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Bakugou was fine.
After everything he went through, he still came out on top. And sure, some nights he can’t sleep because of the shadows, and some days all food just tastes like sludge, but he is fine! Nothing to worry about.
UA, on the other hand, decided he is not okay and that he needs to talk to a professional. Pff, as if. Nothing a little training can’t fix. But, the school decided that if he doesn’t attend these meetings that he can’t participate in training. Something about not wanting his ‘mental health to affect his physical health’ or some shit. Either way, he is being mandated to attend or miss out on training.
Bakugou reluctantly agreed.
And really, it wasn’t that bad. Just sit in a room for an hour with some extra that he never bothered to learn the name of twice a week. Sure it was boring as hell considering that for the first two weeks neither of them talked. It was the third week when the extra decided to break the silence.
“You know, that even though you attend these meetings, if you don’t start talking, the school will pull you from training.”
Bakugou glared at the man in front of him and growled, “I don’t need to talk, I need to train. These seasons are stupid anyways.”
The man just sighed, “ why don’t we start with something simple, tell me about what you did today.”
Bakugou just glared harder, “…school.”
“Ok, good! What did you learn today?”
He shrugged, “ math, science, history, the works”
“And what’s your favorite subject?”
“Ugh, will you stop talking to me like I’m five!” Bakugou shouted.
The extra just wrote something down on his stupid paper. “And how about your classmates?” He moved on, “Tell me about them.”
Bakugou sighed, “ the fuckers are annoying and loud idiots.”
“How is everyone getting along now that you’re all living in the dorms?”
“I don’t know! They keep bugging me to join their stupid ‘class bonding activities’.” Bakugou said in a mocking voice.
“And do you participate in any of these activities?”
“Pff no, not willingly. Only when shitty hair drags me down.”
“Shitty hair?”
“Kirishima, he has annoyingly bright red hair, looks like shit.”
“I see, do all your friends have…nicknames like that?”
“Of course they do. Dunce face, raccoon eyes, tape face.”
The stupid extra just clicks his pen and writes something else down. “Hmm”
This pisses Bakugou off. He can feel himself getting tense. “Hmm?! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”
“Oh nothing, it’s just… never mind.”
Bakugou glared so hard he could feel a vein pop. “Just fucking say it!”
“I just had a thought, that maybe the way you treated your classmates could be part of the reason that the league of villains saw you as a potential candidate, that’s all.”
All of the heat and anger left Bakugou’s body in that second, leaving him feeling cold and empty. No one really knew it, but that was one of the things that Bakugou worried about.
“You know, I did watch the sports festival. I saw what happened. I know that’s what the villains saw too. Just surprised me to see this kind of behavior from someone in the hero course. And considering how you’re the reason All Might had to retire… well let’s just say, no one would have been surprised if you sided with the villains”
Bakugou didn’t have anything to say. He was stunned. It was one thing to think those things, it was another to hear it from someone else. Even just seeing the mean comments and messages from strangers didn’t come close to this.
While Bakugou hadn’t known this man for long, he still trusted him. The school decided that for everything he went through, the school counselor was not equipped for it. So they found someone that they deemed to be a good fit for him. UA means everything to him. Being a hero means everything to him. When UA makes a decision, he will trust it, even if he gives it a fight. So when he gets tied up, he knows that UA was in the right. And when they chose this man to be his therapist, he trusted that too.
So that’s why this hurts so much more.
“Ya know, how about this. I’ll cut today’s meeting short, and I want you to just… pay attention to how you interact with others. You don’t have to change anything, just see how your interactions with others can affect them. Maybe put yourself in their shoes, see how you would feel if they talked to you like them. Then we can talk about it in the next meeting. Okay?”
Bakugou could do nothing but nod numbly, still stunned by the whole conversation. He grabbed his bag and made his way to the door. He felt like he was in a daze. His legs felt like lead.
Seeing as how the season got cut short, Bakugou still had some time to kill before his next class starts. He makes his way to a secluded area in the campus park that he found a few weeks previous. Some alone time to think things over before class would do home some good.
Was he too… mean? Bakugou always knew he was different from other kids his age. He used to think it was a good thing but now… not so much. It’s not like he didn’t know he was aggressive or loud or angry, but that was just who he was. A lot of the time, he never even means it. He thought others understood that but now, he is not sure.
