Chapter Text
Nezuko was walking out of the courthouse, the wind blowing her hair into her face as her heels clicked down the marble stairs. She could faintly hear her ex-husband running after her, screaming her name, his immaturity causing the faintest trace of bile to rise into her throat. The blonde man she convinced herself to love came crashing out of the tall doors of the building, his chest rising and falling rapidly with his panting breaths. Nezuko continued to walk to her car, the only reliable thing in her life besides her brother. By the time Zenitsu reached her door, she was already backing out and driving away.
On the drive to her new apartment, Nezuko couldn’t help but mourn the comfortability of her life. Even in the exhaustion of pretending, the predictability was a safety blanket she hadn’t realized she would miss. Parking her car, she trudges up the stairs of her new apartment building and opens her door, the towers of moving boxes making little room for their owner. It’s a little funny that her entire life for the last 5 years could be packed up and shipped off so quickly, not a trace of her left in that old house. The thought is causing her to laugh before she realizes it, her stomach burning as she doubles over in her doorway, tears streaking down her face. Her laughter quickly turns to sobs as she holds herself together, the loneliness and feelings of failure surrounding her in an instant.
Nezuko has never had to brave the world alone, not even after losing her family. She had always had Tanjiro, and then Urokodaki, and then her friends, and then Zenitsu. She was always surrounded by people, living in small houses filled with sound and warmth. Now she had empty hallways and echoing rooms, not a shred of familiarity around her. It was suffocating in an almost nostalgic way. With Zenitsu she lost herself in his personality, his loudness. She would spend days cleaning and cooking and caring for him while he lay around doing nothing more than breathing. He was always a homebody, even when they were teenagers, but it got worse after they married, and she let him control her life until she couldn’t tell where his ended and hers started. He had no job and so she worked, he didn’t like housework and so she did, he didn’t like planning things and so she did. She did everything.
She didn’t realize how bad it was until she passed out from exhaustion and dehydration in the middle of the workday. She had stayed up all night doing chores after she prepped for Zenitsu’s birthday, cooking and cleaning, and catching up on the assignments she missed at work that day. She woke up in the hospital after her coworkers called the ambulance, and it was just her luck that Kanao was on shift when she came in. Kanao had told her that everything was fine, that she had called Zenitsu but he said he couldn’t come, and so Kanao had called Tanjiro. While they waited for her slightly overprotective brother to come, Kanao had started to ask questions.
Normally Nezuko wouldn’t have minded, she always liked Kanao and was excited for the day when she could officially call her sister, but for some reason, Nezuko snapped at her. Now, Kanao was never pushier than she had to be, but she was a medical student and she knew that sometimes she needed to push for the truth. So when Nezuko snapped, Kanao let her, and then she continued to push, not letting Nezuko push her away. They let the issue drop when Tanjiro came in, not wanting to upset him with their squabble. All Nezuko could think was that Zenitsu wasn’t there, she had collapsed and was in the hospital but he just couldn’t be bothered. When she got her phone back, she was surprised to see so many messages waiting for her. Aoi, Inosuke, Muichiro, Genya, hell even Sanemi had texted her, and checked in on her, but not a single thing from Zenistu.
It was like an alarm went off in her head, a wake-up call she didn’t know she was waiting for. Her husband couldn’t give less of a damn whether she lived or died, so long as she was back home taking care of him by the end of the day. It was a sickening realization, the situation she was in, but at 24 years old she realized that her 5-year marriage and 7-year relationship was a facade. A grotesque play that she acted in, perfectly delivering her lines and following her ques like a mindless doll. She cried in the car on the way home that day and when she finally saw her husband, the first words he said to her were, “What took you so long? I’m starving.” She ignored him and went to bed, and the next morning she packed a bag and left for her brother’s house. She filed for divorce a few weeks later, after asking for a separation or even counseling and being refused, she bit the bullet and lawyered up. Genya helped her move her things from the house, and let her sleep on his couch when she felt like she was taking over Tanjiro’s house. He was her shoulder to cry on and even encouraged her to branch out on her own.
She has been reconnecting with her friends outside of Zenitsu, leading her back to her old friends Senjuro and Makomo. She had forgotten the last time she spoke to either of them, let alone someone her own age. And while she loves her brother and their friends, they each were connected to Zenitsu in a way. Getting away from that and finding other people, people Zenitsu hasn’t tainted with his memory, was refreshing and terrifying and something she had missed. Nezuko was the most extroverted out of all of her friends, only beating out her brother by a hair, so the isolation that Zenitsu unknowingly caused in their marriage crashed down on her harder than she recognized. Now, outside and interacting with new people again, she doesn’t know how she survived without socialization.
