Work Text:
It happened again…
Why was she so weak ?
Why was she too weak to do anything !?
Once again, she saw the body of Makoto rise up from the top of Tartarus. “NO! COME BACK!” she screamed and screamed until her voice became hoarse. Yukari ignored how her voice drowned out the others or the concerned looks her teammates gave her. Nothing mattered, nothing but...him.
That's fine.
She could just try again.
How many times has it been...? She forgot to keep count.
Over and over again she tried, she desperately tried to save him but it had always been futile. And even so, she kept making the same decision – she just had to save him! No matter how long it takes!
The time after his sacrifice was always the worst. Yukari had to act like everything had been normal, like how she acted the first time around in those times – ignorant and unaware of what would come. The whole time – from January to March – the second-year wished nothing more than to desperately yell at her teammates that Makoto was about to die – that nothing was okay – that they were living in ignorance while he suffered; that the love of her life just kept slipping away from her fingertips; that she wished she could have been the one to sacrifice herself…
Each time around it had been harder to remember how she was supposed to feel and how she had felt originally.
Because of the time travel ordeal, she hasn't lost her memories of the Dark Hour like everyone else. It enabled her to really pay attention to how Makoto's health had been declining – day by day. How had she been so ignorant not to see it the first time around?
The time leading up to their promise - to meet up on the rooftop again - she would find herself snuggled up next to Makoto almost every night.
Every time, she would tearfully whisper into his ear, “Makoto, you're going to die – I don't want that…”
“Everything will be alright,” he assured her every time.
No, it won't be…
On graduation day, she made sure to be there with him. This time she wouldn't need to make her promise holding his icy cold hand. Yukari sobbed, repeating over and over again how much she loved him. Promised him that she would fix this. Aigis was there too but the brunette had only eyes for Makoto. “Don't cry…” he would always croak out with what energy he had left. Later she would notice that Aigis had been crying too but she always hoped those words were meant solely for her...
Afterwards, Yukari would distance herself and focus on cram school, learning the same topics over and over again. At one point, she learned to just let it happen and be on autopilot. The only thing the archer was looking forward to in those times was crossing out a date on her calendar.
One day closer to seeing Makoto again….
Yukari couldn't risk changing the timeline, she needed to get back to that discussion again – the discussion about whether they would save Makoto or not.
“Aigis-san, how do you think we should use the keys?” Ken asked the android girl.
Finally, she had returned to the point where she wanted to be at. Yukari had to resist the urge to cry, she could already imagine herself jumping into his arms again. Yes, she would see him again soon – she would fix it this time around.
Aigis hesitated – longer than usual – and the brunette could feel the robot's gaze on her. “I…” she hesitated, taking a deep breath. “I want to try and save him as well. He was my whole purpose and I..I want to try.” Yukari still remembered how she said it with such confidence the first time around – that she wanted to 'try one time at least.'
Hold on…
Nothing was supposed to be different.
Maybe her weakening acting skills have been affecting Aigis to a degree? Yukari had noticed her increasing hesitation in each loop but never gave it much thought until now.
If she remembered correctly, Aigis had always been a bit hesitant, but that hesitation was outshined by the shimmer in her eyes. The spark in the robot's eyes that said 'I'm ready to face anything if it's for him.' Now, that spark seemed to have been completely extinguished. The android girl had trouble even keeping eye contact nowadays.
As a matter of fact, Aigis had been averting her gaze the whole time as she spoke.
No, Yukari could no longer ignore it; if she failed again, she would need to try extra hard to act 'normally' around Aigis. She couldn't risk the android girl disagreeing with her...she couldn't. A cold shiver ran down her back – thinking about never seeing Makoto again if that happened. Aigis needed to be on her side.
“I already made my decision as well – I will stand with Yukari and Aigis on this matter.” Mitsuru's voice brought her back to reality. Have they been talking the whole time and she didn't realize it? Well...not like it matters.
