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so maybe when you kiss me, i can let you see me cry 

Summary:

Agatha reluctantly has her first sleepover

Notes:

this idea has been rattling around my brain since the end of episode five last week, mostly because i wanted to hurt myself even more, and it would not leave me alone until it existed.

shout out to my lovely friend, sammy, for betaing this for me and katie gavin's song, inconsolable, for the title of this fic and pushing me through the writing process 💖

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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People being in Agatha’s room wasn’t her ideal Friday night, but how she ended up having a sleepover during Spring Break baffled her. She had brought it up to her mother as a sick joke to appease some idea she had of Agatha, hoping she would shut it down, but was more surprised when her mother had actually encouraged it. Something about her needing to not spend so much time cooped up alone in her room, and instead doing normal teenage girl things.  

“Like talking about more girly things, like any boys you girls have crushes on for example,” Evanora had said when Agatha had mentioned it.   

Her words had stung Agatha a bit, mostly because she had never felt anything other than neutrality—border-lining disgust—toward every boy she had ever met. All the snide comments from her mother—ranging from Agatha’s appearance and attitude to how she should be pushing past a 4.0 GPA because ‘she knew Agatha could do better’—held nothing against the ones she made regarding her lack of interest in boys. Hanging out with any boy in every way was the absolute last thing Agatha ever wanted to take part in if she could avoid it.   

Due to her disdain, it was, however, an open secret that everyone in their small town knew Agatha and Rio were attached at the hip; bewitching for themselves and to the detriment of others. Agatha took delight in how nobody could fully pin down the true nature of their relationship. The rumors ranged from that they lived to simply annoy each other (and everyone in their path) in any way possible, they were cousins thrice removed and that’s why they were always together, or they were secretly witches sent to terrorize their school; everyone in town never ceased in trying to pinpoint what they were to each other, especially their peers.   

The only people, outside themselves, who knew what Agatha and Rio truly were to each other were Jen and Alice. And that was only because they happened to walk in on Agatha and Rio carelessly fooling around in the empty biology lab classroom after school one day. Before Agatha could try and explain away what was happening—damning evidence of Rio’s hands under her shirt and mouth attached where her shoulder met her neck—Rio turned her attention to them and threatened to tell the principal they were responsible for stringing up fireworks in the gym and setting them off.   

“That’s not even a thing,” Jen said.   

“It could be, you can’t stop me,” Rio taunted.   

“They wouldn’t believe you,” Jen bit back.   

“Are you sure about that? Remember what happened to Wanda?” Rio asked.   

“That was you?” Alice asked, eyes wide.   

“Who’s to say?” Rio hummed, removing her hands from under Agatha’s shirt.   

“You’re psychotic,” Jen said.   

Rio eagerly nodded her head, hands now placed on Agatha’s waist. The panic that had settled in her stomach, afraid her mother might find out about this, eased at Rio’s overprotectiveness. And the eventual promise from Jen and Alice that they wouldn’t say anything to anyone, under Rio’s threats, didn’t hurt.   

Even with their friendship—more like acquaintanceship, Agatha thought—starting from Rio threatening Jen and Alice and keeping tabs on them by forcing them to be in close proximity, Agatha did have to admit they all got along fine enough. Although it wasn’t the smoothest of friendships—let alone a group that, on paper, did not seem to go together—but it was functional…ish. Also, it did keep her mother from harping on her about only hanging out with Rio and how it was nice she finally had more “girly” friends. Or whatever she meant by that, Agatha thought.   

“I don’t like that Virtal girl you’re constantly hanging out with,” her mother had told Agatha the week prior to Spring Break.   

“It’s Vidal, Mother,” Agatha said as she dried a dish.   

“Well,” her mother started, “you hang out with her far too much for my liking. How do you ever expect to get married and make other connections if you only spend time with that girl?”  

Agatha rolled her eyes, biting back the urge to tell her she was perfectly fine being perceived as an old crone. Why would she care what anybody else thought of her, she thought. And it wasn’t like she craved that attention from anybody in particular, Agatha told herself, brushing away her subconscious. However, that was what caused her to sarcastically bring up inviting her new ragtag group of acquaintances, plus Rio, to her mother during Spring Break.  