Coming back to herself again, she looked around at her new home, a home just for her, a home she was gonna build for herself, and picked herself off the floor. She took a long shower, taking the time to exfoliate and shave and wash her face, things she rushed through in the past or skipped because of their frivolity or because she just didn't have enough time. She put on her favorite robe, one her mother bought for her and she's been tailoring to fit her body as she grew, pulling up her playlist, which she could never listen to because of Zenitsu's hyperacusis, and she just lets herself feel. She dances around for what feels like hours, her damp hair whipping around her like the wings of a bird free from its cage. The music flows through her, driving her movements and directing her emotions into something tangible.
The knock on her door breaks through her trance, causing her to pause her music and stop her freedom just enough to answer. She is met with the faces of her friends and brother, each carrying groceries or takeout or wine. They file in and it reminds her of a time before Zenitsu and her started dating, back when she was just a 16-year-old kid with a crush on a guy she knew would never like her back. A kid who dreamed of adventure and freedom and family, who dared to steal the cheap beer from her adoptive brother's fridge and climb up onto the roof with her friends.
They talked and ate and drank until late, and then they sprawled out on her living room floor, laughing and talking and reminiscing like they didn’t have work tomorrow. It was the happiest Nezuko had felt for a long time, even before her clusterfuck of a relationship. She falls asleep that night content and a little scared but nevertheless free, hoping for the same courage she had when she was younger to carry her through the next few weeks of her life.
Nezuko was pissed as she stormed away from her brother's house and into her car. She couldn’t think beyond driving home, not once checking to see if her stupid, batshit, stubborn brother followed her. All she had said was that she was considering going on a date, a singular date, for fun, to see if she even wanted to date, to see if she could have sex with someone other than her ex-husband. God, she just wanted to have more than one sexual partner in her life, maybe someone who could actually get her to orgasm too, but no, Tanjiro just had to get all up in arms about it. It’s not like she was freshly 19, walking down the aisle to her first and only boyfriend, convincing herself that she wanted to be married. She just wanted to have fun, flirt, dance, and drink, and experience everything she missed out on because she got married so young. She was lucky she managed to get her first kiss before she started dating, she wasted her first time on her stupid ex, and now she wanted to have her first fling on her terms.
She doesn’t even know why he was so mad at her in the first place. She had come over to check in with him like they’d been doing since her divorce, which was almost 6 months ago, and told him about this guy who had asked for her number while she was at the bar with some friends. She didn’t say yes to him, but Tanjiro got suspiciously quiet when she mentioned dating and then he told her that she shouldn’t be dating right now. The thought of dating had just started to cross her mind, but if she’s being honest she just wants to have sex again, but when her brother decided that she shouldn’t be dating, she lost it. She is a grown-ass woman, she decides what she is supposed to be doing, not him. So now she’s gonna find herself a date, and she’s gonna take them home and get laid and experience her first one-night stand, just to spite the bastard.
That night she went out to the bars in one of her new cocktail dresses with her new thigh highs and her hair falling loosely in waves down her back. Her makeup was done in a way that made her look innocent, but her eyes betrayed her thoughts. She was on a hunt for any guy that was willing to have fun. The night went on, she drank and danced and let loose like it was her first time. When she went up to the bar to get water, she began to watch all of the other patrons, picking out some attractive guys and noticing all of the pretty girls. Objectively speaking, all women were pretty, but there was something about some of them that had Nezuko staring more than she normally allowed herself.
When she was in high school, she would sometimes catch herself staring at a particularly attractive girl, but she had chalked it up to jealousy and appreciation. Now, as an adult, she found herself noticing way more than she should have if it was just jealousy. There was this one girl who had the nicest ass she had ever seen in her life, with hips that looked grabable and hair that looked soft to the touch. She was tall and leggy and her thighs looked like they would make good pillows. Nezuko wanted to bury her face in them, let herself suffocate from their lusciousness, and - Wait. Before Nezuko could think too hard about why she was having sexual fantasies about other women, the girl she was just … appreciating… walked up to her. They talked and then flirted and then they started to kiss, Nezuko’s water all but forgotten.
The next morning, Nezuko took her first walk of shame back to the bar to retrieve her car, her thoughts scrambled as she remembered all of the thoughts she’s had up till now. How every woman she’s ever been jealous of, she actually thought was attractive. How she blushed when they spoke to her, how she wanted to hold their hands. But then she thought of all the boys she’s had crushes on, one boy stuck in her mind even all the years later. How his sharp eyes were soft with kindness, how red his face turned when he was nervous, how cute his smile was when he thought no one was looking. She remembered the feeling of his lips on hers, the hesitation they both held as they locked lips in their first kiss. To say she was confused would be an understatement.
