Work Text:
If anyone would see Fionn right now, they struggle to differentiate between them and a corpse.
They were exhausted.
Not that they cared. Paperwork has been piling up rapidly over the first few weeks of being a captain, especially with the power imbalances being thrown off and the conflicts going down inside the team. It just made him forget that part of their job was to fill out fucking papers explaining why murdering terrorists was okay.
They looked through a few of the reports Aleks wrote in his time of being a captain and at the sticky notes and notebooks had to write down thoughts, and it seemed both of them were annoyed at the paperwork, Aleks's handwriting getting worse and more annoyed the longer the reports were.
But Aleks at least did them at the time, even if it seemed he did overnighter if they had to guess by the smudges of eye black on papers which Aleks fell asleep on. Fionn was behind by a week, maybe two at this point. The second he got into position, he was bombarded by work. All of Aleks's leftover work became his work and all the work with the reranking made this even worse.
They weren't allowed to take a break, everything was too much. If he took one now, they'd never get finished in time. Documents and files full of papers that are taunting him sit at the edge while he tries to finish the latest mission report, pushing away the things he doesn't want to bother with right now for later.
Elijah already came into the office to take a few files off of his hand, still a bit a cold to them. It made sense, of course, Fionn would be just as mad if Elijah faked his death and then returned expecting everyone to celebrate without a second thought. but it's nice that they still take some work off of them.
Winley also offered to take some of the pressure from him but he pushed her to go to bed instead. She was the only one who didn't seem to be angry at him whenever he opened his mouth. But he didn't want to take advantage of her support. He got himself into this mess, he should’ve known the higher-ups would fuck them over.
So now he sat there, 3:28 am in his office in Germany, going over fucking paperwork alone.
From their phone came a soft growling, some brown noise that is supposed to help you concentrate in these understimulating times, but really it just made him even more tired. They let out a groan after messing up to write the same word three times, throwing his head back and covering his face with their hands.
Not that would fix anything, his work still needs to be done even if he doesn't see it.
The groaning from their phone stopped and their phone lit up, a picture of Reed on his first day of school with Fionn kneeling next to him filling his screen. They tried to ignore the call at first, too busy to talk to the son they desperately wanted to hold because of paperwork. Reed was persistent though and after the fifth call, they decided that maybe, a tiny break would be okay.
“DAD!”
“Hey, birdie.”
“ You sound like shit.”
“Oh, the joys of having a teenage son. I'm doin’ great, thank you for askin’.” Reed laughs at the other end of line, he smiles at his son's voice. There was a certain void in their chest from not being able to see the kid at all time. It used to be easier when he was still stationed in the US, even when they were not a captain of the Wiedergänger they could see their boy more often. He can't even think of any room to sleep right now, how will they meet Reed-
“I'm better than Jonah! He called his mum bitch!”
“Language, Reed. You know we don't like when you talk like that.” The boy just giggled at him like a kid who was granted some candy. “How are you doing, my little birdie?”
“Better! we got our english exam back today and I got a B. Same in chemistry! And Jonah and I are going out to watch the movies tomorrow.” The bed creaked in the background as the boy threw himself on it, he mentally could hear his own dad tell the kid to stop doing that.
“That's great! I'm so proud of you, Reed.” His cheeks started to hurt a bit as he listened to his son going onto a rant about school. The kid always knew how to hype him up, how to make him feel better about things going on. Whenever he had issues with one of the others and he had time he would call him and listen to him talk about his newest interest, even if he didnt get them half the time.
"Hows Siobhán? Did it accept its new home?”
Siobhán was one of the too many cats Aleks found when they were over last time. The cat got attached to the family, rolling over and purring but suddenly turning very reluctant about accepting the family once they went back to Germany. Fionn had gotten very little updates about the little kitten, with it being dead and all, so he worried about how they were handling her.
Still, Reed tried to get the small black cat inside and used them again. Fionn had seen Alekss private phone get spammed by the young boy about how to get the cat to like him, a small tugging In their chest knowing that during fake death, he asked Aleks a lot more things that he didn't want to ask his Grandpa or brother and couldn't ask his dad, asking his uncle instead.
Something tugged at his heartstrings thinking about his boy during that time of their life.
He was around the same age when he lost his mum. It was heartbreaking to lose a parent at such a young age. it ruined him, in a way to not have his mum, so he can't imagine how his own kid felt, thinking he lost his dad. Knowing he lost his dad. They were head over heels when they finally got the call about the situation, understanding that Fionn had no fault in this.
