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Ranpo was not an arrogant man. Nor was he egoistic. He was factual and logical. He knew this. He also knew people often viewed him as a stuck-up, self-loving detective that was too good for anyone else. He didn’t care. They could think what they wanted. Those cases they gave him were too simple and he liked a challenge. I mean why give him a case they could solve themselves? Talk about him being lazy.
Anyway. Ranpo was logical. He liked a challenge.
And there was one challenge that he still hadn’t figured out even if it had been a year.
He was, of course, talking about the one and only unpredictable…
Atsushi.
You thought Dazai, didn’t you?
Nope, as a matter of fact, Atsushi was, in his very humble and carefully constructed logical opinion, that was probably more fact than opinion, more unpredictable than Dazai.
Dazai, while mysterious and hard to read was obviously going to be unpredictable, not even Ranpo knew what was going on in his head. And he knew a lot more about Dazai than Dazai thought he did. So him being reliably unpredictable actually made him relatively predictable in some ways.
Atsushi on the other hand could be read like a book. And yet, he always managed to surprise everyone. Even Dazai and Ranpo.
He was unpredictable in the most unpredictable ways.
And no he wasn’t talking about his battle IQ or his detective skills (although he was very observant - Ranpo thinks his feline ability helped him with that… alongside his personality). The boy had a way of just… he didn’t really know what it was.
Atsushi was odd.
Let’s just say that.
And there were two main attributes Ranpo couldn’t get his head around.
1) The kid had a horrendous past and Ranpo didn’t think Atsushi remembered half of what happened to him. (He also knew his parents abused him worse than what he experienced in the orphanage but Ranpo’s mind wasn’t creatively dark enough for that.)
2) He was intelligent. Ranpo knew this because Atsushi wasn’t educated well at the orphanage. The kid had taught himself a lot through reading and books.
And these two things were just that. Things. Qualities about Atsushi. Both indicative of the upbringing Atsushi had. The reason he was always wary around new people, the way he flinched at loud noises, cringed at silences, ignored pain and hunger like a talent, even suppressed a lot of his emotions and reactions to what happened around him.
So why?
Why in the ever-loving fuck was Atsushi so done? Done with every around him. The kid would literally see something mildly annoying and look as though the world just needed to stop.
He would see Dazai try to commit suicide, not even react, as though it were what the average person did, and deadpan so hard.
And Atsushi, despite his sweet, cute, smiley personality, had an extremely bad RBF. His resting bitch face was something to admire.
And talking about personality, it wasn’t what you’d expect from someone with a past like Atsushi’s. He trusted many people too easily. Yes, he was wary, but past that he trusted them with his life. Like, take the Agency, they had Dazai, Yosano, even the President was an ex-assassin. And Atsushi, who had only known hatred and abuse, trusted them. To the point of being reckless enough to entrust them with his life. And that was another thing. He was reckless. He had been abused his whole life and he was reckless rather than protective of his body. Like… Ranpo couldn’t put his thoughts into words.
The kid was odd.
Ranpo watched as Atsushi flinched at the door slamming open, before sighing when Dazai, late as usual, twirled into the room.
“Atsuuuushi-kuuun~”
“What is it Dazai-san?”
“Can you write up my report for me?”
Atsushi blanked, eyes falling half shut. He looked so done already and it wasn’t even midday. “Can’t you do it Dazai-san?”
“Nope. I have other things to do.” The brunette then proceeded to slouch into his chair and hum along to his favourite suicide song.
And then Kunikida started shouting as usual.
Atsushi turned to his screen, looking at his computer as though it would do something to help him out.
It didn’t of course.
Ranpo recalled when Atsushi first arrived after his entrance exam. Kunikida asked Dazai why he wasn’t dead yet. Dazai obviously moaned and waved about dramatically before finally explaining Atsushi had helped him by kicking over the metal can thing he was in. Ranpo didn’t now what it was called, he didn’t need to.
That wasn’t important.
Atsushi kicked it over. No sympathy.
And Ranpo knew he would’ve had that fed up look on his face.
Ranpo was a logical man.
And for now he was willing to let this challenge go and pick it up at a later date.
For now though… he would have fun.
***
They were at the bar.
Ranpo didn’t now what it was called but every once in a while Yosano would drag everyone in the Agency out to a bar and they would all have a nice drink together. Kunikida made sure no one ever got drunk so they could work the next day. Of course Dazai never listened but the brunette was understanding enough for that. Plus, Yosano was the only real drinker among them. A lot of the time, the rest would have a juice or something. Dazai would normally have nothing (probably something to do with tampered drinks - he wanted a suicide after all).
But today, Ranpo had prepared something special for a certain someone.
He’d talked Dazai into helping him too. It wasn’t even hard, the man readily agreed.
Ranpo had brought… catnip.
He’d already seen Dazai spike Atsushi’s drink with the ground up leaves. It was good Atsushi always had a smoothie so it was thick enough to hide the powder.
But, of course, Atsushi had a feline ability.
He’d smelt it.
The kid frowned. “Can you guys smell that?”
“What?” Kunikida asked.
“If someone farted it wasn’t me.” Dazai commented lightly, placing his hands behind his head.
