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Authors Note: Hello again! There will be a few chapters posted like this, regarding the relationship between John and Brianna but not featuring them or their relationship directly. As I mentioned there will be several stories where this conversation would happen, and rather than put it in each story I'll just post them separately. My apologies if you're disappointed, but more to follow soon!
The sun is setting behind him as John arrives at River Run, the plantation abuzz with word of Jamie and Claire’s return. Of all the days they could have returned, it’s the one day in the last few weeks that he had to run into town. He increases the speed, even if it only gets him there a few minutes sooner. They were planning to tell her parents together; John especially did not want them to hear about it from Jocasta or anyone else in the house.
The sunlight seems to settle on the porch, highlighting Brianna and Claire on the bench, her mother is hugging her from the side and smoothing her hair. Like a statue, she is frozen in her mother’s arms, staring off in the distance. The closer he gets, he can see how pale she is, her eyes red and tired and her cheeks stained with trails from tears, but she is no longer crying.
Roger is gone then, or dead.
“Good evening, Mistress Fraser. Miss Fraser…” he smiles and bows.
“Good evening, Lord John.” She manages a small, brief smile in return.
“Our daughter has been filling us in on your marriage…” Claire says, her voice positively dripping with venom. The last time he saw that much contempt in her eyes was when he was ill and told her things she should never have heard.
“I see.” If he’s being honest, the contempt in her eyes now is even worse, closer now to a seething hatred. “I suppose I should go speak to your husband. Is he in the house?”
“He’s in the nursery with Jemmy.” Brianna answers hoarsely.
“Thank you.” He wastes no time excusing himself.
Jamie is exactly where Brianna says, the tiny boy is held against his grandfather’s chest, deep in sleep. His old friend is whispering in Gaelic, probably soft and loving words that the Scottish highlander would be loath to allow anyone else to hear. The last thing he wants is to interrupt such a perfect picture, but he knows he must. John doesn’t knock to avoid waking his son, taking quiet steps into Jamie’s line of vision.
“Good evening, my apologies for being late.” He greets in a whisper, holding his hands out to his sides in a show of surrender.
“Dinna fash…” There is a moment of tense silence until Jamie sits in the rocking chair and pulls the plush blanket to cover Jemmy more, “I never got to hold Brianna like this, nor Willie when he was first born. I don’ want ta let ‘im go…”
“I only held William once after he was first born while visiting Isobel. It was brief; I did not even know his name yet, nor how important he would become to me. Sometimes I wish I had more moments like this with him...” The way Jamie glares at him makes John hope that Jeremiah being held by his Grandfather will be the key to not losing his life tonight, “Dare I ask what’s become of Roger?” he asks, diverting Jamie’s focus.
Grief consumes the anger in his eyes as he shakes his head, “We found ‘im. Young Ian took his place among the Mohawk. After we told Roger everythin’, he said he needed time.” John waits with bated breath for the conclusion of the story but Jamie remains silent.
“And what was his decision?” John prods tentatively.
“He’s no’ here, is he?” Though his voice is soft there is no mistaking the bitter anger in his tone.
John wants to clarify further, he and Brianna will not move forward with their plans while there is still a chance Roger will return. It is obvious that right now is not the best time to discuss it.
“I am sorry about Ian, Jamie, but it is a relief to…I am glad you’re both back safely.”
“Are ya?”
Ah, there it is… The contempt filling his eyes near matches his wife’s.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Are ya glad we’re back safely? You didna even wait ta ask my permission before weddin’ my daughter.”
“I am more than glad,” John replies, about to defend himself further in a way that would certainly start a fight and wake the sleeping babe. “Did you even give Brianna the chance to explain before leaping to conclusions?” he asks instead, keeping a calm tone to his voice.
“She said that it was all her idea, she asked you first – threatened you more specifically,”
A small smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, “That she did,” seeing the questioning look on Jamie’s face, he continues, “I regret I was not here to greet you, Brianna and I planned to tell you both together that our engagement – as well as our marriage – had been just for show. Your Aunt would not relent in finding Brianna a husband before the birth of her son and among her suitors were the likes of Gerald Forbes and Lt. Wolff.” Jamie scoffs with a truly remarkable rolling of his eyes. John assumes there is a history between them and that it makes Jamie more relieved than angry that John is here and not Wolff.
