Chapter Text
It was not too early in the morning at the freelance police’s house, as they would be up at this time to get ready for work.
Sam always woke up before Max to make them breakfast or he barely slept the other night. Max, sleeping on top of the bunk bed, woke up in a cough. Max fixed himself as he began coughing a few more times. He sighed as this has been a normal occurrence for some time now.
His non-salient expression said it all on how he was feeling at the moment, he jumped off the bunk bed and sluggishly walked to the bathroom. As he looked in the mirror, he dragged his droopy eye bags in boredom and laughed to himself. Coughing once more, something came out…
“Ugh… more of this stuff.”
“I honestly can’t keep hiding this from Sam, he’s gonna start thinking I’m getting down with something. Well, more than usual”.
He hasn’t told Sam about this “situation”, it doesn’t seem to bother him. Max has been coughing up lavender petals and flowers for a good while now. He doesn’t know why or how this is happening to him, all he knows is that his breathing hasn't been the same since. It feels like something is growing in or trying to crawl out of his throat.
The disease hasn’t caught a hold of him yet. He threw them in the trash and used toilet paper to cover his “crime”. He brushed his wide grinned teeth as hygiene is important to this rabbity thing, well self-hygiene. The lavender helped with his breath, which honestly needed it, the things he ate never usually smelled pleasing.
Cheerfully, he walked out of the bathroom to greet Sam and his breakfast with his usual witty banter - which was always received positively by his canine partner.
“Morning Sammy!”. The lagomorph smiles in glee to see him.
“Morning lil buddy!”, the dog grins back at him in response.
The rabbit sits by the counter. “Alright Sam, how are we going about wrecking these punks this week?”
“Well little buddy, we’re either using our oddly gratis torture methods or we slap them silly.”
“Torture sounds fun!”
“Sure Max, but we don’t need another lawsuit this week, my pockets feeling emptier than a movie theater showing Son of the Mask“.
“Aww man…, Curse you the American justice system and human rights!!”
“Don’t say that Max, without ‘em or American laws we wouldn’t have free speech nor that 2008 marriage law.”
“I guess you’re right… but free speech is overrated.”
Sam kicked back with a newspaper in hand. If you’re wondering why they haven’t gone to work yet, they need to eat and what better place than to eat at home? Max sits down and grabs the coffee jug. Before he pours it, he remembers the lavender with the coffee’s bitter after taste was going to ruin his morning. So, he just stuffs all the food while stealing some of Sam’s.
Sam usually eats while heading to work so he grabs a quick bite and asks Max to bag the rest. Max secretly loves doing it, he feels like a mom packing up lunch for their kid. When these two hit the road, not even the sidewalk is safe anymore. The neighbors make sure to come out when they’re at work.
At the office, their favorite place, Max checks on Leonard in the closet to see if he’s still alive and tells him they’ll feed him later. Doing anything to pass the time, it finally came.
“RING!!” “RING!!”
Startled, the boys stared at each other for a sec, then were running each other down to get the phone.
“I GOT IT, I GOT--"
Sam grabbed Max like a cat and tossed him in the air, as he answered the phone Max landed on his fuzzy tail mumbling in anger, arms crossed. Sam was talking to the commissioner as if he was getting the latest tea from one of his “girlfriends” over the phone. The rabbit loves being tossed by Sam but also hates losing.
He could feel a cough coming on but tries to ignore it, he doesn’t want lavender all over the floor. He feels uneasy now.
“Suffering Shakespeare writing an objectifying sonnet while talking to his own grave, We’re on it Mr. Commissioner!”
“Does this case involve a library Sam because all this Shakespeare talk is making me nervous.”
“No Knucklehead, as much as you can’t read, we’ve got a case for a mediocre and twisted political writer that keeps shifting laws for his own adornment to set about before he starts a public riot.”
“Well! How un-ironic that we were talking about politics this morning, don’t you just hate when they abuse their political power.”
“And that’s ironic coming from you but no time to waste Max. Let's get this wannabe politician”.
