Work Text:
In the coldness of Ratio’s office at Veritas Prime, Aventurine lilted, a flash of teeth, his neon eyes glowing a little brighter. He twisted a coin, looking at the purple-haired man, who glanced up, suspiciously, from his desk. He was without his plaster bust, pen in hand and writing notes with such neatness and legibility that it was evident he had worked on his handwriting for years.
“Is there something that you require, gambler?” Ratio said, blandly. “If so, do not waste my time with your useless pleasantries.”
“Surely I must have something interesting to say, doc?” Aventurine teased, already getting into the beat of their conversation. “Something that could… distract you?”
Ratio’s jaw visibly ticked, and he sighed tersely. In a slightly more irritated voice, he announced, “Tell me what you want, or leave. I have to admit I'm…fraying at the edges right now.”
Same here, Ratio. Consciously dragging himself back to the point, the reason why he had scoured Ratio’s schedule and cleared his own and nearly had a panic attack and did the breathing exercises that his sister had taught him-
Aventurine released himself, his bearings, everything. The muscles in his back loosened, and he wanted to scream. “I won't be able to visit you or the students anymore,” he stated, forcing the words out. His breath constricted, the same sensation that kept interfering. Why was this conversation so hard? Generally, he wouldn't have even given a warning…
It seemingly took a few moments for Ratio to process that. When he did, it was all… it was far more than Aventurine had expected. All of that sharpness with the bust, but under, all he saw were soft edges. Melting, dissolving, dripping onto the clean floor. Ratio’s candlelight eyes were too big and his face was too pale. “...What?” he mouthed, no sound coming out. A bit detachedly, Aventurine saw an owl in him.
Ratio stood up, steps silent. “Tell me- What-” and Aventurine’s world tilted, “ What happened? ”
-
Why was Ratio being so- What was the word? Intense? It was as if his world had collapsed, as if he had just lost a patient-
-
“I’m going to-” Aventurine’s voice cracked, ever so slightly, and by Ratio’s face, he could tell he knew, “Penacony,” Aventurine said, forcing false cheer into the dying mood. “The IPC’s biggest gamble yet, and I have to admit, I’m quite exci-”
“ Aventurine -” Ratio stepped forward, eyebrows furrowed. Was that- was that the first time that the doctor had ever called him Aventurine outside of business? Without his mask, Aventurine thought, Ratio was bafflingly expressive, contrary to his sharp stoniness sometimes. “Must this plan require you- require you to die? This isn’t- Has this been approved ?”
Aventurine inhaled, slowly, slowly, slowly, and let Ratio's words penetrate him. “That- That doesn't matter , Ratio. It's the only way. Why do you care so much?”
Ratio, as a matter of fact, seemed almost stupified by this. “You're an utter idiot. I need to- Let me come with you .”
Aventurine stumbled backwards, ever so slightly, “ What? No-, Ratio, you can’t-” Was Ratio offering to accompany him-? He hadn't prepared for this-
“There's always a-,” Ratio said, almost desperately, “Let me be your work partner or something-”
“I know what I'm doing, doc,” Aventurine snapped. “I don't need protection-”
“I know you don't,” Ratio shot back, just as fast, but then he hesitated, just a bit, “but if you would let me-”
Stupid stupid stupid. Fuck him, he was so fucking stupid for letting this sink in, for considering it. Where had his- his bravado gone ? “Aeons, doctor-” Aventurine felt his world spinning, head light, “ Ratio, it’s so dangerous, you can’t-” and he forced his mouth shut there, to take a moment to rebuild his walls and force his expression into a face he could control.
He smiled, yet again, but then-
Cold air slammed into him as Ratio stumbled forward and surrounded Aventurine in with his warmth and sturdiness and Aventurine jerked, shrunk, trembled, but at the same time he felt like he was grounded, so tender and warm and he wanted to be there forever because it was a hug and-
It wasn’t the physical touch that killed him, because he knew the touches of rough, dirty, uncaring fingers and this was not it, because this was Ratio, and- Pained, Aventurine felt his eyes watering, and so he wrapped himself around Ratio’s midsection, and squeezed harder, pressing his face into Ratio’s shoulder, the scent of marble and sandalwood and toasted vanilla flooding his senses and he had the irresistible urge to stay in this warmth and heat and comfort and- This was dangerous, this sensation of care and a certain four letter word that was just out of reach because-
Perhaps, in a different life, he would have cared about Ratio. Not his one, not the last one, but in some distant dream. He hoped that some version of him reached this distant goal, because he was too broken, too dead inside to hold the candlelight that always glowed in Ratio’s eyes. There was the light sensation of warmth against his forehead, something insanely soft, and then the grasp around his shoulders tightened. It took too long before Aventurine realized, and then he couldn’t, he just, there was no way he-
Aventurine leaned back ever so slightly, never opening his eyes, and the warm lips met his before he could even reach for them. His heart ached and felt and was shattered, melted into a billion pieces and-
He felt Ratio’s hot fingertips running through his hair, and Aventurine helplessly waited for a tug, a yank, a command or something, but it never came and Aventurine couldn’t help himself from falling into the kiss that was biting and fierce and possessive and at some point he couldn’t tell which way was up, because Ratio was all encompassing and he blazed and blazed and-
How could anyone have ever thought that Ratio was heartless? They were all idiots, because the fiery, kind heart was the reason why he had never reached his ultimate goal, but he had never changed, unlike him, who had warped and deformed and broke every single part of himself just to fit a mold, melted and remelted and destroyed over and over again, and at some point he was scared to touch his fingertips to Ratio’s skin, because his hands were always cold, he was always cold, but Ratio didn’t even flinch. Aventurine was pressed to the cool, stone wall and it’s ridges dug into his back, almost painfully, but the sheer torrent of emotion that rushed through him and Ratio and the deep, burning sensation of something deep in his gut was all too much-
“Veritas,” Ratio said, quietly, softly, pleadingly, and Aventurine felt his world clench, tighten, and lighten at the same time, as if everything has slotted together. “Indulge me, please, ” Veritas’ voice was utterly ragged, so different from his usual composed, even tone, and Aventurine finally had the courage to open his eyes at the momentary pause, and oh, curse the aeons, everyone else was ruined for him because-
The sheer mess in his hair was so, so unfamiliar and hilarious and so attractive at the same time because Aventurine knew that he had done that. Veritas’ lips were puffy, his ears and cheeks and neck all so endearingly red, and Aventurine knew he didn’t look any better. The look in Veritas’ eyes was devouring, and why hadn’t they done this before? Why had they ever fought this because it had always been inevitable and he felt so safe and comfortable? The amount of affection he felt for this man had no bounds and the determined kiss that he pressed to Veritas’s cheek was confirmation of that.
