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It is early afternoon when Yanqing receives brazen knocks on the door of his room at the Alchemy Commision.
Prior to the rather rude and intrusive knocking, Yanqing had been lying in bed doing practically nothing.
He had been staring out through a window mesmerized by the way sunlight streamed into the room through it. The rays made a path from the window all the way onto his bed, warming the spot of his blanket. The golden light was beautiful.
While the sight wasn’t particularly special nor uncommon, Yanqing is often too busy to pay attention to those small details of life. With his doctor’s orders of bedrest, he had nothing else to do but observe his surroundings while confined to the room.
Looking out, he could see the roofs of the nearby buildings. The window is ajar and he could hear the afternoon bustle of the Healer’s Market drifting over to the Infirmary.
The sounds of people going on with their lives had reminded Yanqing of recent events, leading him to become preoccupied with reflecting on them.
From the actions of the borisin, the fight against Hoolay alongside Yunli and March 7th, to holding back General Feixiao after she had consumed the crimson moon…
It was all a lot to process. Too much, in fact.
Yanqing had been very lost in thought, up until the knocking on his door forcefully brought him back to reality.
The reality that he is stuck at the Alchemy Commission for the next week, at the most, to recover from the majority of his injuries. The very reality where his whole body feels sore and exhausted, and he doesn’t have enough strength to even get out of bed yet.
“Yes? Who is it?” Yanqing calls out, baffled by the harsh, rapid knocks. No one he knows would be so impolite.
A muffled, yet familiar, voice from behind the door responds, “It’s me, of course. I heard you finally woke up.”
It was Yunli.
Yunli, of all people, had come to visit him? Yanqing is quite surprised—surprised that she hadn’t broken down his door and barged in instead.
“Uh, you can come in,” He responds, shifting to attempt to sit up.
The door creaks open slowly at first, before it is swung at full force and crashes into the wall with a bang.
Yanqing grimaces a little, both at the loud sound of the collision and his efforts to sit up in bed. His arms feel weak and throb in pain at him putting pressure on them to lift himself up.
Yunli enters the room in her regular attire, hair done up and all, unlike the neutral Alchemy Commission pajamas Yanqing is currently sporting with his hair free and flowing down his front. She walks up to his bed, stopping right in the direct path of sunlight, and raises an eyebrow at his slow movements.
“What’s up with you?” Yunli asks bluntly.
Finally, he manages to sit up, but a new obstacle has emerged in the form of struggling to prop up his pillow behind him to support his back.
Yanqing mutters, “‘Thought you said you heard I finally woke up? You didn’t hear anything else about my condition?”
“No.”
Yanqing notices the odd way she says it, almost like there’s something that she is leaving out and is resolute in not mentioning, but he brushes it aside.
As soon as he gives up on his attempts at propping his pillow up, Yunli steps closer and reaches forward, gently pushing his hands away so she can get the job done herself. It’s honestly embarrassing, and a little pathetic, that he had got help with such a small task, but he’s grateful.
“Thank you,” Yanqing says, abashed. He slowly pushes himself backwards to sit up against the pillow.
“It’s no problem. It was a little sad seeing you struggle so much.”
Of course, it seems that Yunli couldn’t do a kind thing without a contrasting comment. He rolls his eyes, choosing to ignore her to go back to her previous question.
“Lingsha and Lady Bailu both agreed that I need bed rest for the next few days to recover. Shocking that there isn’t any magical alleviation to being hurled into a wall, right?”
Yunli winces at that, crossing her arms. She seems to be much more recovered than he is. “I suppose so.”
The air of the room and conversation feels awkward in a way that has never existed between them. Yanqing doesn’t know what to do about that, but Yunli picks up on it at least.
“The Realm-Keeping Commission has managed to calm people down, so the situation is looking good at the moment,” She reports, staring at the ceiling. Yanqing wonders briefly if it had been obvious how desperate he was for knowledge on what was going on outside of his room. “General Feixiao and her envoys are doing well, too.”