But he still felt guilty over surviving it.
He felt guilty knowing that his family and friends might have just gotten to the point of acceptance only to rip a whole new emotion into them. How would he feel if one of them died only to return as if nothing happened? Everything and all happened, even if he won't really mention it, he knows nothing is as before.
But Reed didn't seem to know, or he at least didn't show that he knew nothing was the same. He was almost certain the teen knew something was up and wrong with his dad. The kid was probably aware of the problems going on between him and Aleks, surprisingly since he saw Aleks still interacting with the child like normally. And the teen was probably aware about just how bad his dad felt about leaving them behind, if the thousands of messages and packages he sent to show any appreciation were not loud enough.
But he acted unbothered by it. He told him about how Siobhán has been adjusting just fine and actually was sleeping next to him on the bed right now. They found out that the black kitten had some food allergy, quickly getting rid of any food containing it which made her like them so much more. Reed told him about all the other pets they have and how they have been doing before quieting a bit, purring heard at the other end from the black cat as response.
The cats on base stopped purring around him. Some even avoided his office altogether.
He tried not to think about it too hard right now, not when he has a family to finally report to after being a bit radio silent since he became the captain. “Want to give me poppa? We wanted to call but i'm so busy-”
“ Just say you don't love me.” He lets out a loud groan at his teens' behavior, eye twitching as Reed got up and yelled his dad’s name through the entire house. There were loud steps through the house as Reed sped down the stairs, a shout from their dad to be careful when Reed presumably jumped down the last few steps.
After some grumbling and moving around, their father was finally on the phone. “ Hello? Rowan Snow, Who's speakin’?” There was a certain anxiety in his voice and Fionn can tell it's most likely because of him. Because of the dreaded call Aleks made to warn his dad before they came up with the flag.
Gods, he hates his past self for letting it happen.
“Hey, dad.” he heard his dad gasp in delight and it made his heart bloom.
“ Hello, my little snowflake .” He melted into their seat at his father's voice, something so warm filling his chest. “ How are you holdin’ up kiddo? Everythin’ alright? ”
“Mmm maybe not alright, but better. Elijah and I talked, and Winley joined at some point. Lots of words, many, many words. But it's better now, so much better now. I… I haven't had time to talk with Aleks yet though. or Helena.” His dad hummed over the phone, there was some rustling like he was moving papers and then the creaking of the old chair in their living room that he used to love as a kid.
It brought so many good memories, his mum sitting on the chair while she was getting him to sleep, murmuring soft words of love to her oldest, reminding him that despite now being the older sibling, he will forever be her little willow tree. God, he missed her sometimes, even if anger brewed inside him as well.
“ That sounds good. Not that you haven't talked to the Germs yet, but that at least you, Eli and Winley are doin’ bette’. I'm sure you'll get to speak with them soon. It wasn't your fault we weren't told after all.” No matter how many people told him it wasn't his fault, he didn't quite believe it.
Again, he didn't want to think about it in the middle of the night.
“How is your life goin’? How is Reed doin’?” His dad lets out a hum, moving and making the chair squeak again.
“ were all good. Reed is doin’ great in school, his teacher said he might be valedictorian if he gets a bit of help in biology and chemistry next year. All other subjects are perfect otherwise. The twins are still on their trip through the midwest and Adler is getting used to his apprenticeship finally. I think he sent Aleks a panicked text some time ago about where he could find the water for the sirens.”
“... the blue light? the electronic blue light?” his dad lets out a full hearted laugh.
“Exactly that.” he shakes his head in disappointment “it was his first day, boy was nervous.”
He laughs at his brother's stupidity, mentally imagining him standing there, teary eyed, as he tried to find water that did not exist to fill something that only needed electricity. His brother was very dear to him, even if he sometimes thought some mean thoughts about him and his mother, and he wishes he could hug the man right now. He lets out a heavy sigh, leaning further back into his chair.
“you sound tired. Anything else been keepin’ you up?”
“No, just tired. I can't fall asleep, any time I fall asleep I keep waking up in panic. This… This mission, it took a lot out of me. Hadn't had time to process what happened on it yet.” His father humms, before laughing at something he remembered, the seat beneath him creaking as he resettled.