Bakugou isn’t sure how much time had passed of him reflecting before the school bell rang and he made his way back to class. He spent the rest of the day mostly quiet after all that. Couldn’t even bring himself to interact with anyone and ‘complete his therapy assignment’. A few people looked at him funny but left it alone.
No one asked.
—
The stupid therapist was fucking wrong and Bakugou was going to prove it.
Or he would have if he could find out how he was wrong, because so far he had been right.
When Bakugou starts talking, a bit too loudly, people around him would flinch or lean away. When he starts swearing, people would roll their eyes. When he insulted someone… sometimes they looked hurt. They know he just words some stuff weird sometimes right? When Bakugou gets insulted, he works 10x harder to prove them wrong. Isn’t that how you motivate people?
Social interactions are not Bakugou’s strong suit, but he is starting to think he has been doing things wrong.
And that’s how he spends the next few days. Watching. Realizing. Reflecting. Hating.
By the time his next appointment comes up, Bakugou is drained. He really hopes they can just go back to not talking today but the therapist had other plans. He brought a white board with the words ‘issues’ written on the top.
“Ah, Bakugou, right on time!” says the man, “ today we will be going over your homework. I assume you have been paying attention to your interactions?” Bakugou just nodded. “Good, good. So what I want you to do, is to write down all the things that may have caused issues with your peers. Anything from things you directly said or emotions that you feel like you caused.”
At this, the therapist handed him a marker. Bakugou just stood there, staring at the words on the empty board.
“Hmmm, how about we start with your friends? Tell me something that you’ve done with them these past few days.”
Bakugou looked down at the marker in his hand and shrugged, “ We watched a movie”
“Ok, so you watched a movie. What movie was it?”
Bakugou huffed, “ I don’t know.”
The man raised an eyebrow, “ you don’t know? So you didn’t watch a movie?”
Bakugou looked at him and growled, “ I don’t fucking know! I didn’t watch the whole thing, I was only there for like ten minutes!”
The man just hummed and wrote something down on his clipboard. “ Why didn’t you stay longer? Did something happen?”
Bakugou crossed his arms, “ well I wasn’t going to go in the first place but by the time shitty hair dragged me down, they were already like 20 min into the movie anyway.”
“Ok so why did you leave early?”
“Because they wouldn’t turn the fucking subtitles on and I got pissed off and left.”
“So you got pissed off and you left?” Bakugou didn’t like the way he said this. “So how do you think this might have affected your friends? They spent so long trying to get you down just for you to get angry and leave.” Bakugou had this cold feeling wash down his body again, just like last time. “Why don’t we write that down on the board?” The therapist grabbed his own marker and wrote down one word on the board.
Angry.
All Bakugou could do now is stare at that word.
For the next hour, the man would ask question after question. Having him describe his social interactions for the past few days. Slowing the board got more and more filled. By the time the two minutes left timer went off, there were at least 20 words on the board.
Aggressive. Loud. Uncommunicative. Mean. Bully
The last one was the worst one on the board.
“Now be before I let you go,” the man took a couple of seconds to write something on a piece of paper before handing it to Bakugou, “ I want you to continue to think of some of the issues that you have and add it to your list.”
As Bakugou was heading out, he looked down at the paper. It had every word they wrote down copied on it.
—-
The only thing that this stupid assignment is making him do is be more self conscious of everything he does, says, and thinks. It’s constantly plaguing his mind. And no matter what he does, nothing changes.
Over the next few weeks, they continue to go over everything that Bakugou does that hurts people. Turns out, it’s everything. Now that he is being more aware of it, he has even tried to change some things. Trying to talk quietly but then he can’t really hear himself and forgets and gets loud again. He tried to stop saying any insults but then he would get all fired up and start opening his big mouth.
And he says as such in his sessions. It’s not until he made Denki cry after yelling at him when tutoring him, that he finally couldn’t do it anymore.
“I need some advice, I don’t know how to fix myself.” Bakugou finally asked the man.
The therapist's lips move up a bit into a smirk, “ you know, there might be something to help.”
“What?”
“After we had been talking together for a while, I think it’s time that I give you a prescription. I originally didn’t want it to have to be like this, but it seems like you can’t be like others. I’m suspecting that this is more than just your attitude. Sometimes peoples hormones can be thrown off and they have trouble regulating their emotions. Now I’m thinking that we should put you on a mood stabilizer to see if that can improve your behavior.”
