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“I’m watching you.”
The words were chilling enough on their own, but they were delivered in a particularly disturbing way. Rather than being written out, they were comprised of printed letters that appeared to be cut from the Daily Prophet and secured onto a piece of parchment. It had been delivered by one of the school owls, which anyone had access to, meaning it was completely anonymous.
As Remus Lupin looked at the damning roll of parchment, his first instinct was to think it was likely Snape. It was no secret that the wizard hated him with a burning passion, and was dedicated to exposing his furry little problem to the world.
It wasn’t like him to put such things in writing, though, and Remus hardly needed the reminder that Snape was constantly glaring at him. Remus hazarded a glance towards the Slytherin table and, yes, as usual, Snape was watching him with narrowed eyes.
He shuddered and returned to the parchment.
“What’s that?” Sirius asked, plucking it from Remus’s hand and frowning, “You look like you’ve seen a boggart.”
“This might be my new boggart,” Remus quipped back, trying for a laugh and not quite making it.
Sirius read the note, his brows furrowing, and nodded slowly, “I see what you mean… Any idea who sent it?”
Remus shook his head. The note was passed along to most of the seventh year Gryffindors. James was disturbed. Peter gave a frightened squeak. Lily glowered. Mary flinched. Marlene growled.
None of them had the slightest idea of who the hell would be sending such a thing.
“Might just be an attempt at a prank,” James offered, ever the optimist.
“What you prats would consider a prank,” Lily scoffed, rolling her eyes, “That’s creepy, and Remus doesn’t deserve it.”
“Thanks, Lil,” Remus mumbled, taking the parchment back and placing it carefully in his bag, “Hopefully it’s just someone having a laugh.”
“Try not to let it get to you,” Mary said, though her eyes were full of concern.
—
Remus ‘tried not to let it get to him’ for about half of one Charms lesson. But when you were a young werewolf at Hogwarts, it was difficult to be trusting.
There was already at least one person dedicated to revealing Remus’s secret to the school, if not the entire magical world - now it looked like there might be two.
They were watching him.
What did that mean?
Remus spent random bouts of time in the Hospital Wing to try and belay suspicion about his condition, but had they noticed that he was always a little bit worse near the full moons? Did they mean they’d watched him get snuck off to the Whomping Willow?
By the time classes were finished for the day, Remus had bitten his fingernails down to nubs.
The Marauders holed up in their dorm to try and get Remus calmed down. Peter grabbed a basket of food from the kitchens and they all settled in.
“I really think it’s just a prank,” James said, taking the message and frowning at it, “I mean, it’s not even terribly well done, is it? Anyone could have done this.”
“What if-” Remus began, cutting himself off. He was pacing anxiously, yanking at his hair, “What if it’s someone else who’s- who’s figured out what I am?!”
“Sorry, Moons, but I think the cat’s out of the bag on you being a massive nerd,” Sirius said with a snort of laughter, clapping Remus on the back.
Peter and James exchanged a nervous glance and Remus scowled. He didn’t appreciate the blasé attitude that Sirius had about his lycanthropy.
“Listen, Moony,” James said, “It’s one letter, okay? You’ll probably never hear from this person again. If you do, we’ll figure it out.”
Remus sucked in a breath and nodded.
“C’mon,” Peter said fondly, holding up a pastry, “They had the steak and kidney pies you like.”
—
“I’ve memorized your scars”
The second message arrived a few days later and was no less unnerving than the first.
Once again, it was passed around the table. The girls grumbled and the boys tried to downplay it and Remus grimaced and ran a self conscious finger over the scar that cut across his nose.
“It’s alright,” James told him in a low voice as they made their way to Transfiguration, “Everyone who looks at you knows about your scars. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Remus grimaced.
—
Twice over the next week, on seemingly random days, Remus would receive a letter from a school owl, comprised of vague messages cobbled together from cut up newspaper.