She had heard the discussion plenty of times before – like everything else.
“You're siding with Takeba?” Akihiko retorted. “Are you absolutely sure about that? Do none of you even think about what he would have wanted and why he sacrificed himself?”
The brunette stopped herself from scoffing; Akihiko and Ken were always the worst.
Just hearing them stubbornly hold onto a reality without him made her want to tear out her hair.
Why can't they just make it easier? They didn't know anything at all. Besides, what is wrong with being selfish? If Makoto did this all for them, then she wanted to do everything he could for him even more. This whole ordeal – time stopping – has happened because they ALL couldn't accept him being gone. So why can't these two just stop being stubborn and accept their selfish nature as well. They are lying to themselves; that was it. She was just doing what they all wanted. Yukari couldn't stray from her path, if she gave in, she would betray him and his love. They were supposed to become third-years together after all. No matter how long it takes – she will find a solution.
Ken spoke up next, because of course he would. “Undoing his efforts just feels wrong...Personally I-”
“DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW HIM!” Yukari snapped. She could hear Aigis' breath hitch behind her. No one said a word after that – everyone was too stunned to speak.
Yukari didn't want to hear their preaching anymore – she didn't want to hear anything anymore. Deep down, she knew she was being unfair but the high schooler didn't care.
What does it matter, if she can fix everything afterwards anyway?
“Here, Yukari-san.” Aigis handed over her key.
Metis protested like she always would, but the archer quickly snatched the key away from Aigis' hand before her sister could even make a move to stop her. Yukari always assumed Aigis hid the fact from her sister – that she wanted to hand over her key. Otherwise, Metis would have never agreed to teaming up with Mitsuru and her in the first place.
Knowing that, had lessened her grudge towards the robot girl. The archer didn't want to be petty, but Aigis inheriting Orpheus had left a sour taste in her mouth.
It should have been me, she had thought over and over again when it first happened.
However, after some time, she’d come to accept it and her grudge disappeared on its own.
“I'm sorry,” Yukari told her. She didn't know if Aigis knew what exactly she was apologizing for but the brunette had to say it anyway.
From what she knew, Aigis didn't know why she had inherited his abilities either and Yukari was thankful for Aigis' help in her endeavors and being by her side – she really didn't think she could win against someone with his powers, even if she would still try nonetheless.
That's why she had to apologize; Yukari felt bad for even holding a grudge in the first place. If she could, then she would treat Aigis better in the next time loop but she couldn't risk the change. So Yukari promised to herself that if...that when she is able to save Makoto, she will try to understand the blonde better as well. Aigis didn't only hand over her key, she also handed Yukari her trust to fix it all - that's what it felt like to her.
“I'm sorry as well…” Aigis muttered before shutting down.
Yukari's eyes widened. She never said that before, usually Aigis would shut down with a soft smile on her face.
“Sister…” Metis gasped with tears in her eyes before shutting down as well. The brunette always wondered what was up with that, why was Metis affected by Aigis' shutdown as well?
Well...no use in thinking about it much, she will fix this...she will…
The third-year felt her vision becoming blurry as some cold streaks ran down her face.
“Yukari…” Mitsuru whispered, embracing her friend in a hug.
“I will fix this, Mitsuru-senpai…” she croaked. “I will…”
It never got easier to see how Aigis and Metis would lose the shine in their eyes. She remembered being absolutely frightened, when it had happened for the first time. Luckily, Mitsuru was there to calm her down.
Yukari feared she could become too numb to feel anything anymore one day, there were only so many tears she could spill before running out. That's why she had to fix it this time...she….had to.
Afterwards, the other S.E.E.S. members would return to their former states. Yukari always made sure to block out her teammates' chatter, she knew they didn't approve – she knew what she had been doing was absolutely selfish. So in a way, the third-year was glad she was the only one who had remembered each time loop. Yukari still cared a lot for her teammates, they shouldn't have to suffer through this with her – it was just harder to look any of them in the eyes every time she had failed.
