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Turning the key in the lock of your apartment door, you walked in with hunched shoulders and a disappointed expression. The date you were on today had been disastrous. Justin, a guy you had met through a colleague, had been so boring, that you had to make up a bullshit excuse about your sister needing someone to drive her to a doctor’s appointment. You didn’t even have a sister.
Walking further into the apartment, you noticed Armando, your best friend for years, sitting lazily on your couch. He was in your apartment practically every day, so you weren’t too surprised to see him here. The thought of spending the rest of the afternoon and evening with him sounded ten times better than spending even five minutes with Justin.
“Hey, how’d your date go? Any luck with this Jordan guy?” Armando asked between bites of what seemed to be your leftover lasagna.
“His name’s Justin, but no. How can someone talk about his first driving lesson which happened three years ago for forty-five minutes? Nothing happened! It was a completely normal experience, except for the fact that he still remembers the colour of the house he parked next to for the first time,” you ranted as you took off your purse and shoes and went to wash your hands. Once you were in the bathroom, you also changed into more comfortable home clothes. Armando wasn’t someone you felt like you had to dress up for. He complimented you even when your hair looked like it had never been touched by a brush.
Armando never made you feel ugly or as less than. No matter what you looked like, he always treated you the same, which was like a breath of fresh air, when you considered how the majority of the men you had met acted like. He also made sure to not only compliment your looks but your personality as well. You didn’t know how he kept finding things to point out, but it was amazing to have someone understand you like that. You had different reactions to his compliments. If it was about your appearance, you’d take it lightly and give him a kiss on the cheek in thanks. If it was about your character, you’d look at him with as much gratitude as humanly possible and be physically close to him for the rest of the day, however long that may be.
“Was he the tarado that asked you not to wear leggings or joggers on the first date?” Armando asked while laughing.
You sat down next to him in the couch and put your head on his shoulder. You felt his arm going over your shoulders and your body instantly relaxed. Being in Armando’s vicinity always had this effect on you. All of your worries disappeared and you got to truly relax. You were lucky to have such a connection with your friend.
“No, that was Cole. Besides that part, he was actually really nice,” you sighed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like I can’t make a relationship work.”
“It’s not your fault, mi querida. The men you go out with are the problem. Your taste is very…interesting,” Armando tried to soothe you. He also said something in Spanish, but only knew the basics of the language and some insults Armando taught you a couple years back. You just hoped the names he called you weren’t too nasty.
“It can’t be only their fault though. It takes two to make or break a relationship. And it seems that everyone but me has managed to do it. Happy couples, people in love are all around me, but I can never seem to be one of them. I just want to fall in love,” you groaned into your hands, which had come up to your face to hide your frustration. "Why won't it happen? Why can’t it be as easy as befriending people and feeling love for them?"
“What about your last boyfriend? You were in love with him, weren’t you?” Armando asked in a tone you couldn’t place.
Yet his words made you think of your ex, who you had had a complicated and difficult relationship with. Love wasn’t supposed to be complicated. It wasn’t supposed to make you overthink every word you said, it wasn’t supposed to make you change your personality to fit better into someone else’s life. A lover was supposed to love you despite and because of your flaws and not nitpick every single move of yours until you felt like a painting in a museum full of cruel critics.
But you had never shared those details with Armando. In fact, your ex had tried to isolate you from him and all your other friends, so to avoid any more fights, you had agreed with his ‘rules’.
Now you knew that what you had felt in your last relationship wasn’t love. It was desperation to fit in with your peers. Desperation to have finally found the most wonderful feeling a human being can experience: love. And while love and desparation do go hand in hand, it is important to remember their differences and base one’s behaviour off of that. That’s where you had messed up.
“No. I tried-I actively tried to like him and all the other guys I’ve gone out with, but it just doesn’t work. I either try too hard and seem too eager or I can’t force myself to care and lose interest before barely knowing more about the guy than what is needed in a police description,” you explained the conclusion you had come to while analysing your behaviour one sleepless night.
You then started tracing patterns on Armando’s arm while it served as a substitute for your sketchbook. Your hands needed to be occupied with a task or you’d be restless. “I also seem to always compare the guys to you, of all people. They either aren’t as charming, as funny or as pleasant to be around.”
Your words made Armando stiff as a board next to you. The reason why his evergrowing feelings never faltered or died out, was because you always said shit like that. One moment you could be making fun of every single part of Armando’s existence and in the next you’d be telling him how his presence alone makes you feel at home.
But it wasn’t just your words that rattled Armando. The gentle feeling of your soft fingers imitating drawing on his skin made the familiar warm feeling in his chest bubble up again and caused his brain to short-circuit. Armando loved feeling like your personal canvas, taking whatever you had to offer without complaints.
It was up ahead in his all-time favourite things to ever happen along with the cuddling you enjoyed so much. Every year when winter came around, Armando was almost giddy at the thought of you positioning your body as close to his as humanly possible, because you got cold quickly and he ran hot.
