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It’s been a while since Grett felt truly appreciated by someone.
Looking back, the times when her relationship with Yul felt pure could’ve been an actual fever dream. All the devotion she offered him, the peace her soul felt when he stood at arm’s length, and the genuine emotional connection - love, even - she could finally consider mutual got squashed like a bug under a shoe sole, leaving only hideous flesh marks behind.
She never realized how oddly superficial it was before they participated in All Stars. Or how repulsed Yul would get at Grett’s presence.
The awareness of his corruption hit her with twice the force after rewatching the season. Sure, Grett felt relieved more than ever after breaking up with him, but seeing Yul’s true self on the screen, hearing the names he called her, and most importantly - feeling every one of his insults running her heart through, leaving an ugly scar that recovered for what felt like ages. Suddenly, the woman’s confidence she thought she gained back and spread on her social media became almost shallow.
It felt unfair, no, it was unfair. He shouldn’t have been able to go on with his life like nothing had happened. It frustrated Grett to see he started a prosperous podcast and gained new supporters. When asked about her approach to their past relationship, she would go on about how she’s well over Yul - but deep inside, she knew there was more to it.
More pain, more harm, less strength. So many unspoken words still haunted her, crawling up her spine, and bringing a stone-cold sensation that kept her awake throughout the night.
But she had her ways to get through it - there was no way she’d let herself drown in a pool of self-hatred again. Working out, running her social media accounts, and promoting body inclusivity would bring her more happiness than Yul ever could. She was overjoyed to see people online admiring her journey, classifying her as their inspiration, even a role model sometimes. It reminded her who Grett really was - a cunning, bold woman who could achieve anything on her own.
Yet, the brightest spark of them all was Gabby.
Their friendship was like a godsent gift, Grett’s pleas finally being answered, bestowing Gabby on her life when she needed it the most. And Jesus, it couldn’t have gone any better than that.
Low-budget fussy reality shows had it to them that the “lifelong bonds” developed on the set were rather fragile. Some lasted longer than others, but with life’s perversity, losing touch after the program was more common than many expected it to be. But Grett’s and Gabby’s relationship dodged those odds.
It was mainly voice calls and Facetime at the beginning. They would giggle their hearts out over silly everyday accidents, share their thoughts on cheesy soap operas both happened to watch, or complain about the environmental struggles (99% of the time it was Gabby blabbering, while Grett let the girl’s jubilant voice put her to sleep). But soon enough, conversing through the blazing screen of their phones became insufficient. Since then, old plane tickets began piling up on Grett’s desk, and money left her bank account faster than it was credited. But the price never played a role for her, not when it meant she could see Gabby’s beaming smile in real life again. And at this point in their life, Gabby’s place became Grett’s second home.
The weather that day was unfavorable, and the girls found themselves hanging around a local mall. Unluckily for them, dozens of people came up with a similar idea, and saying the shopping plaza was packed with noisy teens was an understatement. Shoulders constantly brushing on each other and strangers sending them dirty looks - because god forbid two women dared to hold hands while pushing their way through the crowd - they decided to rest in a niche cafe. Its menu’s wide selection of vegan delicacies slotted into their requirements perfectly.
“-And that’s when we earned the final signature for the petition! Gabby summarised, biting onto her ice cream cone with a crunch. Her wide eyes and joyous leg stamps brought Grett back onto earth as she realized the girl awaited a reaction.
“Oh, right, yeah… that’s just terrific!...” She blurbed out, quickly realizing how indifferent her response sounded. But it was too late to clarify, as Gabby’s forehead began wrinkling in a concerned frown.
“Are you okay bestie?” Gabby attempted to reach her hand toward Grett’s, but seeing it was stained with leftover ice cream, she grabbed a tissue instead. “Something on your mind?”
Grett blinked twice and slowly tilted her head before answering. “No, not at all! It’s just that ruddy weather giving me a headache..” She reached for her cup of coffee and mindlessly slurped, grimacing at its bitter flavor. Not enough sugar.
Thinking the conversation was over, she began searching for a packet of sweeteners. Gabby scrupulously watched Grett’s actions, far from satisfied with her answer.
Once Grett added sugar to her drink, her eyes met Gabby’s furrow, and she could feel her cheeks burning up.
“You’re not telling me the truth” It was a statement rather than an assumption. The suspicion audible in Gabby’s voice made it clear she didn’t believe in Grett’s petty excuse.
Grett sighed.
“No, I swear, it’s really nothing!” She claimed, but her words came out way less enthusiastic than she hoped. To avoid Gabby’s cautious look, her eyes wandered back to where they hung before Gabby finished her story.
