never kiss again. He took a breath.

“You know I have to do this. I owe everyone that much.”

Crow’s voice sounded tighter now like he was fighting his own battle inside and Creed shook his head. Mara was still as death in the corner of his eye as she watched Creed detach from him and turn to leave. Osiris looked at Creed like he’d lived this before and he was sure he had, empathy etched into Osiris’ face. Creed tried not to think about how he lost Saint. He prayed to The Traveler he wouldn’t experience what they did.

“Then I won’t watch you march to your death.”

His words echoed in his own ears as he wiped his face and transmatted out without looking back.