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A sound woke her from sleep, ripping her mind from a peaceful dream. Her eyes felt like lead weights as she pulled them open and let out a soft groan. She rolled herself over to look at the clock letting out a huff.
1:35am.
She was about ready to roll over and go back to sleep when she heard another noise. She sat up and rubbed at her eye with the heal of her hand. She let out a sigh as she recognized the sound of the downstairs TV as it filtered through the door. She was sure she had turned off the TV before bed. Yawning she sat up and turned her body, letting her legs fall over the side of the bed. Her bare feet touched the cool floor and she stood, making her way quietly out into the hall, softly shutting the door behind her, and down the stairs.
When she got to the bottom she found the downstairs was dark, the only light coming from the TV that was turned on, an episode of “The Vet Life” playing across the screen. In the faint light she could make out a silhouette sitting on the far side of the couch, body leaning into the throw pillow, head resting on a large gloved hand.
She sighed and made her way quietly over to the couch. As she came closer she saw his feet folded behind him and Ozzy laying on the remaining cushions, his head planted in a red lap. She could see the light from the TV reflecting off her eldest’s half lidded eyes.
It was a testament to how tired he was that he didn’t even notice her standing there.
“Knuckles?”
He jumped slightly at her words, the remote falling from his hand onto the floor. His head turned quickly to meet her eyes, mouth open slightly in shock.
“Sorry hun, I didn’t mean to scare you.” she said softly, making her way over to the cushions. She gave Ozzy a gentle nudge and the dog let out a whine of protest, but moved his body so she could sit next to her kid. Her kid…it had only been a few weeks, but they were already that to her. It felt right.
Ozzy readjusted himself and squeezed onto the remaining cushion, his body folded and head coming to rest on her lap. She began to absentmindedly stroke the dog’s head.
Knuckles body seemed to slowly relax once he got used to her presence. Purple eyes, now more alert, studied her intently.
“I am sorry…I did not mean to wake you.” he said, a hint of frustration in his voice.
Maddie smiled at him and placed a soft hand on his shoulder. He tensed. She found herself pulling her hand back at the reaction. As much as she wanted to touch him, to connect with him, she knew she needed to do it on his terms. His eyes drifted to her now withdrawn hand as she pulled it back, then raised them back to hers. She let out a soft sigh.
“What are you watching?” she asked, trying to settle him with easy conversation.
He turned his head slowly back to the TV, breaking eye contact. The light from the TV continued to dance over his face as he took in the show in front of him.
“An animal healing show?” he said, his voice lifted at the end in an almost question. “This is what you do?”
“Yes, for the most part.” she answered lightly. “Though my life isn’t quite as dramatic as they make it seem.”
He nodded slowly. “I am very impressed.” he said back. “You must be a great healer.”
She felt herself blush slightly and she shifted her body to ever so slightly close some of the gap between them. “I do my best.” she answered with a soft laugh.
They sat silently for a few minutes both watching the show in front of them. His eyes widened as an angry cat growled and swatted at the vet and his head tilted in curiosity as as they went over radiographs of a friendly Golden Retriever.
“Those are his insides?” He asked as they zoomed in on the one of the pictures.
“Yes, those are called radiographs. They help us examine what might be happening in areas we can’t see.”
“What magic is that?” He asked, eyes slightly narrowed.
Maddie couldn’t help but grin. “No magic. Just beams of energy passing through different tissue to produce an image.”
He looked to her, eyes curious and confused. Then he sank back further into the couch, eyes returning to the TV. “It seems like sorcery.” He muttered.
Maddie continued to subtly glance at him as they continued to watch the show, trying to read how he was feeling, his body language. His eyes were no longer half lidded, but she could see the bags under his eyes, highlighted by the glow of the TV and the exhaustion in his body language as he leaned heavily into the side of the couch.
“I’m sorry I woke you.” he said suddenly, his voice soft.
“It’s OK, sweetie,” she answered. Her hand hovered back over his shoulder, wanting so badly to touch him. She took a deep breath and once again allowed it to move to his shoulder. This time he did not tense. She smiled. “What are you doing up?” she asked, taking his lead.
“I…” he trailed off, his brow slightly furrowed. “I could not sleep.”
“Is your bed ok?” she asked. She knew it had come as a surprise when they had bought him a bed. He had protested, saying it was unnecessary, but they had insisted and he finally accepted graciously, almost shyly. She remembered wondering if he had ever been given anything that was just his before.
“Yes. My bed is fine. Thank you.” he answered back, glancing at her.
“Is it Sonic’s snoring?” she asked with humor giving his shoulder a small squeeze.
He snorted. “No…though it is quite jarring at times.”
“What’s wrong then, sweetie?”