“be loyal to the nightmare”
“those who do not move, do not notice their chains.”
They made him uncomfortable and he was starting to dread breakfast because he didn’t know if he would get another. They were always delivered by a different school owl, and no one seemed to know anything about it. They caught Snape watching when Remus received them, but Snape was always watching Remus. It wasn’t clear if this was different.
A part of him was almost grateful for the full moon. It meant that he wasn’t going to be at the Great Hall for breakfast.
Sirius, James, and Peter helped patch him together after he’d transformed back and before Madam Pomfrey came to collect him. They reported that Moony was more agitated than usual, they had to stay deep in the forest. Remus was apologetic for this, but also unsurprised. He was on edge and anxious from the mystery notes.
After his friends left, he dozed in a cordoned off hospital bed. When he woke up, there was the usual handful of chocolates and candies from his friends on the table next to him. And, on top of them, an envelope.
Remus froze. He swallowed thickly and reached out with a tremulous hand. He opened it. Inside was yet another piece of parchment with newsprint cut and pasted on it.
“I want your ugly, I want your disease”
Remus nearly threw up. He shoved it to the side and curled up, clenching the pillow to his chest and burying his face in it.
—
He told the Marauders about the letter he got in the Hospital Wing. The timing and reference to his disease were damning. The insult hurt as well, although Sirius tried to make some jokes to lighten it up. It didn’t work.
The Marauders began trying to figure out how to tell who was sending the letters.
They tried watching who was using the owlery on the Marauder’s Map, but too much of the school used it every day. They poured over books in the library, trying to find a way to work the identification charms from the map to recognize a sender.
A few days after he was let out of the Hospital Wing, he received yet another letter.
“I want your flesh, your skin and blood, your voice, your thoughts, your pulse”
“Creepy,” Peter said, cringing. Remus agreed with him.
It was slow going, but they were making progress. Which was good, because the letters were getting more frightening.
“the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams”
“It talks about the moon, see!” Remus hissed to James after they received the last one.
“Okay… okay,” James said uneasily, “That… isn’t a good sign…”
Remus gave him a despairing look.
—
“And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.”
“They’re getting wordy, whoever they are,” Sirius grunted at the most recent anonymous message.
“It's still violent, though,” Remus muttered. He wasn't trying to make sense of them anymore. All he knew was that they were frightening. He kept getting the feeling of being watched, too. He could swear the Slytherins were talking about him more than they used to.
“Hang on,” Mary said sharply, grabbing it. She narrowed her eyes, “I’m sure I’ve read that before…” she showed it to Lily who shook her head.
“I’m sure I have…” Mary muttered to herself, glaring at it. She turned to Remus, “Can I keep this?”
“Ehm-” Remus said, feeling a strange possessiveness over it, “How about I write down what it says?”
He pulled out a spare bit of parchment and a quill and copied it down before passing it on to Mary.
“Thanks, by the way, anything you could find would be helpful,” Remus said.
“Of course,” Mary said, frowning as she read over his handwriting.
—
A week later and there hadn’t been another letter. Remus was almost starting to relax, hoping that whoever had been up to it had gotten bored and stopped. Remus had a good poker face. While he was panicking over them privately, in public no one knew they were bothering him. Whoever was sending them had hopefully moved on.
He made his way to muggle studies with Peter. Not many people took the class, but Remus appreciated the fairly easy ‘O’ because he’d been raised partly in the muggle world thanks to his mother.
“You alright, Remus?” Peter asked as they walked into the classroom, “You look a bit peaky.”
Remus grimaced. It had come on suddenly. He felt a bit woozy. There was an odd smell in the air. He wrinkled his nose, “Probably just stress.”
“Lupin!” squealed Gwendolyn Bones, a Hufflepuff girl in the class. She and her friends turned and all giggled, and he realized that there was a gaggle of students standing around one of the desks.
Remus and Peter exchanged a look and walked forward. The group parted to allow him to see. Remus realized why he was feeling so ill.
