Chapter Text
"You're so damn selfish, Frank! Do you ever think about anyone else but yourself?!"
Frank shrugged unimpressed and took a sip of his drink. No words could express how much his indifference pissed me off. I hated him. I hated him so much. And even more, I hated how much I had loved him. I should have seen the warning signs earlier, but as they say, when you see through rose-colored glasses, the red flags just look like flags.
"You're such an idiot! Such a goddamn idiot! First, you force Susie to kill someone, then you get us into this shit, and then all of a sudden you disappear for several days without saying where you went! What is this shit? We were worried about you!"
In anger, I took the glass that was in front of me on the small coffee table and slammed it on the floor where it shattered into thousands of shards. I knew where he has been. Of course, I knew, but the fact that he couldn't even say it to my face made me immensely angry.
"Okay, no need to freak out like that, blondie. I was with someone else, alright? I wanted to break up with you anyways, so no need to get jealous!"
"Jealous? Jealous?! Who do you think you are?! I don't care who you do what with! I wanted to break up anyways, stupid asshole! I don't fucking care about you!"
Lie.
"To be honest, I wish I never had to see you again!"
The second lie.
"All I care about is that we were all worried about you! Hell, Susie was crying both nights because she thought something bad had happened to you!'
Half the truth.
My heart shattered into pieces like the glass on the floor. Of course, I knew what was going on before, I'm not stupid, but still, it was, even more, hearing the whole thing from his mouth. All I could do was deny my feelings. I would never again let myself manipulate like this. Never again.
"God, then she should just suck it up."
The taller boy now said almost in a teasing tone that made me livid. It was one thing when we argued but I hated it when he dragged Joey or Susie into it. Especially because he knew exactly what he had done to them. I wanted to beat Frank up right then and there, but I knew that would get us nowhere.
Without another word, I stormed out of the room at Mount Ormond and settled down on the dirty wooden stairs. A place I hated as much as I loved. And which triggered memories in me. I never wanted to admit it to myself, but I missed my time in Ormond, the shithole I wanted so badly to get out of. And now I wanted nothing more than to go back to high school. I wanted to turn back time to before Frank came to us and stole my heart, threw it to the floor, and shattered it into a thousand splinters. He had promised me the world but give me hell.
And before I knew it, a hot tear fell down my cheek, which I immediately wiped away and suppressed the rest. I hated this world. I hated every single person in this fucking realm except for...
Susie.
The pink-haired girl stood in front of me, looking at me with angelic eyes. Since we were here, I appreciated her loving and caring nature even more than before. She was like a light in the darkness for me.
"Jules... What happened?" she asked worriedly, putting a hand on my shoulder. I had to be strong for her now. I had sworn to protect her since we were here. I wanted to fight for her.
"Do you want to talk?"
"No, I'll be fine," I say, "I- I'm used to bad things happening. I made it this far, right? So who's to say I can't take the person I thought I loved cheating on me?" I fake a smile even as I feel the tears fighting their way to my eyes. She opens her arms, knowing I'm full of it, and my composure breaks as I launch myself into them, sobbing. "Shhh," She says, resting their chin on my head and rocking us back and forth, "It'll be okay. It hurts right now, but it'll be okay."
And I knew it would really be okay one day. I still had her after all this time. I knew Susie would stay, no matter what.
Carefully, I detached myself from Susie a little again to look her in the face. There was a reassuring smile on her lips. And I felt a strong desire to kiss her. I had had this feeling with Susie many times before. A feeling that clearly went beyond friendship but I couldn't tell her. Especially not after what had happened with Frank. Our relationship had drained me... It was almost as if I had given away all my love to him so that now I had nothing left.
And damn it, I wanted to love Susie. She had always been the only one I could turn to. She was my anchor. She was always there for me. She understood me. I could just be me with her. She...
Kissed me.
Shocked, I looked into the eyes of the girl in front of me. Her lips tasted like honey and were as soft as a gentle summer breeze. For a moment, I felt myself going back to the moment when I had spent a night at Susie's house. Right at the beginning of high school. We had stayed up all night dancing and partying at first and later lying in bed telling each other stories of all sorts of things. I told her that I once had a best friend who fell in love with me. Of course, that had been a lie, because I was the best friend who was in love with her counterpart. But Susie never seemed to notice.
As quickly as the kiss had come, it was gone. With flushed cheeks, she looked at me.
"E-excuse me... I didn't mean to..."
She stammered uncertainly and buried her face in her hands. I immediately wanted to snatch them away from her and pull her into a kiss again, but I couldn't. I couldn't love her the way she deserved: full of emotion, innocence, and devotion. I couldn't give her all that, not after all that had happened. So I gently put a hand on her shoulder.
"It's okay."
I tried to sound as confident as possible, but I couldn't suppress the bitterness in my voice.
"We'll just forget about it, all right?"
Maybe it was for the best. She was going to find someone she could be happy with. And that someone was, well, not me.
Susie just nodded and tried to hide her disappointment, but it was useless in front of me. We knew each other too well.
I felt like the worst person in the world when suddenly little tears ran down Susie's face and she jumped up in shame. I just heard quick footsteps running down the hall behind me until a door slammed.
But it was for her own good. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't love her. She deserved the best but I couldn't give her anything.
For a moment I thought a tear would run down my cheek as well, but I had used them all up.