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Eddie shows up late to Chim and Maddie’s house, with a cheese and meat platter Adriana and Sophia talked him through making over facetime. Adriana kept insisting that it’s called a charcuterie board, but they both laughed at Eddie every time he tried to pronounce it, so he’s sticking with cheese and meat platter so he doesn’t embarrass himself. It’s even got grapes on it.
Chris is apparently the most popular kid on planet earth since coming home from Texas so he’s got a sleepover with a couple of school friends tonight, and seeing as they’re still working on rebuilding trust between them, Eddie isn’t even allowed to text him until tomorrow morning. That leaves Eddie free to drink and eat as much as he wants, while probably losing at every single game they decide to play. He loves game night, truly. He’s just absolutely awful at it.
“Finally,” Chimney grumbles as he opens the door. “We’ve been waiting for-“
“-I was making this,” Eddie interrupts, holding up his platter.
Chim appraises it very carefully and then, with an almost-impressed expression on his face, he nods his head in appreciation. He steps back, holding the door open so Eddie can slip inside and kick his shoes off in the general direction of the shoe rack.
“You’re forgiven,” Chim says, as he takes the plate from Eddie and walks into the living room with it. “Diaz arrived with a charcuterie board!”
Eddie hears everyone’s voices all start to talk at once, but there’s only one that he can focus on - only one that he can pick out as separate from all the rest. Though that’s not really a surprise anymore, not after seven years. He’d recognise Buck while blindfolded in a pitch black room. His voice is the one that can always break through the noise…the one that reaches Eddie, even when he’s spiralling.
After he hangs his jacket up in the hallway, Eddie follows Chim into the living room. His eyes find Buck instantly, without even meaning to look for him, and he can’t help but smile. But that smile slowly fades to something fainter - something more tame - when he sees Tommy sitting beside Buck on the floor. He’s got his nose buried in his phone, completely ignoring his boyfriend, and it pisses Eddie off to no end.
“Impressive skills, Eddie,” Maddie says, stealing his attention away as she nods at the platter Chim had set aside with the rest of their snacks and drinks for the evening. “Thank you.”
“Adriana and Sophia helped him make it,” Buck teases before Eddie even has time to respond.
“How the hell do you even know that?” Eddie asks with fond exasperation, as he takes a seat on the floor between Buck and Karen, who’s sitting on the couch beside Hen.
They’re all in a circle - some on the floor, some on the couch or chairs - around the coffee table, with a monopoly board set up in the middle of it. Great. Eddie sucks at all of the game night games, but monopoly is essentially his nemesis at this point. Eddie is the first out every single time, and that isn’t an exaggeration. Literally every single time.
“They texted me,” Buck replies with a shrug, grinning as he bumps his shoulder into Eddie’s.
Eddie can’t help but roll his eyes as he says, “I never should have let you become friends with them.”
It had happened a couple of months ago, when Eddie and Buck finally said fuck it and went to Texas to bring Christopher home. It took them less than a week to convince him coming back was the right choice, but Buck only needed a couple of hours to wrap Adriana and Sophia around his fingers.
They’ve been enamoured with Buck ever since, and yeah, okay, it’s not like Eddie can judge them - he gets how Buck can be. It’s like he’s got his very own magnetic force that just draws everybody into him. And Eddie actually kind of likes how seamlessly Buck slotted into the dynamic that Eddie has with his sisters. He just wishes they wouldn’t gang up on him so often.
“You talk to Eddie’s sisters?” Tommy asks, with a peculiar kind of smile on his face. The question sounds loaded.
“Oh, we have a group chat,” Buck explains, still grinning.
“Eddie’s abuela has all but adopted Buck, too,” Hen points out as she sips on her glass of wine.
Buck nods, but the expression on Tommy’s face is not a happy one. He looks like he’s just smelled something bad - like the thought of Buck being friends with Eddie’s sisters is somehow a problem.
It raises Eddie’s hackles. Makes him feel like he needs to defend, though he’s not quite sure what the threat is. Maybe it’s nothing…maybe it’s just Eddie being painfully, infuriatingly jealous. He’s noticed that a lot lately, since he and Frank managed to clear out the rubble that had been blocking Eddie’s closet door. The way that he feels jealous when Tommy takes too much of Buck’s time. The way he feels enraged whenever he sees Buck laughing at something Tommy said. Or, worse, the absolute fury that floods through his veins whenever he sees Tommy treating Buck wrong.
