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The moon shines, so graceful and bright in the nighttime, with the lights flickering and subtle sound of crickets being the sole music, although an annoying one, for Chuuya to enjoy to. He sits at the edge of the rooftop of an abandoned building, basking in the silence and moonlight. This silence, this peace and tranquility, it is so foreign. With the load of Mafia work, he barely gets time to catch a breather, let alone just sit in peace.
This moment though, just sitting silently, all worries and missions drifted away by the cold air, forgotten like the many lives he has taken, Chuuya finds himself treasuring this once in a blue moon situation and making the best out of it. He closes his eyes, but quickly opens them to prevent his thoughts from turning into a beautiful mess with miscellaneous nightmares which might haunt him. His head hurts and his eyes droop, yet he still looks up at the dark blue sky, clear of any stars, and hopes the hollowness would swallow him and let him cuddle in its embrace.
His peace gets disturbed though, as the door opens with an unpleasant creak, stating its poor situation and its need to be properly oiled. But what's more unpleasant is the voice that comes along saying,
"Oh? Chuuya is also here with his disgraceful presence. Careful, your slug slime might get all over and dirty this place."
Chuuya's hands clench into fists, his previously calm expression changing into a scowl as he grits his teeth in a futile attempt to unload his anger. The voice, the mocking tone tells enough about this person, and he doesn't even have to look back to figure out who it is. And, who could it even be except the Dazai Osamu himself? God, how he wishes to forget his voice and face, how he wishes to forget this waste of oxygen, the literal bane of his existence.
Chuuya gets to have peace, one after so many months. Of course the stinky Mackerel has to ruin it.
Without a glance at the man in the back, he asks, "Something you want?"
He hears the hushed footsteps coming closer and Dazai's figure eventually sitting beside his own, mirroring Chuuya's position as his legs dangle from the edge. He subtly glances at the bandaged arms, all visible due to the absence of the Port Mafia coat which usually covers all his vulnerabilities. Dazai's usual dark attire is replaced by simple clothing, a soft, loose turquoise t-shirt with black jeans. He looks so.....normal, as if the simplicity of it all has given shine to his innocence, making him look young and the teenager he is.
Chuuya himself is wearing a yellow cropped hoodie and green cargo pants, the last thing he wants today is to entertain any work related stuff, including his work outfit, it's the weekend after all. Nobody would guess what lies beneath these outfits, the unruly and harsh nature that surrounds the Double Black and Port Mafia is hidden behind the layers of plain attire and the innocent action of enjoying the view of Yokohama.
Just like a kid should, unfortunately, they don't have the privilege to do this often.
Dazai speaks after a comfortable silence. "I'm just here to give chibi company. Is that so bad?"
Liar and yes, it is bad.
"Yes. Even five seconds with you is excruciating." Chuuya voices his thoughts in an exaggerated manner.
"You wound me Chuuya. I'm giving my dog company and he replies like this to his master?" Dazai tuts in mock disappointment.
Chuuya closes his eyes, breathing deeply to calm himself. He repeats 'Do not get angry, do NOT punch him' like a mantra in his head. God, he is infuriating, why does this waste of bandages even exist? Tch.
"How did you even find me?"
He had made sure to be quiet in his steps and leave no trace while coming here, he was sure that a certain someone would just give up on finding him, if he even started doing so in the first place. Clearly, Dazai is not to be underestimated. And of course he'd work harder just to find and annoy Chuuya and make him wish an ugly death on himself. After all, it's the sole reason for his survival.
(Chuuya makes Dazai live. Or does he? Because currently, Dazai wishes nothing more than to push himself off the edge, and fall into the ground several meters down.
So why don't you Dazai? Kill your pathetic self. What's stopping you? Just one push, and you'll fall down, only moments of nothing but free air, then you will meet the demise you so want and eventually mix with the soil. Free air, free thoughts, free death.
Free Dazai Osamu.
No. Chuuya will not like it.
Why do you car-
Shut up.)
"Why do you think I wouldn't find you?" Dazai says, despite the storm brewing in his mind.
I will always find you. I'd find you even if we were continents apart.
Chuuya stays silent, at a loss of words at the vague answer. This clever man beside him always knew how to turn questions around, and honestly, he is too tired to even question him further or beat answers out of him. That's what he hates, how this waste of bandages pisses him off. He calls him innumerable nicknames, makes him insecure, hides things. He hates him, but he hates himself more. He hates how he trusts him, trusts the person who manipulated him in the first place, and still does. He hates how loyal he is to him, their bond so complicated, but he will never break it. He hates his fear of the other leaving him one day, he hates how scared he is.
Chuuya looks at the other, blue eyes searching the brown ones for....he doesn't know what. What does he want from Dazai? What does he see in him? Dazai meets his gaze too, dark eyes, darker than usual, studying him like an art piece or a clue to an investigation. It makes him uncomfortable, goosebumps rising on his skin as he feels a cold shiver run through his whole body. But Chuuya doesn't falter, oh no, he keeps the eye contact without wavering, schooling his expression into nothingness, just like his partner.
There's something about Dazai, something that makes him want to crawl to some corner and hide far, far away to a place where the other couldn't find him. And just like the hundred times before, he wishes the sky would swallow him whole, give him a place to hide. He wants to run. But he doesn't, not when he feels as if the bandaged arms have kept hold of him, refraining him from even moving.
"What?" Chuuya says harshly, a distraction from the suffocation he feels.
Dazai's eyes widen a little, as if broken from a trance. He stares for another moment before clearing his throat, "Hmm? Chibi only started staring, I thought we were having some staring contest."