“ Veritas,” Aventurine whispered slowly, seductively, falling into his old habits as he let out a luscious whimper.
Immediately, Veritas detached himself, letting cold air flow between their bodies. Aventurine braced himself, feeling shamed, but the glint in his eyes was merely scolding. “No,” he berated, “I don't want the standard Aventurine experience that everyone gets.”
Aventurine recoiled, because no, this was not - He knew how to please, and- “I don't think you understand, Veritas, because the standard experience is quite highly rated,” he sat back on the large marble desk and arranged his limbs instinctively, a sharp, sly grin cracking his face. Time passed, silently, and Aventurine found it harder and harder to hold, it was faltering, faltering, why wouldn’t he-
Firmly, Veritas stepped forward and gently wrapped his hand in his hair as kissed him , but it was deep, searching, but almost innocent at the same time. Aventurine stuttered, and his cheeks heated up even more this time- what exactly was it about Veritas?
Veritas ended the kiss again, prematurely, and Aventurine could hardly breathe, a strangled mewl escaping him.
“ This, ” Veritas whispered, “I want the real you, Aventurine.” Firmly, almost teasingly, Veritas pressed his fingers to Aventurine’s chest and tipped him backwards onto the desk.
The air was shoved out of his chest, and his world darkened for a moment and- Aventurine flinched, harshly. He hadn’t even been conscious of the thoughts rising up; but Aventurine’s body seemed to be accustomed to it, and he hated it. Veritas immediately faltered, shadow retreating, before Aventurine steadily wrapped his trembling fingers around his wrist and found Veritas’ pulse. Indulging in the slow, steady beat of it, he tugged it until Veritas fell, ungracefully, onto Aventurine.
The weight was welcome, this time. The slight dimming as his lids began fluttering closed. An outsider, perhaps, would have compared Veritas to fine sandpaper or gritty gravel, but digging deeper, there was so much more. The heavy heat was so comforting, and the warm, creamy scent of toasted vanilla and cashmere lying underneath the familiar scent of stone and paper and ink. He had always been cold, cold, cold, and he had hated it, his entire life, and now-
Veritas’s arms wrapped more firmly around Aventurine, and they stayed like that, until they felt like one being, emotions bouncing and wavering and coming back just to sling back and internalize in both of them. Veritas’s face was pressed into Aventurine’s shoulder, and the sheer sensation of warm breath on his skin, someone willingly being with him, made his heart inflate in a way that made his chest tight. “Kakavasha,” Aventurine whispered into the darkness, his eyes squeezed shut.
“ Kakavasha .”
-
Slowly, slowly, Kakavasha came back to himself, and began becoming conscious of the thunderous beating of the heart pressed against his, the steady thumping feeling heavier now, and Kakavasha helplessly smiled as he pressed a kiss to the back of Veritas’s neck, leaving the taste of salt on his lips; and then Kakavasha noticed the way his own chin trembled, the way something tight and unbearably deep wrenched at him. But wait-
Veritas’s heartbeat hitched slightly, a noticeable change in rhythm, and Kakavasha nudged the metaphorical owl. “Do I really affect you that much, Veritas?”
The man in question hummed quietly, the vibrations making Kakavasha shiver. Veritas reached blindly, nimble fingers trailing from Kakavasha’s shoulder, up, until they reached the pulse point at his neck, and they stayed there. He couldn’t help it; his pulse, flighty and hare-like, distinct from Veritas’, became irregular. Veritas’s mouth curved around silent numbers, counting the beats, perhaps, before he smiled against his shoulder. “Calling the kettle black, Kakavasha?”
There was no way that Veritas hadn’t felt the tears, but he hadn’t pointed it out, and he was glad for that. Perhaps feeling the change in the air, he leaned back to look Kakavasha in the face. To his slight, open-mouthed surprise, he saw that Veritas’s eyes were red too. He just couldn’t- why in the name of Qlipoth would he be crying? Veritas braced himself on an arm, he brushed his stubborn fringe out of Kakavasha’s eyes.
Kakavasha’s head tipped back, and he reveled in the depth of the moment, in the simple pleasure of having Veritas’ fingers on his skin.