“Ah, that’s good to hear.“
“And, March and Stelle came to visit just moments ago. They asked about you.”
“I’ll have to message them later, then,” He realizes, eyes wide.
His phone sits on top of the table beside his bed, but a little too far for him to be able to reach it without straining himself. Instead, he eyes it in rue of his current state. It even buzzes a few times while he is looking at it.
Yunli sighs, giving him an exasperated look. “You can just ask me to get it for you, you know?”
He feigns to have not been looking at his phone. “Who said I wanted my phone?”
“You did.”
It’s annoying, really, how often Yunli is able to catch him off guard with her words.
“No, I didn’t,” Yanqing counters, indulging in being childish.
She shakes her head at him tiredly.
“How are you doing, huh? How come Lingsha hasn’t forced you to stay in bed?” He questions under a guise of annoyance, but there is real concern that lines his words.
“I’m doing well. I heal faster, I guess,” Yunli sticks her tongue out at him, “But Lingsha did just tell me to go lie down.”
Before Yanqing can even think of stopping himself, he tilts his head and blurts, “You ignored her words to come visit me?”
It is seemingly his turn to catch Yunli by surprise, because her face reddens and she puffs her cheeks. “No! I just didn’t want to go back to bed after a whole day of doing exactly that!”
He laughs at her while she simmers with irritation.
“Is that the first time I’m hearing you laugh?” She murmurs.
“What was that?”
“...Nothing.”
And just like that, the previous awkwardness dissipates like it hadn’t existed at all.
“I wish I could just instantly get better,” Yanqing says, sliding down in his bed, slightly frustrated. “There’s training to be done, paperwork to finish, and missions to complete.”
“Are you some sort of workaholic who doesn’t know how to take a break or something?”
“What? No?”
“Then relax. Rest,” She insists.
“But there’s so many things I could be doing right now-” He begins, before he gets cut off.
“And can you do any of those things in your current condition? Do any of those activities sound fun? ” Yunli prompts.
“Paperwork could always be done in bed,” Yanqing points out. “And it isn’t about if it’s fun, it’s what’s necessary.”
She gives him an incredulous look.
Her insisting he rest while unwell sort of reminds him of Jing Yuan. Suddenly, the most pressing matter on his mind is the whereabouts of the General. It isn’t like General Jing Yuan has to visit him right at that moment, or at all since he is most definitely drowning in work after the events of the past few days, but Yanqing wishes he could be here.
“Where’s General Jing Yuan and General Huaiyan?” He asks.
Yunli has to think about it for a moment before she replies. “I think they, and General Feixiao, are going to have a meeting soon at the Seat of Divine Foresight.”
“I see,” He says, downcast.
He feels disappointed to hear confirmation of how busy the General is, but then feels ashamed that he felt any disappointment at all from the news.
“I’m sure the General will be here as soon as he’s finished tending to today’s matters,” Yunli says, observing his despondency. “Lingsha has already notified him of your wakening, after all.”
Yanqing hums, noncommittal.
“So, what’s the pain level?”
The question surprises him. Yunli has been asking an awful lot about his current health in the last ten or so minutes. Is she really that concerned?
“Not terrible, I guess? I think the painkillers might be beginning to wear off, though,” He muses, reflecting on how sore his body felt from sitting up in bed.
“It’s a shame that it will be a while before you’re set to leave, and how strict Lingsha is. I would really like to spar as soon as possible, especially after seeing that finishing move you pulled on Hoolay.”
Yunli lifts a hand and grasps at the air, making a show of how she is evidently without her sword.
“If you wanted to lose so badly, you could’ve just said so,” Yanqing smirks.
She drops her hand and gives him a flat look. “As if.”
The motion of her lowering her hand allowed for sunlight to gleam off of her painted fingernails. Yanqing hadn’t realized that her nails were painted before. He has a passing thought about how the red color suits her well.
“I’ll be honest, though. That was probably my second time ever using that move,” Yanqing divulges. Yunli looks back at him curiously. “I’m not really sure I could replicate it again…”
“That’s fine. But there is one thing I must know,” She starts.
