Chapter Text
Choking. Gargling. Blood splattered across the walls. Gasping breaths. A tightness in her body she couldn't claw out. The darkness in the room that seemed to swallow her whole. But the lights would never truly go out. It was what felt like the millionth night in a row she'd put herself through this. It was a lonely existence she led, and she couldn't take it anymore, but it seemed as though she had no choice. She let out a sob followed by a blood curdling scream as she plunged the knife into her chest another time for extra measure, maybe this would be the one. Right? She shuddered as she sat up. After such an extended period of doing this, the screaming and crying seemed to die down. It just felt like a means to an end, like a monotonous job becoming second nature. All she wanted was a release.
Lilith let out a frustrated shout as she swung her arm to throw the knife into a nearby broken down wall. Maybe it'd fall and crush her if she was lucky enough. She stood, her body weak from the torment she'd endured, and she stumbled over to her bedroom. After so many years it gets boring having all the freedom in the world to do whatever you like. She tried to pick up drawing, but she was never much of an artist, more of a diner napkin doodler at best. She tried picking up an instrument, but instruments tend to break down over countless years and with no one to repair them, they'd begun to collect dust. All she really did nowadays was travel the same old paths through the woods, and she'd become quite the hunter, though her kills didn't make the best food. Or maybe she just wasn't a very good cook.
Her bedroom was probably the only space she tried to keep decently nice - everything didn't exactly look pristine, but it wasn't so bad. She stayed in the same old shitty house that she lived in centuries ago, though she didn't quite know why. Maybe part of it was that she could sit in here and stare at the wall, imagining her parents were just in the other room bickering like usual. That sounded better than what laid there now. A lifeless kitchen full of old food well past its best by date, blood painting the walls from her countless, and ultimately pointless, attempts. The space was filled with broken down furniture, destroyed from years of usage, as well as her extreme outbursts. She had little to no respect for most things around her, including herself, almost nothing felt sacred anymore.
She walked over to the mirror angled in front of her window to where the low afternoon light outside could illuminate her. She looked the same as she always had. Well maybe not always, but definitely since she was that little 17 year old girl who would run into this very room, sobbing after another screaming match with whichever parent she'd inconvenienced that day. In a sick, sad way, she missed it. She looked at her hair that she'd been cutting into a jagged bob, the front pieces hanging much lower. She'd started dyeing it shortly after the virus wiped everyone out and she'd realized her new freedom to express herself how she always wanted. After awhile that grew old and she just left the color as it was, an ashy brown with countless streaks of white from some genetic trait that had been passed down from her dad's side, though she never remembered the name. Her eyes looked tired as always as she reached over to her dresser pull out that same old stupid old cat shirt that her mom got her from the thrift store. It was ugly, but incredibly comfortable. They never had all that much money so of course she'd appreciated it, but her friends always laughed when they saw it.
She pulled the tank top she was currently wearing off, the one that had been stained with years worth of her own blood, and pulled the cat shirt over her head. She threw the bloodied top onto her bag so she'd remember to bring it to the stream to wash it off on her next walk, and threw herself down on her bed. Oftentimes she struggled going to sleep, considering she didn't really have much to spend her energy on, but at the same time she wouldn't have had the motivation to spend that energy anyway. As she lied in bed she stared at the ceiling, mind wandering anything that could entertain her. The only thing that came to mind was her friends. They'd always met at the nearby creek, one that Lilith could hardly ever bring herself to revisit. It felt too raw. Seeing the place overgrown, untouched, and what hurt most of all was not seeing them there with her.
The group would always spend time at the creek after school, and it felt like that was the only place Lilith could actually just be a kid without her parents, or a teacher, or a doctor telling her something was wrong with her. In and out of inpatient facilities, tons of medication, tons of in and out of school suspensions, tons of whippings from her parents. She didn't know why, she never tried to act out or be a bad kid. The best sleep she ever got was probably during her naps at the creek, and she missed that too. She missed being excited to go to sleep after a long day, and getting to wake up with her friends. She missed them so badly. Everyday. It often gnawed away at her if she thought about it for too long. She could hardly remember their faces after so long, and she felt horrible for it, only remember the vague looks. Henry had.. red hair? and freckles. She definitely remembered the freckles. Jessica had dark brown hair that was always put up in a ponytail, and she used to braid it for her before her marching band practice in the fall afternoons, which Lilith always stayed to watch. She remembered Sam's curly dark hair, and soft face shape, and she'd never forget how sweet they were to her.
Whenever Lilith's home got a little too loud, or she just felt too alone, she'd hop out of her window and run down the street to Sam's house. They'd made a little nook for her after a while, one that they'd lie in past midnight, just talking. Sam never made her talk about anything she didn't want to, and she usually didn't. Lilith felt her throat tightening and realized she was crying. She wished she could still go to Sam's house. She technically could, though it wouldn't be the same. That might be the only house in the city that she left untouched after the outbreak. At first it was the fear of finding what may be waiting in there that kept her away, but that soon mixed with the guilt of not going to begin with. Every time she'd consider going, it ended in a downwards spiral. She just couldn't. She turned over, curling into a ball as her tears pulled her into what would probably turn out to be another long night of terrible dreams.
She opened her eyes to a place she'd never seen before, which was unusual. She was in what looked like a cave full of water and lush greenery. It was honestly quite pretty, and she appreciated finally seeing a new scene for once. She was sitting on the cold damp rocks next to a little stream when she turned around and saw movement, and it wasn't quite like the uncoordinated movement of those rabid decayed animals that roamed everywhere. She saw legs, dangling down from what looked like the balcony of a little wooden house. She stood, walking over to the house cautiously, and the girl sitting on the balcony didn't look like anyone she'd ever met. She hadn't dreamt of anyone new in an extremely long time. The girl darted her eyes over to Lilith as she shuddered in fear, reaching for the holster on her leg. "No, wait!-" Lilith yelled before getting cut off by the sudden sight of her ceiling, illuminated by the morning light as she heard the same disgusting screeches of what was probably once a bird or something that she heard every morning. Lilith was breathing heavily, thoughts in her mind louder than they'd been in a very long time. Finally, something new.