So now, here she was, at that said slumber party she had said as a joke to shut her mom up, and playing a rousing game of kiss, marry, kill with some girls who she now kind of considered her friends. But only barely. And never to their faces.   

“I didn’t know you felt that way about me, Alice,” Jen said, lightly pushing Alice’s shoulder.  

Peals of laughter rang throughout Agatha’s room as she tuned back into the conversation.  

“Okay, ask me,” Rio said.  

Jen sighed, “Rio, who would you kiss, mar—”  

“I’d kill you both so I could kiss and marry Agatha.”  

Silence settled into the room. A light flush dusted Agatha’s cheeks as she looked away, pretending to be unbothered—and definitely not flattered—from the comment.  

“Honestly,” Alice began after a beat, “I don’t know why I expected anything different.”  

“Weren’t you two arguing just last week before Spring Break though?” Jen asked.  

“Yes,” said Agatha. “No,” said Rio at the same time.  

Agatha cleared her throat and ignored how Rio’s gaze bore into her. It was true that they had been arguing about who had the last of the Pop Rocks last Thursday. Rio claimed that Agatha got the last pack the previous time, but she had argued back that Rio had taken at least three out of the five packs they bought without telling her. The argument had gotten so heated over the weekend that the two hadn’t spoken for a few days prior to tonight, and Agatha still wasn’t ready to move on and apologize just yet. It was the principle of the matter, she told herself.  

Regardless of the argument, and not speaking for a couple of days, Agatha wasn’t all too surprised that Rio still had shown up tonight. It was usually like this for them. They’d argue over something stupid, make a big show out of it for everyone around them, cool off, and then eventually made up by one of them silently giving in to the other. While unorthodox, Agatha couldn’t say she fully hated the eventual unspoken apologies they shared. It was a thrill that Agatha—and she was sure Rio too—couldn’t deny she savored when it occurred. Until they reached that point for their current argument though, she would feign playing hard to get.   

“Okay,” Jen dragged out. “Well since you two are clearly on some kind of speaking terms again,” she started to dig through her duffle bag. “We can try this out.”  

Out of her bag, Jen produced a Ouija board. Agatha remembered her saying she had been talking about how she had tried it with some other classmates last week and said it worked, but Agatha was skeptical. Sure, she believed in the occult, but a stupid toy anybody could buy at the store didn’t seem like a reliable tool.  

“My aunt let me borrow hers for a bit, and I figured why not bring it along,” Jen said.  

“I hate ghosts,” Rio said. “Are you sure that thing even works?” Agatha asked at the same time.  

“Yeah,” Alice said, “I’m not sure my mom would want me to mess with that, Jen.”  

“Oh, come on,” Jen started, “Live a little. It’s a game meant for eight-year-olds; how scary can it be? Or are all of you chickens?”  

That was enough to get the three other girls in a circle, Ouija board set up, and ready to make an attempt at communicating with whatever spirits may be lingering around Agatha’s house.  

Four sets of hands were placed on the planchette as the girls moved the hard plastic in a circle on the board.   

“So, who should speak first?” Alice asked.  

Silence.  

“Well,” Jen said, “it’s Agatha’s house, why not let her go first.”  

“Gee, thanks Jen, toss me in first huh.”  

“Oh, don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same thing to me.”  

Agatha stuck her tongue out at Jen before guiding the planchette in another circle around the board.  

“Hello,” she said unsurely. “Are there any spirits here with us tonight?”  

The planchette began to move over the letters.  

“M-R-S-D-A-V-I-S,” the girls read aloud in unison.  

“Isn’t that your neighbor who recently passed, Agatha?” Alice asked, her voice small.  

“Oh, shit, okay which one of you did that?” Agatha asked. “Seriously not funny.”  

Nobody spoke up.  

“This is stupid,” Rio said, starting to pull away.  

“Don’t!” Alice shouted.  

“You’re not supposed to break the circle,” Jen added.  

“Whatever,” Rio said as she settled in.  

Agatha cleared her throat. “Okay,” she paused, “What do you want?”   

The planchette moved again.  