Connecting the dots, the other girl practically threw herself over to the side, her chair nearly falling to the floor. Surprised, Grett let out a silent gasp.
As Gabby noticed what caught the other’s attention, her worries fainted. It was… a fancy boutique filled with distinguished dresses, shoes, and purses. She turned to face Grett, and this time, sparks of excitement flickered in her big, verdant eyes.
“Ah, this place looks so pretty!” Gabby sat back on her chair, smiling wildly. “You want to shop for clothes? Why didn’t you just say anything?”
Grett’s mouth hung open for a good minute before she conjured up an answer. “Not exactly want to… but I kinda have to” She flicked off a stubborn strand of hair from her forehead and directed her attention back at Gabby.
“Oh, why?”
“There’s some meet-up for the influencers from my community and they really want me to attend” She massaged her temple with one hand, gesticulating back and forth with the other one to add to it. “It’s a formal event and I desperately need a new dress-”
“You could have said so earlier! What are we waiting for, then?” Not letting Grett finish her sentences, gabby jumped from her seat (again), and before Grett could blink, their fingers were tangled together, leaving the cafe and heading toward the boutique side by side.
“Her excitement is irresistible,” Grett thought as her cheeks turned the faintest shade of pink at the subtle warmth of Gabby’s hand.
“We’ll make sure you’ll be the prettiest one at the party!” Gabby screamed out, catching the curious looks of fellow passersby.
“Oh, I know I will” Grett smirked boastfully. Gabby looked back through her shoulder and sent Grett the loveliest smile she had ever seen.
As they put their feet through the door, a powerful scent of luxurious perfumes tingled their nostrils. Hundreds of high-saturated lamps shone brightly over their heads, forcing Grett to squint her eyes before she could properly adapt to it. The boutique’s collection looked ever more dazzling than what the mannequins presented at the shop front - whites, pinks, blues, cold and warm, dull and neon shades danced freely all over the place, adorned with sequins and layers of glitter. The display created an illusion of a rainbow one couldn’t take their eyes away from, sprinkled with matching accessories personalized for almost every item. A dainty melody accompanied the girls, harmonizing with the rhythm of their steps. The Saleslady, a woman pushing her fifties, smiled at them - but judging by her tired expression, she didn’t seem eager to help them out.
“I’ll start looking from the left, you take the right side!” Gabby clapped enthusiastically, making her way to the racks of dresses. Grett slightly clenched her fists and gave her a subtle nod.
One thing Grett was always strict about was clothes - she couldn’t afford to show up anywhere wearing mismatched colors or patterns. Each item in her collection had to be made of a certain material, look smart and expensive, and most importantly - fit her body in a way that accentuated all her charms and hid the most worrisome insecurities. And if you knew Grett, you also knew how hard it was for a piece to check all three of the boxes.
Her fingers vaguely trailed the smooth fabrics of dresses as she checked each of them individually, only to eventually shake her head with dismay and put them away. Purple didn’t quite fit her complexion, hot pink was too flashy, and dusty white - too plain. Sizing also played a big role - not everything would fit her the way she hoped.
As her palms became sweatier than ever, and the previously charming music turned intrusive, Grett’s patience started slipping through her fingers. Minutes could have as well lasted hours, and she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Was the air there always this stuffy? At this point, she could’ve as well grabbed a random dress just to get it over with…
“Bestie, look!” Gabby practically ran into Grett, her smile so full of light it had the power to melt icebergs. Before Grett could process her sudden appearance, the girl pushed a thick robe into her hands. “I found the one !”
Grett let her eyes wander all around Gabby’s face before she took a closer look at the dress. Its color was a complex composition of honey and cream-yellow interfering with each other. It was pleasant to the eye, almost soft. The shoulder straps were made of shiny, slick ribbon. The dress’s length caught enough attention by itself, appearing to end just below the hips. To add to it, thin layers of lace fluttered all around its seam like flower petals carried by the wind. Despite being short and low-cut, this simple add-on completely transformed the essence of the gown - making it gentle and fairy-like.
Her trance quickly got replaced with concern. “Isn’t it… a bit too revealing?”
Gabby’s face embodied the disappointment she felt hearing the friend’s words. “Aww, come on.. at least try it on! You’ll look beautiful ”
Grett still didn’t seem convinced, she looked around the empty boutique, looking for anything else she could fasten her eyes on other than Gabby’s pleading expression. Accidentally, her sight locked with the saleswoman, who gave her a subdued, encouraging nod - looking back at the memory, Grett wasn’t sure it wasn’t just a figment of her imagination. She turned back to face Gabby.
“Please?”