Yukari pushed the key into the lock of Makoto's door. Light blended her as she pushed the creaking door open.
Every time she jumped back in time, she had found herself a week before Nyx's arrival; that week was always the best time – a time where she could spend however long she wanted with Makoto. Just the two of them...
On the other side of the door, she was greeted with a familiar face.
Makoto was sitting on his bed, typing something on the phone in his hand. “Yukari?” the blue-haired boy gave him a curious look
She couldn't help but cry every time she saw him – god, she was such a crybaby. The brunette sprinted over to him and jumped into his arms, he dropped his phone in surprise as he extended his arms to catch her. They both fell onto his bed with a thud. “I'm back,” she happily announced.
He brushed a hair strand out of her face and showed her a soft smile. “Welcome back.”
Yukari liked how he always played along, he never questioned her weird behavior or why she would cry the whole night on his shoulder. Makoto would dry her tears and hug her and give her some kisses on her cheek and tell her that everything will be alright. Saving him was the least she could do – the least she could do to repay him for everything.
Sunbeams shined through the window, announcing a new day but neither of them made a move to get up yet. The couple was peacefully snuggled up in Makoto's bed once again. The dorm's beds weren't big enough for two people but they made it work anyway.
Both were stripped down to their underwear. It made Yukari feel so good to feel his skin again, and hear his heartbeat slowly beat, whenever she laid her head on his chest. Last night had made her forget all about her worries but now she had to face reality again. This time, she would tell him...She would tell him everything .
Makoto mindlessly twirled some of her hair-strands around as he looked up at the ceiling. Yukari wondered what he was thinking about right now.
The brunette took a deep breath and spoke up after she brought up enough courage to do so, “Makoto I-...I need to tell you something.” She wondered what he would say - would he even believe her?
The blue-haired boy shifted his gaze from the ceiling to her. “Hm?”
“You have a special power, right? Do you think – theoretically speaking – it would be able to be transferred to someone else?” the archer asked timidly.
Makoto rose up from the bed to lean on his elbow. “What are you getting at?”
Yukari bit her lip. “You...you will sacrifice yourself for us, so we can live…” Makoto stayed silent, so she decided to continue, “Can...can't you give that power to me?” Yukari knew it was silly to ask but, if she was being honest, she was running out of options...
The teenage boy placed his warm hand on her cheek. “Yukari, even if I could I wouldn't want you to carry that burden.”
“But I want to!” she cried. “It's not fair. Why can't it be me?”
“I'm sorry. Even if what you say is true, then I wouldn't change a thing.”
“No…”
“I'm sorry to hurt you like that…”
Why can he just accept it...? Why is he not not scared...?
“No…”
Makoto leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the lips.
“You idiot…I hate you.”
When Yukari returned to her room on the 1st of February, she threw over her desk in a fit of rage. WHY!? He did it again! She can't do anything! If only she could go back even more. Fuck Nyx and screw this world, she might as well just die and let Nyx win; no...She can't. That's the only thing she can't do and that will never change. She was tearing up again – oh, how pathetic she must look right now.
There was a knock on her door, someone must have come to check on her after her loud tantrum.
“Yukari?” It was Mitsuru's voice.
The brunette debated whether or not she should let the red-haired girl in. Despite the two of them starting out on bad terms, Mitsuru had become her closest friend over the past few months.
“I'm sorry,” the second-year's voice cracked. “...Not right now.”
“I understand…I'll be here if you need me.” Yukari heard the muffled footsteps on the other side of her door fade away. The high schooler immediately threw herself onto her bed and screamed and cried into her pillow for what felt like hours.
Days passed by and Yukari spent most of it by his side – like always. However, she couldn't feel the same excitement anymore, knowing it was all futile anyway. Her tears have long dried out and she felt dead inside. Yukari didn't know what to do anymore.
