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Some days, the world was kind.
“Boss!” Ballister startled, turning around just in time to see Nimona barrel towards him in dog form, a tennis ball in her mouth. She dropped the ball at his feet and gave a goofy dog smile up at him.
“Hm?” Ballister hummed, head hurting vaguely.
“Come on, throw it!” She said, excited. “Or else I’ll get Goldilocks to do it, and you know how stringent he gets about rules.”
“The rules of…fetch?” He asked, confused.
“Just throw the ball!”
“Okay, okay.” Ballister laughed, picking up the ball with his metal arm so he could more easily ignore the saliva on it. He tossed it, seeing it fly while Nimona darted after it. He smiled to himself as she reached it, watching as she began to wrestle with the ball in the middle of the clearing. There was a hazy sort of beauty to this area, with golden sunlight streaming through the trees around the edge of the clearing and an array of wildflowers underfoot. A place beyond the wall, beyond the Institute and the fear and the tragedy. Ballister had never felt so at peace.
“Hey Bal, want to come help me out over here?” He heard, and turned around to see Ambrosius unpacking a picnic basket, a small pink flower tucked behind his ear. He looked radiant. “Or are you just going to keep staring off into the distance?”
“I’ll be right there.” Bal smiled, stretching lightly before trodding over to Ambrosius to help unpack. Once they were done he sat back, gazing out with a hand above his eyes to shield from the sun. “Nice day out.”
“Nimona seems to be enjoying it.” Ambrosius smiled fondly, watching her roll around in the grass and run around in constantly switching animal forms. Ballister had always hoped they’d get along eventually. The two people he loves most in this world, creating a small family. A family he never got to have. He looked up as Ambrosius put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Ballister could barely feel it. “Something on your mind?”
“Nothing, really.” He said, clasping his metal hand over Ambrosius’s to hold it. “I just love you so much.”
Ambrosius’s concern appeared to melt away. “I love you too, Bal.”
Ballister stared off into the distance again, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I just wish—”
“What is there?” Nimona called out, skipping towards them, a human once more.
“What do you want?” Ambrosius called back.
“Did you make those funny baby sandwiches?”
“You mean tea sandwiches?”
“Yeah, those!”
“I did.” Ambrosius smiled, producing a tower of them from somewhere to the right of them.
“Metal.” Nimona grinned, grabbing three and shoving them all in her mouth at once. Ambrosius groaned at her impropriety.
“Nimona.”
“What, are you gonna get pissy about the way I eat again?” Nimona said, no real bite to her words. “You asked for a monster girl, a monster girl is what you shall receive.”
“I didn’t ask for any of this, technically speaking.” Ambrosius corrected to which Nimona lightly pouted.
“Well, you’ve got me anyway.”
“I guess I do.” Ambrosius smiled. “And I’m lucky for it.”
Nimona wrinkled her nose. “Ugh, you’re such a sap.”
“Someone’s gotta be.”
Ballister watched fondly as they bantered back and forth, but one thing caught at the front of his mind. I didn’t ask for any of this. Ballister had asked for this. He wanted it so so badly. He wanted it so much it drove him crazy. He liked to think that he’d move heaven and earth for the both of them, but he didn’t know if he was capable. He didn’t know if he was strong enough.
“Do you think, maybe sometimes, it’s better to just pretend?” Ambrosius said suddenly. Ballister wasn’t even sure if it was part of the conversation that he and Nimona were having, or if he’d switched topics altogether just at the moment Ballister tuned back in. “It saves a lot of heartache.”
“I don’t know.” Nimona mumbled, laying on her stomach with her head in her hand. “Honesty is good.”
“But sometimes the truth hurts.” Ambrosius argued.
“And sometimes the hurt is necessary.” Nimona said. He’d never heard her sound so wise. He supposed she was quite a bit older than him.
“This much of it?” Ambrosius asked. “That can’t be right. The world’s not that cruel.”
“Some of us don’t get the happily ever after we’re looking for.” Nimona said. Ballister felt a pang in his chest. It was silent for a moment before he cleared his throat, drawing their attention towards him. Their faces blurred slightly.
“Sorry.” He said quietly. “I miss you.”
Nimona and Ambrosius looked at each other, uncomfortable. Ambrosius smiled after a second, but it was uneasy. It wasn’t real. “Maybe there’s a world like this out there.”
“Honesty’s good.” Nimona said. “But so is hope.”
“We love you, Bal.” Ambrosius said softly. “I love you.”
“I failed you.”
“We all failed.” Nimona gave a longing glance to the sky. “Maybe if we’d just been a little faster…”
“But then, what use is there dwelling on the past?” Ambrosius said. Ballister didn’t agree. All he had left was the past. That, and an unreachable future.
“What use is there staying in the present?” He muttered, and Ambrosius’s face crumpled. He hated that look. Like a kicked puppy. Ballister buried his head in his hands. “I wish you were still here.”
“We’re still in your head.” Nimona said. “That’s gotta count for something, right?”
“All it does is make me feel crazy.” He mumbled.
“Crazy’s not always bad.” One of them chimed.
He shook his head. “In this case, I feel it is.”
“In this case, it’s helping you survive.”
“We love you, Boss.”
“For what it’s worth, we miss you too. On some metaphysical level.”
“We’re here for you.”
“We’re always here.”
“I know someday, you’ll find a way to make this all okay again.”
“If anyone could, it’d be you. I’ve always said you were a genius, didn’t I, Bal?”
“I think the sun is setting.”
“Let’s go get a better view.”
“Don’t be long, Boss!”
Ballister didn’t look up, just sat with his head buried in his hands and his knees tucked against his chest. He knew that if he did, they’d be gone, and all he’d be left looking at was the dark concrete walls of his cell.
Some days, the world was kind.
Others, he was reminded that it never was.