Still, it was all becoming too much all at once. Armando’s unwavering feelings towards you, your careless behaviour towards him, making him think he may actually have a shot, when he just doesn’t know anymore. You were the first person in a long time to make him feel unconditionally loved, but then you went ahead and went on a date with another man. You told him how no one could ever take his place in your life and then told him how he was the best friend anyone could ever ask for.
That was what frustrated Armando the most. He didn’t just want to be your friend anymore. He wasn’t sure that he had ever wanted that. Armando wanted to feel your lips against his. He wanted to sleep wrapped around you every night. As a matter of fact he wanted to be around you every second of every day, spending as much time together as their lifestyles allowed. Armando wanted to talk and talk and talk with you, getting to know every single one of your most intimate thoughts, opinions and memories. He wanted to know you better than he knew himself. Your soul was already a big part of his own, but he wanted them to be connected so fiercely that nothing could break them apart.
Armando knew that the change from a friendship to a relationship wouldn’t be that drastic, after all, the two are pretty similar, at least in your case. But he still wanted the feeling of belonging which came with a relationship. The knowledge that you were his and he was yours. It was not only a guarantee for him that you would never leave, but also a sign to others that you were taken now. No one would allow himself to come near you if they knew you were with him.
Due to his confusing thoughts and conflicting thoughts, he couldn’t control his tongue very well. “Be with me then,” he tried to joke, but it came out wrong. It sounded more like a plea, begging to be taken seriously. As soon as the words were out, Armando froze. The fear that this would make him lose you hit him at full force. As hard as he tried to play it off, he just couldn’t be the non-caring, hardly fazed person he was around others, when he was around you. Everything about you made Armando’s resolve crumble and his heart melt.
Your laugh died in your throat as Armando jumped up and went to the conjoined kitchen of your apartment. You quickly went after him, noticing the change in his behaviour.
“Wait- Were you serious?” you asked him unbelievingly. You had never seen Armando like this before. He was usually an excellent liar and great ar improvisation, something which combined with your flirting skills made you two able to get out of every type of trouble.
Right now though, Armando was fiddling with the glass in his hands which he was trying to fill with water.
“No, no, of course not,” he said. He sounded defeated and you didn’t want your favourite person to feel like that, especially because of something you said.
“Armando, tell me what’s wrong. I promise you, I’m gonna be here and listen no matter what. You’re my best friend, you can tell me anything,” you told him, trying to get the truth out of him. You meant every word of what you said, but you weren’t sure if Armando was going to believe them and/or actually listen.
As if to prove your point, the man before you rolled his eyes and turned away from you.
“You can’t help me with this, maravillosa niña. I appreciate the thought, really. But mi amor para ti isn’t exactly something I can talk to you about,” Armando remarked wistfully. His hands were grasping the glass so hard, his knuckles were white. This only made you worry more, since Armando was usually pretty laid-back.
“Armando, I promise you, you can. There’s nothing you could tell me that would change anything between us. I know you. I know you have a good heart, as hard as you try to convince others that it isn’t true. So whatever is on your mind and affecting you this bad, I promise you can share it with me, so you’re at least not the only one carrying its burden,” you expressed, conveying as much love as you could in your words. Armando was very important to you and you made sure to tell him that in different forms every once in a while.
“You ask what’s affecting me? ¿No es obvio? You are. The fact that I crave your company when you’re not around, the fact that I want to be the first person you call when anything happens or when you just want to talk! You have made me addicted to you and it’s not an addiction one can ever overcome. I love you. Every cell in my body yearns for your touch, every thought in my mind is devoted to you. llevo años volviéndome loco,” Armando finally blurted out. He hadn’t meant to confess his feelings for you in this way. He actually hadn’t meant to confess them at all, but they had just come out.
Armando’s words stunned you into silence. You had truly never expected to hear these words, but after overcoming the initial shock, there was something like … relief flooding your veins and takings its place right between your ribs. Armando was an amazing person who you admired deeply. The fact that he loved you made you feel happy in a very specific way.
Your mind was running a thousand miles an hour, processing every word Armando had said. If you imagined those words coming out of one of your other friend’s mouth, you wouldn’t be as overjoyed as you are right now. You would be flattered, but not excited as you were right now.
Which led you to only one conclusion.
Darting forward, you wrapped your arms around Armando. One went to his face and cupped his cheek while the other went to his side. You spared a quick look to his eyes, finding confusion, hope and lust in them, but then focused on his lips. They were just as beautiful as every other part of him, now also slightly parted as his soft breaths were hitting your collarbone.
‘Fuck it,’ you thought and connected your lips to his. He immediately kissed back and you could feel his hands coming up to your waist to hold you even closer. You moved your hand from his cheek to his hair and buried it in his soft curls. The two of you stood there intertwined for a long time, lips moving in a steady rhythm, until you broke the kiss to get some air.
“Was that okay?” you gasped out, trying to put air in your lungs again. The grin you sent in Armando’s direction earned you a crooked smile.
“Perfect,” was the only warning you got before his lips crashed against yours once more.
Smiling while your lips were still pressed together, you mumbled out a “Told you I could help.” and resumed making out with your handsome best friend.