He turned his head back to the TV and a small frown and a slightly furrowed brow appeared on his face. She could tell he was trying to think of a response. She only hoped it was the truth.
“I don’t need much sleep.” he answered.
Starting with deception. She frowned.
“Hon, you look exhausted.” she stated, once again squeezing his shoulder lightly in concern.
“I am fine.” he responded. “A warrior does not need much sleep.”
His normal excuses. But if she was going to be up at 1:30 in the morning she was determined to get to the bottom of it. She had known for awhile that he hadn’t been sleeping as well as she had hoped. Sonic and Tails had both voiced their concerns at rarely findings Knuckles asleep. He was mostly found absent or sitting near the attic door in a silent vigil, the emerald held within his hands. But this was the first time she had caught him in the act, and the first time she had truly seen the level of exhaustion he carried.
“A warrior needs sleep so he is ready to fight,” she countered lightly, trying to appeal to his tough side while silently prying for more.
“A warrior is always ready to fight.” he said. “Sleep is dangerous.”
There it is. The first hint at some truth. She watched his eyes dart toward her then quickly away and she felt his shoulder tense again under her touch.
“Why do you say that?” she asked, lightly pushing him to continue.
“We cannot protect ourselves or our friends if we are unaware.” he answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “We must always be ready. Sleep leaves you vulnerable to capture and attack.”
She pulled her lips together and felt a small chill make its way down her spine. Capture and attack? She hoped he was speaking hypothetically but with the way the words left his tongue she had a feeling he was speaking from personal experience. She knew very little of his life before he came to Earth, but what she did know spoke to heartache and loneliness and danger.
She knew he was struggling to adjust to a new home, to letting go of his previous life. Who could blame him? It was all he knew. But she was determined to help him step by step. He was also still just a kid. He was too young to carry so much. She had a feeling that he had not known safe for a long time and she desperately wanted to give that to him.
“Honey, we are safe here.” she said, slowly moving her arm around his shoulders, trying to give him some support. He let her, though his eyes shifted at the movement. “Nothing is going to happen to us.”
“You do not know that.” he answered, his voice developing a soft bite.
“I do, Sweetie.” she answered. “We are all fine.”
“What if someone attacks in the night?” he asked, his voice raising slightly in anger. “What if someone comes for the Emerald? What if someones comes to hurt…” he stopped suddenly and turned his head away from her. “I must be ready.” he finishes softly.
Her chest tightened and her breath softly hitched hearing his words. She knew there was a lot to work through with him and it was going to take time but it hurt to hear that he felt he couldn’t rest. He almost sounded frightened. She pulled him a hair closer to her.
“Are you afraid to sleep?” she asked tentatively, unsure how he would react.
“I am not afraid.” he answered sharply, turning toward her with a scowl.
“We are all safe here.” she pushed, trying to get through. “Nothing is going to happen to us.”
She heard his breath pick up and his body tensed beneath her arm. His head turned away from her, quills falling forward as he hid his face. She could feel a slight tremble through his muscle.
“We aren’t going anywhere.” she continued through his silence. “It’s OK to sleep.”
“It is not…” His voice was tense, tight. “Not for me…”
“Why?” she continued to push. His breathing picked up more and there was almost a wheeze to his inhale.
“Because…”
“Because, why?”
“Because I can’t…” His head tucked against his body, shoulders pulling forward. She could see his hands clenched tightly in his lap. She felt bad making him feel this way, she could sense the panic building within him. But she also felt like she was close to a breakthrough. She began to rub slow circles over his back, trying to will him strength.
“Can’t what?” she said softly.
“STOP!” He wheezed, jumping to his feet, and Maddie didn’t miss the ripple of red as it coursed over his quills. She froze, eyes wide.
He turned from her, fists clenching and unclenching as he struggled for breath. He was heaving, muscles tense.
“Knuckles…” she whispered. She reached for him but didn’t dare touch him.
“You do not understand…” he snapped, his head lifted and turned, his amethyst orbs met hers. “You think you know…sleep has always been a comfort for you.”
She watched him, her breath caught in her throat. His head turned away once again and she saw his hands clench. She heard him take another wheezing breath, trying to gain back his control.
“But have you ever awoken and found yourself trapped or under attack?” He continued, his voice low. “Have you ever awoken the next morning expecting to see your tribe had returned, but they were gone?”
He turned further away, his quills hiding his face. She held her breath as she sat on the edge of the couch. She watched his shoulders fall forward, head dipping.
“Have you ever awoken and you had lost everything?” His voice was growing softer. She could feel his distress radiating from his form.
Finally…truth.