Yanqing leans forward slightly, clutching onto his blanket, puzzled. “What is it?”
“Just how did you manage to learn that incredible move in the first place?” She asks, voice betraying her anticipation for an answer. It’s almost like there are glittering stars in her eyes as well.
The lieutenant hesitates.
Should he tell her? Could he tell her?
After all, he has his own questions and reservations about Jingliu, so where would he possibly begin with explaining the story to Yunli?
“Ah, well, you see…” Yanqing trails off, looking down and picking at the blanket in his hands. “It’s a strange story, really.”
Yunli crosses her arms and gives him a pointed look, waiting.
Taking the cue, he continues. “It was maybe a few months ago now. It started with me going on an operation on the behalf of the General, after Blade had escaped from The Shackling Prison.”
“Yingxing?” Yunli mumbles to herself.
Yanqing only manages to catch the tail end of what she says. His face contorts in confusion. “What?”
“Hm, nevermind.” She waves him off. “Ask the General, if you’d like. He could tell you.”
He feels even more lost at that, and narrows his eyes at her. “…Alright?”
“So, what happened with that operation?” She asks, picking up where he left off.
“Right. I was in Cloudford, headed for the dock and following clues when I encountered a mysterious woman. The port had been sealed off, but she was surrounded by Mara-struck Cloud Knights, so I stepped in. ...And she later introduced herself as Jingliu.”
She tilts her head, curious. “Is that name supposed to be significant?”
Yanqing stills, hesitating once again. Should he really be telling her all of this? Jingliu’s name had been erased from the records more than a century ago, so it is no surprise that Yunli doesn’t recognize it. It should be a secret that the former Sword Champion of the Luofu still roams the galaxies, and as a fugitive of the Xianzhou no less.
But he supposes that Yunli is trustworthy and unlikely to spread the news, at the very least.
…And she might not let up if he just brushed it off after putting emphasis on the name.
He clears his throat. “Jingliu is actually the Luofu’s former Sword Champion. But a lot stuff happened, leading to her name being removed from all records.”
Yunli’s jaw drops open in disbelief.
“What?!” She exclaims, completely shocked. “No way! Jingliu as in the famous Sword Champion?”
He nods with a faint smirk.
Yunli’s eyes are about as wide as a dinner plate. A very, very large dinner plate, considering her appetite. She asks, “Does General Jing Yuan know about this?”
Yanqing pauses at that.
“The General does know about her… But I don’t think he knows about this particular incident. I never brought this up with him.”
“Unbelievable,” She mutters.
“Hey! I heard that!”
Yunli puts on a faux innocent look. “Heard what? Anyway, get on with the story!”
The lieutenant sighs.
“After that, we ran into a Disciple of Sanctus Medicus. I fought them off, and she complimented my skills. At the time, I had assumed Jingliu was blind because she wore a blindfold over her eyes. With her unusual comments about my swordplay for someone supposedly without sight, suspicious timing in Cloudford when the area was sealed off, some other avoidant answers to my questions, I knew there was something more behind the half-truths she was telling me.
I tell her that I’ll be taking her to the Shackling Prison, and she confessed that she was actually looking for Blade herself. Because I was looking for him, too, she offered to accompany me to find him.”
With every word that leaves his mouth, Yunli hangs on to each and every one of them, entirely engrossed by what she is hearing. She fidgets a little where she stands, nervous and excited to find out what happens next in his recollection of events.
“Jingliu said that I was no match for her, nor Blade, and well… The comment was kind of aggravating, so we started a contest based on who could eliminate more abominations the quickest. The terms were that if I won, she would come with me to the Shackling Prison and face judgement; but if Jingliu won, I would give her what I knew about Blade’s whereabouts.”
Yunli’s twitches an eye at him. “ You made a bet with Jingliu? Let me guess, you presumed you would win, correct?”
Yanqing sheepishly rubs at his neck in reply. Yunli groans, smacking a hand to her face in disbelief.