“A-S-S,” everyone audibly read.   

“Mrs. Davis, how could you,” Agatha said, feigning shock and placing her hands over her mouth.  

“I knew it was you moving it!” Jen shouted.  

“What?” Agatha drew out, feigning innocence. “Why would you ever think I would do something like that, Jen?”  

“Oh, right, like you don’t ever lie and stir shit up for fun, Agatha.”  

“Don’t act like you weren’t planning to do something too Je—”  

“Uh, Agatha, your hands,” Alice said shakily.  

“Alice,” Agatha said, moving her hands toward the planchette to rejoin the circle, “it’s just a stupid ga—”   

Agatha began to shake, causing Alice and Jen to scream. Her body convulsed for a few seconds before her head drooped. When she looked back up, Agatha had an eerie smile on her face.  

“It’s me,” Agatha said, her voice noticeably a few pitches higher, “Mrs. Davis. Oh, how lovely it is to be back.”  

Alice and Jen clung to each other as Agatha stood up. The sound of Mrs. Davis's laugh rang out from Agatha’s body.  

“There I was, tending the azaleas, enjoying my life in the ‘burbs.”  

“Agatha, stop, you’re scaring Alice,” Jen said, her voice wavering.  

Another laugh came from Agatha’s body, her body shaking again. She was about to take a step forward when she looked over at the one person who wasn’t affected.  

Rio stifled a laugh. “She’s lying.”  

She shot a glare at her for seeing through her act, rolling her shoulders back. “Well,” Agatha said as she brushed her hair over shoulder, “don’t act like I didn’t have you going there for a second, Rio.”  

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”  

Agatha rolled her eyes and sat back down in the circle. She cleared her throat, unsure if she should place her hands back on the planchette for them to try again.  

“Hey,” Alice started, breaking the tension and releasing Jen, “why don’t we do something else?”  

“Like what?” Rio asked. “Sit around, sing some stupid Taylor Swift song, and make friendship bracelets?”  

Alice looked down at her lap.  

“Oh my god,” Rio laughed. “You’re serious.”  

“Well, it’s better than sitting around waiting for either you or Agatha to scare us more,” Jen huffed. “And it’s not like either of you probably h ave any other ideas.”  

“You guys are no fun,” Agatha said. “You make one joke about being possessed by your dead neighbor’s ghost and suddenly I’m the bad guy.”  

Jen arched an eyebrow at her while Rio bit back a laugh.  

“Okay, fine, whatever, I don’t care,” Agatha said. She adjusted her nightgown, shifting her weight on her right hand. “I should have stuff over in a bin on that bookshelf,” Agatha said with a flick of her wrist.  

“Alice,” Jen said, offering her hand to the other girl.  

Alice took her hand, a light blush on her face, and the two went to look through Agatha’s bookshelf for supplies.  

Sudden warmth invaded Agatha’s bubble as she looked down at her nails, pretending to be unbothered. She further averted her gaze when Rio’s shoulder brushed against hers.  

“Hey,” Rio said.  

“Hmm? Oh, hey,” Agatha replied.  

Fingertips brushed over the hem of her nightgown, her chest tightening from the touch. God, she had missed her, Agatha thought.  

“No,” Agatha whispered. Normally she’d entertain Rio a bit by teasing her—making her work for it, even with Jen and Alice here—but not while in Agatha’s bedroom. It was too risky, and she didn’t want to admit how much fun she was having tonight, fake possession included. Slumber parties were, in theory, an actual nightmare scenario for her, however tonight seemed to be going well so far. And she still wanted to play hard to get a bit longer before fully forgiving the girl next to her.   

Rio raised an eyebrow, her hand dropping from Agatha’s nightgown, and rested on her hand instead. Agatha tried to hide the shudder that ran through her body at the gesture.   

Despite her better resolve, and better judgement, Agatha turned her attention toward Rio; she was met with deep, brown eyes scanning her up and down. Immediately, she tried to turn away, startled by the intensity in her eyes, but was stopped by Rio’s hand on her cheek, gently holding her in place. Blood rushed to her head when Rio lingered on her lips and brought her gaze back to Agatha’s eyes, sending flutters to her stomach. Whatever it was they had been arguing about, and the alarm bells warning her not to do this now in her bedroom, faded away with Rio consuming her every thought.  

