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It was late at night the air crisp and cold it felt as if your breath would turn to icicles, Chuuya was taking a shower while Dazai was sitting on the bed smoking a cigarette he stole from a drawer in the room, Chuuya wouldn’t mind if he took one, the orange haired boy got out the shower, water dripping from his body looking like a wet dog, standing at the doorway of the bedroom Dazai was in.
”Hey bastard! Where’d you get that cig? Did you steal one from my stash again? Damn you.” Chuuya said with a slightly angry expression as the water from his hair dripped on the floor
“Chill dude, it's just one cigarette. By the wayyy, could I spend the night chibi?” Dazai replied with a small smirk to try and make the other accept.
”What did you just call me dickhead!!, Huhh, sure, fine, you can stay the night since your house can’t even be counted as a house really.” Chuuya agreed with a kind of relieved tone seeping out of the annoyed tone he was trying to put forward.
”Woww, cruel words Chuuya, but I guess you’re right.” He said pressing the cigarette end against his arm to put it out. “Can I use your shower?” He asks before getting off the bed.
”I guess man, just don’t trash it up like you did before.” He said reluctently because he really did not want it to be gross later.
“Aight’ see you later Chuuya” Dazai says as he throws the remains of the cigarette in a small trash can next to Chuuya’s desk almost like he was dancing with the split second switch between getting up and leaving the room.
After Dazai left the room Chuuya sat on the bed and got his phone out, the atmosphere felt kind of awkward though because it was quite quiet and still freezing and then he realized the window was open and he hadn’t changed into any clothes yet after he finished showering.
”Damn it!” He said agitated. “Ack.” He fell off the bed with the blanket, against the bed and dresser next to it, he managed to get out after five minutes of wriggling his way out and when he got out he immediately stood up which evidently made him slip and fall again from water on the floor. “SHIT, the fuck is with me falling!” He said enraged, he finally ends up closing the window eventually though and puts on a random shirt and pair of pants from the dresser.
About half an hour later.
”Ahh, now that was a nice shower.” Dazai says while closing the bathroom door with his hair actually blow dried because Chuuya forgot he had a blow dryer, the loose strands of hair moving as if they were floating and the happiness plastered on his face, he looked at Chuuya sitting on the bed munching on apple slices and and blueberries.
“Why are you eating those?, wait never mind. Why are you wearing my shirt?” Dazai said as he looked both confused and agitated slightly at Chuuya.
“Answer to first question, because I can, answer to second question, I don’t know i just grabbed a random shirt.” Chuuya said with his eyes fixated on the snacks and his phone.
“Well it’s my shirt” Dazai muttered, with the face of betrayal.
“Why you lookin’ at me like that?, you look like you’re five years old and I just took your last chocolate chip cookie.” Chuuya said, trying to hold back a laugh.
Right after Chuuya said this Dazai leaped onto him and the bed trying to get his shirt back but the blueberries Chuuya was snacking on smeared all over the blanket on the bed making a mess.
“Shit. I didn’t think this through.” Dazai said with a regretful tone.
“Damn right you didn’t think this through!” Chuuya replied.
Dazai was now laying on top of Chuuya and his stuff, it wasn’t very comfortable for either of them and they were trying to get up, granted as this was playing out Dazai’s towel around him was starting to fall off and he wasn’t going to let that happen so he rolled off the bed to the ground face down and grabbed a pair of pants from the bottom drawer and Chuuya was just sitting there looking dazed but also kind of disappointed Dazai’s towel didn’t fall off.
Dazai quickly got up and turned slightly towards Chuuya, “Hah, good thing only the blanket got dirty!” He said with his eyes closed and in a sense it felt like he was talking like they just accomplished something big.
“Yeah.” Chuuya replied in awe of Dazai’s glistening beauty so he could only say one word.
Chuuya left the room with the blanket on his way to the laundry room to wash it and Dazai went to the living room to watch some tv leaving the bedroom empty and cold.
Chuuya was in the laundry room when after he started the washer he started thinking about Dazai, wait, why would he be thinking about Dazai, he’s supposed to hate him, so why does it feel like he loves him? It’s not like he would love him back; everyone always leaves him anyway.
And then the boy heard a jingling noise almost like wind chimes, he then realized that there were star shaped things falling on the ground followed by the same sound as they hit the ground, but where were they coming from?
He realized the stars were coming from his eyes as they stung a bit, he couldn't be crying though he thought, more stars kept falling for a few minutes after and it started to feel like a wacky dream of sorts, and he wanted the dream to end, so he then picked up the stars and wrapped them in a clean shirt that was in a basket nearby so he could hide them so Dazai wouldn't find out.
“Hey Chuuya, got any ideas of what I should watch? I already finished the last episode of yuri on ice. Sooo” Dazai said, peering through the side of the door.
“Eep! You startled me Dazai. I didn't see you come in.” Chuuya responded quickly with slight panic since he was still holding the stars.
“Eep?, Aww is the baby scared?” Dazai said in a babying tone and with a slight smirk trying to mess with Chuuya.
“Shut the fuck up.” Chuuya replied.
