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You can’t even remember how long you have been sitting next to Anakin’s bed, watching him breathing slowly through a small nasal cannula while a monitor counts each one of his heartbeats with a beep. You look at his pale face and at his lips which are of an unnatural violet color, the same as his eyelids, and you can’t help but think that he really looks dead. You feel yourself shivering because of that thought and you lightly shake your head as if you wanted to get rid of it with that simple gesture. He is alive.
The healers said that he has been lucky, after all. There are some burns all over his body, but they will heal with time and only the most serious ones will leave a permanent scar on his skin. You sigh, knowing that it’s not about the burns that you’re worried about and your eyes quickly move to where Anakin’s legs should be. You cut them off slightly above his knees and no matter how hard you try not to think about it, you still feel a terrible sense of guilt in your heart. Your hand reaches to his flesh one and gently squeezes it, your thumb caressing the cold skin of the back of his hand.
Anakin will still be able to lead a normal life, you think, just like he did when he got his arm cut off by Count Dooku, the artificial arm has never been a big deal to him. But you can’t forget what the healers told you earlier: losing a leg it’s a whole different matter than losing a hand or an arm, losing them both is much worse. Anakin will recover from it, but it will take a lot of time and patience, a virtue that your Padawan has never possessed. He will have to get used to the new prosthetic legs and it will be like learning to walk over again. What is more, his replacements won’t be ready until a week and this means that Anakin won’t be able to move without any help for a while.
Your attention focuses on your former apprentice’s body as soon as you see him moving. Anakin slowly turns his head to the side and when he opens his eyes, his tired and suffering gaze immediately meets yours. His blue irises are veiled because of the large amount of drugs that had been given to him in order to reduce his pain and you remember another thing that the nurse told you: he’s very weak and he shouldn’t be put under unnecessary stress in his condition. You force yourself to smile lightly at him, but if you were in front of a mirror you would realize that your expression doesn’t look like a smile at all.
« Obi … Obi-Wan … » he whispers, his voice so low it’s almost inaudible.
You get close to him without even realizing it, you gently stroke his hair and shake your head.
« I am here, Anakin, I am here with you. Sssh ... » it’s your feeble reply.
He doesn’t seem to listen to you, or he doesn’t want to and with his steel hand he grabs your tunic and tries to lift himself from the bed, his whole body shaking for the effort. You put an arm around his waist and a hand behind his neck and you try to put him down again. He fights to keep himself up, the beeps of the machine monitoring his heart increase and become faster so you decide to just hold him as he wishes. Anakin takes a long breath and he desperately tries to talk properly.
« Wh-where is … is … P-Padmé? I-is she … al … alright? »
You almost jump at that question. You don’t want to give him an answer and you simply look at him in the eyes. You can’t do this to him, you can’t tell him the truth. It will be too much for him and he’s already been through a lot. You take a deep breath as memories of the past hours make their way in your mind.
The girl’s body writhes as she lets out another long scream, so loud that it sends shivers down your spine. Shortly after that you hear a baby crying and the obstetrician droid holds a tiny infant covered in blood in its arms, trying to clean him.
« It’s a boy. » it announces with its flat voice, while it gives the newborn to you.
You gently cradle him to your chest. He stops crying as soon as he feels your body warmth and you can’t help but smiling a little, as your eyes lower to meet his face. You have never held such a small and vulnerable baby in your arms and it feels so strange. You bend down so Padmé can look at her son too and for a second she looks relieved from all her sufferance.
« Luke … » she says softly, reaching out to touch one of the baby’s small hands.
Padmé’s features contract again as she fights to not let out another scream, another wave of overwhelming pain makes the young woman bit her lips so hard that she starts to bleed. You feel useless, you can’t do nothing but stand by her side in what you know are her last moments of life. You do this because you love her all the same in spite of your deep love for her husband, because she made him happy. And that’s all that matters to you.
Padmé gives birth to another baby, a little girl this time, and her whole body relaxes after that final effort.
« She’s Leia … » she mutters when Obi-Wan approaches with the other twin, after giving little Luke to the nurses in order to take care of him. The baby girl looks at her mother, who gives her a big lovingly smile before turning her gaze at Obi-Wan.
You would do anything to save her from her fate. You know that her death will break Anakin’s heart and you don’t want to see him suffer this much. You wouldn’t be able to stand it, yet you know that you can only stand by his side when he will be dealing with grief.
« You have to be strong, Padmé, for your children. And for Anakin, too. » you say, but your words sound so weak even to yourself. You already know what is going to happen and Padmé knows too. There is simply nothing the both of you can do to avoid the inevitable.
Her face is pale and covered in sweat, but she still looks beautiful and strong. It’s not hard for you to understand why Anakin loved her so much. You never approved their marriage, but you never told anyone about it even if it was your duty to do so. For the Jedi, attachment is forbidden and you’ve always wanted to follow the Code to the letter but you found yourself developing such a strong affection for your young Padawan that when you discovered about his marriage, you didn’t think you had the right to report it to the Council. You broke the rules too, after all.
Padmé takes one of your hands as she whispers her last words:
« Obi-Wan … there … is good in him. I know there is … still … »
Suddenly her eyes become empty and her hold on your hand loosens. In the exact moment when she exhales her last breath you feel the tears streaming down your face.
« P-please … T-tell me … Obi-Wan … I-is she … alright? »
It’s Anakin’s trembling voice that brings you back to reality. And you know you can’t lie to him, even if it is going to hurt him even more than his wounds. You delicately squeeze his body against yours as if you wanted to protect him from his sufferance, to free him from his pain and take it all on you. Before you can even say a word, Anakin understands what you are not able to tell him.
« No … » he starts to tremble « No … no … no! I-it can’t be … no! »
He bursts into tears and his laments turn into desperate cries. You hold him tight against your chest, you let him cry and you cry with him, feeling his hands grabbing your body with all his strength. You would like to say something to him, anything to comfort him, but you can’t find the words and you know that nothing can erase his pain right now. You just stay by his side, holding him in your arms.
Eventually, Anakin seems to calm down except for some sporadic sobs that make him whimper against your body. His face is red because of the tears and he looks even more exhausted than he was before. You gently stroke his hair, making your fingers run through the messy locks as you watch him slowly falling asleep. You wait a lot of time, just to be sure that he’s deeply asleep, before you put him back down with care on his bed. You pull the bed sheets over his body and you watch over him.
« I was afraid I was going to lose you forever. » you say softly, even if you know that he can’t hear you. And maybe that is why you can find the courage to tell him such words « I have never felt so much fear in my life. You have been the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. I love you so much, Anakin, so much. You’re probably never going to know that, but it’s okay, I just want you to know that I will do anything to bring back serenity and happiness in your life. You deserve it.
Now the pain seems too much to bear and you’re feeling like it will never end. But it will, some day. And I’ll be there for you. I will always be there for you, my love. »
You gently take his hand and you press your lips on the palm of it, closing your eyes.
As you fall asleep on the chair, you know that the worst is yet to come.