Eddie has a habit of finding a way to criticise anything and everything that Tommy does nowadays. And he’d find a way to do it no matter what - Eddie’s a hater like that, according to Karen - but god, Tommy doesn’t have to make it so easy for him. He could at least try to be a decent boyfriend to Buck. He could at least pretend to fucking care about the greatest thing that has ever, and will ever, happen to him.
“Interesting,” Tommy says, but doesn’t elaborate.
Instead he places his hand on Buck’s thigh and squeezes, like he’s claiming him. Like he’s trying to prove ownership, or something equally ridiculous.
“Okay,” Maddie says, clapping her hands together so everyone pays attention. “Monopoly.”
Eddie groans, and Buck laughs at him, and everyone starts to argue over what piece they’re being tonight.
“I’m being the hat!” Chim calls out, snatching it up before anyone else gets the chance to.
“I wanna be the dog,” Ravi insists, and Hen places it into the palm of his hand.
Eddie gets given the race car, and he doesn’t complain because he truly does not care. He’s going to lose anyway, even with Buck insisting on being the banker. He’s tried to help Eddie win before, and even with Buck’s math genius brain (and secretly slipping him extra cash) Eddie still found a way to lose. So.
Tonight is, unsurprisingly, no exception. Eddie is the first one to go bankrupt, and he flips backwards onto the floor with a pained groan as everyone mocks him. Buck pokes him in the stomach until Eddie is all but giggling like a kid with a crush, forcing him to sit back up and watch everyone else continue to play.
When Karen is eventually crowned the winner, again, everyone is already pleasantly buzzed.
Eddie’s charcupe-charchure-his meat and cheese platter went down a treat, and the alcohol is flowing, and honestly? Eddie is having a great fucking time. Because Buck’s thigh is pressed right against his, and Eddie feels warm and fuzzy in all the places that they’re touching, and it doesn’t even matter that Tommy is sitting on the other side of Buck. Not when Buck still leans in to Eddie to joke with him, or when their eyes catch and his smile feels like a ray of sunlight.
They move onto Jenga next, which Eddie is considerably better at. It’s Tommy who topples the tower first, and while Eddie doesn’t show it, he does feel a smug sense of satisfaction over the fact. Then Ravi makes it fall, then Maddie, and it’s when Hen sends it tumbling for the fourth time that they finally decide to call it quits. Games that require balance and precision are not ideal when everyone playing is at least halfway on their way to being drunk.
“Let’s play truth or dare,” Ravi suggests, like the infant that he still is.
“Yes!” Buck instantly agrees. He leans forward, slapping his hands onto the coffee table in excitement.
And suddenly Eddie doesn’t think it’s such a bad idea anymore. In fact, he’s all for truth or dare actually. If he had to choose, he’d probably say it was his favourite game.
Everyone else agrees with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Tommy tries to back out of it, insisting it’s a kids game. Eddie wants to ask if it had even been invented when Tommy was a kid, but he doesn’t. He manages to hold his tongue, and he’s quite proud of himself for the level of restraint he shows given how much he’s had to drink already. And then Buck is tugging on Tommy’s hand, begging him to join in, and Tommy rolls his eyes but eventually acquiesces.
“Okay, I’ll go first. Ravi, truth or dare?” Eddie asks. And then, without giving him time to answer, continues. “Truth, you say? Okay. Who ate my lemon yoghurt last shift?”
He knows it was the kid, Buck already snitched on him, but Eddie wants to see him squirm. Hen laughs, and Chim taps Ravi on the back of the head as he swallows nervously.
“Okay, look, I forgot my carrot sticks and-”
“I knew it!”
“I’m sorry, okay? I’ll buy you more,” Ravi promises.
But then Eddie laughs, and Buck does too, and Ravi realises that Eddie is just fucking around with him. The 118 are long past labelling their food at this point - it’s kind of just a free for all. Half the time everyone brings in extra anyway. They look out for each other like that.