Atsushi glanced at him, lips twitching up slightly in amusement before he shook his head. “No it’s not that. It’s a sweet? Kind of warm smell.”
“Whatever you’re smelling it sounds nice.” Junichiro shrugged, testing the air with his own nose. “I can’t smell it though.”
“Oh.” Atsushi frowned then shrugged, taking a large sip of his smoothie, “Don’t worr- Dazai.”
Ranpo peaked his eye open at the serious tone.
“What did you put in my drink?”
Dazai frowned, “Your drink?” He glanced between the drink and Atsushi before reaching for Atsushi’s wrist as though to check his pulse. “I never went near it.” He was very good. Ranpo had to give it to him, he was acting the exact opposite of what Atsushi would expect and also looking concerned enough that Atsushi would believe it wasn’t his doing.
At that, Atsushi started to look worried, “You didn’t? Why does it taste different?”
Dazai slumped back waving dismissively at Kunikida’s and Atsushi’s concern, “I wouldn’t worry about it Atsushi-kun. There’s been no one close enough to us to tamper with it and your drink has been in front of all of us the whole time. Drink up its fine.”
Atsushi looked worried for a moment before nodding slowly and, eventually, finishing his smoothie. He sighed as he placed the empty glass in the middle of the table, “That was nicer than I remember.”
Ranpo hid his smile. Any time soon. He glanced at Dazai who smirked at him. Phase one completed. Phase two commence.
Dazai stood and stretched dramatically. “Excuse me for a moment, I’ve got to relieve myself.”
Kunikida scoffed, mumbling under his breath, “Probably finding another way to kill himself.”
Ranpo didn’t care, he was watching Atsushi’s pupils start to dilate on his bright irises and the deadpan look coming to his face.
Dazai was returning and barging into as many drunks he could, spiking other drinks as he went with other things to make them even more out of it.
Dazai retuned to them, “Ah, that was-“
“Oi!” Dazai was lifted out his seat from his collar by a beer-bellied drunk. “You walked into me. You should apologise.”
Dazai raised an eyebrow, “I’m sorry, I think you may have mistaken me for someone else. Maybe my friend here?” Dazai reached over and pulled Atsushi to his feet. “Is this him?”
The drunk glanced at Atsushi before frowning, “Might’ve been. Give him here.”
Dazai gladly traded places with Atsushi. Kunikida was becoming increasingly tense but he was clearly relying on the fact Atsushi was a mellow and levelheaded person.
Ranpo smirked. That wasn’t the case anymore.
The drunk shook Atsushi harshly, “You need to apologise.”
Atsushi blinked at him slowly, pupils becoming elongated and feline. “For what?” He asked bluntly.
The drunk went red in the face, “For walking into me.”
“That wasn’t me.”
“It was.”
“You’re mistaken.”
The drunk had seemingly had enough as he drew back his fist and punched Atsushi across the face.
Atsushi’s head whipped around and the boy stood for a moment before turning back to the man with a side-eye. It was careful and predatory. He tapped his tongue to his split lip before the wound and bruise healed over. Without pause, Atsushi drove his fist into the man’s gut, who collapsed to the ground with a groan. “Fucking idiot.”
Ranpo’s eyes widened in surprise. Kunikida looked like he was about to have an aneurysm. Atsushi looked blankly over the other drunk men before stepping over the drunk on the floor, an intentionally clumsy step kicking him in a very sensitive place. Atsushi sighed, looking all at once so done with the world. He lazily beckoned with his fingers, “Come on, then.”
And that was the time Ranpo found out something else about Atsushi.
He could swear and insult to no end.
“I bet your mum could throw a better punch than that.”
“Yeah, like that was gonna land.”
“That was fucking pathetic.”
“Are you dead?”
“Oops.”
“Shit wrong person.”
“Alright, you fuckfaced piece of shit, don’t try too hard, you’ll hurt yourself.”
“Yeah yeah, fuck you too.”
“Sorry, that looked like it might’ve hurt.”
“Original. Really original.”
“Fuck you. And you.”
And on he went.
By the end of it, Atsushi had beaten all the people in the bar with only the barman and the Agency members being left standing.
He looked over the unconscious bodies before walking back over to them, not caring for who or what he stepped on.
The Agency stared at him in shock.
Ranpo and Dazai shared a look before smirking at each other.
Before anyone could say a word, Atsushi had dropped his head to the table and was fast asleep.
***
“Please don’t swear Atsushi-kun, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.”
“Sorry, Kunikida-san!”
Dazai laughed beside him. “You were right, Ranpo-san.”
Ranpo smiled, “Surprised?”
“Yes, actually.”
“Same.” Ranpo took out a lollipop.
Dazai rose from his chair, “Ne, Atsushi-kuuun~”
“Fuck off.”
“No thanks.” Dazai smirked.
“Atsushi!” Kunikida shouted.
“Sorry.” Atsushi mumbled.
Ranpo popped the sweet in his mouth. He was a logical man. He liked a challenge.
But there was one challenge that he still hadn’t figured.
He was, of course, talking about the one and only unpredictable…
Nakajima Atsushi.