“Happy Valentine's day, Yukari.” Makoto sat down next to her. Weird, she didn't even notice him approaching.
Yukari tried her best to crack a smile. “Silly, that's my line.” She wondered if she looked even more dead than he looked right now. “Here,” she said, handing him the chocolates she made; they were the same ones she made every time. The second-year had thought about switching it up, but she still clearly remembered the first time she'd made them for him. She remembered the smile on his lips and he said: “Those are the best, I've ever had!”
“You're overreacting.” Yukari managed to smile more earnestly this time around. It was exactly because of this smile that she could never bring herself to make any other kinds of chocolates. “I'm glad you enjoy them.”
For a moment, they just enjoyed each other's presence in silence and ate some chocolates together. Paulownia Mall was decorated with all kinds of pink and red decorations – hearts as far as the eyes could see. She felt Makoto's fingers intertwine with hers.
“Yukari,” the blue-haired teen spoke up after a while. She looked over to see him removing the headphones around his neck to hand it to her. Yukari blinked in surprise, this has never happened before. She hesitantly accepted the headphones and for a moment she was just staring at them in her hands. “I want you to listen to something,” he explained. The brunette nodded and put them on, she felt her cheeks heat up when she pulled them over her ears. She was so weird...this is what's making her blush?
Makoto moved closer to push the play button on a song he had selected. As soon as the song started, the rhythmic flowing of the water from the fountain behind her drowned out and all she could hear was the song flowing through her ears. Yukari closed her eyes and leaned on his shoulder. In return, he put a hand around her back as well.
Around the world I slowly dance
Whenever our eyes meet
You know you leave me in a trance
It means everything to me
Looking down below
The one I seek to find
No matter where you might go
Remember you'll be on my mind
They sat together like that for a long while. And yet, it felt like only mere minutes had passed. When they returned home, it was already dark outside.
It had only been a small change in the timeline and yet it made her feel...alive; it felt fresh – like a nice summer breeze. She had been in the same stagnant loop for so long that she forgot what it felt like to undergo new experiences. But...could her heart just give up on him…?
...No.
It took awhile but once again, she has arrived at the same discussion.
“Aigis-san, how do you think we should use the keys?” Yukari simultaneously repeated Ken's words in her head as he spoke – she knew what each of them would say by now.
Now, it was Aigis turn to speak; Yukari had made sure to keep up her act around Aigis especially. The high schooler couldn't help but gulp as she anticipated the android girl's next words.
“I- uhm. The past or the present? I'm just not sure…” Aigis admitted after a moment of silence.
Wait... This is not how it was supposed to happen… D- did I change anything?
But she tried to act like always! She- she had to go back...! At least only one more time...
“You seriously won't make a choice?” Yukari blurted out before she could stop herself. “Come on, Aigis, I know how you feel. It hurts doesn't it? We can make it right! Trying doesn't hurt, right?”
“But…” the blonde paused, “how many more times, Yukari-san?”
Wide-eyed, she echoed the android's words, “How...how many more times..?”
Aigis' hesitation enabled someone else to take the floor. “Uhm, Yukari-chan, Aigis, did something happen..?” Fuuka asked timidly.
“That's what I would like to know too,” Akihiko chimed in with crossed arms.
Aigis took a deep breath. “I kept something hidden from you, Yukari-san. I'm sorry.”
What does she mean..? There was no way that Aigis could know…
“I-...” The android girl bit her lip. “Every time the time looped I had been aware to some degree…”
“W-what…?”
“H-hold on, time looped ? Since when?? The frick is goin' on??” Junpei yelled.
Yukari felt herself getting annoyed, couldn't Stupei just stop screaming into her ear for one second?? She...she needed to figure out why Aigis knew...That shouldn’t be possible, right??
Aigis continued on, no matter how many times Yukari internally begged her to stop. To stop revealing to her friends what a failure she was, what she secretly did behind their backs...To..to..!