On the table was a card with the chilling newsprint that read ‘these violent delights have violent ends’. Behind it was a bouquet of flowers: wolfsbane and some silver flower that he didn’t recognize.
Wolfsbane. No wonder he felt so ill. If he breathed in too much, it could put him in the hospital wing.
Remus turned and walked out of the room, bolting back to Gryffindor Tower.
—
After the flowers, the Marauders hunkered down. They spent every night in the Restricted Section, under the Invisibility Cloak. They finally had a breakthrough. They were able to incorporate the same magic that the map used to identify who had sealed a letter. They practiced it a few times on their own mail. Remus’s letters were sealed by his mother, James had some from both his mother and his father, Peter had a few from cousins.
“Alright, Moons,” Sirius said, holding up the envelope from the first letter, which Remus had been sticking all of the letters in, “Ready?”
Remus shook his head. No, in truth, he wasn’t ready to find out. It always hurt, finding out that someone hated him.
The best case scenario was that these were the actions of Snape. Remus knew how to handle Snape hating him. There were a few other Slytherins he suspected as well, a Ravenclaw or two.
“Get it over with,” he said darkly and his friends nodded.
Sirius murmured the incantation they’d invented, practicing the precise wand movement with a level of attention that their professors rarely seen from him. Two words slowly appeared on the map:
‘Regulus Black’
“What the hell?!” Sirius snarled, “This is the lowest thing that spoiled brat has ever done…”
James and Peter noted their agreement and joined in with their disdain.
Remus felt numb. He stared at the words. ‘Regulus Black’
It was one of the last people he would have thought. They weren’t– they weren’t friends or anything. Not really. Regulus had been made a prefect that year and Remus had offered to help if he ever needed it, and Regulus had taken him up on that. They’d shared prefect duty a few times. Evenings spent strolling the halls, dealing with students up past curfew. The conversations had been pleasant.
He had thought—
He hadn’t thought anything.
He ran his fingers over the ink and tried to make peace with it.
“I’ll talk to him,” Sirius snarled, “Make sure he leaves you alone.”
Before Remus could process what his friend had said, Sirius had grabbed the map, cursing under his breath, and stormed out of the dormitory.
“Padfoot’ll take care of it,” James said, hugging Remus. His Quidditch-honed muscles were strong and comforting.
“Yeah,” Remus agreed, feeling hollow.
—
It wasn’t long before Sirius came back, looking grim and reporting that he’d told Regulus that they knew about the letters and that he needed to leave Remus the hell alone.
“I caught him on the way back from the owlery,” he said darkly, “You’ll get another message tomorrow, Moony. After that, it’s done.”
“We can ask McGonagall to make sure you’re not put on prefect duty with him again,” Peter offered gently, and Remus felt like cold water had been dumped on him as he realized that he would never again be able to spend an evening trading sharp quips with the younger wizard.
“I– I think I’ll go to bed, alright?” Remus said.
“Moony–” Sirius said, looking concerned.
“Of course,” James said, cutting him off, “We’re here for you if you change your mind, okay? Even if it’s the middle of the night, wake us up if you need anything.”
Remus tried to give his friends an appreciative smile.
—
“He's a wolf in disguise
But I can't stop staring in those evil eyes”
As Sirius had said, there was one last letter. It was the worst one yet. Remus wanted to throw up when he read the message. Tears pricked his eyes. Not only was it confirmation that Regulus knew about his lycanthropy- it also made it clear what Regulus thought of him.
He had no intention of showing anyone this note, but Lily was sat next to him and he took too long staring at it, so she was able to read over his shoulder.
“Wait- that’s Lady Gaga,” Lily said, her eyes going wide, “I know that song!”
“Lady what now?” James asked, looking at the redhead in confusion.
