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He hadn’t meant it. He hadn’t meant any of it. Not one word. Not one damn word. Not at all.
Genya stands in the middle of the street, dust that had once made up his mother covering his clothes and hands. He hadn’t meant it. He’d just been so scared and he didn’t know what he was seeing.
“Please, ‘nemi!” he screams, not for the first time. Sanemi’s form is still retreating towards the woods that surround their village. He’s walking away. He’s leaving. His ‘nemi is leaving him and it’s all Genya’s fault. “‘nemi, please, please don’t leave!” It isn’t fair, it isn’t fair at all. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t!”
But Sanemi does not turn around. After another few moments, he disappears entirely and Genya can no longer see him. Tears roll freely down Genya’s face like rain. There’s blood all over him as well, staining his already dingy clothes.
What does he do now? His job had always been to watch the children while mother and Sanemi worked, but now Sanemi and mother are gone, so will Genya have to work? Will one of the younger siblings have to take over his role?
Wait- the children. They were all bleeding when he left to go after Sanemi and mother. He turns on his heel, even though it pains him to look away from Sanemi, though he can’t see him at this point, and starts running back home.
The house is even more of a bloodbath than he remembers, but, to be fair, everything happened so fast he hardly has any recollection of the event at all.
They’re all dead. He doesn’t know how doctors check if people are alive, but he knows for a fact his siblings should be breathing, and they are not. So they are dead.
“No, no,” he murmurs, combing through his siblings’ hair, tilting their heads back to feel for breathing. “No, but, but-” He can only gasp as he tries to breathe, his lungs tightening around air. He knows what this is, he’s felt it many times before, but he doesn’t know how to handle it without Sanemi. “You can’t be dead.” He sobs, curling tightly around whoever he’s managed to pull into his lap. He doesn’t look for which sibling it is. “That’s not fair, that’s not fair!”
What does he do now? It’s like the world has been ripped out from under him and he is falling, falling, falling into the depths of the universe. Mother and all of his younger siblings is unfair. It’s awful.
Does Sanemi know? Does he know that Genya is all alone? Genya thinks he must not, because there’s no way Sanemi would leave him if he did. Sanemi wouldn’t leave him like that.
But maybe Sanemi is still coming back. He’s not gone forever, just for now. Genya can handle that. Genya is good at patience and waiting.
He thinks that he probably isn’t good at being alone, though. He’s never had to be, so he isn’t sure, but he thinks that probably that is something he would be bad at.
“I can do it,” he says around his wheezing. “I can, I can. Just until ‘nemi comes back, that’s all.” He nods to himself, setting his face as best he can, even though his lip wobbles and his eyes are still dripping tears.
He buries his siblings. Sanemi would be proud, he thinks, with how well he dug their grave. They’re rather shallow, but Genya’s arms are burning and his lungs won’t open enough and he isn’t big enough to dig a deep grave.
He sets them all in the one hole together, so they’ll never be alone, then covers them in dirt again. He finds a relatively smooth stone and paints their names on it, placing it against the tree he’d buried them under.
There isn’t much food in their house. There never really was to begin with, but today was meant to be the day Genya and Sanemi went shopping, so it’s especially barren. Genya eats most of what is left of the rice and dumplings from the night before, then the rest of the cubed watermelon. It feels good to eat enough to be full without having to worry about his family. He thinks, briefly, that he should leave some for Sanemi, then decides that it will probably go bad before Sanemi returns, so it doesn’t matter.
Then he sets about cleaning up the house. He doesn’t know what to do about the blood on the floor and walls, but he knows how to clean up the bedding and right the furniture. Most of it is broken, though.
After that he rounds up the shopping money. He doesn’t know how to cook, so he’s going to have to find food that he can just eat. He gets fruit, watermelon and apples, and bread.
When he comes home, that scary man mom usually talks to every couple of weeks is waiting for him. She always calls him ‘the landlord’ and says he owns their house.
“What happened here?” he snarls as Genya approaches. He’s looking at the huge hole in the wall where the balcony door used to be.
“Uh, I don’t know,” Genya answers, beginning to tremble. His arms are full of food. “Something happened to Mother and she broke it.”
“Where is the whore mother of yours anyway?” he spits. “And why is there blood all over the place? Where are the rest of you little brats?”
“Mother killed them,” Genya says. “And ‘nemi killed mother. But only after she hurt us. It wasn’t his fault. He’s a good brother.”
“I don’t care.” The man waves a hand at him and rolls his eyes. “Now I have to fix this, you idiot. You’re out. Go find somewhere else to live.”
“B-but, where?” Genya asks, trying to dart towards his house. The man steps in his way. “I don’t know anywhere else. Please can I live here?”
“You won’t be able to make rent, you little shit,” the man growls, shoving Genya back. He falls on his butt, the food tumbling from his arms. “And besides, you aren’t my problem. Get out of here before I really make you.”
Genya doesn’t know what else to do, so he runs. Food abandoned behind him, he sprints towards the woods around the village. He can hardly breathe, and he’s sobbing so hard he feels like he might throw up, but he does not stop.
His knees grow weak quickly, and he drops to the ground in a puddle of mud. He coughs and hacks, trying very hard to get some air.
He can’t, and he worries he’s going to pass out, and not wake up. Who will ‘nemi have to come home to? He can’t die here, not after everything.
He spots a home in the distance. His eyes are blurry, but he can make out the shape. It’s a very large house, with smoke puffing from the chimney.
On his unsteady legs he rises, and decides he will make it to that house, no matter what. So he starts to walk.