Chapter Text
Rain poured over Piltover the night Caitlyn left. It was like the city wept together with Vi as she ran through the streets, her worn out slippers thumping against the pavement, clothes soaked, and hot tears mixing with the cold droplets on her skin.
At the time, It felt as if Runeterra knew her sadness, but in her teenage angst no one could possibly understand what she was going through. No one knew the pain in her heart. How could anyone possibly understand how every part of her ached for - Vi's mindless dash came to a halt when she realized where her feet had taken her. She stood in front of the Kiramman manor - 'had it always looked so dark and uninviting?' Vi thought to herself as a calloused hand gripped the metal of the front gates. A couple months ago it was the only place she'd ever wanted to be. Now? - She didn't know.
Caitlyn Kiramman was.. she was everything. Caitlyn was smart, athletic, especially kind. She never told a lie, never cheated, and always stood tall. It was like the Academy existed for her and her alone. She was a Kiramman - of course she was a Kiramman. But always Caitlyn first.
Everyone liked her, maybe even idolized her, she was perfect after all. Caitlyn would smile at you and make you feel like you were the center of the goddamn universe. It was addicting - she was addicting. Her voice, her laugh. You could never have enough - or maybe all that only applied to Vi? Powder had always said Vi was weirdly attached to Caitlyn, and she definitely knew something was off with her feelings. Powder and Caitlyn were friends, but Powder never seemed to think about Caitlyn the same way Vi did.
The front door of the Kiramman manor opened. Light poured out like the skies opening to Valhalla and Caitlyn descended the steps of her home as if she were a Valkyrie come to collect the spoils of war. Her eyes locked with Vi and thunder cracked loudly between the two. She dragged a large suitcase behind her and a bag as big as her strapped to her.
Caitlyn's grip on her umbrella wavered slightly, then her knuckles whitened as they tightened once again. Caitlyn's mouth opened, then closed. The words wouldn't find their way, but she continued to advance. As she approached the gates her expression remained unreadable - her mouth shut tightly, Vi could see the way her teeth ground against each other as her brain practiced whatever was meant to be said on her tongue.
When the two were finally face to face - Caitlyn standing a few inches taller, Vi keeping her steely gaze locked as if Caitlyn would disappear at any moment - they didn't say much. Nothing at all, actually.
For a while they just stood, they stared, then Caitlyn sighed. She broke her gaze and stared at the space between them instead. Water padded on the pathway creating small pools, they grew till eventually one too many droplets sent the water flowing down the cracks in the pavement. "Vi. You're here." Caitlyn said, her voice above a whisper.
Vi grit her teeth, her fists clenched. She's here. Why? Why is she here? She wanted to ask Caitlyn a question that's been dancing around her mind for quite some time, she wanted to beg her for an explanation, a reason for these feelings that are tormenting her. Caitlyn was smart. Caitlyn was sure to know. Instead, she sighed along with Caitlyn and tucked her fists deep into the pockets of the leather jacket she'd gotten off her dad. It was soaked in water, it'd take forever to dry.
Deep down Vi knew what was wrong with her, she knew exactly what her feelings were. When Caitlyn would look at her, touch her. It wasn't right, but she wanted more. Always more.
"You're leaving." It wasn't a question, it was a statement that fell heavy between them.
This wasn't - it shouldn't have been a shock. Of course Caitlyn was leaving. Of course. Why wouldn't she? She has a bright future ahead of her, people who believe in her and support her. Look up to her. People like Powder, smart kids. People more deserving of a Kiramman's attention.
Caitlyn turned, her profile illuminated by the streetlamp on the other side of the street. "I'm leaving." Caitlyn said definitively, like she wasn't shattering Vi's heart. Like it didn't matter if she was.
"Why?!" Vi pleaded. The makeshift wall she'd built to protect her fragile emotions, being picked apart by Caitlyn word after word.
There was a beat, the rain filled the silence.
Caitlyn blew a laugh out her nose. "Vi, I'm a senior. What did you expect?" She shrugged, giving a bitter smile to the world.
Vi blinked, grateful for the rain. Her tears stung as they came and went. "I thought - I just thought," Vi worked her jaw, "I thought, you'd care enough to tell me." She looked down. She couldn't look at Caitlyn, not now.
"Vi," It was so soft, but somehow felt like a punch to the gut. It felt childish and mocking. It felt cold and detached.
"Caitlyn, what is this?" Vi interrupted holding a hand out between them, "Us." She reiterated, she must look like an abandoned dog begging for its owner, that's what her sister would say. She was tired of the game. She was sick of feeling like this. Alone. Always alone. It was driving her crazy. So dog or not, this is how it was and had to be.
Caitlyn stopped. She stuttered over herself for a moment. The bars between them were starting to feel more real than ever. "I'm - I'm not sure.." It was like the words were being weighed in her mind. "What you mean."