Agatha’s breath hitched as Rio leaned in and her mouth hovered above hers.   

“I missed you,” Rio breathed.   

Fuck it, she thought, silently admitting defeat to Rio. A smile spread over Agatha’s face, eyes fluttering shut, and she pressed their lips together. Her free hand traveled upward to tangle in Rio’s hair like they had found their permanent home.  

“Agatha Harkness!”  

The sound of her mother’s voice reverberated in Agatha’s head as she shot back from Rio’s embrace, stood up, and placed as much distance as she could between them.  

“Mother,” Agatha said, her heart pounding in her chest.  

“When I said you could have a sleepover, I didn’t think you’d take the opportunity to turn it into a literal after school special.”   

“Stop embarrassing me in front of my friends, Mom,” Agatha said.   

Her eyes widened as h er mother stepped towards her. Agatha braced herself for whatever her mother had in store, not wanting to feel even more embarrassed or project how scared she felt.  

“I’ll do whatever I damn please, Agatha,” Evanora said, gripping Agatha’s nightgown collar, “you’re under my roof.”  

Tears started to well in Agatha’s eyes, but she held her gaze with her mom. The last thing she was going to do was give her the satisfaction of making her cry in front of people. Evanora’s grip on Agatha’s collar loosened, but she still felt the tightness in her chest.   

“This sleepover’s done. I want them all gone by the time I come back from the gas station, you hear me, Agatha?”  

She nodded, words eluding her, and cast her gaze downward. Agatha fiddled with her fingers while her mother walked out of her bedroom.   

I thought I raised you better than this,” Evanora muttered before she went down the stairs.  

Agatha couldn’t bring herself to lift her head and face everyone in her bedroom. She would rather sink into the floor before any of them saw her shed tears. The slam from the front door caused all the girls to slightly jump, and heavy silence replaced the previous lighthearted air.  

Alice was the first one to move. “Are you okay, Agatha?” she asked, placing a hand on Agatha’s shoulder.  

“I’m fine,” Agatha answered curtly, pulling away from Alice.   

“You know, my mom always tells m—”   

“I don’t want to hear it, Alice,” Agatha snapped back, wiping the last of her tears away.  

“I’m just trying t—”  

“Can it, Alice. I don’t want to hear how much your mom loves you.”   

“Jesus, Agatha, she’s jus t trying to help,” Jen retorted.  

“She’s trying to help,” Agatha mocked back and crossed her arms.  

“Okay, you know what, if you want to be that way fine.” Jen slammed the bin she had in her hands on Agatha’s desk, shoved her stuff into her duffle bag, and checked Agatha with her shoulder. “We’ll leave. Come on, Alice.”  

Alice looked at Agatha, torn between attempting to say something again, and then over at Jen.   

“I’m sorry, Agatha,” she whispered. Alice grabbed her bag as well and followed Jen out the door.  

The tears that Agatha had been holding back slipped past her eyes when she heard the front door slam.  

“Ags,” Rio started.   

“Please,” Agatha said, “not right now.” She quickly wiped away the few spilt tears.  

“I can—”  

“Don’t,” she sighed. “Just, go home, Rio.” Agatha tried her best to compose herself and attempted to smile. “I’ll be fine, I always am.”  

Seconds felt like minutes as Agatha stood under Rio’s gaze, praying she would leave soon so the tears threatening to burst wouldn’t fall any more. It was one thing to cry in front of Jen and Alice, but Agatha didn’t think she could handle breaking down in front of Rio with the threat of her mother still looming.  

Agatha watched as Rio quickly snatched her overnight backpack and slung it over her shoulder. She cleared her throat when Rio took a step closer to her, both hoping that she’d leave without much fuss and that Rio would linger for a bit longer. Rio chose the second, and Agatha inhaled sharply as Rio’s thumb wiped away where Agatha’s tears had trailed. The gentle touch was cool against the burning of her cheeks.   

“Te veo,” Rio whispered as she pulled away.   