The dynamic duo left the office hopped into the Desoto ready for another wild day of crazy or mildly boring shenanigans. All they had to do was beat-up or stop the guy from writing another terrible law that is a menace to the state. It wasn’t as easy as it seemed to be, the writer was surely a fast one and he kept making more laws or loopholes for the detectives not to arrest him.
They were getting frustrated at this point. Max wanted to shoot this guy in the face, but he knew although Sam would love him to, they needed to catch the guy not kill him. “Mr. Acorn-head” had one more trick up their sleeve.
~ “Sorry fellas but you can’t arrest me, for you see I just got a law passed that prevents genderqueer individuals from being arrested! And guess who just queered their gender.”
“…...What. WHO’S A*S DID YOU PULL THAT LAW LOOPHOLE FROM?!?!”
“I think it was Erza Miller, Max”.
“ *sigh* Actors...” “But how are we gonna arrest ‘em now Sam?”
“It is frankly an obscure and odd workaround for us, but it’s great for the already harassed LGBT+ members. We’ll get ya in jail, although that law still stays.”
~ “Yes, and so you still can’t arrest me…!”
“…… Can I shoot Sam, I’m GONNA shoot them.”
“Hold on Max, lemme think of another route first…” Sam began to ponder while Max was trying not to blow a fuse whenever this criminal said a word out of their mouth.
They’re trying to find loopholes themselves, but using their brain on cases wasn’t usually their thing. Sam thought negotiation was the best way to settle this, there was no other option which didn't involve cartoonishly torturing them.
“Ok… How about we make a deal here?”
“NEGOTIATE – Sam seriously can’t we just slap them silly like you said.”
“If it doesn’t work Max, I won’t be Mr. Nice Wolfhound anymore so I’m hoping this goes well-”.
“Oh Sam~ I love it when you go APESH*T-”
“Alright Pal, hear us out. All me and my mischievous buddy over here gotta do is bring you to our paying participant, who’s to say you’re getting arrested?”
~ “……No thanks”.
“ *sigh* I tried, sick em Max.” The lagomorph’s face lit up as his creepy grin and deadpan stare turned to the writer. It sends chills down their spine, frantically stepping back as Max creeps closer and closer.
~ “W-Wow... Wow now, as I said you can’t arrest genderqueer individuals- “
“Tell that to the judge pal, and by the time you’re locked up, laws will be shifting our way~…”
~ “WHAT NO- AHH! --"
Max leaps at them, you could hear sounds of terror and dismemberment coming from afar. Sam waits by the car fixing his tie, doing little jumps as if he was the one feeling Max’s punches.
“Hey Max! Are ya done?”, shouting behind him as he leans on their car.
“Hold on, just have to dismember this arm riiiight here…”
~ “AH!!- “
“There we go!”. He had his hands by his sides in accomplishment looking at the disfigured writer.
Max wraps them in tape with a little bow then tapes their mouth. “Oh Sam’s gonna love this!”, he said to himself in excitement.
Max begins to cough, in the palm of his hand was blood and small petals of lavender. He panicked, he threw the lavenders somewhere and rubbed off the blood on a wall, his hands were stained with blood now.
The writer mumbled in disgust as they didn't know what the heck they’ve just witnessed.
“Oh shut up- It’ll be the only time you’ll see it anyway…”
“Now… how am I gonna dodge this question?”, he said to himself wondering how he’s going to hide this from Sam. Maybe if he just rubs dirt on it, he’ll have an excuse. As he dusts off the extra dirt off his hands, he drags the well wrapped criminal to the Desoto.
“Would ya look at that…, I thought Christmas was in December?”, Sam leans off the car to inspect them.
“Well Sam, Saint Nick came early this year”.
“It is a cruel and terribly wrapped gift from my best bud, the best gift I've had all year! Though sadly this present isn’t for me, we’ve gotta send it to our mysterious benefactor.”
“Uhhh I don’t think they can fit in the mailbox Sam- “, he said as he started looking oddly at the taped up criminal.
