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It was a word she heard often. It was on the television screens after she went to help. Alex had said it to her, sincerely, more than once. Kara wasn’t sure she knew what it meant. Well, yes, she knew the meaning of the word. But in some way, she had not processed it, in terms of herself. Kara had always had an instinct to protect, even when she was little. And once she began to live under this yellow star that enabled her to fly, to be fast, to be super strong, it felt like a natural extension of her instincts. She could help more, protect more effectively.
So, when the news or Alex or J’onn or anyone said she was courageous. She nodded in understanding, but it didn’t reach into her shesur . What one small part of her hoped was that her acts as Supergirl were an example to others, a light to guide them, as Rao guided her, in helping the beings around them. Perhaps, even themselves. Kara did feel fear when she helped, not every time, but she was not immune to fear and she had times where, when the fear hit, it was not from where she was expecting. She just did not see what was so intrinsic to her as courage or heroism though she was called a superhero. If anything, it was closer to the calling of her heart and gave her purpose more than courage. But Kara had learned to let people express it how they needed to.
Kara wasn’t sure how they had gotten here, but here they were, on their second date. How she had finally asked Lena out was as mundane as hanging laundry out to dry. Kara had been meeting Lena one afternoon and instead of heading to their usual cafe immediately, order already planned out, Kara froze, taken aback by Lena. She just watched as she walked over all dark hair and soft movements. As Lena got closer her scent and the rhythm of her footfalls washed over Kara’s senses. She took a moment to catalog it all for later. And when Lena was in front of her all smiles, Kara asked the question. There was no hesitation or fear, it was just a feeling of inevitable rightness.
Kara blinked back to the present, they were strolling through a park after dinner. Lena was talking excitedly about the conference she had attended that day, it had been about different ways of improving energy and new energy sources. Kara listened, understanding a decent amount of the science without having to convert too much in her head and eventually she reached out for Lena's hand. Lena softly laid her hand in Kara's, naturally moving her body closer to Kara as the conversation slowly morphed into them talking about their favorite books. It was new, for Kara, talking about the books she loved.
There was a third date. They were at Kara’s place and she was making them one of the few things she could cook, mac and cheese. Lena was looking at some of her books in the living room.
“I didn’t know you were into photography?” she said as she pulled a book off of a shelf.
Kara turned and on autopilot almost found an excuse, stopped the line of questioning. It was just what she did, she kept the front up though she knew it wasn’t just because of hiding her alieness. At some point, she had gotten self conscious of having knowledge, of being nerdy. She adored exploring anything about this world, though arts had captivated her early on, it filled the late night hours when so many were asleep. So, her habit of researching, her hobby, had become just that, hers. And some part of her couldn’t help but feel it was odd, so she stayed quiet, buried it as much as possible. But looking at Lena, who was so joyous, so curious, Kara took a breath and began to explain.
Then a fourth date. It was a movie night at Lena’s. Kara had brought over a plethora of snacks without any hesitation. She saw Lena roll her eyes good naturedly at the sheer number before she opened a bag of gummies. It didn’t even register to Kara that they ended up watching musicals that night or that she softly sang along to the songs. It all felt exciting and calming and almost what they both had been born to do, be just like this, in one another's lives.
It was their fifth date and Kara had flown them to London for a show and dinner. She didn't notice that she had talked about the entire history of the show and the writer during dinner. The conversation had flowed so easily and Lena had been so genuinely interested that Kara had almost forgotten how to act, how to check herself. She thought about this while she flew them back to Lena's penthouse.
"Kara, thank you for the wonderful evening." Lena smiled as her feet touched down on the balcony. Kara nodded softly, meeting Lena's eyes, after she gently touched a finger crinkle in Kara’s forehead, though her mind was somewhere else. It was in the gentle nod when Lena had said yes to going on a legitimate date with her. It was in the easy conversation flowing between them. It was in the dusty crevices of her shesur that truly being with Lena seemed to be slowly blowing clear. It was in the calm she felt whenever Lena was relaxed in her presence. It was in Lena’s eyes clearly paying attention when she spoke about what she wanted to paint next. It was in the sound of her laughter as Kara juggled all the junk food she had purchased for a cozy movie night. It was in the inexplicable connection they had always had.
And, finally, Kara's heart began to beat, to hammer. A shock going down her entire being standing on Lena’s balcony. And then she moved so swiftly that she was before Lena, no wind had moved, even her cape seemed to stay still. Her arms and face were placed in such a way that her question was clear and the sweetest sound she had ever heard filled her ears - Lena's unhesitatingly whispered, yes. Kara took Lena into her arms and kissed her as if the universe was about to die, but they were still here and it was all that mattered. She kissed her with all of herself, raw and vulnerable, as if her heart had been wrenched from the dirt it had been encased in and finally had a reason to exist, to strive for the light. In this moment, that seemed a blissful eternity, finally courage made sense to Kara. She had allowed herself to be seen.