Agatha felt the damn break as the tears she had been holding burst through. When she heard the front door softly shut, the tears came in full force and crashed through the already crumbling wall she had barely kept together.   

Agatha let herself crumple to the floor, pulling her knees close, as she let her sobs wrack through her body. It felt like forever while she sat there, her body tiring from crying, before Agatha heard the front door open and close again. She quickly wiped away at her tears, a feeble attempt to compose herself.  

Anxiety washed over Agatha yet again as her mother’s footsteps came closer. She hated how her mother made her feel, always like she had to walk on eggshells, but she couldn’t bring herself to put on a brave face without an audience. Instead, she felt like she was reduced to a scared, powerless child.   

When the footsteps stopped, Agatha looked up at her mother who was now standing in her doorway.  

“I don’t want you hanging out with that Vidal girl anymore.”  

“She’s my,” Agatha paused, making sure to choose her words carefully. “Friend.”  

“Sure could’ve fooled me,” Evanora retorted. “I didn’t raise my daughter to be a disgusting deviant.”  

The sharp words flicked over Agatha like flames. “I can be good,” she said.  

“No, you can’t,” her mother replied. “I could pretend it wasn’t happening and look the other way, pretend you just hadn’t found a boy you liked yet, hoping it would happen when you went to college even,” Evanora took a step closer to Agatha, “but now I can’t look past it that you’ve brought it into this home.”   

“Mother,” Agatha said, looking at her mother with pleading eyes. Her words fueled the flames that felt like they were consuming her body and soul. “I promise I can be go—”  

A stinging slap burned on Agatha’s cheek; the words she wanted to plead stripped from her.  

“Don’t,” her mother emphasized, “you dare talk back to me. No daughter of mine is going to be a dyke.”  

Dyke. The word echoed in her ears, and it washed over her like she was being burned alive. She’d heard the word thrown her way a few times in the school hallways, but Agatha paid it no heed. It didn’t matter what her peers thought of her, knowing she’d eventually leave this town for better things, but from her mother it stung like hot coals on bare feet.   

“Why do you hate me?” Agatha knew she was testing the waters by speaking out again, but at this point she didn’t care. If she was going to burn, she might as well accept her fate.  

“You were born evil,” Evanora said coldly, “I should’ve gotten rid of you the first moment I could’ve.”   

Her cheek burned where her mother’s hand had previously been moments ago as angry tears pricked her eyes.  

“Go to bed, Agatha. I’m too tired to deal with you right now. We’ll discuss your punishment in the morning.”  

Agatha stood there as her mother shut the door behind her, any lingering anxiety replaced with anger. She turned away from the door and looked at the disarray her room was in after everyone left. She saw that Jen had left the Ouija board behind, and Agatha walked over to it and kicked the board hard. Agatha hated how, for the first time, she was having a decent time with people—not wanting to admit that she actually enjoyed their company—and then she had to go and ruin it by being careless. Before she was able to give the board another stomp, she saw the planchette peeking out from her bed skirt.  

The hard plastic was sharp in her hands when she picked it up. Her index finger traced the edges, landing on the point of the planchette. Agatha pressed her finger hard into it, the physical pain grounding her. However, when she thought about her mother again, Agatha angrily chucked the planchette at her wall.  

“Stupid game,” she muttered.   

Agatha crawled into bed, allowing herself to curl into herself under her sheets. Finally, she felt like she could fully let herself break down. Silent sobs wracked through her frame, tears in full force, as she allowed herself to cry in the solitude of her empty bedroom.  

Her body felt tired after giving into its needs, and she wasn’t sure how much time had passed since she started crying, but sudden taps on her bedroom window pulled her out of her stupor.  

At first, Agatha was going to ignore it—assuming it was a tree branch taunting her—but the tapping picked up in pace. She willed herself to slip from under the sheets, prepared to rip off whatever branch or deal with whatever animal was getting on her nerves.  

What she didn’t expect to see was Rio’s face staring at her from the other side of the windowpane.   

“Rio,” Agatha whispered.   

Rio mimed for Agatha to open the window. Agatha nodded, scrambling over to the window, and unlatched the lock.  

“What are you doing here?”  