“ *chuckles* You crack me up lil buddy, throw ‘em in”.
The lagomorph smiled and blushed in pride, he cracked Sam up. He threw them in and leaped into his seat. After a while, He got bored and asked Sam to play something on the radio. Sam didn’t care if the music was piercing his canine ear drums, Max wasn’t chewing on the brakes again, so he reluctantly said yes.
Sam noticed Max’s dusty hand but decided not to point it out unless they’re eating something.
After delivering the crook, they got two more gigs, and then the work was over. The duo returned to the office; Sam had to file all the cases out for some apparent reason, and beats me if he looked back at them. They had stopped somewhere for food on the way back, they deserved it after dealing with such tiring criminals and Max was nothing short of eager to eat his.
“Hang on there you hungry mammal, go wash your dusty paws. If you get sick from the dirty food, I will take you to the doctor.”
Max remembers he dirtied his hands to hide the blood, He looks nervously while making up an excuse if Sam were ever to ask him how he got it.
“Umm- Since when did you care about me eating clean food, I eat unsanitary pizza boxes all the time, without the roaches of course”
“Unless that horrid cough of yours goes away, maybe I’ll reconsider…”
“But I ate a whole--”
“Max.”
“Ugh… fine.”
Sam was clearly concerned, but it’s normal for him too. Couldn’t stop him from worrying just a bit though. He was always looking for any excuse to bring Max to the doctor, but Max dodged that too.
Max got off his little school desk and went to wash his hands downstairs. As he quickly rushed back to get his food, he remembered poor starving Leonard.
“Hey Sam!”
“Hmm.”
“Leave some for Leonard, we haven’t fed him in the past 5 days-"
“I’ll try lil pal, breakfast seemed short today…”
“*giggles* No way…, I wonder how that happened~”
“You little imp, I knew my devilled eggs were missing!”.
They both laughed it off, it always happened. Sam makes breakfast for himself, but Max seemed to think it was theirs; Sam never had a full breakfast. With the clicking of Sam’s typewriter and the scraping sounds of Max’s knife on his desk, it was time for them to head home. It was the earliest time they’ve left the office they were surprised themselves, even double checking just to make sure.
The day was fulfilled, Max beat up someone, they got paid, had a wacky day, and returned home in one piece.
“Home sweet home, how I’ve missed you~”, he stands in ovation.
“We were just here this morning- “
“So? I missed it.” He shrugs as he walks inside.
“So, if I was gone for 8 hours, would you miss me?”, he asked jokingly while following behind
“… Maybe- I know you’re gonna be home so why would I?”
“Jee- it’s hard to get ya to say something nice huh? –“
“Give me a corndog and then we’ll talk.”
“There’s the fridge bud- “
He quickly pointed to the fridge while saying that, as he was not going to get that for Max. The rabbit waved him off and hit the couch, he liked watching late night shows. They were pretty good in his case.
The canine was going to take a bathe, while heading to the bathroom, he threatened Max to wash himself too because asking wouldn’t work. Sam had empty threats, but he would take Max’s gun privileges. Max remembered that awful day he thought he was bluffing.
Sam took a shower and Max rushed in after him, he’s not losing his luger today.
There was leftovers from the other night, it was just too exhausting to cook again. They ate some leftover Meesta Pizza’s takeout from the comfort of their couch, curled up and cozied together like the best buds they are. The large detective checked the clock in the living room.
He grunts as he gets up, “Alright lil buddy, it's getting late. Are you sleeping here tonight?”
“The gravitational pull of comfort from the couch prevents me from moving Sam”, he jokes sinking into the couch more and more.
“Gravitational?? Whatever ya say lil pal, I’ll take that as a yes”. He walked to the hallway near the light switch. “Good night lil buddy, love ya”, turns off the light. “Make sure to turn that off when you’re done.”
“Yeah ok, night Sam”, Max said, still watching the show. With that, Sam went to bed, Max watching telenovela reruns on the TV until he finally fell asleep with the distant sounds of Spanish dramas gently lulling him into a somewhat comfortable slumber.