Marlene leaned over, “Oh, you’re right! That's that muggle singer you two brought in records of!” she gasped, then laughed and started singing, “I asked my girlfriend if she'd seen you round before, She mumbled something while we got down on the floor baby…”
“It’s a song?” Remus asked, looking between them in confusion, “What- what is it about?”
“Ehm,” Lily started, “It’s about this guy who, ehm, the singer isn’t sure if he’s good for her or not. She’s really into him, though, and she’s not sure if it’s a good idea?”
Marlene nodded, “She goes home with him, but maybe she shouldn’t have.”
“She… goes home with him…” Remus repeated, staring at the text.
“Oh…” James murmured.
“Oh, fuck,” Sirius muttered, burying his face in his hands.
“Remus!” Mary called down the table, running towards them, “I found it last night! The poem!”
Remus looked at her. The witch was waving a book as she rushed towards them. He felt nauseous and his heart was pounding.
“It’s by a muggle, Matthew Arnold,” Mary continued excitedly, “It’s believed it was written on his honeymoon.”
“His honeymoon?” Remus asked helplessly, looking on with a feeling of mounting horror as Mary opened the book to the relevant poem.
“The lines were the last ones of the poem,” she explained, pointing to it. The final three lines were part of a stanza that began ‘Ah, love, let us be true to one another!’
“Oh, god…” Remus muttered, covering his mouth with his hand, his stomach churning, “Oh my god…”
“Mary!” Lily called, holding up the latest message, “Look at this one!”
Mary took it and, as Lily and Marlene had, her face lit up with recognition, “Ohmygosh, I know this song!”
“What about the others?” Remus asked helplessly, “They could be quotes as well…”
“They probably are,” Marlene agreed.
“Do you still have them? We'll look after classes today,” Lily offered.
Remus nodded, “Thanks…” he looked down at his breakfast - toast and bacon and eggs and mushrooms - and his stomach heaved on him.
“I… I think I'm going to see Madam Pomfrey…” he mumbled, shoving the plate away and standing up.
“It’ll be alright, Rem,” Lily told him kindly, “At least they probably aren't threats.”
“Yeah…” Remus agreed hollowly, avoiding looking at Sirius or James, who were sitting in uncharacteristically stony silence.
—
The day passed agonizingly slowly. Remus didn’t know what to think or feel. He had been so certain that they were damning, cruel notes attacking his lycanthropy.
Now he knew that one of them was from a poem from a man’s honeymoon, and one was from a song about getting together, and his palms were sweating as he wondered if he’d misread all the others.
Mary, Lily, and Marlene all joined the Marauders in their dormitory after classes were over. It was the first time that Lily had ever been in their dorm and James was looking overwhelmed to see her sitting on Remus’s bed. Thankfully he managed to act calm and didn’t make her uncomfortable.
They spread out all of the notes, which Remus had kept together.
The one from the Hospital Wing, about Remus being ugly and diseased, was another song from the same artist.
“Bad Romance!” Lily said excitedly.
“I want your everything as long as it's free, I want your love. Love, love, love, I want your love,” Mary and Marlene sang together.
The boys shared worried looks. Sirius sank into himself. He could be vicious to his brother. Remus wondered just how badly the conversation had gone yesterday.
Lily recognized that one was from Romeo and Juliet. Now that Remus was no longer panicking, he realized that the note about the moon was from ‘Annabel Lee’, a poem about ‘a love that was more than love’.
They couldn’t recognize all of them, but they now knew what most of them were from - and they were all romantic.
“These were love notes,” Lily murmured, looking over them.
“Weird way of going about it,” Mary said, grimacing.
“I think it fits,” Marlene said, laughing, “Remus would end up with a spooky suitor, wouldn’t he?”
Sirius made a pained noise, clearly feeling guilty for what he’d said to Regulus the night before.
Remus looked over the notes, trying to take in how badly he had misread the situation.
He needed to speak to Regulus.
—
Regulus was in the hallway, making his way back to the Slytherin Dungeons. He was flanked by Barty Crouch Jr and Evan Rosier, which was not uncommon.
