Chapter Text
Something’s rotten in Denmark.
Or so I hear, I’m not actually from Denmark. But it can’t be much worse than the sewers of New York I’m sure.
I mean it’s really not that bad. Then again I grew up here so maybe I’m just used to it or it could be an acquired taste. Wait, not taste, ew! That’s gross. Well, whatever… my point is, something fishy is going on!
Speaking of fish, don’t even ask me about the whole sewer crocodile rumor that goes on here!
I mean, I could tell you what I know, but I kinda gotta focus because I need to figure out what’s going on with the fam. Nothing to do with yours truly, I’m as good as an ultimate supreme pizza fresh out of a brick oven!
Master Splinter is good, at least until he gets annoyed with us and we wind up in the Hachi. Which has been happening a lot more lately and it’s all because of one brother in particular, which is why my spidey-senses are tingling.
I mean, I may not be your friendly neighborhood wall-crawler but I can scale the sides of buildings with the cool gear me and my bros got! Now that I won’t tell you what I know because us superheroes got an honor code with our secret identities and all. Well, in our case our entire identity is a secret. But anyway, back to the point I’m trying to make!
So Leonardo leads and Donatello does machines and I’m the party guy, right? What’s Raphael do? He has a rude attitude always looking for a fight, that’s what he does!
Methinks the bro is compensating and it’s about time I figure out why because I am so over him taking us down. I mean I love all my bros and yeah I’ll do anything for them, but I really do not need to be getting grounded for no reason all the time because something crawled up his shell! It doesn’t even bother me as much, I can totally get in the zone but, ya know, it takes away time Donnie could be using for all the important things he works on. I mean if it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t have all the cool stuff to pimp out our lair with—especially electricity for television and video games!
DJ Mikey, exit stage left. It’s time for Detective Mikey to enter the scene!
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Stardate Log 20160603:
Observations have remained the same as usual. Raph wakes up grumpy, eats cereal while glaring at everyone like we pissed in his bowl or something, kicks the shit outta Leo during training like he always has something to prove, then hits his punching bag and lifts weights until lunch when he finally starts becoming a decent turtle and not an angry zombie. Findings are inconclusive at this point.
At some point I opened the results of (or lack of) my investigation with Donatello—after all even Sherlock Holmes had the good Doctor Watson by his side and Donnie is the closest we have to a family doctor so it’s perfect! We’ve always made a good pair especially since Leo and Raph are in each other’s face like the other is breathing all of the air in the room and they’ll suffocate until they go straight to the source. I can’t even joke about them getting a plant because Leo has all these little bonsai trees so clearly the dude can breathe. At least, as long as Raph isn’t all up in his grill.
Anyway… Donnie hasn’t told me about noticing anything different, but he also asks me questions that get me thinking to notice stuff I’ve missed… So I kind of feel he has noticed something and is helping me figure it out on my own rather than take the credit. Which is exactly the kind of thing that makes him such an awesome guy! Seriously, dude is my favorite bro! It’s either that or he hasn’t finished testing his theory or finalizing his hypothesis or whatever the science is that his big brain figures out all the genius stuff he knows. Either way, if not for him I might have missed what happened today…
So we’re just chilling, I’m playing this online game and getting camped by some trolls who need to get a fucking life instead of griefing others to make them miserable when Donnie nudged my foot to get my attention. I glance up in time to notice Raph staring as Leo walked in but… he’s just sitting there, not saying anything, right as Leo quietly sits down on the other end of the couch where his book is at. No big deal right? Well apparently not to Raph. Leo barely cracks his book open and starts reading when a minute later we all hear this loud exhale like someone offended his royal bitchiness as he closes his magazine and tosses it on the coffee table! Like dude, no one said or did anything! What the hell, is he really that fucked over Leo sitting close enough to breath the same air he is?
Of course Leo notices, dude could probably have been invisible and teleported silently yet somehow big bro would just know he left the room. Like I swear sometimes he can hear my thoughts, it’s creepy! I think he learned that from Master Splinter because he’s always saying don’t judge a book by its cover but then he goes around like he can read my thoughts when instead they need to figure out what the heck is going on with the other big bro. Anyway… O’ Fearless Leader starts looking more blue than his mask but he hesitated before he decided to follow after him so there was no way he was going to catch up with Hurricane Hothead. That’s when we heard the engine getting gunned which meant two things:
One… Raph took off without permission from Sensei. Again.
Two… Raph just earned us another round in the Hachi. Again.
I look at Donnie to see him looking at me and we both nod.
Whatever Raph’s problem is, I’m tired of him making it our problem too. Sorry, Leo, he’s all yours!
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