She thought she would be happy and relieved to hear him speak his truth. But as she watched him begin to wring his hands and tremble, a lump formed in her throat and tears pricked her eyes. She watched as he stood away from her looking every bit the lost kid that he was.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and finally found the strength to push herself off the couch walking around to the front of him. She knelt to his level and slowly reached out to take one of his hands in hers and used the other to gently brush away his hanging quills. She half expected him to react harshly and pull away from her, but he just lifted his haunted eyes to meet hers.
“We are not going anywhere.” she said with more conviction than she felt. “We are safe. You are safe. And as long as we stick together we are going to be fine. We will not leave you.”
“My father said he would not leave me…” he whispered softly, swallowing hard. “But he never returned…I was not there to protect him…”
Her heart shattered at the pain within his words. She could see the well of moisture beginning to form in his eyes. He blamed himself. Survivor’s guilt. This poor child.
“Oh, baby…” she breathed out, her words shaking as she held in the tears wanting to break free. “It was not your fault…”
His eyes turned away from hers but she gently pulled them back forward. She needed him to hear her.
“It was not your fault…”
“But…” he tried, voice thick.
She shook her head. “It was not your fault…” She took a deep breath. “I cannot understand how hard it must be to let go of such a burden. But we are your family. We will defend each other, we will protect each other, we will love each other. Our safety is not your burden to carry alone. And we will watch over you just as you watch over us. And one day you will feel safe again.”
He stared back at her and he looked so tired, so uncertain. She pushed a few more stray quills from his face and ran a finger softly over the bottoms of his eyes, pushing away the threatening tears. Then before she knew what she was doing she was pulling him into a hug. She felt his muscles tense as she held him, but she didn’t care. She squeezed him tightly to her, pulling his head into the crook of her neck and running her hands through his quills and over his back, trying to give him the comfort she knew he needed. Her heart lifted when she felt his arms slowly wrap around her in return. She could feel the tremble in his arms as he held onto her, his muzzle burrowing into her shoulder. She squeezed him harder, tears leaking from her eyes.
Moments passed in silence as she held him, the only sound coming from Ozzie as he whined and pushed his nose into their side in his attempt at comfort. She felt his breaths begin to calm under her hands and eventually she felt his arms loosen around her. She finally pulled away, moving her hands to hold his face and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. He stared back at her quietly, his eyelids heavy and she heard him take a breath. She smiled what she hoped was a reassuring smile. There was so much to heal, so much to work through, he carried so much on his young shoulders.
She stood and his tired eyes followed her. She reached her hand down taking his.
“Come on, sweetie. Let’s get some sleep.”
She expected resistance. She expected argument. What she did not expect was for him to follow her quietly. She picked up the remote where it had fallen on the floor and turned off the TV, bathing the room in darkness. She lead him up the stairs and turned toward her and Tom’s bedroom. She felt tension and saw his confusion as he tried to go toward the attic stairs, but she tightened her hand on his and lead him away. He looked up at her with surprise but did not fight it.
She went back to their room and smiled at Tom who luckily had not woken and was huddled on the far side of the bed snoring softly. Plenty of room.
She gestured for him to sit on the edge of the bed. He still wouldn’t look at her but complied hesitantly. His breaths were heavy, she could tell he was nervous, not sure what to expect. She slowly pulled off his boots and set them by the bed. She went to take off his gloves but when she felt him tense she decided to let him leave them on. One step at a time.
She climbed in bed, scooting next to Tom and making room.
“Come lay down, sweetie.” she said, patting the open area next to her.
He stared at her, uncertain and confused. She patted the area again and gave him a soft smile. He hesitantly and stiffly laid down next to her, turning his back to her, his head on the pillow. He was so tense. Sonic and Tails had climbed into bed with them before, but Knuckles barely came into their room, let alone their bed.
She began to rub soothing circles on his back. She felt as his muscles relaxed a bit with her gentle touches. She could feel his fear and she was worried he would continue to fight his exhaustion.
“Sleep.” she said softly. “We are right here.”
He was quiet, the only sound was his nervous breaths. As she rubbed his back he shifted slightly and she hoped he was getting comfortable. “Sleep…” she whispered. It wasn’t long before his exhausted body gave in. His breathing slowed and his face sank further into the pillow and he finally slept.
She pulled his quills back and looked at his face. His eyes were closed, a single tear snaking its way down his cheek. His large hands were tucked under his chin and his knees were drawn in as he curled on himself. She continued to rub his back softly trying to will him comfort and trust. She used her free hand to pull the blankets over them, providing warmth. And as she fell back asleep she let her hand continue to rest against his back so that if he woke he would know she was there.
And if she woke up the next morning to find Knuckles had shifted, now laying next to her, his muzzle resting against her side and his arm laying softly over her middle…she wasn’t going to say anything. She just pulled him closer, gave a confused but grinning Tom an apologetic smile, and laid with him as long as he needed. And when he woke he wouldn’t be alone.