Chuuya then put the shirt with the stars in it back into the basket discreetly so Dazai wouldn’t notice, he then went out of the room to join Dazai at the tv.
The two sat at the couch and Dazai began scrolling through shows to watch and saying things like “already watched” and “not the vibe”
The shorter individual slumped in the seat and with a slightly annoyed look began talking, “just choose something idiot!, there!, skate the whatever!” He finished with a quiet sigh.
“Hmm, yeah I don’t think I’ve watched this one, we can probably finish most of it tonight too!” Dazai grinned.
“Yeah yeah whatever.” Said Chuuya looking back down.
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, why was I crying stars? Uhg I hope I was hallucinating or something, wait I don't have a disease do I?. Chuuya thought to himself, he was overthinking and couldn't stop.
“Oh my gosh, did you see that kid wipeout, dang!” Dazai said, breaking Chuuya’s thoughts.
So his thoughts could stop after all.
“Yeah” Chuuya mumbled as he pulled out his phone to search up about his star tears.
As he was searching he found an article about crying glass like tears shaped like stars as a result of unrequited or non confessed love, Fuck damnnit i do have a disease, he thought to himself, he never thought not confessing his love would be any worse than just not having a relationship with Dazai, but it says in the article you go blind if it goes on for long enough and he didn’t want to not see his favorite person anymore he didn’t want to never see the world again and he didn’t want to be alone with his own thoughts for more than a few minutes.
”Hey, whatcha doing?” Said Dazai, peeking over the others shoulder.
”Nothing!” Chuuya replied, quickly turning off his phone then setting it in his lap.
“Alright.” The other sighed and turned back to his own phone.
The TV was off? When did the show finish?, Chuuya thought to himself Picking at the skin on his lips as he flops onto the rest of the couch now laying down.
”What, you're tired?, you want me to order food or something? I don’t think we have any food in the fridge.” Said Dazai whispering the last part.
”Mmh, yeah food sounds good..” Chuuya softly mumbled as being tired.
About thirty minutes pass and Dazai is out getting food while Chuuya just woke up and is in the kitchen looking for wine through all his cabinets, why?, he has no idea why he is even doing anything at this point.
As he reaches for a bottle in the back of a bottom cupboard the front door clicks, Dazai. Chuuya pushed back from the cupboard and hit his back really hard but managed to get back to the couch before Dazai could see what he was doing.
What happened next was unexpected and not how Chuuya wanted the night to end, he started crying the same star shaped tears from before and he quickly rushed to the bathroom opposite way from the front door in hopes the other wouldn't see him while he was covering his face with his hands trying to make sure the stars didn't fall on the ground, he didn't want Dazai to know what was going on with him because things would never be the same again they wouldn't be able to hang out like this anymore without there being distance between them and he didn't want that to happen ever he didn't want to not be close with him but thats why this happened in the first place if he never went with Dazai all those years ago no one would be suffering, Chuuya finally got in the bathroom and closed the door after what felt like ages, but what would he know time has felt this slow for a while now.
“Shit.” Chuuya said, breaking the thoughts from his own mind.
Chuuya sat at the edge of the bathtub with stars falling and breaking onto his hands placed on his lap, his hair was a mess, his face was a mess, his life felt like a mess to, he wanted to be with Dazai until the day he died so maybe to make that come true he had to die sooner than he wanted to.
He opened the cupboard in the bathroom and found an old boxcutter left next to a few empty boxes and grabbed it sitting on the floor he took off his shirt and started cutting his upper arm, he didn’t know why, it’s not like he got drunk this time, the blood started dripping down his arm while the star tears followed, after a few minutes he heard a voice come from outside the door as he was about to cut again.
“Chuuya!?, you in there? I got the food” it was Dazai. The last but also first person he wanted to see right now.
Chuuya frantically grabs the first aid kit but ends up dropping the contents everywhere with a small crash.
“What was that!?, are you okay?!” Dazai yells as he starts to open the door.
“NO!, Dont c-come in.” Chuuya stutters in fear, he didn't want anyone to see him get this bad again.
“I’m coming in!” Dazai said, opening the door to see the terrified look of the smaller with blood on his arm and obvious cuts with a blade and first aid kit on the ground.
Dazai quickly came over to Chuuya and looked at him with a terrified expression mixed with worry, he couldn't let another one of his close friends die in his arms, he grabbed a towel and soaked it with water to clean up the blood and stop the bleeding hopefully and started taking off his bandages to wrap around the cuts since the other ones got covered in blood he didn't care if Chuuya saw his scars, most of them were from battling anyway.
“Stop. just stop, stop, Stop, STOP, i don't want your help i want to die!, just stop..” Chuuya blurted out while Dazai was taking off his bandages.
“Chuu-”
“No!, just shut up! I don't want your pity, I know you don't care about me, no one cares about me, So just let me die!” Chuuya said irritated almost this time, he couldn't differentiate his thoughts and what he was saying felt unreal, everything felt like a dream, and he wished it was.
“Please!, I don't want to bother you anymore, I know you can't love me back, so please, just let me die.” Starting to cry actual tears, Chuuya pleaded.
“Yeah, that’s right, i can't love you back, but i still care about you, more than you could know”