“God, you would never sleep as a kid. I'd think you fell asleep and slowly lie down only for you to open your eyes and giggle at me. Annoying fuck, thats what you were.” Their dad laughs in a lighthearted way, the man's laugh soothing something in their head. A childish need of sorts.
“Yeah? I don't remember anymore. I just remember fallin’ asleep everywhere when I was a teen but that’ all really.”
“ But that was because of school. School and the others tired you out. Especially once you started growin’ another human in your stomach you would only sleep. After that you were back runnin’ and jumpin’ everywhere like an excited puppy. All awake and runnin’ just like you did as toddler.”
He remembers that time, it's hard not to.
Being pregnant scars you. Especially with the history his family had. It was terrifying for him, he never even found out how they felt about it because he was stuck in his own fear.
“How did you feel when I told you about… about me being pregnant?”
He heard his dad take a deep breath in and the screeching of the chair again, the old man probably moving around. They never really talked about it. They accepted that this is happening and that a lot will change and they will now have one more little snowflake running around in their house without shoes.
“ It felt… horrible.” His dad let out a heavy sigh. “Your mum's death was still recent when you told us that a new snowflake was joining us. and you were still so, so young. What were you, 13 when you told us? 14 when you gave birth. I have lived long enough to know how those births usually go. And I saw you weren't doing well, that you needed us. I was so scared to lose you in one way or another. It was such a relief to hear you and Reed cry when you gave birth.”
It was, Fionn remembers how his heart dropped in relief at hearing the boy cry the very first time and see that their own vitals were perfect. That they survived giving birth and not just the pregnancy. That his name wouldn't join his mums on a gravestone nearby. That he survived his own brain.
“I’m guessin’ my outin’ wasn't as bad-”
“Oh I knew, I knew before you told me.”
He burst out into laughter at surprise, choking on his air at his fathers words.
“Oh come on Fionn. Don't act surprised, you were always fruitier than grandma's pie! and that you weren't as much our girl as you were or boy was no surprise either. You always were more inclined to play and run with the boys than spend time with the girls. Not in a bad way, but if you could choose between muddy shoes or sparkly dresses back then, I think we both know what you choose.”
His stomach hurts a bit at his dads explanation but he can only agree. Back then he hated growing up in his body, the pregnancy did not help. He surely would not be where he is now if they didn't support him like they did back then. He changed and hated it and his family loved him despite him being angry at his body for not being how he liked it. Of course it would be no surprise when he came out and accepted the changes like a sponge water.
“Yeahhh, I guess. God, it's been a while since I laughed like that. The last weeks have taken their toll on me. When I woke up yesterday, I spoke to ELi in irish about having to get up.” His dad laughed over the phone and it made him smile. The sound always made him feel so calm, so sleepy.
“ I'm sure it will be right as rain soon kid… It's so good to hear from you again, my little Snowflake. I am so proud of you, honey child, you've done so good.”
Even after everything, his father is there for him.
He listened to men he had grown up to adore so much as he spoke about Fionn's achievements with the biggest heart, pride heavy in his voice. He just leant back and listened, chest warm and full of happy feelings at hearing his old man's words. He didn't even notice when he nodded off.
“Fionn?”
There is no response from the phone besides shallow breathing and some murmuring, but not much more.
Rowan pulled the phone away, waiting for any type of further response from his child. When he didn't hear anything he went onto the internet browser, typed in Google to then search the time in Germany. It clicked when he saw the number 04:12 AM in response, his snowflake having probably fallen asleep during his dad gushing about how proud he is of him.
He just whispered a good night to him before ending the call, handing the phone back to Reed who just sat and listened to his father figure speak over the phone. Once he got it he went back upstairs, back to sleeping while he still could or watch something on his phone. Instead, Rowan pulled his own phone from the table, typing in a number and hoping he wouldn't be met with a too snappy man.
After three rings he finally heard the groggy voice he had grown close to, explaining the situation to the half asleep man. Once he heard some movement and bones cracking he knew everything will be fine, telling him good night and good luck before they end up talking for too long. He's sure Aleks will take care of what Rowan asked him to do.
And if Fionn woke up with a stack of paperwork they struggled with, filled out with the neat writing of their medic, and a sandwich that was already cold, their heart only burned more than it had the past weeks at the actions of the man.
Aleks still cared and something inside of them hoped, that it meant that maybe, everything will be alright.