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If Akutagawa could describe sex in one word, he would call it overrated.
Well, judging from his personal experience anyway - and he had a LOT of personal experience.
If it was with one of his many boytoys, or a random bar hookup, it was never that mind blowing. It wasn’t bad per se, but he could have more fun simply jerking off in bed.
Everyone he did it with insisted on being the top, so he didn’t have that much knowledge in that area. Bottoming was just never that fun - porn made it seem so good, but it just wasn’t as they portrayed it.
The fullness was of course a welcome feeling, but it wasn’t exactly pleasurable unless your prostate was being constantly rammed stimulated. Which it almost always wasn’t. He’s never understood how others could cum purely from anal stuff. Akutagawa just never felt it could get to that level of intensity.
After whatever partner he was with had finished, he often had to take care of it himself. Sometimes if they were gracious enough they sucked him off.
He had never even really been interested in the topic, but growing up in the slums surrounded by adults who didn’t give two shits about the innocent eyes of young children makes it seem as if the activity is a must.
This sort of changed as of recent though.
Akutagawa’s most recent boyfriend, his former enemy, was Atsushi Nakajima. A sweet, doe-eyed yet intimidating young man. The best part is he ACTUALLY had feelings for him. He couldn’t get enough of spending time with him ever since their organisations allied and Atsushi asked him out for coffee. They’ve been on quite a few dates, each one being a huge success and making him daydream about the next.
Which comes to what we were discussing earlier.
Sex.
At this point in a relationship, Akutagawa would boned his partner several times by now. Whenever he tries to initiate something more than kissing with Atsushi, he changes the subject, turns it into cuddling or asks “Do you want to watch a movie with me? Yosano just recommended this really good one to me called-“
And so on, You get the hint.
But let’s get things straight - Atsushi DOES want to have sex with Akutagawa.
He thinks about it a lot, especially at night when he’s alone in bed.
Atsushi just doesn’t want Akutagawa to rush into things.
The ironic part is that Akutagawa isn’t even doing this out of social norms or peer pressure anymore. He really DOES want to have sex with Atsushi. He has a gut feeling that it will be different, and sweet, and everything he wanted out of all his previous intimacy.
All this kind consideration has caused is stress for Akutagawa, wondering if maybe Atsushi isn’t interested in him that way. Of course he would accept that, but it might be a deal breaker in this relationship for him. Which is also totally valid.
Which led to Akutagawa sat on the couch with Chuuya just beside him, cracking open an expensive bottle of aged wine.
“So, what is it you wanted to chat about?” Chuuya asked, focussed on not spilling the luxury drink as he poured it into two glasses. He looked up afterwards, meeting Akutagawa’s eyes.
Akutagawa stayed silent, and Chuuya got the hint. He had a fond smile upon realization.
“Akutagawa, if it’s about drugs or sex or anything embarrassing like that just say it. I don’t judge.”
Akutagawa took a sip from his wine glass, enjoying the taste of the drink. But he still didn’t speak. Chuuya took initiative and spoke for him.
“Okay, I’ll break the ice. You want to hear every raunchy little detail from my hookup last night? Well was a woman this time. She could bend her legs so that-“, Akutagawa cut him off, “That’s not necessary. But yes. It is a sexual matter.”
“Go on.” Chuuya made a waving gesture.
“I don’t have all evening.”
That was a lie. Chuuya had made perfectly sure he had nothing on tonight - he truly did adore these little meetings with Akutagawa where he could freely gossip about anything he desired.
“It’s not about sex. Well it is. It’s the lack of it, I suppose.”
“Oh?” Chuuya cocked an eyebrow. He knew very well Akutagawa wasn’t one to prolong getting into his partner’s sheets.
“Is it you or him that doesn’t want to do it? Not that i’d judge you either way, dude.”
Akutagawa breathed out, rubbing at his temple. “I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure..?”
“We haven’t exactly discussed it. I have tried, I truly have, but if I bring the topic to the surface he immediately pushed it back down. He avoids it.”
Chuuya hummed.
“Maybe he’s never had sex before? It could be kind of nerve wracking for him. Or he’s asexual. Or something else entirely, anyone can have any reason for that behaviour.”
“I’ve already considered those possibilities and I’m quite confident that it isn’t those.”
“Confident huh? Mm, maybe buy some lingerie, leave the receipt on a counter for him to see. That always worked for me.” he toothily grinned, his sharp canines and white teeth glinting.