“Let me in, I don’t know how much longer this branch can support me.”  

Agatha stepped out of the way, extending her hand to Rio, and helped the other girl into the house.  

“I thought you went home?” Agatha breathed, still holding Rio’s hand.  

“I took my bike to the back, stashed it in some of the hedges, and hid out there,” Rio replied. “I didn’t want you to be alone with her."   

The pressure from Rio’s hand squeezing hers calmed Agatha.   

Without thinking, Agatha pulled Rio into a hug. She clung to the other girl, running her hands up and down her back, and nuzzled into Rio’s neck.   

“Thanks,” Agatha mumbled into Rio’s hair.   

Rio slightly pulled away; Agatha whimpered at the loss of contact as Rio led Agatha back to her bed.   

“You want me to take a shit in your mom’s hydrangeas?” Rio suddenly asked.   

Agatha bit back her laugh, not wanting to alert her mother. “Even if I say no, I know I can’t stop you.”   

“You know me so well, sweetheart,” Rio said, sitting down on the bed. She patted the space next to her, encouraging Agatha to sit down.  

Obediently, Agatha sat down next to Rio, turning her body towards hers. Her hands automatically reached out to cup her face, running her thumb over Rio’s cheek. Agatha sighed as Rio stared at her and leaned in closer.   

“You know,” Rio started, “after I take care of your mom’s hydrangeas, I could sneak you out and we could go to my Godmother Lilia’s for a bit.”  

“I’d like that,” Agatha said, leaning her forehead against Rio.   

“Good,” Rio replied as she pulled Agatha back to lay down beside her on the bed.   

Agatha gasped as they landed with a soft thud on her pillows, holding her breath that her mother hadn’t heard them. After a few moments passed, Agatha sighed and finally let her body relax into Rio.  

“Rest, I’ll stay up so you can sleep.”  

“Rio, you don’t have to.”  

“I want to,” Rio said. “Besides, she can’t have you.” Agatha shuddered as Rio’s hands tangled in her hair. “She didn’t say she’d kill two people just so she could kiss and marry you.”  

The smirk that plastered Rio’s face made Agatha’s face flush. Leaving no room so she could respond to Rio’s flattery, the other girl had leaned in to kiss her. Agatha wrapped her arms around Rio’s waist, tangling their bodies together so they couldn’t tell either apart.  

Before Agatha could think about trying to take things any further, Rio pulled away to catch her breath. When she tried to go back in for another kiss, Rio shook her head.  

“Go to sleep sweetheart,” Rio said, placing a kiss on Agatha’s forehead.   

Agatha let out a small whine as she tried again to kiss the other girl.  

“As much as I would love to keep this up,” Rio sighed, peppering kisses all over Agatha’s face. “You should sleep a bit before I steal you away to Lilia’s with me.”  

A pout made its way onto Agatha’s face, but she complied with Rio’s request.  

“Good girl,” Rio said, placing another kiss atop of Agatha’s head. “I’ll sneak out before dawn, and after a potential, hypothetical stop by a certain hydrangea bush,” Rio said, eliciting a chuckle from Agatha, “I’ll be waiting for you below the tree.”  

Agatha nodded, tucking her head under Rio’s chin and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure how much time passed, but Agatha wished she could stop time to stay in this moment for a little while longer.  

“Hey,” Agatha mumbled, breaking the silence, “Is now a good time to mention I’m still kinda mad at you for the Pop Rocks thing?” Agatha whispered; her eyes felt heavy with sleep as she snuggled closer to Rio.  

“Shhh, baby, I’ll make Lilia buy us so many Pop Rocks tomorrow that you’ll forget you were ever mad in the first place.”  

A small laugh was the only thing Agatha could get out before her body gave way to sleep, dreaming of Rio taking her far away.  

Notes:

it's been awhile since i've written something (rip my on-going killing even fic, i promise i will hopefully circle back around to it soon), so i feel a tad rusty. but the gay witches have me in a chokehold and i couldn't not write for them 😭 hopefully i can finish the two other oneshots i started for agatha and rio soon, but i make no promises

as always, thank you again for reading and you can find me on tumblr under shesmyscar ^^ 💖