When he doesn’t interject, John continues, “It was our hope that you would return with her husband before we ever needed to officially go through with anything. And we did wait, to the very last possible moment, but when it became apparent that you wouldn’t be back in time and when Brianna could no longer hide her condition, I arranged for a friend of mine to forge a marriage certificate. This way, we never exchanged actual wedding vows and if you returned with Roger and he was choosing to stay and spare Jeremiah being branded a bastard, she would be released from our ‘marriage’ without fault.”
“And if Roger was dead, or didna choose to stay?”
He leans forward, making sure Jamie can see his eyes and John’s genuine feelings, “I told Brianna no matter what happened I’d be here for her, and if or when the time came, we could make the marriage legitimate. And just as I had turned her down when she first proposed, she told me no, feeling as though she was forcing me to fulfill an arrangement that we both entered into believing we’d never have to follow through with it. Looking back… I’m not sure how or when it happened, it was a more gradual progression. And honestly, Jamie, the way she trusted me – it touched me in a way I didn’t quite understand at the time. I told myself it didn’t really mean anything, and I tried to ignore it.”
“Trusts ya? But ye said she threatened you,”
“She only blackmailed me – which by extension would have caused ruination and possibly death.”
“Och, is that all she did?” the sardonic edge in Jamie’s voice is unmistakable, but his expression is incredulous and John stifles the urge to laugh.
“If you want to know why your daughter trusted me so implicitly, you’ll have to ask her. But it was a hollow threat, Jamie, one she only made because she assumed I would not be interested in a sexual relationship with her.”
A pained, genuinely afflicted look takes over his features. It was a realization that made John’s heart ache as well, that one so young would only seek out an arrangement where physical intimacy was neither wanted nor expected. John couldn’t promise her father that Brianna would be alright and that she’d enjoy and seek out intimacy again, but he knows that it will be himself providing it and that he’d never hurt her. But somehow, even with a sleeping Jeremiah against his chest, John thinks better of it.
“And ye’ll accept it and be happy if she decides ta never have sex again?” Jamie asks with skeptical eyes.
“Yes, of course. I do want to help her get over it, but you of all people know that I would never force myself or impose my will upon anyone. Any and all attempts to initiate any kind of physical intimacy will be started by Brianna and stop when she says so.”
“And kids?”
If he had been drinking anything he would have just choked on it.
“Again, I shall defer to your daughter…” John says cautiously, a droll smile forming. “We honestly didn’t get that far, yet.”
They share an almost easy laugh, “I ken yer an honorable man, John. I’m just tryin’ ta ensure ya’ve both considered everythin’.”
“As were we. Our trip to Wilmington was quite…enlightening. In truth, it was then that a bond started to form between us, friendship mostly; solidarity. We began discussing what might happen and how we would respond in each of those circumstances, what kind of wedding to have…” “I think that’s the main reason why Brianna wanted to face Bonnet and forgive him; once she no longer had to fear him she could move on and begin living her life again. My respect and admiration for her only grew from there and it has not stopped in the meantime. The day she gave birth to Jeremiah was when I could no longer deny my feelings, at least not to myself. I didn’t feel it appropriate to share that with her when she was still in love with and technically married to another man. But I can’t help it…is it wrong of me that I already think of him as my son?” John asks with a fond look at Jeremiah.
“It’s not wrong…” then Jamie huffs, shaking his head while meeting his gaze, “I still canna believe ya took ‘er to see that animal.” he whispers with a harsh edge.
“It was reading your letter that prompted her. And your very stubborn child used the brain the good Lord gave her to make her own decision,” Despite Jamie’s frustration, John can see him proudly smirking to himself, “Besides, I feared if I did not help her, she would have gotten herself to Wilmington anyway and any number of things could have gone wrong.”