“In the end, we fought. She sent a slashing attack at me from above, and she really meant to end me right then and there… But I managed to counter it in time. I guess I subconsciously started trying to imitate her move.”
“Wow…” Yunli says breathlessly. “That’s incredible!”
He gives her a contradictory mix of a smug and bashful smile.
“You are so lucky to have gotten the chance to fight with the Sword Champion of the Luofu!” She gushes. “Aeons, I wish I could have fought her too. I need to!”
“Sure, it sounds great at first, until a giant slash of ice is coming straight towards you with the intent of killing you,” Yanqing deadpans.
“Psh, I would totally do better than you did,” She says, briefly closing her eyes and waving him off with a hand.
He rolls his own eyes. Did this girl seriously think she had a chance against Jingliu? He had narrowly survived, barely managing to counter the attack near the last minute. He had been truly lucky that day.
But then, Yanqing reconsiders. Perhaps it was just that—luck. He thinks back to his and Yunli’s first fight. She had the advantage of brute strength over him. Perhaps Yunli could really have done better. She was stronger after all. He wouldn’t even think of admitting that mere days ago, but he has always known it.
Yanqing looks down at his hands. Was he really capable at all? He’s reckless, wavering, and cocky without any real achievements to back up his own claims of greatness.
He swallows thickly, suddenly feeling trapped.
“Yeah, maybe,” He says, carefully, hoping that none of his bitter feelings leak out into his words.
He fails, apparently, as Yunli gives him an odd look. Her eyebrows scrunches, and the corners of her lips are pulling down into a frown. She steps closer, leaning down towards him.
“You just admitted I’m better.”
He nods slowly, unsure of what to say.
“Should I go get Lingsha? Call the Dragon Lady? Maybe run to the Divine Seat of Foresight for the General?”
“Huh?”
She gives him an eyebrow raise, and Yanqing truly cannot discern what Yunli is talking about.
“You,” Yunli points at him, “Yanqing, Lieutenant of the Luofu, sword enthusiast, and wannabe Sword Champion, just said that I could be better than you after so long of insisting I wasn’t.”
“Actually, I didn’t say any of that, I only said ‘maybe.’”
“If you aren’t severely ill, I don’t know what you are.”
“Seriously? I can’t say that there’s a chance of you doing better than me against Jingliu?” Yanqing snarks.
“No. No, you can’t,” Yunli states, with the same expression she had a moment ago, but Yanqing can see the real confusion behind it. He is confused, too.
Why is she so baffled by this? Shouldn’t she be feeling happy, or something along those lines?
He runs a hand through his hair, feeling oddly agitated. He needs to put his hair up. He needs a hair tie. Where is a hair tie when he needs one?
“Well, I think you could, okay?” Yanqing says, reluctantly and a little too forcefully. “It was just luck that saved me.”
“Yanqing…”
There are no hair ties in the room. He can’t stand the sensation of his hair around his neck. It’s suffocating. He wants to feel the air. His usual hair accessories aren’t on the bedside table, because this isn’t his room.
It’s the room he’s staying in due to him being too weak against Hoolay. He’s here because he wasn’t strong enough.He’s here because he suffered injuries during the fight.
Had he been even marginally stronger, a little smarter, slightly more skilled, could he have done better? Could he be able to confidently say that Yunli was better than him, and be happy to admit it?
“Hey,” Yunli calls out, sounding concerned, “are you okay? You look kind of pale.”
Yanqing swallows again and lowers his head, allowing his hair to act as a curtain for his face. “Yeah, ‘just fine. I think I need some time to myself, please.”
His throat feels tight and his voice is strained with every word he speaks. He wants to ignore how pathetic he sounds, but he can’t. Yunli is probably thinking about how strange he is now for his abrupt change in mood.
“What? No, what happened?” Yunli asks, crouching down to look up at him. “We were just having a great time. What has got into you?”
Yanqing adamantly avoids looking at Yunli, opting to stare down at his lap, but he can still see all the ways she’s trying to figure out the situation. She’s watching him, examining his expressions, and likely about to ask him questions that would require him to open up about things he has never told another person.