Bakugou looked at him in shock, “ that’s a thing? You can just give me a pill and it can fix me?”
“Sure can.”
“Okay, let’s try it.”
—
It was weird at first. Bakugou thought that maybe he was giving the wrong prescription. Why would a mood stabilizer make him feel so…numb? It was almost like he wasn’t even there. The stupid therapist said that it was normal, that's how it works. It doesn’t make just the negative emotions go away, it makes it all go away. The good and the bad.
He suggested that Bakugou start taking it on the weekend, since it could give him a few days to adjust before going to school. Thank god for that.
Bakugou took the first pill right after class on Friday afternoon, obviously not having made any plans for the night. It almost knocked him on his ass. It took him nearly three hours just to get through the foggy feeling to be able to get up and use the bathroom. Barely making it, he decided he didn’t have enough energy to go to dinner and to just skip it, calling it an early night. He will just eat in the morning.
Kirishima must have come by at some point. Bakugou had heard the knocking and the door opening, but he was so out of it he couldn’t really move or tell he to fuck off. Kirishima must have thought he was sleeping, because he soon gently closed the door and left. It wasn’t much longer that Bakugou fell asleep for real, and slept the whole night without any nightmares.
It was for that reason and that reason only that he decided to stay on the medication. Sure it made him tired and numb, but he has never felt so calm and at peace. After a few days on the medication, he started to get used to the feeling. The feeling of nothing. Is this what everyone else feels like?
He learned to take it right after breakfast, after not eating for almost two days, as he also finds out that it takes away his appetite and energy. It also won’t be as intense of a start if he takes it with food.
School was a bit of a hurdle to figure out too. The first day back he didn’t take a single note most of the day, and put barely any energy into the hero's class. He knew people were looking but no one asked. Except Deku.
“Kachaan? I-is everything ok? Y-you just seem… slow today, and you’re alway full of energy and try you hardest till you physically can't anymore and you didn’t even do that today and normally you would have cut me off by now because I am rambling and you hate it when I do that and you haven’t yelled at anyone all day, or really the past few weeks and you’ll tell me if something wrong, right?”
Bakugou stood still, blinking blankly at him. He didn’t even feel like yelling at the other hero in training. “I guess I’ve just been…thinking a lot”
“Thinking?”
“Yeah, I’ve been seeing the school appointed therapist, and just… had a lot on my mind”
“Oh”
They both stood in silence.
“Well, if… you ever need someone else to talk to, just know that I'm here, and so is the rest of the class.”
Bakugou gave a small smile and just said “thanks”
It wasn’t long till the rest of the class knew about it, considering that Bakugou and Deku talked and it didn’t end up in a fight, but they all seemed to get the message and gave him a bit of space. Didn’t try to make him angry, even if he could feel anger right now.
—-
Over the next few weeks, Bakugou was a lot more subdued while he got used to the medication. His therapist was thrilled with the results of the medication.
“See how well it's been working! It’s only been a few days and your relationships have already improved. In a few weeks, you might not even need me anymore.”
That made Bakugou really happy. Well, as happy as he could feel. He could see that people really liked the ‘new Bakugou’. His friends stopped getting so buggy and he didn’t feel bugged. He was more willing to go to movie nights now that he doesn’t have the energy to do anything else. His energy is a lot calmer, and he hasn’t even yelled once since taking the medication. He has managed to get him more energetic during training, but not as much as before. It has definitely reduced the damage that he usually would create. Aizawa even looked proud of that one.
He just wished he didn’t crash so hard afterwards. All his energy he saves up during the day goes towards training, and that means he is left with nothing else. Once he gets to his dorm room, he will flop into his bed and just drift. He doesn’t think he ever falls asleep, just is both aware of his surroundings but…not. Like he is sleeping with his eyes open but doesn’t really dream, just floats. Once he has enough energy, he will attempt to get dinner. Sometimes it’s a meal, sometimes it’s a protein bar, sometimes it’s nothing.
And life just continues like that for the next few months. Tired, numb, floaty, but calm. Peaceful.
—-
The numbness makes it hard to think sometimes. Hard to remember. Hard to be in the moment.
