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Billy was in a horrible mood today, if anyone tried to talk with him they'd probably be chewed out. He was supposed to hate the blonde and yet she had managed to somehow wedge herself into his heart and he hated it. He chugged back the bottle of jack he was busy nursing in a wooden chair in dim lighting just stuck in his own thoughts. It wasn't like she'd feel the same way would she, I mean he'd been nothing but cruel and mean to her why in the world would she even second glance at him. Plus she had that kid Hughie as her fling, Billy felt a strike of hot burning jealousy through him as he thought of the two of them together and he hated it.
He rubbed at his temples this was awful, he was supposed to be in love with Becca but he couldn't help but think of her. He thought about her golden blonde hair the way the sun just seemed to catch it in just the right light, he thought about what shampoo she used to make it so silky and shiny or the way it smelled. He wondered if it would be silky in his rough hands, and he hated when he faintly smelled her perfume it would send his heart into a steady beat. But no he wasn't in love with her he couldn't be could he it was just some sort of pipe dream, he wouldn't admit it no Billy Butcher was not and never would be in love with Annie January.
He enjoyed the burn of the amber liquid at the back of his throat as he drank it back, his thoughts seemed to slosh together. Mostly of Annie and the impending threat of that jackass Homelander, he could tell Annie had a bone to pick with him too so maybe that was one thing that he could actually like about her. Billy had always just hated her because she was a supe and the fact that she was like all the other supes, and it seemed nothing could change his mind about that no matter what anyone said or did Billy wouldn't change it.
But then somehow Annie managed to break through Billy's walls without even really doing anything but he wouldn't admit it, to everyone it still seemed that he hated Annie and yet she was slowly but surely becoming a prominent part in his heart. He had so many walls due to all of the trauma and such that he had throughout his life and Becca had broken that down but now she was gone, now he was afraid deep down of getting hurt again so that could attribute to why he was so cautious but Billy was high strung and wouldn't admit that he was afraid or falling for a supe. He was the Butcher he was a powerful brute who didn't take bullshit from anyone and here he was acting like a horny teenager or a girl tripping over his shoes whenever she was around.
Maybe Annie did feel the same and she was just good at hiding it he thought as the bottle became lower and lower, but who was he kidding why did she ever think of being with him when she had Hughie who could be her prince or her knight in shining armour he was just some fool to think he could have her. But somewhere deep down he hoped that she would wake up and feel the same, or maybe that she did feel the same and she just wanted to make him jealous with Hughie trying to get him to expose his feelings.
Why did feelings have to be so hard, they just had to be complex and complicated not straight forward at all. Billy felt as if his mind was racing, Billy was holding onto hope deep down he wouldn't ever tell anyone but he was waiting for her to run into his arms and confess how much she loved him too and wanted to be with him. But sometimes hope was a funny thing and of course things we hope for and want don't always come true or do they?