He hates that he feels this way. Why couldn’t he have just continued the conversation like normal? What was up with him? Could he just be thinking and acting irrationally due to recovering from his injuries?
Unexpectedly, Yunli just sighs, taking his silence as an answer.
“You know, it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. I’m not much of a ‘feelings person’ either. But I’m not going to just leave you like this.”
She sits down on the edge of the bed with her arms crossed, facing the wall rather than at him.
They sit there in silence like that for a long while.
Yunli doesn’t leave.
Yanqing doesn’t make her.
As much as Yanqing wants to be alone, he realizes he might be spiraling, and having someone by his side doesn’t feel as bad as he thought it would be. He doesn’t want to talk about his weaknesses and insecurities with someone else, least of all Yunli of all people, but the idea feels tempting. Really tempting.
After all, he and Yunli are very similar. They both are being taught and raised by famed and respected people, who are also in high positions of power. They are both strong and skilled, sharing a love for swords and swordplay. They’re also both about the same age and bearing plenty of expectations, responsibilities, and obligations on their shoulders.
Yunli didn’t seem to want to pressure him into saying anything he didn’t want to. She could be the first person to hear his inner thoughts. She didn’t seem like an awful person to confide in either.
He could trust her, right?
For some reason, he finds that he
wants
to trust her.
“I’m weak,” He declares mildly. Yunli whips her head around to look at him the moment he speaks up. “You’re strong and talented. Of course you’re better.”
Yunli doesn’t say anything, giving him the time to think out what he wants to say.
He continues, “I’m… not that great. If I was stronger, I probably wouldn’t have been knocked around by Hoolay so easily. I wouldn’t be here in the Alchemy Commission right now, restrained to bed rest for a week!” He chuckles mirthlessly. “I could’ve done better, done more. I could be doing things right now, in fact.”
Yanqing jumps as warm hands come in contact with his and unfurls his fingers from where he had unknowingly balled them up into tight fists.
“You were amazing out there against Hoolay,” Yunli says, earnest.
There is no teasing smile on her face, nor a mocking lilt to her words. She holds his hands in hers gingerly.
“No one but someone like General Feixiao or General Jing Yuan could have dealt with Hoolay so easily. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over what has already happened.”
“I can’t just not do that,” He professes with a pained expression. “It’s like all the mistakes I made are being replayed in my head. Just being here is a reminder of my failure. I keep thinking that I should be like the Generals.”
“But you didn’t fail! Far from it!” Yunli stresses with a determined look in her eyes, clasping her hands around his. “You managed to copy Jingliu’s attack from just facing it once. I don’t know how many people could possibly be capable of doing that—but you are, and you did it!
“And compared to the Generals, we have not trained even a perceptible fraction of their lives. They have had several short-life species lifetimes to hone their skills. You can’t just be like them with a snap of your fingers. That sort of thing takes time, and patience.”
“I guess so…” Yanqing falters.
Yunli’s hands are so comforting around his own. He can feel the calluses from wielding a sword on her hands.
“But still, Hoolay almost got us at the end. If General Feixiao hadn’t shown up-”
“Nope!” She interrupts, stopping him from finishing his sentence. “General Feixiao did get there in time. There isn’t a point in dwelling on the ‘what-ifs,’ because those scenarios aren’t how things played out in reality. It’s pointless turmoil over things that didn’t, won’t, and will never happen.
“You’re capable and truly talented. You have so much potential, it’s remarkable. You are stronger than me, but your own fears hold you back,” Yunli says, holding his hand a little tighter.
“It’s not the end of the world if you get hurt, because injuries are inevitable. It’s up to you to build a confident mindset, as well as belief in your own abilities to be able to further improve yourself. I have every bit of faith that you can accomplish this, no matter how deeply you are struggling with that at the moment.”
Oddly enough, he finds himself believing her words. For the first time in several months, he feels lighter, relieved of the burdens of his own thoughts.
