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When they first found out Neytiri was pregnant, it was just a few weeks after the battle for the Hallelujah mountains. Na’vi pregnancies apparently functioned similar to human ones — when Neytiri woke Jake up one morning by gagging and vomiting into the bushes nearby, he was worried she was hiding some kind of wound or sickness from him at first. It’d be just like her to try not to worry him. But no. She wasn’t hurt, and there wasn’t any fever or infection they could find.
“Probably just a little stomach bug,” Neytiri reassured him weakly, laying a hand over his on her stomach when he fretted over her. Jake couldn’t help it. Just a few weeks ago, he’d been begging with her, pleading with her, needing her to fall back. He couldn’t lose her. It would be like losing the ability to breathe. He threaded his fingers through hers and squeezed, pressing a kiss into her shoulder because he just needed to reassure himself that she was still there. With him.
When Neytiri had stopped throwing up that morning and seemed better after breakfast, Jake had stopped worrying himself sick about it. The mood swings, they both passed off as coming down from the stress-high of the entirety of Hell’s Gate coming down on them like a ton of bricks. And Jake certainly wasn’t complaining when Neytiri’s libido shot through the roof.
So when he brushed his way into the tent he shared with his mate, and saw her sitting quietly while nervously chopping up some fat to make tallow, he paused, tail flicking. Neytiri’s own tail was flicking back and forth like it did when she had something just on the tip of her tongue, but she was holding herself back.
”What’s the matter?” Jake asked softly.
Neytiri eyed him out of the corner of her eye, ears twitching. Her tail swished a little harder. For a second, Jake was afraid that she was angry at him — that actually, she’d done some thinking and she’d decided that Jake’s gesture of amends wasn’t good enough. He wouldn’t even blame her if that was the case, but it would gut him.
“Ma Jake,” she murmured. And then he realized that she was the one who was nervous.
He immediately came over and sat down next to her, intertwining his tail with hers as he reached for her hands. The air was warm in the afternoon sun, as animals and insects chirped and moved in the forest all around them. Their fingers threaded together like perfect puzzle pieces and Jake squeezed hard, watching the way it made her smile even as her lower lip wobbled.
”What’s going on, what’s the matter?” he asked, heart pounding. Was she okay? She looked like she was about to cry.
”I love you, Ma Jake,” she burst out, surging to wrap him in a hug and squeeze him tight. “Thank you, Great Mother, thank you,” she wept into Jake’s chest.
”I’m missing something,” Jake said, rocking Neytiri back and forth. At least she seemed… happy?
”Ma Jake,” Neytiri sniffed, leaning back so she could look him in the eye and beam at him. “I’m pregnant,” she told him.
The world fell out from under Jake’s ass. He blinked, a sudden wave of dizziness cresting over him. “P-pregnant?” he stammered, the word ringing around in his forehead like a church bell. “You — we —“
”We’re going to have a baby,” she cried, wrapping her arms around herself and rocking back and forth. Her smile looked so wide it hurt, but she’d never looked happier. “Thank you, ma Eywa,” she whispered fervently.
The news actually hit Jake about two seconds after she said that. “Pregnant!” He yelped, jumping to his feet. His tail thrashed around wildly and a cold sweat broke out over him. But he couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face as he raked his hands through his hair, tears beading in his eyes. “Pregnant!” he cried again. “You’re going to — we’re gonna be parents!”
”Yes!” Neytiri jumped to her feet and snared him in a crushing hug again, as they both jumped up and down like little kids. “I think it’s going to be a boy,” she said confidently, putting a hand on her stomach. Jake’s jaw fell open and he reverently slid his hand over hers, dazedly thinking about what their life was going to look like now. He thought of Neytiri nurturing their child. He thought of himself caring for his family and providing anything they wanted. Him and Neytiri raising their child in a world without the RDA. On a free and liberated Pandora. Their child was free to grow up in a place free from the RDA’s plague. Neytiri teaching their little one to be Na’vi just like she’d taught him. (Hopefully with less smacking and hissing.)
God, he wished Tommy could see him. And yet, if Tommy could see him, he wouldn’t be here. How could something so joyful come from something so bitter?
”What do you think he’s gonna look like?” Jake half-laughed, openly staring at the way his hand engulfed Neytiri’s.
”I hope he looks like you,” she smiled, a besotted look spreading across her face as she leaned up to touch noses with him.
“I was gonna say the same thing,” Jake teased, cheeks hurting from his smile. “When…?”