But it all comes to head on a random Wednesday afternoon. He finally fell asleep after training. Usually he just dissociates(what the therapist said he had been doing once he described it) till dinner or when someone wants him to hang out or study. But this time he fell asleep.
What’s so wrong with a nap, you might ask. It’s not the nap itself, it's waking up thinking you’ve overslept when it’s only 8pm. And ‘skipping breakfast’ and quickly taking your pill and only realizing after you put on your uniform that it is still dark out and it’s still night time.
And that’s exactly what happened. Only in Bakugou haste and numbness that he accidentally took double the dose he was supposed to. This isn’t the first time he accidentally took a double dose in the few months that he has been taking them, it mostly just makes him extremely lethargic, and he has had to call off sick in order to recover. This time he took it before bed so he was able to sleep it off immediately.
Only to have forgotten by morning and takes his usual dose, with a small breakfast bar since he can’t seem to get the energy to go downstairs yet. It’s not until he is finished changing clothes that the third dose hits him. And it hits hard.
He isn’t even sure why either, having no memory of the double dose a few hours beforehand. All he knows is he needs to sit down on his bed immediately before he passes out. It didn’t make it much better, so he tried laying down to make the spinning and numbness stop. It kinda works because a few minutes later he is back asleep.
And he stays asleep. Even though he slept all after school and the night. He doesn’t wake up.
And he probably never would if someone hadn’t checked in on him.
—-
They have a strict call off policy that all students must follow. Message the home room teacher first and, depending on the symptoms of the student, the teacher will decide if the nurse is needing involvement or not.
Azawa has had many students try and call off when they were not sick. Be it for having stayed up too late or wanting to play hooky, Azawa made them come in or risk getting expelled. After Bakugou was kidnapped and everyone was in the dorms, no one tried just fully not showing up without notice.
So it was a reason for concern when Bakugou did not show up for class. Sure, he has called off a few times before but all within reason, Azawa had allowed it. Especially since he just seems so tired and down recently. But this time there was no message from him. Azawa keeps refreshing his email hoping that the message is still loading or he overslept and will be in in a few minutes. But nothing.
And of course he was stuck actually teaching all morning or else he would be dragging Bakugou to class in his pj for making him worry.
He finally gets a chance at lunch. He brings a small container of soup in case he really is sick and the nurse on speed dial.
Sure enough, Bakugou is passed out in bed like Aizawa hasn’t spent all morning worrying about him. A bit peeved he got dressed but didn’t come in or message, Aizawa gave him a rough shake.
“Oi, kid wake up! Just because you stayed up late doesn’t mean you can skip class”
Nothing
Aizawa tried again, shaking harder. “K’mon Bakugou, you’ve slept all morning, time to get up”
Still nothing. Not even a moan.
Fuck. Aizawa put the back of his hand on Bakugou’s forehead. Hm, not warm. Not sick? Or just really asleep. Aizawa decided to use his super secret ninja move to make anyone wake up. A glass of cold water. Only he still didn’t wake up. Not asleep, unconscious.
Now realizing the situation, Aizawa worked quickly to gather him into his arms and make his way to the nurse. She was old and slow, he couldn’t wait anymore for her to come to him.
He was so dumb to think that he just slept through class, Bakugou has never done that before. He even thought he could be sick but threw it out the window as soon as he saw him. AND he dumped a cup of cold water on the poor kid. Now he isn’t waking up when he should have checked up on him hours ago.
He just hopes that whatever it is, he wasn’t too late.
—-
The first thing Bakugou noticed was that he was cold. Like the AC blowing too much cold. The next was that he felt like he was going to hurl. And he did. Turn slightly the side but didn’t make it much further that whatever was left in his stomach was now on the pillow and his left shoulder. He squinted open his eyes once he heard a commotion and realized that he was not alone. Looking around at his surroundings, he realized that he wasn’t in his room, or even the med bay.
He was in a full blown hospital.
He blinked once, watching the doctors rush in.
His next blink and he was asleep again.
—-
It took him a few more tries to stay awake more than just to throw up or dry heave. Even longer to stay up long enough to talk to someone. But when he did it was to Aizawa.
Looking over to him sitting in the chair beside him, Bakugou choked out, “W-what h-happened?”
Aizawa looked a little angry, “ you overdosed, that's what happened.”
Bakugou looked a little confused but realized quickly what that meant.