He doesn’t know how to respond. How did Yunli read him so well? How did she know exactly what he needed to hear?
It’s like she can see right through his facades.
It’s… almost like she was speaking from the heart, having experienced his same thoughts and feelings for herself.
At last, Yanqing lifts his head and laughs softly. He briefly squeezes Yunli’s hands, and hopes that his hands aren’t freezing cold for her. They tended to be that way, likely because of his affinity for ice.
“For someone who says they aren’t a ‘feelings person,’ you sure did give some good advice and comfort.”
Yunli flushes and she sputters, hands almost jolting out of his in surprise at being called out. “I- Well…! Um…”
“Thank you,” He says sincerely. “It really helped.”
She turns her head away in an attempt at hiding her increasingly crimson-colored face. It is pointless though, because her ears are red too.
Yunli tries to be indifferent as she responds with, “Whatever. It’s no big deal.”
Yanqing smiles despite himself. It’s kind of… endearing, he thinks.
Wait. What?
He feels his own face warm at the realization of what he just thought.
“…It’s because I went through a similar phase of thinking,” Yunli admits, unbeknownst to his embarrassment. Boldly, she looks downwards and intertwines their hands. “I know what you’re feeling because I felt it too at one point.”
It should feel less surprising since he considered it just a moment before, but Yanqing is shocked by the confession. He didn’t really think that Yunli would have felt the same way.
He wonders if they have really been this similar all this time.
“So, basically, you’re not alone in this, alright? Don’t go thinking you are,” She says with resolution.
He squeezes her hand lightly, once again, in response.
“Talk to me about it if you need or want to. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
It’s strange to hear her call them friends, especially after only knowing each other for less than a month, but it also feels right.
Yanqing whispers, “Thank you, Yunli.”
“You’re welcome.”
He and Yunli look up as the door of the room suddenly opens, and in steps someone familiar. Very familiar, in his case, Yanqing realizes.
He and Yunli fly apart instantly, almost like clockwork. She ends up in front of the window, looking out of it like the view of the Alchemy Commission is the most interesting thing in the world.
“Oh? What do we have here?” Jing Yuan asks, stepping into the room with his usual relaxed half-lidded smile.
“G-General!” Yanqing greets. He wonders if he looks like a ripe tomato with how hot his face feels. “I didn’t know you were coming to visit… You should have knocked, too…”
His guardian cocks his head to the side. “I did send you a few messages, but you didn’t reply to them. And I did, in fact, knock on the door.”
Yanqing blushes further at that. He and Yunli must have been too focused on their conversation to have heard the knocks. Then, he glances briefly at his phone on the table next to his bed. Perhaps he should have asked Yunli to get it for him after all.
“Pardon my intrusion,” the general apologizes smoothly, “I was under the impression that you were still resting. It is nice to see you, Yunli.”
“I was!”
Yunli clears her throat, drawing their attention. Her face has almost returned to its regular shade. “It is nice to see you, as well, General Jing Yuan. How was your meeting with the other generals?”
Jing Yuan’s gaze sharpens from its previous tranquil look.
“It was well. The immediate concerns of the situation have been dealt with, and we will continue to take care of the more… pressing concerns. You need not worry about it.”
Yunli nods, “That is good to hear. Thank you, General.”
“Of course. It is my duty,” He concludes, loosening up. “I will take my leave now. I just wanted to check up on Yanqing for a moment while I had the opportunity to.”
“Oh, alright,” Yanqing says, stunned at the brief visit. “Thank you for coming, General.”
Jing Yuan puts a hand on his retainer’s head, lightly ruffling Yanqing’s hair. He exits the room with a gentle click of the door, leaving just as quickly as he entered it.
“Wow, um… I should’ve gotten you your phone for you, huh?” Yunli coughs into a fist, hastily passing the aforementioned device over to him.
“He is never going to let me live that down,” Yanqing despairs, shaking his head vigorously as he accepts his phone from her.
He opens it to the lockscreen and is met with five notifications from the general, a dozen from March 7th and Stelle, and one from Yunli herself.