“Okay, me next,” Maddie says. “Karen, I dare you to text your shitty new coworker that you need to ‘have a talk’ on monday.”
Karen’s eyes light up deviously as she says, “Oh, you’re on.”
They all know about Karen’s new coworker. Some middle aged white guy who is quite literally her subordinate, but somehow thinks he knows better than she does. Everyone very adamantly agrees with Maddie’s dare, and they all lean together, cackling as Karen drafts a very professional - yet very anxiety-inducing - text.
They go on similarly for a while. Chimney has to drink a cocktail of every alcohol they have on hand, Tommy has to share the story of his embarrassing first kiss, Maddie has to admit the last time she lied - to Chim, when he asked if she enjoyed the paella he made - Hen confesses that she tried weed once when she was in college, and Eddie has to perform the Friends theme song at the top of his lungs while balancing on one foot.
It would have been horrible if it weren’t for the fact that Buck holds his hand all the way through, so he doesn’t fall over.
It’s a mixture of funny, and ridiculous, and childish, and everyone is laughing so hard that they’re doubled over. Karen wipes tears from her eyes, and Ravi rushes to the bathroom so he doesn’t wet himself, and Tommy, well. Tommy sits there glaring at the way Buck’s hand is tangled with Eddie’s. And even though he desperately wants to keep holding onto him, Eddie lets go as soon as he’s seated.
“Buck!” Hen calls out, far too enthusiastically for this to be a good idea. “I dare you to…kiss the prettiest person in the room!”
Eddie immediately turns to look at Buck - at the way a delicate smile tugs at the corners of his lips, and his cheeks flush so pink that they match his birthmark. It makes Eddie want to throw up. Because Buck is beautiful, and sweet, and good, and Eddie doesn’t want to watch this happen. He doesn’t want to watch Buck lean over and kiss Tommy, because he thinks it might just rip his heart out. Here, around people who are safe, with far too much alcohol in his system, Eddie’s not sure he’d be able to hide the hurt. Everyone in this room will hear the sound of his heart as it breaks into pieces.
But then - unbelievably, impossibly - Buck turns towards Eddie.
His cheeks are pink, and Eddie knows he’s had a lot to drink, but Buck’s eyes are crystal clear as he leans in. They’re big, and bright, and blue, and Eddie would happily drown in them. Buck has never looked as beautiful as he does right now. His gaze flickers down to Eddie’s mouth as he licks his lips, then his hand is reaching up to curl around the back of Eddie’s head and he strokes his fingers through his hair.
The whole world falls away as Buck closes the distance between them and kisses Eddie.
It doesn’t matter that Tommy is there, or that all of their friends are watching them, or that this is an absolutely terrible idea. Nothing matters except for the soft press of Buck’s lips against his own, and the scratch of his fingers against Eddie’s scalp, and the sweet, breathless noise that Buck makes as Eddie swipes his tongue across his bottom lip. Nothing matters except for them, together, in this very moment.
And then Buck pulls away, and the world rushes back in, and nothing's the same as it was before. Nothing ever will be again.
Buck looks dazed for half a second as his eyes flutter open, and then he sees the way Eddie is looking at him - hears the deafening silence that surrounds them - and suddenly his flushed cheeks lose all their colour. His kissed-pink mouth drops open, like he’s shocked at his own actions, and his head spins around to look at Tommy. His boyfriend. And Eddie feels sick.
Tommy is watching Buck with a look of disgust, and disbelief, and complete and utter rage. “Unbelievable,” he scoffs. And then he’s standing up, stepping over Buck, and storming out of the house.
For a minute there’s nothing but awkward, echoing silence, and then Buck is scrambling to his feet.
“Tommy!” He calls out, as he chases after him.
Eddie waits until he hears the door open and then slam closed, before he even dares to face his friends. He can’t avoid them forever, so he eventually turns to look at them, and for one very painful moment they all just kind of stare at him. Then, almost in sync, everyone stands up and starts tidying away. Making idle small talk, chatting about anything and everything except for the disaster that just unfolded right before their eyes.