“I ken. I just…” his voice fades and as Jamie sighs Jeremiah whimpers and shifts. He stands, gentle in his movements as he shifts and sways on his feet. They both hold their breath until the babe is settled once more. “I’m glad it was you she was with, John. If I had been there I’d’ve killed him wit’ my bare hands.”
“Please believe me when I say I tried to talk her out of it. I didn’t want Brianna to make that journey in her condition and wanted even less for her to witness a hanging. Obviously neither of us could have predicted what would happen at the jail whilst we were there. Although, there was something truly liberating standing there by her side as we watched it burn down. I don’t regret that vile excuse for a man was inside.”
“Nor I...” Jamie risks sitting back down, and Jemmy only releases a tiny trembling breath. The soft circles on his back resume, and they fall into a comfortable silence.
“I wish you could have seen her, Jamie,” his eyes close, remembering that day in perfect detail. When his eyes open, an intrigued look in Jamie’s eyes prompts him to continue, “Before we left River Run I made it clear she need only ask if she changed her mind, and I fully expected she would long before we made it there. She did not. Knowing why we were there made it harder; she was trembling nearly the whole time, but I held my hand and we walked into that prison together. He was chained and she faced him alone; I didn’t hear what she said to him, but it didn’t matter. It was one of the most incredible displays of strength I have ever witnessed, from anyone.”
“Aye, she is strong…takes after her mother.” John can feel the pride that fills Jamie’s eyes once more, knowing Brianna and her mother are unique and remarkably tenacious women.
The image of Claire’s contemptuous glare and the hostile edge to her voice makes an anxious sigh escape him, “I fear your wife will never forgive me and she may actually murder me in my sleep before letting me marry Brianna.” The look in Jamie’s eyes tells him that he is not entirely wrong. To his surprise, his expression softens.
“Claire’s not angry with ya, John. She’s angry that Bree came here ta find us and was violated so savagely. She’s angry at Roger for choosin’ ta return ta whatever home he came from, after Young Ian took his place with the Mohawk and leavin’ it to us to break our daughter’s heart even more. It is no’ you, my friend…ya jus’ happen ta be the only man around for her ta lash out all her grief. I’ll talk with’er.”
“I know that, Jamie. You need not talk with her, I more than understand her reaction. And I agree that Roger not having the decorum to come face Brianna on his own is the most disgraceful and cowardly act I have personally witnessed. It may sound awful to say but I am happy this happened now, that he did not return and give her false hope only to hurt her even worse in the future.”
“Did she tell you about everything?” Jamie asks.
“Not at first. After I told her the true reasons why I could not marry her, I was trying to comfort her – to give her some hope. She knew, even then I think, that Roger would not return. Even if he did, there was a chance he wouldn’t want her or the child. I could sense there was something more, something deeper that she was hesitant to tell me and I had no intention of pressing the matter further. Again, I don’t know why or what I did to earn it, but Brianna trusted me with the truth about Bonnet and the question of her baby’s paternity. Not only had she been violated, but her choices were being taken away all over again and overnight she had to choose a man to marry to protect her child. My heart broke, listening to her describe how she was prepared to sacrifice hope and love for the sake of her child. My heart still breaks for her. The shame she feels is palpable, Jamie…and it is deeply rooted.”
He nods, “Aye, that I knew. Even when we first spoke of it, she seemed quite intent on blamin’ herself. Bree is fierce in her way; for some reason she believes there was a way for her ta fight him off. That she could – and should – have overpowered him and escaped.” Jamie’s eyes change as a bitter, disgusted rage fills them, “We were right there, John,” he seethes, “In Wilmington…we were at a bloody play when our daughter was being violated and I…it…”
“Now who is intent on blaming themselves?”
“It is no’ blame, it just…breaks me…”
As a father, there is no comfort John could give to a man whose daughter was forced against her will. All men pride themselves on strength and protecting the ones they love, but when a father fails to do that, even if it is completely out of their control and not their fault, it is a pain that cuts to the very core of his soul.