"Huh?" Vi looked up through sopping wet pink. "You're not sure?" She repeated, annoyance lacing her voice.
Her entire perception of Caitlyn was being shattered like glass - the girl she'd lo- she'd admired. Fuck.
"Vi, I get that you're upset. I am too. But-"
"Are you really? Because I'm just trying to understand if you've been toying with me all fucking semester! You said-" Her voice was hoarse and cracked but she raised it anyway. "You said you were like me. You said we were misfits. I thought we were in this together?"
Until a month ago, Caitlyn would have replied without hesitation. She would have taken Vi's hand in hers and looked at her like she was her world. She would have said exactly what has shining behind those curious eyes. Caitlyn was never afraid to tell Vi her feelings, she wasn't afraid of herself. Not like Vi.
Caitlyn held a hand out trying to calm her. There was a flash of something.. apologetic? Vi was too upset to care, she couldn't think of Caitlyn - not anymore. Even if she was being selfish, even as the girl who'd been the embodiment of patience itself was begging for understanding.
"Vi," For a moment the Caitlyn she knew was back, she was irritated and arrogant with that haughty, stern, Piltovan accent she abused. She was looking directly at Vi and she saw her. Then she crumbled. "Please." She begged and glanced over her shoulder. "I - I'm trying." She took a breath, composing herself. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to, you have to believe me. I-" She stepped forward, "I wasn't using you, everything we - You matter to me."
Vi lunged forward and grabbed Caitlyn's collar. They both slammed into the gate, Caitlyn winced at the hard contact. They were centimeters apart. "Then why are you trying to disappear on me? Why wouldn't you tell me you were going to Ionia, I just don't get it, Cait!"
Powder mentioned in passing how well Vi was taking Caitlyn's news as she rinsed her dish in the sink. Vi swiveled around mouth full of her dad's cooking and a textbook on 18th century history left abandoned, "Caitlyn's news?" Vi cocked her head to the side. She swallowed thickly, confusion sinking in. "What news?"
Her sister paused at the sink, she put her plate down and turned to face Vi. "She didn't tell you?"
Worry bubbled to the surface, fear. "Tell me what, Pow?" Powder watched her face for a long while, she knew Vi was deadly serious. Her mouth twitched into a frown, then finally she opened it.
The next words felt like a brick set heavy in her gut. It was almost like they were never said. Vi stood, the stool she had been sitting on scraped against the kitchen's wood flooring. She dashed to the front door, slipped on the old slides she used to take out trash or run to the corner store. Her dad yelled after her to take a jacket, she heard that. His voice was grounding.
She had no clue where she was going, really. The only thing on her mind was Caitlyn.
Now here she was, stood in the rain opposite Vi, an unwelcomed guest on the other side of the gate in the middle of the night. Caitlyn's umbrella had fallen to the ground. Her face was easier to see now. She looked tired.
"Go ahead," Caitlyn murmured, her eyes lacked the sparkle that drew Vi to her like a moth to a flame. "Hit me. If it makes you feel better."
"What?" Vi's grip loosened. She let go of her roughly, Caitlyn stumbled back. She was wet, disheveled. She looked up, an icy gaze that froze Vi where she stood.
"Vi, why did you come here? It won't change anything. I'm leaving. I didn't tell you because It's just easier that way." Vi flinched at the harshness of her tone. She'd fought guys three times her size, but there was no hurt like the kind Caitlyn could inflict on her.
"Powder told you right?" She stood straighter. "You're a talented artist Vi, you're good at what you do. I've watched you for so long. I wish I could be like you and Powder- strong. You do what makes you happy, your father supports you." Caitlyn looked down at her shoes, they were soaked.
"I don't understand," Vi hated the way the words came out meek and timid. "You have a life ahead of you, you graduated, Caitlyn. Do what makes you happy, but.. What's in Ionia that you can't find here?" 'With me.' The words fell short.
Caitlyn looked up at her, it seemed like her entire being sparkled with anticipation. She spoke one determined word. "Freedom," She spoke like she saw the future ahead of her. Like Janna herself laid the path she follows.
"You have freedom!"
"I have money!" The word rang bitter between them. The rift between them growing wider. Caitlyn sucked her teeth, she looked off somewhere that wasn't Vi. "Look just... don't tell my parents, alright?"
"Your parents don't know?" Rain fell harder, it was like they'd be swept away by the storm brewing above them.
Caitlyn scoffed, her grin nasty and taunting. "Of course they don't know, don't be preposterous." Caitlyn threw her suitcase over top the gate. It landed next to Vi, then dropped onto its side. "If you tell them, I'll never forgive you, Lane."
"What are you doing?"
She began hoisting herself up, her grip slick with rain, but she still managed. "I'm leaving." She grunted with another heave. "I can't stand here arguing with you forever, can I?"
'I wish you would.' Vi stepped aside as she dropped down the other side of the gate. Her hand instinctively outstretched to catch her when she missed her footing.