Eddie feels frozen. He just got the one thing he’s always hoped for - just got to experience the thing that he’s spent months, maybe even years, dreaming of. Wishing he was worthy of. Then Buck ran out of the room and didn’t even glance back over his shoulder as he disappeared, along with the only thing that Eddie has ever truly wanted for himself. And he tries not to let himself spiral, tries to convince himself that he hasn’t just lost the best thing that’s happened to him since Christopher, but it’s a losing battle.
Eddie doesn’t move, and Buck doesn’t come back. He doesn’t say a single word until Maddie takes a seat beside him on the floor, her legs crossed beneath her and a mug of tea cupped between both hands. When Eddie looks around the room, he realises it’s already empty.
“How are you holding up?” She asks.
“Is there any chance this is just a very elaborate, very embarrassing dream that I’m going to wake up from any minute now?”
She smiles sadly as she says, “I’m afraid not.”
Eddie sighs, a loud, shuddering thing, as he squeezes his eyes closed and pinches the bridge of his nose. He feels Maddie’s hand rest on his forearm, and it’s still warm from holding her mug of tea. The gesture is kind, and generous, and it reminds Eddie of the way that Buck would sit and gossip with Sophia and Adriana while they were in Texas. It feels like family.
Eddie can’t help but think that Tommy will never have this. He’ll never know Maddie like Eddie does. He’ll never really fit in with Hen and Karen, or Chim, or Ravi, or Bobby and Athena. He’s not part of their family, and he never will be. Not really. He’ll always be on the outskirts, either because he doesn’t care enough to get involved or because everyone else keeps him at arms lengths.
And even if he forgives Buck for kissing Eddie - for thinking he was the prettiest person in the room - he’ll always remember that Eddie got to taste him, too. He’ll never have Buck in the way that Eddie has him. He’ll never mean as much to Buck as Eddie knows that he and Chris do.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Maddie tells him.
“You think so?”
She nods. “You and Buck are always okay.”
The soft way she’s looking at him makes Eddie feel far too seen. Makes him feel like she’s looking right through to the beating heart of him. The heart that has her brother's name carved into every inch of it.
“You know, don’t you?” Eddie asks, even though he already knows the answer.
“Yeah, Eddie. I know.”
He thinks she’s probably known for a long time now. He’s had enough wine nights with Maddie, Hen, and Karen. He gets loose lips after a couple of glasses, and while he knows he’s never outright said it, he figures he’s been far too transparent. None of them have ever called him out on it though, which is how he knows how much they love him. That, or they think he’s pathetic enough already without making him talk about his feelings.
“I know he’s got Tommy, but-”
“-he just kissed you in front of a room full of people. In front of Tommy,” she reminds him, as if he could ever forget. “I don’t think you have to worry about him.”
But Eddie isn’t so sure. Buck could have stayed - he could have talked to Eddie about this. Instead he ran after Tommy without giving Eddie a second glance. And now it feels like everything is slipping through his fingers.
It’s barely eight in the morning when someone knocks on Eddie’s front door.
He’s shirtless, wearing just a pair of loose sweatpants as he sips on his first coffee of the morning. Chris hasn’t replied to his text yet - is probably still fast asleep - so Eddie was just planning on having an easy morning to recover from last night. His head is killing him, and his heart is hurting even worse, and he honestly, truly wishes he could go back in time and simply bail on last night. It would save him a whole world of pain.
The knock sounds again, and Eddie audibly groans even though no one is around to hear it. His entire life is crumbling around him - is it too much to ask that he gets one goddamn morning of peace?
He leaves his coffee on the kitchen table, rubbing at his sleepy eyes as he shuffles over to the front door, and he’s surprised when he opens it to see Buck standing there. It’s cool out this morning, so he has the sleeves of his hoodie pulled down over his hands as he waits, rocking from side to side like he’s nervous. He smiles at Eddie when he sees him, but it’s shy and muted, and nothing like the smiles he usually gets from Buck.
“Did you lose your key?” Eddie asks.
Buck frowns. “What? No, why?”
“Then why did you knock?”
“Oh, uh,” Buck stutters, shoving his hands in his pockets as his eyes flit down to Eddie’s bare chest, then back up to his eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want me walking in uninvited.”
Eddie rolls his eyes at the complete ridiculousness of Buck’s statement. As if there’s any situation, any time, any world, where Buck wouldn’t be welcome in Eddie’s home. In his life. He steps back, holding the door open enough for Buck to slip inside, and then he closes it behind them.
