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English
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Published:
2024-10-16
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1,677
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1/1
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Good Things Fall Apart, Better Things Fall Together

Summary:

*VENGEANCE SPOILERS*

 

In the Vengeance Panel at Earptopia, Kat said she felt like Nicole knew what was coming with Waverly leaving (very temporarily). I agree. I feel like Nicole always gets the short end of the stick regarding character development. I love writing Nicole. I think, at her core, she is honest, loyal, and very intuitive. She knew Waverly was restless and she knew she would encourage her to go if the opportunity ever arose.

Work Text:

Nicole pulled to a stop at the edge of the iced-over lake that currently housed Randy Nedley’s highly illegal fishing shack. As she put her truck into park she let out a sigh.

Nicole was frustrated. Not in some small, everyday life type of way. This frustration cut deep. It felt existential.

She glanced at her watch before exiting her vehicle. It was 11:40 am. Over three hours since she quietly crept past her wife and sister-in-law both passed out in front of the fireplace of the homestead.

It was odd to not hear from Waverly for this long. They typically spoke in some way, by phone or text, at least every hour or so. A part of her reveled in the thought of the massive hangovers both would likely be nursing when they do finally wake up. Mostly, though, she just missed her wife.

As she opened the car door the sight of her breath and bite of the cold wind on her face reminded her of why she was there and her focus shifted to the task at hand. She began the trek out to the fishing shack and thought of Randy Nedley running as fast as he could across the frozen lake to his car desperate to save their friend Mercedes and, for a moment, she
lamented the loss of her friend and the circumstances surrounding her murder. This was not supposed to happen anymore. Not on her watch.

When she got to the shack she pulled away the police tape and let herself in. Everything was just as Nedley and Mercedes had left it when they began their run for their lives. Nicole sat down on the makeshift couch and took it all in. She had been here a million times since the incident and she had no idea what she expected to be different this time. Still, here she sat full of feelings. Sadness, disappointment, frustration, and mostly anger. She eyed the bottle of vodka sitting beside the giant hole in the ice and considered taking a shot. The coarseness of her polyester uniform pushed the thought from her mind and she frustratingly sat back on the seat and let her head fall to rest against the wall of the shack.

The emotional break that welled up surprised her a little with its forcefulness. She began to weep. This entire situation was wrong, so wrong and it didn't end here. In fact, as she sat by herself in the bitter cold she allowed herself to say it out loud…

“Everything is wrong.”

In addition to the new evil that has sprouted up something was wrong with Waverly. Nicole has been feeling it for a while now. It’s not their marriage, per se, but it's something. Something big and important, and with Wynonna back in town she knew it was going to bubble to the surface. She found herself a little relieved by that revelation but also terrified. Maybe mostly terrified.

If pressed, Nicole could pinpoint the moment Waverly began her metamorphosis. They were walking through town, hand in hand, virtual rock stars in the realm of small-town life. Citizens of Purgatory fawned over them and more often than not, their coffees were free and their tables were reserved and ready whenever they arrived. It was Nicole’s perfect life but it was becoming more and more evident that Waverly needed something. Something else, something new, something more. On this particular afternoon, they had strolled to breakfast at Chrissy’s cafe and as soon as they were seated Waverly excitedly poured over a letter she had just received from Doc.

Communication with Wynonna was a little too few and far between for Waverly’s liking but she found she could always rely on John Henry to send his biweekly postcard or letter. They both found it endearing that Doc embraced his roots and put in the effort to maintain their epistolary relationship. Doc had a way with words and was able to romanticize even the most turbulent tale.

Somewhere, hidden in Doc’s scribble, was the word or words that got Waverly’s mind wandering. It doesn’t really matter what the story in Doc’s letter was or where it occurred. It only matters that it struck a cord in her wife and after that day everything began to change. It changed because Waverly changed.

They finished their breakfast and Waverly asked if they could just go home instead of to the farmers market they usually attended on Saturday mornings. Nicole just nodded as she held the car door open for her wife.