As soon as he saw Remus coming towards him, his face soured.
“The stupid owl had left before Sirius talked to me,” Regulus spat at him,, “I couldn't get it back, don't worry you'll never hear from me again.”
He picked up speed and Remus kept after him.
“Regulus! Wait, please wait! I- I think there's been a misunderstanding!” Remus called after him, feeling helpless.
This resulted in two wands at his throat as both Barty and Evan reacted to his continuing to follow Regulus.
“Misunderstanding?” Regulus asked darkly, glaring at him, “Sirius was quite clear on your feelings, Lupin.”
“We thought you were threatening me!” Remus insisted.
“Just because it's me-” Regulus began.
“No!” Remus cut him off, batting the wands away and ducking around the two wizards who were watching him closely, “Before we knew it was you. I thought they were threats. I- I was really hurt when I realized you were the ones sending them.”
Regulus crossed his arms, looking unimpressed.
“I didn't recognize- I didn't understand the references- it came off as sinister,” Remus continued and Regulus just glowered at him.
“You used cut up newspaper!” Remus said, holding out the latest note.
Barty and Evan glanced at it.
“Gotta be honest, Reggie, that looks like a ransom note,” Barty said, the corners of his lips threatening to twitch up into a smirk.
“Sirius would have recognized my handwriting,” Regulus muttered.
“You, er, really scared me. And- what was with the flowers? Why… why those flowers?” Remus asked.
Regulus looked away and grumbled, “Barty wouldn't let me send roses and Severus said they were good flowers…”
“That was Snape's suggestion?” Remus asked, now understanding exactly what had happened.
“Reggie, c'mon, you know Sev hates Lupin and his gang,” Barty pointed out, snickering.
“He didn't know they were for him,” Regulus said, shoving him.
“He absolutely knew they were for me, Regulus,” Remus said.
Regulus paused and looked at Remus, “He - he used my gift to lash out at you?”
Remus nodded and Regulus seethed.
“You… really didn't know I'd be upset by those flowers?” Remus asked slowly.
Regulus shook his head, “You must think I'm a monster.”
It had been a very harrowing few weeks. Remus had been terrified and panicked and miserable. He wished that he’d recognized the references from the beginning. He wasn’t sure how he would have responded to that approach to a secret admirer, but it surely would have been better.
Remus shifted his weight nervously then smiled shyly at Regulus, “I happen to be quite fond of monsters.”
Regulus blushed.
His friends exchanged a look and Evan grabbed Barty’s arm, “We have things to do at the place, so we'll see you around Reggie.” With that subtle gesture, they both went on their way, leaving Remus and Regulus alone in the hallway.
“I… I really am sorry, for sending Sirius after you the way I did. I thought…” he shook hsi head.
“I understand,” Regulus said quietly, “I know a lot of people in my house have given you grief.”
“They really have,” Remus said with a wince, “I never thought you were like that… I was devastated when I thought you were.”
“Oh?” Regulus asked, “I… didn't think you ever paid me any attention…”
“I didn't think you'd want me to. You made your feelings about Sirius’s friends pretty obvious.”
Regulus pursed his lips and looked away.
“Once I knew what they were from, the quotes were beautiful,” Remus said.
“Thank you,” Regulus said, a small smile playing on his lips.
“This one, ehm, it seems like it was from something but I couldn't figure out what.”
“That's by Isobel Thrilling,” Regulus told him.
“I don't know that author.”
“I can lend you the book.”
“I'd like that,” Remus said. He bit his lip, “Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?”
“No.”
Remus blinked. He felt a sinking sensation in his stomach and wondered if the misunderstanding really had ruined his chances. Or maybe he was still misunderstanding what Regulus had meant.
“But there's an unused room on the second floor with a nice fireplace. We could read together there,” Regulus suggested.
Remus grinned, “That sounds perfect.”