“Oh”
“Yeah, oh. I really expected more from you of all people. I’m disappointed.”
“I didn’t mean to” Bakugou’s voice comes out weak.
“I know you didn’t, no one ever really means to od. But it’s the fact that you started using drugs in the first place. If you were having problems you should have come to me or your therapist, not resolving to use drugs.”
“What?” Bakugou was confused, his therapist was the one who gave them to him in the first place.
“If it wasn’t for the fact that you had to be hospitalized, we could have put you in detention or extra training, but this could end up in expulsion. And that is not something that I can control.”
“B-but the school told me too!”
“Someone at school was dealing them to you?” Now Aizawa has started to look a little confused.
“N-no! They were prescribed to me by the school therapist!”
Now Aizawa looked shocked. “School therapist? The one you have been seeing gave you a prescription for a heavy sedative?”
“Sedative? No! It’s a mood suppressant, for my anger.”
“How come you never reported that you were prescribed medication like that?”
“I didn’t think I had to consider the fact that the school gave them to me.” At this point, Bakugou’s voice became more broken and breathy. His eyes started to droop.
Aizawa sighed, “ get some more rest, I’ll figure out what was going on.”
Bakugou sighed, eyes fully closed.
“I’m sorry for doubting you, again”
That was all Bakugou heard before he slipped back under.
—-
Over the next week, as Bakugou recovered, he also went through withdrawal. Which includes mood swings. And his nightmares were back full strength. Which made him more tired. And more irritable.
Only instead of his usual angry self, he was just sad. Any time in the hospital that he got snippy or snapped, he immediately got quiet and closed off. When he was finally released, he was bombarded in the lounge room immediately by all his classmates.
Immediately irritated. Of course.
“Shut up!” Startled everyone into silence. And there it goes already.
The class wasn’t told anything about what happened and that he was in the hospital with no visitors. So naturally, they wanna know what happened. And Bakugou doesn’t want to tell them.
It’s not their fault that he feels things 10x harder now that he CAN feel again. But it doesn’t make him feel any less guilty.
“Sorry,” Bakugou said quietly, looking down.
“It’s ok man, you can tell us when you are ready.” Sero said.
And that’s that. They really are too forgiving.
—-
It was only a few days later when he was called into the headmaster’s office. Inside waiting was the headmaster, Aizawa, his therapist and a few other school administrators.
“Young Bakugou, I hear there is some confusion about where you have been getting your medication.”
The only person confused was Bakugou. Didn’t they already know? It was the therapist.
“What do you mean?”
“ Well Mr. Smith here said that he never gave you anything but that you had been acting strangely recently. And we have no record of you being prescribed anything on school grounds.”
“B-but he did! Mr. Smith tell them!” He shouted.
The therapist just sighed, “ I was afraid of this. He had been having some memory problems recently, I suspect whoever has been giving them to him has made him think it was me.”
And once he said it, Bakugou started to doubt himself. Was he tricked? He leaned forward and held his head in his hands.
“No, it couldn’t have”
“It must have, the bottles found in your room didn’t even have any of your information on it.”
Oh god. Someone had been fucking with his head. No, no, no, no.
“What do I do- what happens now? Aizawa?” But when Bakugou looks at Aizawa, he doesn’t look back. Aizawa keeps his eyes on the therapist.
“What is your quirk?” Aizawa asked.
Mr. Smith was taken aback, “ excuse me?”
“What is your quirk? Mr. Smith.”
“I-I uhh…”
“He has a mild agreement quirk. Can’t convince you of anything that you didn’t believe in at least a little bit,” One of the school administrators said.
Aizawa’s eyes flashed and hair stood up, “ then why don’t you tell us again, how you didn’t give Bakugou those medications.”
Now Mr. Smith looks very panicked and stressed. A drip of sweat runs down his face.
“I didn’t give it to him, he must have gotten it from someone else.” He said meekly.
This time, no one believed him.
Goodbye Mr. Smith.
—-
After all the apologies on behalf of the school for everything that he has been through, it was decided that Bakugou would see a new counselor with a teacher of his choice present. Bakugou still doesn’t want to talk to anyone, ever more so now. Everyone could tell that he was more closed off than ever before.
This time, Aizawa and Bakugou drove silently to his new therapist. The same therapist that Aizawa himself sees.
And this time, Bakugou won’t be alone.