Lies. Lies. Lies. Such pathetic lies, he lies so beautifully, so freely, as if it's the only thing he is good at. But years of tolerating each other has made Chuuya understand him, even if just a little. They don't communicate, their eyes, their lies, their movements speak a whole lot, and Chuuya knows. Knows that there is some disgusting, haunting turmoil going inside the other's head, or else, why would he get such silent treatment? Why would he get a quiet Dazai? The lack of taunts from the other's usual slef, the short answers makes him think there might be something disturbing occupying his mind. Well, there's only one thing Chuuya can do.
Keep him company.
Chuuya sighs and focuses his gaze on the view of the city, which is so, so beautiful. The nighttime of Yokohama may be full of malice and underworld terror but that gets hidden by the breathtaking view. Despite the darkness in the city, the lights take over it, making various patterns. The stars which are absent in the sky have their presence over here, twinkling and shining with brightness. It's ethereal. Divine. It's having more of an effect on the redhead right now, finally getting to see this view he craved for after months, up from the rooftop.
He senses Dazai's gaze leave him too, looking to wherever Chuuya is, perhaps trying to find the fascination the other shares. Upon knowing Chuuya's likeness towards the city lights, Dazai had made fun of him for liking such trivial things. 'Chuuya likes everything. Admit it, you're boring. Or do you wish you were just as beautiful, you ugly slug?' The audacity seriously, can't he just keep his mouth shut? Dazai doesn't say anything right now though, eyes devoid of any emotion, staring at nothing particular, or perhaps the black owl perched up at the nearby tree.
"Still having trouble finding the beauty?" Chuuya cringes at the attempt to break the other's thoughts.
"Yes." He gets the answer after a long pause.
They don't communicate, but Chuuya still asks. "Are you okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" The answer comes almost too quickly, a bit defensive.
Jee, I don't know, perhaps because you're acting like you're possessed and freaking me out?
"You're.....quiet." This time, this time he refrains from snapping. Chuuya doesn't know what Dazai he is dealing with here, he is walking on thin ice, he better not let temper get to him. He better be careful, he always has to be careful. He waits for an answer but instead gets a laugh, a laugh which echoes in the silence through the neighborhood, a laugh which sounds dead but so gorgeous.
A laugh which Chuuya wonders is real or not.
"Does chibi actually want me to talk?"
Chuuya flushes at that. "No bastard! It's just....not you to not annoy me. You know what? Forget it. I didn't say anything." There goes his attempts at making the other talk. God, infuriating as hell.
Dazai looks at him with a soft smile at that. Fake smile. A real one? It's hard to tell, and so out of character. Of course, this shitty mackerel smiles all the time, but it's a facade, a mask to hide all the things that make him vulnerable, to hide himself from everybody, from Chuuya. The redhead is proud to say that sometimes, Dazai has smiled genuinely with him, the smile reaching his eyes. It makes him feel so special, and scared too. Everything he does with this man makes him scared. He hates it.
"I saw that Chuuya is tired. I didn't want to bother him."
'You don't care if I am tired. You intentionally hurt me. You. Don't. Care. Why are you lying to me then? What's wrong with you? Do you want to kill yourself again, Dazai? Is that what you're thinking of doing right now? Isn't hurting me enough? Now you want to see a part of me die too?'
Chuuya feels helpless and frightened. His ears ring at the constant lies, he wants to punch Dazai in the face, slam his head onto the nearby wall to get some sense into him. He wants to scream, scream at how much he hates and loves this fucking piece of shit. He wants to shake him, he would have if doing so would release all those traumatizing thoughts out of the other.
His expression gives nothing away though, neither does Dazai's.
The redhead rubs his face, feeling too tired suddenly. Dazai must sense something, perhaps an uneasiness as he says, "Don't be silly Chuuya, I am fine." Shameless bastard, false, dishonest motherfucker. Chuuya doesn't say anything though, he knows it's not worth it. Communication doesn't get them anywhere, company does, and Chuuya will make sure the other doesn't die on him like this, if whatever assumption he has made about Dazai's miserable quietness is right.
So he tangles one of their dangling legs together, not caring if it's gross or weird, just a simple act of comfort, no pity just understanding. He listens to the light sounds of traffic, the wind's increased speed howling near his ear. Dazai lets the gesture happen.
He had times like these with the Sheep, his comfort group, his people. Sitting in random rooftops, drinking canned beer and drinks, smoking cigarettes till they get high. The laughs shared with Shirase, combing Yuan's hair, all gone in a blink. He thought they would be with him through heaven and hell, but alas, does anything last forever? The death of his loved ones make sure of his answer that no, nothing ever lasts forever. Unfortunately. Thinking about it now makes him devastated. He never cries though, he is no bitch. Kouyou has told him to cry, let it all out, that she is hear to listen, but he never sheds tears.
He can't. He cannot, because he has to stay strong, strong for others and himself and not waver. He can't afford being weak, it was hard enough to afford such a peaceful time, which also got ruined thanks to a certain someone.
The shuffling of the body beside him breaks his thoughts, as he looks down at Dazai attempting to lay down on the cold hard ground. He shifts a bit, trying to get comfortable as he brings his bandaged hands over his head to rest, looking at the sky before smiling slightly and saying,
"Just me and you, and the star."
Yep, he has officially lost it. Chuuya gags internally at the cheesy line, also surprised by the suddenness of it. Disgusting. And also, there are no stars. God.
Dazai notices the other's grimace and confusion, and points up at the sky as if the answer is there. Chuuya looks up, seemingly proved wrong. One single star shines in the dark blue sky, twinkling so brightly near the moon. Did he miss it? Impossible, it's hard to miss such a star. Chuuya hopes this star accompanies them, the both of them, everywhere they go, serving as a light even in the darkest times. He smiles softly, a light huff like chuckle leaving his lips as he lays down beside Dazai's figure. He stretches his body to relieve the tension, cracking his muscles.
Just me and you, and the Star.