She returned home to find her brother sitting in her now-decorated living room, his head in his hands and his phone on the coffee table. He looked up as she entered her apartment, his eyes red-rimmed and teary. “Where have you been?” came his voice, raw with barely contained anger and fear, “I called you 14 times, and texted you almost twice that much.” He stood up, his arms flailing about as he gestured, “Your location was off and no one has heard from you since last night,” His face contorted in anger, his arms crossing defensively over his chest “So where were you?”
Nezuko quickly checked her phone only to be met with a reminder to charge it. She looked back at her brother, pushing her disheveled hair out of her face and trying her best to convey her apologies, “I’m so sorry,” she moved closer to her brother to show him her phone, “My phone died and I lost track of time on my date and I woke up later than I thought I would and I’m sorry that I worried you but I promise I’m fine and I’ll make sure to call someone next time and I’m sorry-”
“Nezuko,” her brother interrupted, his eyes softening with slight worry and major relief, “I came here to apologize for freaking out on you earlier, only to find your apartment empty and no one knowing where you were.” He held her shoulders and made sure she was looking him in the eye, “I know that you're an adult and that you're trying to find yourself after getting out of a serious relationship,” he started to shake her shoulders, his brows furrowing in mock anger as he screamed, “But next time you have a date tell somebody!”
Nezuko laughed as her brother continued to shake her, “I know! I’m sorry!”
He let her go and he sat back down, a sigh escaping him as his entire body sagged into the couch. He laid his head back with his eyes closed for a while before he snapped them open again. He turned his head towards her again, his red eyes burning with their unique fire, “Nice outfit.” Nezuko looked down at her wrecked image, remembering that she still smelled vaguely like sex and she was covered in hickeys and bite marks. She blushes as she runs to her room, listening to her brother laugh at her embarrassment. Once she’s showered and changed clothes, she walks back out to meet her brother’s smug face. “So who's the guy?” came his sarcastic drawl, causing her to freeze on her journey to the fridge.
She shook her head, shrugging as nonchalantly as she could, “No one I’m seeing again.”
Her statement was met with a shocked gasp and the teasing of her brother, which later spread to the teasing of their friends as Nezuko continued to experiment with her sexuality. As the months passed, Nezuko was seldom wanting for sex, both male and female. It wasn’t until a drunken hook-up with Makomo, Nezuko’s oldest friend and one of the first girls that Nezuko thought was attractive, that she realized she was truly not straight.
“Makomo,” she whispered as she caught her breath, her body spent and sweaty, “I think I like girls.”
Makomo laughed at the statement, her own body highlighted with a healthy sheen of sweat from their previous activities, “I clocked your gay-ass in high school,” she shifted to give Nezuko a half-hearted hug, “I was just waiting for you to catch up.” They talked through Nezuko’s thoughts and feelings, clarifying and reassuring, joking and laughing like the revelation wasn’t as life-changing as it felt. They agreed to stay friends and Makomo even suggested she pass Nezuko’s number to this other girl who thought she was the absolute cutest.
At this point in her life, she’s been divorced for almost a full year, and she’s finally figured out part of who she is. She’s secure in her job and her relationships, she’s confident and adventurous, and she’s finally started to accept that she likes girls. The thought of dating, actually dating not just hook-ups, is still daunting. She’s only dated 1 person in her entire life, 1 guy who she was with for a good chunk of her life, and she can’t help but feel like she needs to wait. To make sure she wants to be in a relationship with a person instead of running headfirst into the first guy who asks. She probably wouldn’t have even dated Zenitsu if she didn’t feel the need to conform to what her peers were doing. Everyone around her was dating someone, and while she did hold crushes, she didn’t act on them until she realized she was the only single one in the friend group. The only other people in their group who were single were Genya and Zenitsu, and even then Genya had a massive crush on someone so he wouldn’t go out with anyone else. Hell, even Inosuke and Aoi were taken because they were always together but never really together.
Now, Tanjiro is thinking of proposing to Kanao, Aoi and Inosuke are finally together, Genya is going on dates, and she is … lonely. She never liked being alone, even when she was little. She had so many siblings that there was never any peace, she constantly craved it, until she lost her family and then it was just her and Tanjiro against the world. They found a family in Urokodaki and the Rengokus, gained friends in the lone Hashibara and the numerous Kochos, and even managed to trust the aggressive Shinazugawas. Her entire life she was never alone, and when she was alone the anxiety of the quiet would threaten to suffocate her. That was a feeling she had to get used to when she got divorced, and now she can’t help but crave the noise of another person. She hangs around her friends’ apartments more than her own and she knows that she can’t stay with them forever.