Jamie is still rocking Jemmy when their eyes lock, “Thank you for everythin’ ya’ve done, John, this…this goes above and beyond just lookin’ in on her. I shoulda kent or gave ya some warnin’ that it wouldna be a simple check in. I’m told she was well-mannered but that she stayed alone most of the time until she met you…”
That piques his interest, “Did Jocasta say that?”
Jamie shakes his head, “Murtagh…he is quite enraged.”
John laughs, not even remotely surprised, “In spite of that I daresay your Godfather is coming around, he said that he trusted me with Brianna – twice.”
“He’ll never admit to that...”
“I know. And please, you don’t have to thank me, Jamie. Perhaps it is selfish, but it has been my pleasure and an honor to be of service to her.”
“So, ya waited fer our return and yer askin’ my permission now?” John takes a deep breath, nodding his response and fearing the answer. After a long look at his grandson, Jamie sighs, “I dinna ken how long my daughter will be here, but I willna miss my chance to walk her down the aisle, even if you are the one waitin’ at the altar.”
“We have your blessing then?” John asks in a breathless jumble, his heart rate speeding up.
“Well, ya said it yerself – we could’ve come home to find her legitimately married to Forbes or someone equally ill-suited – like that Lt. Wolff.” Again, Jamie takes a steadying breath and their gazes lock, “If I must give my wee girl away, I can think of no one else I would trust her to.”
John is speechless, trying to swallow the torrent of rising emotions – to stop the flood of tears from filling his eyes, “Do you truly mean that, Jamie? Even knowing…my history?”
“John, you were fond of Isobel – I ken ya loved her. Brianna made a good point, that she went inta this with her eyes wide open. There’re no secrets between ya. It’s no’ a bad way ta begin a life together.”
“So you were listening,”
“More or less.” Jamie settles beside him, “I just needed to hear all of it from you – to see you as you said it.”
John nods in understanding, “I’m sure you would have preferred her to meet a man and have a relationship like you and Claire have. We know so little of each other…”
“Aye, well, that doesna mean much. Truth be told, Claire and I were wed under similar circumstances. I married to protect her.” John can only imagine the look on his face but whatever it is, it’s making Jamie laugh.
“What?”
“Aye, I did.” John’s doubtful look only seems to make Jamie laugh harder, “When we married, Claire and I were veritable strangers. The night we met her my clan were hiding in a barn from the redcoats, I was badly injured. Murtagh comes barrelin’ in wit’ some lass in naught but her shift, claiming Randall tried to rape her.”
“The ever-reliable Mr. Fitzgibbons...”
“Aye…” but Jamie continues with a crooked smile, “Hostage is a strong word, but she didna…she was still in love with Frank, still tryin’ to get back ta him. Her choices were ta marry me or be a prisoner of ol’ Black Jack Randall.”
“Hostage?”
Jamie nods again, “Outside the church she told me she couldna marry me cause she didna ken my real name. We introduced ourselves officially and then said our vows before God and in front of my clan. We had only one day ta prepare, I had my kinsman get a ring fashioned out of somethin’ of my mothers. Claire’s weddin’ dress was bought at a whorehouse…”
John could no longer contain his own laughter, “Now I know you’re lying.”
Jamie chuckles, too, but his smile falters and his eyes are suddenly somber, “I wouldna lie to ya, John. She was so nervous – we both were. The weddin’ had ta be consummated right away and witnessed, luckily it was enough that my whole clan – like a pack o’ ravenous dogs – was downstairs and no one had ta be in the room wit’ us. I assured her more than once that she was safe, that I’d never harm or force her. And she drank, quite heavily…stalled for hours, askin’ question after question. Eventually she relaxed enough, and we made love. It was my first time, I don’ regret it, but sometimes I wish we got remarried.”
“Claire was your first?” he asks in disbelief.
“Aye, practically my only.”
“Does she often lose husbands and remarry when she thinks they are dead but they’re not?”
Jamie huffs a laugh, “As far as I know it was Frank first, then me. Then Frank again…and me again.”