“When I obtained Makoto's power – the ability to switch Persona's – I found myself in a room, which was depicted as an elevator. The owner of said room said it was a place between consciousness and subconsciousness. That's when unfamiliar memories flashed through my memory drive...So to be more precise, it would be more accurate to say that I have obtained these memories.”
Just stop...
“...and what were those memories about?” Ken asked.
Stop this conversation…
“I saw glimpses of how I died after I gave Yukari-san my key and…”
“You gave her your key!?” Metis interrupted. “WHY!”
Everyone was taken back by the android's sudden outburst.
Metis continued on, “I know I would have told you that giving away your key could lead to your death!”
The blonde blinked. “I don't remember you telling me that in those memories, but if I gave Yukari-san the key out of my own will then...” Her gaze shifted to Yukari.
Stop looking at me like that…
“I'm sure it was because it felt like the right thing to do.”
“B-but…” Metis tried to protest but her words got stuck in her throat.
“Aigis,” Fuuka spoke up, “you said 'memories', does that mean..?”
“Yes. It wasn't a one-time matter…”
Akihiko narrowed his eyes. “And you let her do this over and over?” Why can't they just drop it... Her mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to retort something – anything – but no words came out.
“I am aware that you disagree, Akihiko-san but there was something else I saw as well, it wasn't my memory however.” The blonde paused, closing her eyes. “Those were...glimpses of Makoto-san's memories from each time loop. I saw how happy Yukari-san looked in them and I couldn't bring myself to...I'm sorry.”
Yukari felt her whole face heat up. She felt so exposed – as if she wasn't embarrassed enough about the whole time loop ordeal – and this time she couldn't erase it...No she-
“W-we…” Yukari croaked out. “Maybe we could try just going back some more! If we all wish for it then maybe…”
“Yukari…” Mitsuru spoke up before anyone else could. “Have you...have you looked in the mirror recently? I-” She exhaled a breath. “I want to be there for you – like you were for me, Yukari. But...this is clearly killing you slowly. It hurts me to see you like this. I can't even imagine what it was like going through the same cycle over and over again. Yukari this is...this is torture. You're torturing yourself.”
“I can't let this continue anymore either…” Aigis added. “I'm sorry but if you want to fight then...this time we will be on opposite sides.”
Everyone was against her...she couldn't beat them all…
“It's...over?” Yukari whispered. Her knees wobbled and she failed to keep her body upright. With a thud she collapsed on the ground – hiding her face from view as we wept.
“W-wow, hey…” Junpei uttered.
“I want him back! Is there no other way!?”
No one could give her an answer.
Everyone's head except Yukari's turned towards Aigis as she stood up. “Actually...there may be, but it's not exactly what you want to hear, Yukari-san.” It was Yukari's turn to look up at the android girl as well. As soon as their eyes met, the blonde weakly pointed her arm towards the golden door behind the reception. “Look behind yourself. The door to Paulownia mall hasn't disappeared yet,” she stated. “You gave me an idea, Yukari-san...If we all wish to see the moment Makoto-san sealed Nyx, maybe we could. I want to, I want to see how it ended, do you?”
The archer's lip trembled as she spoke, “So, what? If I see what happens, it'll suddenly be okay? I'll just accept that he's gone or forget all about it!? That won't happen! All of us should know by now...That never happens…”
Mitsuru knelt to Yukari's height. “You face your pain because it'll never truly go away, Yukari,” the red-haired girl told her in a soothing voice. “Would you...help me fulfill the promise I made to him?”
Yukari's eyes widened slightly. “W-what..?”
“It was more of a promise to myself. He...taught me so much. And showed me so many things that I've come to treasure. But before I could thank him, he was gone.”
The brunette tried to protest, “If I go back I can thank him for you-!”
“No, Yukari,” she interrupted her. “I can't deny that the regret was...suffocating but I promised myself, I would always be there for the ones I care about and fight to protect them and Yukari...you're someone I care about.”