“As entertaining as that sounds, I wouldn’t like to scare Atsushi away. I truly do enjoy his company.”
Swirling the red liquid leisurely in his glass, Chuuya sighed. “The only way to deal with this is to talk to him. You need to confront him if he tries to change the subject or whatever again. I know this is probably a big deal for you.”
“Do you…”
“Do I?”
“Do you think maybe he just isn’t physically attracted to me?” Akutagawa asked meekly, cheeks getting rosy with wine as he generously refilled his cup.
“He’s an idiot if he isn’t, trust me kid. It won’t be that. It’s something else.”
Chuuya took pity on Akutagawa’s vulnerability and changed the subject - he had got across what he wanted to, now it was time to get hammered.
“Did you see the new vending machines they put in E block?”
“Uhm, yeah.”
“Yeah well they mixed it up with the bathroom ones somehow so they’re selling tampons, condoms and breath mints in the hallway and candy bars in the toilets. It’s hilarious.”
A few nights later, after an nth failed attempt at riling Atsushi up, he snapped.
“Why won’t you fuck me?” Akutagawa hissed, crossing him arms defensively.
Shocked, Atsushi blinked up at him with wide doe eyes and spluttered.
“Sorry?” he stammered.
Akutagawa could feel a pit form in his stomach, rapidly filling with a bitter liquid called shame. He sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m not angry. I don’t mean that. It’s just, I’ve been hinting A LOT and you always back down. Am I doing something wrong?”
That was the exact sentence Chuuya had texted him to say. Ryūnosuke always knew he was never great with communication nor processing his complex feelings into words, so his friend and colleague Nakahara is always there to help him with the verbal aspects of his relationships.
Atsushi’s cheeks blotched dark crimson.
“Ah.”
“Am I moving too fast? I think 3 months is fair game, no? 3 months is a LOT.”
“No, no, I’m sorry. I just. It’s weird.”
“Weird how? Speak your mind, weretiger.” Akutagawa took Atsushi’s hand in his, idly rubbing his cold thumb over his warm backhand, soothing him as best as he can. For Ryūnosuke, actions speak much louder than words.
Atsushi raised his head to make comforting eye contact with his lover, and he smiled.
“It’s silly, really.”
“It’s not silly if it’s bothering you.”
“My body.”
Taken aback, Akutagawa’s thumb stopped stroking. “Your body?”
“I guess I’m insecure? I just, don’t like my scars very much. I don’t like what they remind me of. I haven’t shown them to many people. Maybe a few times to prove a point or if i’m having bandages put on, but you know.”
“I suppose I’m rather the same.”
It was Atsushi’s turn to be surprised, as he raised an eyebrow. “You’re insecure too?”
“I suppose it’s less about how my body looks and more the vulnerability that comes with it.”
“Right. You can’t use Rashoumon without your clothes.”
“I’ve come to terms with the way my body looks many years ago. I understand I’m not the most attractive man out there, but I understand that some people can see the appeal. I struggle to put on weight.”
“If it helps, I think you look handsome.”
“Silly weretiger. You’ve never seen me nude.”
“Ah. Well, I actually have.”
“… Care to elaborate?”
Atsushi removed his hand from Akutagawa’s grasp, as his palm was getting sweaty and he was embarrassed by the new topic. He shifted on the couch, twisting a little and turning his head away.
“It was like a month ago, when you had just given me the spare key. You were in your room uhm… well… you had only your coat on. You didn’t see me walk in so I just snuck out and waited for a little while outside before coming back in your apartment.”
Akutagawa coughed into his palm, “I see.”
“H-Hey I don’t judge all that you know. I jerked off to it when I got home.”
“You did?”
“I think we’re getting off track here!” squawked Atsushi, desperate to find some sort of segway and refocus on the main topic.
Atsushi broke the silence first, “So, you uh. You want to have sex then? You won’t mind my scars?”
“Of course not. I have my own fair share.”
The pair smiled. Atsushi’s quickly faded.
“Not tonight, right? It’s a bit soon n’ all-“
Pressing a finger to Nakajima’s lips, Akutagawa closed his eyes. “Shhhhh silly weretiger. At your own pace.”
Enjoying the comfortable silence and cuddling closer on the couch, the only disturbance was an iMessage notification.
Chuuya.
“Did you two shag yet?”