A gentle sigh escaped Grett’s mouth, and she mustered up a smile. “Fine, I’ll try it on”
Seconds later, Gabby awaited Grett’s consent to enter the changing room. It took longer than she expected it to. Maybe Grett struggled with putting the dress on? Gabby wouldn’t even bat an eye at helping her, but she couldn’t bring herself to take a peek beside the curtain separating them. It would be far too disrespectful.
“Come in” A faint voice invited Gabby. She hesitated for a moment and eventually undrew the cloak.
The second she saw Grett in all her glory, Gabby could have sworn her beauty blinded her. The dress looked as if it was personalized for the girl, fitting her perfectly in all the right places. Its color ideally contrasted with Grett’s thick brown hair and fair skin. The beauty of the robe, the flowy details, and the shiny layers made the girl almost hypnotized, and Gabby struggled to look away. It was incredible that even the most gorgeous girl she had ever known could become more astounding thanks to a piece of clothing.
“Holy shit-” Gabby let out a squeak of enthusiasm, gaping at the brunette in the dress. “It. Is. PERFECT! I knew it!” She cheered, spinning around, barely avoiding an unwanted encounter with the dressing room’s walls.
But Grett’s gloomy expression and glassy eyes didn’t share Gabby’s joy. She looked almost… devastated.
Seeing this, Gabby quickly calmed herself down and gently stepped closer, letting the curtain separate them from the rest of the store.
“Bestie… what’s up? You don’t like it?” She started, voice shaken up with concern.
Grett opened her mouth, yet no words came out. An invisible force clasped over her throat, stopping her from speaking. All she could let out was a series of shallow sighs, followed by a sob.
She stared into her reflection, and the person she saw in it felt almost alien. The fabric rippling near her waist area, the unsatisfying ratio between her hips and shoulders, thighs nudging each other, appearing bigger, chunkier. Each pore on her face became twice more visible than before, the corners of her mouth crinkled hideously, and the skin by her jawline hung loosely - something she couldn’t get rid of, no matter how much time she devoted to dieting and exercising. The imperfections she so longed to get rid of outshined her virtues again, and Grett couldn’t help but feel anxious and ashamed . She still wasn’t good enough, she was still rotten to the core. No force could make it easier for her to accept what she saw.
“I… I can’t. I’m sorry, Gabby” She spat out sorrowfully, letting a single, salty tea run through her cheek, smearing her extensive eye makeup. “The dress is beautiful, it really is… but I’m… I’m not”
“Grett” Gabby interrupted her, her voice’s tone softer than ever. “Don’t say anything else, please. Close your eyes for me, okay?”
“But-”
“Please?”
She let the spasm of sadness her body fell into ease out and slowly nodded at Gabby, closing her eyes. The blurry vision turned into complete darkness, and the only thing that could guide her was the girl’s voice.
“Just try to… let those negative emotions subside” Gabby whispered, approaching Grett from behind.
The girl took a deep breath, and the dusty air of a changing room filled her lungs. The rapid heartbeat began receding as the tight squeeze in her chest loosened up, slowly finding its way out through Grett’s synchronized breathing. She wasn’t sure how long it took, but when she felt the fatigue remit, her eyes eventually opened.
Now, the only thing weighing on her shoulders was Gabby’s warm, smooth fingers gently caressing her. Grett couldn’t quite tell what had happened to the wave of emotions that hijacked her senses just minutes earlier, but somehow, they were all gone. It was just her, Gabby, and the stupid shop music blasting through low-quality speakers.
“I think you look very pretty. This color compliments you well! You have no idea how many girls would kill to look so good in yellow” Gabby chuckled, giving Grett a delicate pat on her back. Even tho the girl’s words weren’t revolutionary, they were aimed just where needed - straight into Grett’s wounded heart.
The pristine frankness in Gabby's deep green eyes held more power over Grett's self-worth than any insecurities were ever capable of. They reminded her of the new paths she could follow, and the beauty of life she has yet to experience.
“When you put it that way… It is true I look fabulous in yellow”
Now, a sudden burst of relief pushed Grett to let out a loud, joyous giggle. She laughed and laughed, the smile on her face becoming wider with each second. Soon after Gabby joined in, their cackles synchronized, and even the galling music couldn’t fight its way through the sound of pure happiness the girls resonated. This time, when Grett looked back at her reflection, she felt grateful for what she saw in it - not only herself but also the girl standing by her side.
It was never about looking a certain way, or reaching a certain number on the scale - All Grett desired was Gabby's warmth and support. And Gabby would give it to her, no matter the circumstances.
She participated in the event wearing the damned dress, outshining everyone else present.