”Mother helped me find out today,” Neytiri told him, as they both sat down again and cuddled each other. “As best we can figure out, it was…” she blushed. “Under the Tree of Voices.”
”The Tree of Voices,” Jake murmured dreamily, laying back on the woven floor of the tent and taking Neytiri with him. Then his eyes flew wide open. “But that means —“
”Yes,” she agreed, more solemn as she snuggled further into him. “During the battle. I’m alright, Ma Jake.”
”God, I almost lost you,” Jake whispered, feeling himself choke up at the thought. He slid his hand back over Neytiri’s stomach. “Both of you,” he whispered, still reeling from the revelation.
”You didn’t,” Neytiri said firmly, grabbing Jake’s wrist and squeezing.
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Jake met his son for the first time the second he was born, because he was by Neytiri’s side for the birth. As most Omatikayans did, he even linked with Neytiri during the process to share her pain (and joy). One grueling, hours-long experience later, and they were both the proud parents of a healthy, squalling little boy.
”Ohh, what a beautiful child,” Mo’at cooed, lifting the squirming little pink-blue bundle into the air to check him over. “What will you name him?”
Jake looked at Neytiri. She looked as sweaty and wan as he felt. But she beamed at him, even through her tired face and sallow under-eyes and sweaty countenance. Her hair was sticking to her forehead. “Neteyam,” she announced, just like they’d talked about.
”Neteyam,” Jake whispered back reverently, tears overflowing from his eyes. He un-linked from his mate to allow her to hold their son and link with him for the first time. Jake watched her shudder as tsaheylu took and watched his newborn son still and stop screaming, face falling into an expression of wide-eyed wonder. Neteyam’s little face relaxed and he gurgled, reaching for his mother. Neytiri wept in joy and cradled their son close to her breast, rocking him back and forth. And then, she started to sing.
”I experience Neteyam,” she sang softly, tears of joy streaming down her flushed cheeks. Jake immediately joined Mo’at and other clan members in helping Neytiri get comfortable and clean, but she didn’t even notice them. “And the Great Mother, within me…” she sobbed once, but Jake had never seen her look happier. “You brought light — new life, a new son…” She sniffed, holding their son close as he contentedly suckled his first meal and kneaded his chubby little fingers into her chest. Jake, mouth hanging open in sheer wonder, slowly wormed one of his own fingers under Neteyam’s palm. When the baby squeezed as hard as his little baby fingers could squeeze, Jake’s vision blurred with tears. But he’d never been more overjoyed in his life.
”Joy within my heart,” Neytiri crooned, petting Neteyam’s little head. “Joy within my heart…”
”Congratulations,” Mo’at murmured, laying her hand on both of them. Then she took her hand off of Jake and laid it on his son’s little head, covering it.
———————————————-
When Grace’s avatar went into labor a few weeks later, it wasn’t even a discussion of who would be taking the baby. Jake and Neytiri had decided when the results first came in. At that point, they were already prepared to have a child — two was an unexpected blessing. Neytiri had cried again that day from happiness, convinced that Eywa was showing her kindness to repair the hardship that she’d been through. Jake found himself agreeing. If anyone deserved it, it was Neytiri.
Jake watched Neytiri link with Kiri, and held Neteyam in his arms as he watched mother and daughter bond. “Look, buddy,” he whispered to his son, bouncing the baby in his arms. When he pointed, Neteyam’s eyes followed his finger and the baby giggled. “Look, that’s your sister…”
Kiri cooed into Neytiri’s chest and started playing with his mate’s hair. Jake’s heart felt so full it would burst. Again, for possibly the millionth time that month, he stood in awe of his life. When he first came to Pandora, how could he have expected heaven?
Neytiri was singing again. “Welcome, Kiri,” she sang, hugging Kiri close to nuzzle her cheek against their daughter’s head. Kiri cooed again and closed her eyes, mouth falling open as she started to drool. “I bring you to the family, I bring you to the light… a miracle arrives, an unexpected birth…”
Jake reached out a shaking hand and rubbed it down his daughter’s back. Her skin was so baby-soft, just like his son’s was. A son and a daughter. A perfect family. Who the hell thought that a dumb Jarhead like him could fall ass-first into the perfect life? A wife and two beautiful children. When he and Neytiri had barely even started their life together. Thank you, Eywa, he almost blurted out loud.