He doesn’t turn to see if Buck is following him, he just heads straight back to the kitchen - to his cup of coffee - and waits for Buck. He appears in the doorway seconds later, a sheepish look on his face as he leans back against the counter across from Eddie.
“Sorry that it’s so early,” Buck says.
“I don’t mind. I was already awake.”
Buck nods, then scratches the back of his neck. It’s a nervous habit of his, and Eddie can’t help but smile at the familiar gesture. It makes him want to reach for him - makes him want to tangle his own hands in Buck’s curls and kiss him. Properly this time. Not for a dare, not with an audience, certainly not in front of his boyfriend. He just wants to kiss, and kiss, and kiss him, until nothing else exists but them.
“I think I owe you an apology.”
Eddie instantly shakes his head. “No. No, of course you don’t.”
“I do,” Buck argues. “I shouldn’t have done that. It was stupid, and messy, and I don’t ever want to ruin us-”
“-stop,” Eddie silences him. “There’s nothing you could ever do to ruin us.”
Buck lets out a bark of laughter as he says, “I kissed you.”
This is the moment where Eddie could brush it all off. He could laugh, and they could blame it on the drink, and everything would go back to normal. Eddie wouldn’t have to open himself up to heartbreak, and Buck wouldn’t have to face his mistakes; they could just pretend that nothing ever happened.
But Eddie has spent his whole life pretending. Pretending he feels less so he doesn’t feel everything. He’s been hiding the truth of himself so deep down inside that there were parts of him he’d forgotten even existed. He doesn’t want to do that anymore - doesn’t want to hide how he feels, or pretend he isn’t totally, completely in love with Buck.
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “And I kissed you back.”
Buck looks from his eyes, to his mouth, to his bare chest, and then back again. “I broke up with Tommy,” he says. “Or, he broke up with me? Or - or maybe it was mutual? Either way…we’re done.”
Eddie can feel his pulse in his fingertips. He can taste his heartbeat in the back of his throat. He wants, and wants, and wants, and Buck is looking at him - smiling at him - like maybe he can finally have.
“Why?” Eddie asks, because he needs to hear the answer. He needs to hear the words from Buck’s mouh.
Buck steps forwards, reaching out to take hold of Eddie’s hands. He tangles their fingers together, moves into Eddie’s space like he’s found a home there, and rests his forehead on Eddie’s. He can feel Buck’s breath on his lips - can feel the way he’s trembling beneath his hands - and Eddie is so filled with love that his bones ache with it.
“Because it’s you,” Buck whispers. “It’s always been you.”
And Eddie can’t bear to have even a milimetre of space between them. He leans forward and claims Buck’s lips in the way he wanted to last night. He licks into his mouth, sucks at his tongue, bites his lower lip until Buck is mewling - until he’s pressing impossibly closer, grasping at Eddie’s bare skin like his life depends on it. Like he’s never wanted anything more than he wants this.
“I love you,” Eddie pants into his mouth, because he’s done holding all of this love inside of him when he can pour it into Buck instead.
Buck almost sobs, burying his face into Eddie’s neck as he mouths at his skin and murmurs, “I love you, too. So much. So much, Eddie.”
“Baby,” Eddie whispers.
He cradles Buck’s face between his hands and tilts it upwards so he can kiss him again, long, and slow, and deep. Buck shudders beneath his hands, all sweet and pliant and his. Eddie’s.
It’s as if there’s magic crackling in the space between them - as if the whole universe has narrowed down to the places where their bodies are touching.
Nothing in the world has ever felt as right as this. As Buck and Eddie, together, exactly where they always should have been. Exactly where they belong. And Eddie doesn’t think he believes in god anymore - religion has denied him too much, for too long - but if god is real, if god did make Eddie, then he made him for this. He made him for Buck. He made them for each other, like two halves of a whole person. One heart beating inside two bodies.
“So…you think I’m pretty?” Eddie teases.
Buck laughs, shoving playfully at his shoulder. “Fuck off.”
Then Buck leans their foreheads together again, and they’re both breathless and panting, and fizzing with too many feelings - too much love. And Eddie never wants to feel less than this ever again.