Just last week she was at Inosuke’s and he had to kick her out because she had spent 4 days on his couch. He didn’t want to kick her out, he was always the softest with her, but he did want to spend some alone time with his Aoi so she left. And she loves her brother but staying at his place always felt like a defeat, like she couldn’t grow up, like she would always be reliant on her big brother. Not to mention seeing how loving Tanjiro and Kanao were, and how secure they were in their relationship made Nezuko feel more lonely, jealous of a relationship she’d never got to experience. She refused to stay at Senjuro’s because he doesn’t know when to say no and she would end up overstaying her welcome. Makomo still lived with Urokodaki and if she was being honest that felt like going backwards. Genya was the only friend she could stay over with that wouldn’t make her feel like she was intruding into another story.
The first time she stayed over at his place, it had been 7 months after her divorce and she was a little too drunk. She had gone out to get drunk or laid or both and ended up sloshed and scared. She called the first name that she could read in her contacts, surprised to hear the sounds of partying on the other side of the phone. She started crying as soon as he asked her what was up, her little hiccups must have carried through the receiver because the tone in his voice quickly changed. She could hear the sounds of movement and the muffling of music. Once it was quieter on his end, he asked her what was wrong, if she was safe, and where she was. It was so different from how Zenitsu was and that only made her cry harder, she must have managed to string together enough words for Genya to come get her because he was standing right in front of her before she knew it.
He enveloped her in his tall frame and deceptively strong thin arms, letting her calm down before he tried to move her. The warmth of his body cocooned her in a way she hadn’t felt in a very long time, the strength that coursed through him providing her enough solace to break. They had walked around a bit after they left the bar, Nezuko’s shoes in Genya’s hands and his jacket around her shoulders. They had talked through her feelings and how shitty the dating scene was, laughing and joking like they did before she was with Zenitsu and Genya started to pull away from their friendship. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed the gentle giant, but now that she had him back she wouldn’t let him run away again.
He drove her home only for her to stay in his car upon seeing her door. She didn’t want to be alone that night, the thought of navigating through the empty quiet of her dark apartment made her nauseous with unease. It must have shown on her face because Genya simply smiled kindly before pulling away and driving to his place. Now every time she feels the loneliness creeping up on her, she drives to Genya’s and lets herself in. For weeks they never talked about why she needed to stay there sometimes, just quietly going about their morning routines and lives like it was completely normal for your high-school best friend to sleep in your bed when she was too lonely.
That was another thing, she never slept on the couch at Genya’s. The first night she had slept in his bed while he was on the couch, and that continued to be the arrangement until Genya gave her a copy of his key. When she used the key, he had no way of knowing when she’d be over, so she would end up sleeping in his bed with him in it. That first morning was a little awkward but after a while, it lost its novelty. To pay him back for his generosity, she gave him his own key to her apartment and had his preferred candles burning because sometimes certain smells made his mouth feel weird and saved his favorite shows on her account and always made sure to have his favorite snacks in her pantry. And when he was having a shitty day, he would come over and they would cuddle on the couch wrapped in their favorite blankets watching his comfort show.
She didn’t even know it was a little weird until they were having a get-together at her place, and someone asked for something, and without preamble, Genya retrieved it from its hiding place like it was his apartment. Their friends paused at that but they let it go, until Nezuko left to take care of something in the kitchen, and Genya, without asking how to set up her TV to play music or what she wanted to listen to, played her favorite playlist for when she cooked. Their friends paused again and it was a little awkward but it passed with the smell of food becoming prevalent in the air. The next time, when Genya had not only gotten the games out, grabbed Nezuko’s preferred cuddle blanket, and covered the corner of the coffee table that Nezuko always bumped herself against with his hand, their friends spoke up. “Are you two dating?” came the blunt voice of Aoi, her eyebrows scrunched on her typically curious face.
Both Genya and Nezuko froze, then they looked at each other, and then denial began to fly out of her mouth. Genya was paralyzed in embarrassment, his face so red it almost matched the color of his favorite fruit. After what felt like an eternity, Nezuko calmed down enough to clarify, “We’re not dating,” She rubbed her neck, hoping the action would release some of the tension that had suddenly appeared in the appendage, “We just hang out a lot more than we used to.” The others let the issue drop but some of them obviously still held their suspicions. Tanjiro specifically was staring pretty intensely at his mohawked friend, his red eyes hiding veiled threats of violence in them, even as his smile stayed serene. The night continued without another word about Nezuko’s dating life until they were all cleaning up before they all said goodbye.