“Honestly, Jamie…” John is shaking his head as he chuckles and Jamie stands, walking to the bassinet and laying Jeremiah safely inside, “Brianna told me that for her whole life she never saw your wedding ring until her father died, but that she still wears Franks ring.”
“Aye, she did. Right up until that wee little shite stole it from her fingers.” Running his hand down his face, Jamie falls back into the chair in utter exhaustion. After the stress and physical exertion of chasing the Mohawk and the emotional turmoil he’s dealt with since arriving here, John could only imagine how badly Jamie needed rest.
“It didn’t bother you?”
“At times, but Frank was a good man, and Claire loved him. She didna have any control over what happened and how she came ta be in Scotland. And before Culloden, while Claire was pregnant, I had ta send her back to him. My mind would go ta some dark places wonderin’ if he took them in, if she was safe or if he rejected her and the bairn. At times I envied him – hated him, but I respect him, I couldna raise Brianna the way he did…with stability. and I am more grateful than ever. Besides, I have Claire’s heart and soul, and she has mine.”
For a moment, John can’t breathe as he stares at his dearest friend, “Is that truly how you feel? Do you envy and hate me for raising William?”
A look of genuine surprise fills Jamie’s eyes, followed by regret, “No, not at all, John. I know you and Isobel, and I trusted ya both ta continue carin’ for him. I could see William was being loved and well cared for. Brianna…she was no’ the first child I lost. While we were in France, Claire was pregnant. It’s a long story but I got into a duel with Randall, ended up in the Bastille and Claire…she was alone while she gave birth to a daughter who never drew breath. Then I had to send her away while carrying our second child and I just hoped they were being loved and that Claire wasna alone. I’m no’ sure if it hurt worse that Faith died before I saw her or that I knew my child was alive but I’d never see them – I didna even know it was a daughter until Claire came back.”
“They sound equally torturous,” John breathes at last, barely able to form words, “I am so sorry Jamie. I had no idea.”
“No one does, not even Brianna. We don’t talk of it.”
“I can understand why.” Jamie gives a weak smile, and John wishes he had thought to request whiskey be brought to the room, they could both use one, “I care about Brianna, I want her to be happy and she wants the same for me. I think we have a real chance but…I’m just…I’m terrified it will all end the same.”
“Tell me the truth John, here and now. Forget your honor and your duty and propriety; we’ve both offered to let you end the arrangement. What do you want?” There is a firm edge to Jamie’s voice, but it is not unkind. There was a time when this question would have been much more complicated to answer, even though the answer itself is simple one. John no longer wants to hide his feelings from anyone, perhaps he should not reply quite so honestly, but he is trying to be as open and vulnerable as possible.
“What I want is not possible, I would be executed – William ruined. But…there is something with Brianna that I didn’t have with Isobel. I’m drawn to her. I once thought it was because of you, which is one of the main reasons I initially turned her down. I can’t name it yet, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t there.”
“Then I have only one condition: ya must get married in a church – by a Catholic priest – in Latin.”
“That’s three conditions…” Once more they share an easy laugh, but John continues, “God wouldn’t want me in a church. We can do the priest and the Latin, but can we please do it outside?” There is sadness in Jamie’s eyes as their gazes lock, but they are full also of profound affection.
“Lord Grey, ya have my blessin’ ta marry my daughter.” He says at last, tears brimming his eyes. Despite the uncertainty of Roger’s decision, the sheer joy that moves through John at hearing those words is immeasurable. Not even the prospect of having to inform Claire of this news was enough to dampen it.
“I’ll take care of her, Jamie; I’ll take care of both of them.”
“I ken it John, I ken it.” Jamie grabs his shoulder, squeezing tighter as they move toward the door, “Just dinna be offended if I don’ call ya ‘son’.”
“You say that as if I were planning to call you ‘Dad’,”
A/N: Thank you for reading! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to comment and let me know. There is an extension of this one, or I guess just a slightly different conversation that reveals a little more and John and Jamie connect on a deeper emotional level. I'll post that in the coming weeks hopefully. Until next time, then, take care!