Yukari sniffled. “What…? Me?”
Mitsuru took the archer's hands into her own. “You may not have thought much of it but...you being there for me last year, when I had lost all hope – it meant so much to me. Yukari, please let us be there for you. It hurts us to see you suffer.”
Yukari hesitated. “I...I know there is no point in repeating the same cycle over and over again. At one point, it didn't even feel real anymore. I wasn't doing it because I enjoyed it! I did it in the hope that he can be here to make new memories with all of us...I-I don't want to be stuck in the past anymore...I don't! But...that means I will never see him again…”
"I-It's not like I don't want him back either but...I mean have you ever asked him directly about it, when you traveled back into the past I mean?" Ken inquired.
“Yes…” He wanted it to be like that - she knew it. But she didn't! The brunette turned her gaze towards Aigis. One thing was for certain, she would definitely need to apologize to Aigis again, Yukari thought no one else was affected by the time loop but she was wrong... “I'm sorry. I can never take back what I dragged you into, Aigis.”
The android shook her head. “There is no need to apologize...I should be the one to apologize…”
Before she could insist that Aigis had nothing to apologize for, Junpei chimed in, “Yuka-tan...I regret a lotta stuff too but y'know everyone makes stupid mistakes. There's no use in beating yourself up over it forever. Just grow from them.”
She couldn't believe she was comforted by Junpei of all people and Yukari was sure what she did couldn't even be categorized under the 'stupid mistakes' category but even if she had a hard time admitting it to herself, Junpei had a point. How much longer does she want to fight a losing battle? Yukari started to think there hadn't even been a possibility to save him in the first place and if she were to continue...she would let Aigis continue to suffer with her as well...
“Couldn't have said it better myself,” Akihiko commented, giving the junior a nod of approval.
“...Some do more than others,” she couldn't help but quip.
Junpei chuckled. “Heyy now, that's the Yuka-tan I know and love.”
The archer giggled softly. Stupei...he was such a dork.
“Okay…” Yukari stood up, brushing some non-existent dust from her clothes. “Let's go…”
This time, Aigis was the one with the true key in her hands. There was no going back now – there never would be again.
What awaited them on the other side was a huge door with several eyes on it – darting around wildly. There was also – with what she only could describe as – a sculptor of Makoto chained to it. He was the seal. The seal which kept Erebus from reaching Nyx.
Erebus had turned on them, when it had noticed Aigis, it was because she held the same power inside of her as Makoto, Metis had explained.
Ultimately, they had succeeded in defeating Erebus – or it would be better to say that they had fought it off for now. Erebus is the embodiment of humanity's desire for death, so it would never die from simply fighting it with brute force.
Metis had mentioned that the seal was only required because of humanity's desire, so if they could change society's outlook on life, then there was a possibility for Makoto's freedom or at the very least – Makoto could finally rest in peace. That's the only thing she could do now.
Yukari has found a new goal in life...
Aigis was the last one to come out of the dorm and lock the doors; everything was finally over.
For her, it felt like years had passed.
“It's...weirdly kinda sad to leave, huh?” Yukari would miss the dorm and she was sure she wasn't alone in that.
Aigis nodded. “Yes, But...Change is part of life.”
“Hey, so...if you're gonna live in the dorms next year...Do you...wanna be roommates?” the archer asked.
“Huh…?” The android-girl fully turned around to face her.
“I imagine you still need one.” Yukari walked closer to Aigis. “And also, it just makes sense, y'know?” She outstretched her hand. “Because we're friends. Aren't we?”
Aigis looked down at her outstretched hand, then the corners of her mouth curled upwards. “Yeah...Let's do it!” she announced, accepting the brunette's hand.
That night, Yukari snuggled up in her bed but this time there was no one next to her.
“Makoto, I will never forget you. I will...I'll try to give people the same hope you gave me. Please watch over me…
...I love you. I always will…”