Caitlyn yelped and fell back into Vi's arms. She blinked up at Vi, her facade cracking as they stare into each other. Vi's breath caught. She's cried all the tears she could, so Caitlyn cried for the both of them. It's like that gate was the only thing protecting them from each other. Caitlyn's resolve was cracking by the second, Vi could see that. Despite Caitlyn's expertly crafted walls - much better than hers - she'd left a hole, one meant only for Vi, one that wasn't too hard to get through.
"Thirty minutes." She whispered, a hand moving to caress Vi's cheek. The warmth lost to the biting cold.
"What?" Vi whispered back, dazed. Her hold on Caitlyn tightening with the added affection.
"The security goes on break for thirty minutes. It's been twenty. In about two minutes Mel Medarda is going to pull up and take me to the airport where I'll leave for six years." Caitlyn explains. Whatever was happening right now, Vi wanted it to last forever. Caitlyn's eyes almost glowed as the streetlamp illuminated her face.
Vi furrowed her brows, she lifted Caitlyn onto her feet. They didn't break their connection. Vi still held Caitlyn tightly by the waist and Caitlyn still ran her finger tenderly across Vi's cheek, taking in every bruise, scar, and crease on her face. "Six years?" She repeated, dragging a mindless thumb over her hip.
"When I get back, if you're still here, I'll tell you exactly what I wish I could've done in this moment. I'll tell you exactly what I wish I could've done every moment before this moment. I'll find you in six years, I can promise that."
A car horn honked before Vi could answer.
Caitlyn took a long breath, it was as if she was taking all of Vi in one last time. She leaned up and kissed Vi's cheek. "I'll miss you. I hope you'll miss me. But I hope you'll live. I hope you'll enjoy every ounce of freedom you have, Vi. Finish school like you promised. Don't get into anymore trouble. Make friends, fall in love, and when we meet again, I want to hear all about it."
"Caitlyn, I-" Turns out you don't run out of tears, you just forget to keep crying. She chokes on the sobs building up in her throat. "Fuck off, you're such an asshole. You're selfish, and mean as shit, you act like a goody-two-fucking-shoes, but you're not. You're an absolute ass." A sob wracked her body, she dipped her head down to hide her face but Caitlyn only leaned over to see her.
She smiled, wrapping Vi in a tight hug, one that you don't forget so easily. One with all the emotions words cant express. Caitlyn buried her face in Vi's shoulder, "Glad you finally noticed, idiot." She murmured, but Vi understood every word as it vibrated through her body. "Don't cry over spilt milk, I'm a bastard. You should tell me to sod off."
They both laughed through their tears and the rain slowed down if only a bit. "You're such a fuckin' Piltie." Vi returned the hug, their bodies sopping together, disgustingly wet and cold. She tried to restrain herself or else they'd be hugging till their arms fell off.
Caitlyn was the first to pull away. Vi let her.
Mel honked again, and when the two turned she pointed to the non existent watch on her wrist. "Looks like your taxi driver is pretty pissed."
They laughed, "She'd kill you if she heard you say that. You're so-"
Vi reached out and cupped Caitlyn's chin, she dragged her toward her. Their lips a couple centimeters apart. "Six years, right?"
Caitlyn's breath caught, "Vi-" She breathed out, they were so close, Vi could almost taste her. Caitlyn closed her eyes, preparing.
Vi thought for a long moment. She thought about closing the distance and having everything she's ever wanted for a moment before losing it. She sighed. They separated, Caitlyn clearly left high and dry as she cracked a weary eye open. "Six years, for you to regret that moment." Vi slowly licked the patter of raindrops off her lips.
"You really are a-" The car horn beeped longer this time. Mel was getting incredibly impatient. Caitlyn turned around and shot her a glare which was returned with a shrug. Vi began the walk back home. She was sure this would all hit her harder once she'd showered and finally let it all sink in, but right now she had the strength to leave, just like Caitlyn, so she would.
"Vi!" Caitlyn called from the gate.
Vi paused and turned slightly. She would be able to turn back around if she fully faced Caitlyn.
"I love you!" She paused, "and I'm sorry, but I want you to love me too, for the next six years you have to remember that. I know its selfish, It's more selfish than anything I've ever asked before. I know. But, I need you to love me too."
'Gods, this woman is impossible. How does she expect anyone to leave her when she's like this.' Vi spun around and smiled, she yelled back, "For the next six years, I'll be in love with Caitlyn Kiramman. I'll date other people, I'll probably regret a lot. I'll think of you everyday. I'll look for you in everyone I meet. But, I'll be in love with you. Maddeningly in love."
They both looked at one another for a long while. Finally, Mel rolled down her window. "Caitlyn! Get your ass in this car or I'm diving back home and going the fuck to bed! Gods, no one cares that you're gay!"
They laughed, then cried, and then Vi Lane's first love was gone.