They arrived home and Waverly let herself out of the car before Nicole could even cut the engine. Waverly stood in front of their home with her nose up to the wind as if she could smell a greener pasture beyond their driveway and just past the sign that said, “Leaving Purgatory.”

Nicole had enough, “Ok, what’s on your mind?”

Waverly just looked at Nicole and smiled, “Nothing my love.”

But it was something, of that Nicole was certain.

Since that day Waverly has been searching for something different, looking out past the Ghost River Triangle, looking anywhere but at her wife, Nicole. The changes came hard and fast. Some were subtle or innocuous, like the never-ending hobbies and jobs. Others were more extreme. Her hair was first, short then shorter. Next were the tattoos and piercings. One, then two, then so many more.

For her part, Nicole just went with it all. She liked the way the changes seemed to make Waverly feel more like herself, more confident, more happy. She loved her wife, every ideation of her and she was more than ok with Waverly’s journey.

What she hated was that it didn’t include her. Nicole could feel something was wrong or different or both but Waverly just shut down any conversation Nicole tried to initiate. It was not that Nicole expected Waverly to ask permission but not being included in any of it made Nicole feel estranged from her wife. Most of their daily lives were spent happily married but then Waverly would get a call from Wynonna or Jeremy and Nicole could see the wanderlust in her eyes. Some days she looked at Waverly and just wanted to put her in the Jeep and drive right out of this town. Shield be damned. She wanted to take Waverly all over the world. To the ocean first but then maybe the ancient Colosseums or the Pyramids. All the places Waverly only gets to read about. The places she can only see in a book or her dreams because she is stuck here forever.

But Waverly isn’t stuck here. Is she? She’s not, Nicole is.

And Nicole knew that Waverly wasn’t lying, at least not consciously but she also knew something was amiss and the fact that Waverly wasn’t talking to her about her feelings was making her angry. Did Waverly think she was blind? Or stupid? Or worse, the kind of person that would be ok with a wife who felt unhappy or trapped?

She didn’t want this, whatever this was. She didn’t want her wife to someday come to resent her or worse, hate her. Nicole wanted Waverly to be happy, even if that meant it wasn’t her that made Waverly happy. But she had no idea how to express that and she wasn’t sure she would have the guts to say it out loud.

What if she asked for a break and Waverly said yes? Do breaks even work? What if Waverly slept with someone else during their break? What if she fell in love? What if Nicole herself slept with someone else? If incessantly binging, “Friends,” has shown her anything it’s that breaks don’t work and she really wanted her marriage to work.

Nicole is and has always been madly in love with Waverly Earp but that comes with a price. She had always known that. She had always known a day like this would come. She just hadn’t expected it so soon.

That day and a million like it came and went. And, to be clear, it hasn’t always been like that. Nicole has always felt confident that they have a good marriage. Maybe even a great one. Most of their days and nights are steeped in tenderness and love. It’s normal for two people to grow and change and she was proud that they both seem to be doing so at their own pace and without fear of judgment from the other. Yes, Waverly seems restless at times but she also seems happy most of the time.

Nicole stood and glared down into the giant hole in the middle of the shack. She thought of Wynonna and the effect her return to town would have. Wynonna has an uncanny way of stirring things up. Usually, this meant death, danger, and utter chaos. They already had the death so it was time to gird up for the danger and the chaos.

Nedley would often tell Nicole that Wynonna Earp was much like whiskey in that she was the cause of and answer to most of life’s problems. He was right, as always. Even though they had somewhat fallen out, Wynonna Earp would always be Nicole’s best friend and knowing she was out there, somewhere always made Nicole feel comfort. The fact is no one knows Waverly or Nicole the way Wynonna does and maybe whatever madness she brings is necessary.

If anyone could get Waverly to open up it’s Wynonna and Nicole felt confident she could give her wife the space she needs to spread her wings knowing her best friend was there to hold her together when memories of those eighteen months, three weeks and four days creep up on her. .
Nicole sighed as she glanced at her watch again then zipped her coat up as high as it would go, “Maybe a little Wynonna is just what we need,” she whispered into the frozen air as she exited the shack to head home to her wife.