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Billy had barely moved that day, the pain was still too new. The nagging voice in his head didn’t help replaying the same questions over and over “why didn’t you leave?” “How could you have not known?” “What made you think you would ever be worthy of love?” He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed something to break the cycle. He got up and wrapped himself in a gray throw blanket he kept on a chair as he left the room.
He’d never been fully able to explain it but there was something that was oddly comforting about the way his father explained things. Sure it was a little annoying when you wanted a quick answer and instead were met with an entire lecture on any given subject, but just hearing the calm tone of his voice and the vast amounts of wisdom he had was nonetheless helpful. That was what he needed right now as he made his way downstairs.
As expected he found him on the couch reading the paper. Why his father even enjoyed it was beyond him. You would think as a literal supercomputer it’d be trivial, but maybe that was why he liked it?
His normal awkwardness of approaching either of his parents when he needed help was not with him as he immediately made his way over to the couch and rested his head on his father’s arm. He could tell his father was surprised by a small start, but nonetheless he shifted his arm to wrap around him.
They sat like that in a comfortable silence for a few minutes as his father finished the story he was reading. A quick glance told him it was about some kind of animal shelter fundraiser, but he didn’t find himself all too interested at the moment. “As lovely as this is I take it you need more than to watch me read the paper?” His father finally broke the silence.
He pulled himself closer to his father before nodding slightly. The paper was sat down as his father moved his other hand to brush a curl out of his eye. “He… he” it was pathetic how shaky and weak his voice was as it escaped him. He felt his father comb through his hair trying to offer some support to his teenage son. “He what?” His father asked gently. “He…” It was really sad how badly this was going. He knew his father pitied him, and honestly? He couldn’t blame him! There were so many times it should have been obvious and yet he had missed them all! The boy had made him feel, good? Special? It didn’t even matter now. What mattered was how much of a fool he was and how he-
“Billy” a voice broke him out of his thoughts. He hesitantly looked up, half expecting pity but instead finding a look of warmth and a cautious curiosity. “He cheated on me.” A deep pink hand reached to gently rub his cheek as he finally found the words that kept leaving him. “He lied about everything, the not being able to hang out or call because of strict parents, the reason he wasn’t comfortable being seen together in school, he even lied about his birthday to make sure we didn’t accidentally meet while giving him gifts.” The further he went the less information he held back, “he did this with four people Dad, four. And I… I was a fool who didn’t see through it from the beginning.” he could feel the tears forming “I thought I finally found someone who I liked and liked me back. But he just thought he could, I don’t know? Have fun? Experiment with a guy without any actual commitment because he had another one and two girls to fool around with?”
His father had shifted to fully embrace him as he let the last of the walls fall “I should have known, it was so obvious and I didn’t notice,” he felt a tear roll down his face “I was a fool and now I’m here hurt over someone who isn’t even worth it.”
“Now I don’t think that’s entirely true,” his father started “Is he a good person? Clearly not, but good or bad you felt something and that is nothing to feel ashamed of.” He knew the tone, his father had caught a train of thought and was going to go on for a bit, but that was exactly what he wanted.
“It is hard to understand why people choose actions that lead to others being hurt, but I suppose it is one of the complexities of human nature. It hurts to know you have been lied to, but you cannot blame yourself for the actions of another. You reacted in a way that felt appropriate at the time and it is not your fault someone took advantage of that.” His father paused to comb his hair again, “it is a sadly normal part of life that you have to go through hardships and find a way through them. Adding the fact this is a relationship, which are always fickle things, makes it harder. But this is one of the lessons that comes with age. Not every relationship will end happily in fact most of the time your first relationship doesn’t as you are learning what is right for you-” “Easy for you to say” He noticed he had slid down slightly and picked himself up to lean back in, “you and mom got it right first time” he managed to feel part of his personality slip through the heartache.
“Yes well the chances that happened were incredibly slim. Only just over half of those who marry a first love stay together.” His father added a little too defensive. “There was every chance of it failing, there still is a…” He noticed his father trail off, he could guess what the next words were and was quietly grateful for both their sakes that they didn’t ponder the thought for too long. “Regardless, I know it may not be entirely useful to hear, but if nothing else you gained a valuable experience. You now know signs to look out for and that will help you the next time you find someone.”
“And what if I never do?” He asked, “it’s hard enough finding another guy who likes guys who fits at least some of the boxes of potential partner material.” “I can guarantee you if you want to find a partner you will. You are an incredibly smart and talented young man who has a bright future ahead of him.” He didn’t really need to hear the last part but it lifted his spirits nonetheless, “it will hurt for a bit longer, but you have an entire household to support you while you find your way.” “Thanks Dad” he hugged his father, “I needed that.” He felt his father return the hug and press a kiss to his head. For the first time in the past couple days once the break up had actually hit him, Billy felt a bit of hope come back that the grief was actually going to pass.