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Spider was the one that he’d kinda been worried about. It didn’t help that, in Quaritch’s illustrious ego and wisdom, he’d saddled with poor baby with the name “Miles”. Spider stayed with the lab guys and gals, getting raised communally in the link shacks for the first few years of his little life. When Neytiri first saw him, he was just a little babe in a diaper with curly blonde hair. He was so pale and pink, with little blue eyes and a button nose.
Jake watched Neytiri stare down impassively at the human infant, with Neteyam and Kiri in slings on both of them.
“His name is Miles,” Norm said quietly, holding the little baby.
”May I see him.” Neytiri’s voice was flat.
Jake and Norm looked warily at each other, but Jake nodded just slightly. After all, this was an infant. Whatever Neytiri’s feelings towards humans, Jake didn’t doubt for a second that she wouldn’t harm an innocent baby. Neytiri was full of righteous and justifiable rage, but she wouldn’t take it out on a baby.
Norm lifted Spider up to Neytiri, who took him in one arm. He was so tiny compared to her. His entire head fit in the palm of her hand and his body didn’t even stretch down to her elbow. “He’s so…” Neytiri trailed off, face going through a whirlwind of emotions. Brows furrowed then lifted, she frowned and then relaxed, her ears twitched and her tail thrashed. “He’s so…”
So what? Human? Pink? Disgusting? He looks like his father? Jake hovered anxiously, waiting on tenterhooks for what she would say.
”Small,” Neytiri said softly, face finally settling on something… almost sweet. Like she was melting but trying to hide it. She stared down at Spider, head tilting as her golden eyes evaluated the squirming bundle resting on her forearm. “Are you all really this tiny?”
”Yeah,” Norm half-laughed, sweeping his hair back. “Spider’s a pretty average little boy. A perfectly healthy eight pounds and three ounces when he was born.”
”Eight pounds…” Neytiri mouthed, eyes crinkling at the corners as she couldn’t fight the smile, even if just for a second. In her hand, Spider wriggled, beaming a bright smile as he reached for Neytiri and made grabby hands. Neytiri’s smile faded and she leaned down to gently hand Spider back off to Norm. “There you go,” she said quietly, and put a hand over Neteyam’s head when she leaned back up. Jake was so busy being relieved that Neytiri hadn’t carried over her grudge to Spider (not that he would’ve blamed her necessarily, but he was glad that it hadn’t happened) that he almost didn’t notice how thoughtful she looked for the rest of the night.
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A year later, they were blessed with Lo’ak. Neytiri had beamed and cried about how much Lo’ak looked just like his dad, and sang another verse for her songcord. By this point, Kiri, Neteyam, and Spider were all learning to walk, and Neytiri even tolerated playdates with Spider in the link shacks (even if she had to supervise the whole time.) Just like with all his kids before Lo’ak, Jake couldn’t understand how he had gotten to be so lucky.
”Yes, my little one,” Neytiri cooed as Jake fed Neteyam and Kiri on the other side of the tent, trying to spoon bits of mashed up fruit into their hungry little mouths. Jake watched over his shoulder as Neytiri bounced Lo’ak in her arms, a besotted smile melting across her face as she booped his little wrinkled nose. “What a beautiful little face you have… just like your papa, yes…”
Jake blushed and beamed, cheeks hurting from his smile (like they always did these days.) He was so preoccupied with watching his wife and his son in their joyful moment that he almost (almost) didn’t notice Neteyam spitting up his food all over the place.
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Tuk was next, a few years later. Neteyam, Spider and Kiri were older kids, and Lo’ak was getting bigger every day now. For the months leading up to Tuk’s arrival, they all waited with bated breath. The kids were ecstatic about having a baby sibling, almost as ecstatic as Jake and Neytiri were about completing their family. They’d decided to stop after Tuk. Four (five) kids was perfect for them. Their perfect, whole little family.
Tuk was so little when she was born. Neytiri cooed and crooned and cried and sang, laughing about how teeny her baby girl was. And after Neytiri had linked with Tuk for the first time, it was time to introduce the baby to her siblings. Each of the Sully kids had crowded around Tuk, eager to touch or peek at the new addition.
“Be careful, be careful,” Neytiri chided gently with a beaming smile. “Lo’ak, be gentle.”
”Yes, Mama,” Lo’ak had chirped, and gone back to gawking at his baby sister.
”She’s so small!” Spider whispered, delight written all over his little face under his mask.
”I love you,” Jake whispered to Neytiri, bunting foreheads with her as they both beamed.
”I love you too, Ma Jake,” Neytiri murmured back.