“You two are sure you’re not dating,” Tanjiro intoned as he watched the pair do the dishes, plates being passed from Nezuko to her companion with practiced ease.
Nezuko sighed as Genya clammed up a little, not as much as before but still enough that Nezuko began to worry about his blood pressure, “Yes, Tanjiro,” She locked eyes with her brother, “We’re sure we’re not dating.”
Kanao had sauntered over then, leaning on Tanjiro a little as she spoke up, “But that doesn’t mean you’re not single.”
“Ooooh,” Aoi snickered, “Should we be asking about a different boy?”
“Why do you assume I’m dating a boy?” That earned a different silence as Nezuko immediately wished for the ground to swallow her whole. She hadn’t planned for them to find out this way, she wanted to sit them down separately and have a gentle conversation. But thanks to her big mouth, this is her coming out story, a careless remark in retaliation to her friends’ teasing her about her fruitless love life. “Shit,” she whispered as she turned to fully face her friends, her eyes burning a little at the hesitance that is encompassing the group. Genya had stopped breathing beside her, his eyes so focused on her that she could feel the holes he was boring into the side of her face. Her eyes began to sting, but she refused to run away from this as she ran away from herself.
“Well, then should we be asking about a different girl?” Came the brash response of Inosuke, breaking the tension in his usually unrefined way, causing a chuckle to escape her throat mixing with a relieved sigh.
She shook her head, “No, Inosuke, I’m still single, I just also realized I’m Bi.” She watched as her friends proceeded to poke fun at her singleness, the truth she accidentally dropped on them washing away into the cozy atmosphere. They all soon left and her apartment once again filled with a heavy silence. That silence was broken when Genya, who was still cleaning up even when Nezuko stopped, turned on one of their favorite playlists, the soft music floating through the air as he puttered about her kitchen. She could hear him humming along to the song, his gruff voice smoothing out in a pleasant melody. She observed his motions as she sat on the counter, the ease of his movements and the soft grace of his smile filling Nezuko with an emotion she had only felt traces of. The warmth and weight of it sat directly on her chest, not suffocating or overbearing but noticeably different. It was like her heart constricted and expanded all at once, a pleasant pain she wanted to chase until her lungs gave out.
It must show on her face, or maybe she has been staring too long because Genya turns to face her, his thin eyebrows drawing together in concern while a soft, reassuring smile remains on his face. The slight wrinkle between his brows had always made her want to smooth it with her fingers, even when they were kids because it was just so… Genya . There is confusion and worry and joy in his eyes like he can’t help but be happy right now like it is just a perpetual emotion he always feels, it makes the light color of his purple irises stand out against his tan skin.
“You okay?” came the softness of his voice, his hands occupying themselves by drying them in one of the tea towels he helped her pick out the other day. He makes his way closer to her and she feels herself lean forward to be closer to him, he stands right in front of her, between her legging-clad legs, and his hands automatically settle on her thighs.
They have always had a very tactile relationship, and now that they've reconnected they’re always touching in some way. When they’re standing in line at the grocery store, Nezuko leans on his arm or links their pinkies together or sometimes holds the crook of his arm. Genya in turn walks with his hand on the small of her back or his arm around her shoulders or his head on her shoulder as they stand in line or in the aisles. When they hang out at their places, Genya is content to let Nezuko use him as her personal body pillow while they watch movies on the couch, and Nezuko plays with Genya’s hair when she reads before bed, his head in her lap as he gently snores. When they go out to the bars, Genya is always standing right next to her as she sits at the bar, her back to his chest, or his arm on the edge of the seat as he separates her slight frame from the rowdiness that is the group next to them. She never thought anything of it, simply relieved that they were close again, but now as he rubs circles into her thighs and searches her face for what must be bothering her, she can’t help but take note of every point of contact between them, how close they are, how if she leaned further into his space, just a little, she would be able to kiss his lips.
Genya must not have found what he was looking for in her eyes, because his hands moved to rub her arms in a soothing gesture, and his mouth lost its upwards curvature. He hums softly before he speaks again, “What’s the matter?” He kissed her forehead, something that they do often to tease or comfort the other, something that is so normal it's shocking to her. She felt her heart pound against her ribcage, her cheeks growing hot, as she stared into his eyes.
Oh.