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And then Neteyam was gone. Their perfect, beautiful, wonderful miracle of a firstborn. Gone. Taken from them too soon. The first few weeks after that — the funeral, the mourning rituals — they were all a blur. He and Neytiri and the kids just went through the motions together, all on autopilot. Jake kept expecting to see his son flounce back through the door after coming back from some mischief, or kept expecting him and Lo’ak to barrel through the door together squabbling only to make up an hour later. Kept expecting Kiri to start complaining about Neteyam being second Mom. Kept expecting to see Neteyam running around the Marui giving Tuk a piggyback ride as she shrieked, holding her arms out so she could “fly”.
It never happened. Because it would never happen again. Because their son was with Eywa now.
The tense air between the rest of the Sullies and Spider didn’t help. After that truly harrowing hostage negotiation on the boat, Jake was a little afraid to leave Spider alone with Neytiri. Not because he thought she hated the kid, but because he knew that they were all suffering the worst loss a parent could possibly suffer, and he didn’t want her to do something she’d regret.
So when he woke up early one morning to see Neytiri and Spider sitting on the path just outside the marui’s door, at first his stomach tightened. Neytiri’s tailtip was flicking, and her ears were pointed down in the early morning light. Spider was all deflated, shoulders sagging and head hanging low.
”I’m sorry,” Spider was whispering. Crying, Jake realized. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Lo’ak and Neteyam were going back for me.”
Neytiri was silent. But one ear twitched like she wanted to say something.
”I just wish…” Spider let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry — I just wish he was still here,” Spider whimpered, shoulders starting to shake as he started to cry. God, he was still just a kid, Jake remembered. It was so easy to forget, when the kids acted so grown now. “I’m sorry,” Spider apologized again, sobbing into his hands over his mask. “I’m sorry — I know you miss him more than I do — I know this is harder for you — but he… we grew up together…”
Neytiri actually made a soft noise. Jake watched her ears pin down so hard they were almost pointing at the ground, and her tail drooped. Seemingly before she even realized, she leaned to put a hand on Spider’s little shoulder before stopping herself. Spider seemed to be too busy crying to notice as Neytiri pulled away again, putting her hands in her lap.
“When you were a babe,” she whispered, as Spider’s sobbing and sniffling trailed away so he could listen, “I held you, you know.”
”You did?” Spider asked, turning to look up at Neytiri. She nodded, looking out over the ocean.
”You were so tiny,” Neytiri murmured, tailtip twitching once. “I could hold you in one arm and your toes didn’t even come close to the crease of my elbow. I thought, ‘how could something so little be so… painful?’”
Spider deflated again.
”I know I haven’t been…” Neytiri sighed, shoulders drooping. “I have been cold towards you,” she admitted, turning her face to Spider as Jake watched. “I’ve treated you like a stranger when you grew up as my children’s sibling. You look like him. All I could think of was…”
”My father,” Spider nodded, biting his lip as his eyes squeezed closed. “It’s okay to blame me,” he whispered.
”I don’t,” Neytiri answered immediately, seemingly surprising even herself. After a moment of stunned silence from both of them, she continued. “I want to,” she admitted. This time, she actually reached out and petted Spider’s hair, smoothing it down the back of his head. “I wish I could,” she told him. “I think it would be easier that way.”
Spider just stared up at her, sniffling, as she kept speaking.
”When I looked at you, all I used to be able to see was Quaritch,” Neytiri confessed to Spider, lower lip wobbling. “That evil man. But when you were a babe in my arm, all I could see was how small you were. And now, all I can see is the little tsamsiyu you’ve become. Spider, I…” Neytiri trailed off. “I don’t know how to change right away,” she admitted. “My feelings are… deep and complicated and very, very raw.”
”Me too,” Spider said, eyeing her. “And I… I understand why you feel the way that you do.”
”I hate him,” Neytiri said instantly, and gently tucked a loc of Spider’s hair behind his ear. “If I saw him now, I would rip him limb from limb. I would kill him as many times as I had to without a second thought.” She softened after a moment. “But you aren’t him,” she said. “My feelings will probably never resolve completely,” she confessed, voice heavy with honesty. “But I want you to know…” she sighed. “You could be welcome here,” she said quietly, so quietly Jake almost struggled to hear her. “With us.”
”Sullies stick together,” Spider sniffed wetly.
”Sullies stick together,” Neytiri agreed, even if it was a little more hesitantly.
For the first time in weeks, Jake felt great joy within his heart.