It's the holiday season, everyone who's anyone in Gotham is ready to par-*tay*, and nothing screams Gotham Christmas like the big Wayne bash up at Wayne Manor. Every year, Gotham's brightest stars head on up there to hobnob: this year is no different. So it's time to play our favourite Gotham yuletide game: Guess The Guests!
For all you newcomers and out-of-towners wondering, Gothamites play this game every year because it's the only time outsiders are ever allowed anywhere even near Wayne Manor, and good old Brucie doesn't play when it comes to the privacy of his party-goers. While we could link you to a dozen articles about Bruce Wayne living it up with a starlet of the-week on his arm in the city (and we have – just click on our Bruce Wayne tag and find out!), you'd have better luck divining the guest list for this super-select shindig from a tarot reading than sitting around hoping for some papp shots. Trust me: we've tried! Unfortunately for us, the manor sits on private land and the front gate might as well be on Mars relative to the front door. (The one time that someone was entrepreneurial and stupid enough to fly a drone in, said drone got snatched out of the air somehow and sent back to him with – rumour has it – legal papers taped to it.)
The best we can do for you, alas, is to camp out on the public roadside leading up to the manor and attempt to play guess-who based on the vehicles driving by. (Well, there is one other way, which is to keep track of live air traffic, and the closest we've ever got to confirmed names have been via aircraft registration records. A few years ago, Maria Powers's personal helicopter was noted to have landed there, but since (sadly) most guests are streetwise enough to charter, it could really have been anybody on board.)
Artist's Impression of Wayne Manor
Do YOU know how boring watching a gazillion black SUVs drive by on a bitterly cold winter's night is, sitting there hoping that someone forgot to tint their windows? Dear reader, however bad you think it is, it's worse. That's why we always outsource this particular assignment to the newest member of TMZ's local beat. WELCOME TO GOTHAM!
So: Wayne Manor's physical security might be air-tight, but Bruce Wayne can't stop people from talking. Socialite Kitty Kane – who, according to our reading of the genealogical records, is Bruce's third cousin four times removed – says that cuz Bruce likes to party hard. Last year, she posted a photo of her bare, stocking-clad feet and kicked-off heels with the caption 'BACK FROM THE MANOR xoxoxo' at 4pm the next day. We figure that there are enough rooms to fit anyone who wants to crash in that house.
Another thing we do know for sure is that Brucie definitely allows plus ones at his party, because it's obvious as the pecs on the man that Dick Grayson isn't going home without someone to distract him from having to mingle and jingle with his ex-guardian. (The day the crown prince of Gotham abandoned us to go live life on the down-low in Blüdhaven of all places is one we all still mourn.) Gotham's hottest and most delicious property used to barely ever grace us with his presence, but relations must have warmed recently because Grayson's been around plenty the last couple of years, shaking hands at Wayne Foundation events and flashing his pearly whites for us. He cut the ribbon at the Vauxhall Centre Christmas Tree Lighting, and has been spotted back on our streets with company (almost) as good-looking as he is multiple times. He's been caught on camera thrice now with hot new model Jill Jones on his arm. In an interview with GQ, Jones tried to downplay the sightings:
'Dick's just a great guy,' Jones said. 'We met at a Wayne Foundation photoshoot and he's really easy to hang around, but we're just friends. Besides, I'm not looking to date anyone right now.'
Umm... Nobody straight, gay, or wondering who has eyes would not want to date Dick Grayson, but sure thing, girl. But if you don't want him, plenty of other people do! The betting pot on whether Grayson is a legal heir to the Wayne fortune continue to grow with every passing year. His relationship with fellow pseudo-Wayne Tim Drake has always been good, but you have to wonder if it's that way because Grayson knows he'll be set if Bruce ever kicks it. Timmy, after all, has his own money. Speaking of Mr. Drake, the most studious member of the clan continues to be an extremely lousy source of good gossip. Constantly spotted around Gotham University, where he is a part-time student at its Advanced Computing Lab, Drake continues to be serious, quiet, and the frontrunner contender to inherit Wayne Enterprises, at least until Little D grows up. (We bet the board of directors would fall over themselves voting to approve a do-gooder like him, especially considering Bruce's habit of randomly flying off around the world only to be found on beaches with swimsuit models.) No plus-one to be seen here.
Anyway, we've saved the best gossip for last: rumour has it that the Gotham City Goliaths Cheerleaders might will be making an appearance at the Manor. The newest paid-for-by-Wayne upgrades to the Goliaths' stadium, which include updated emergency bunkers (what a Gotham thing!) and a totally revamped concessions area (thank god, because those bathrooms were a crime unto themselves that even Batman wouldn't want to solve), are leaving the team very jolly and grateful indeed. The GC Squared girls have been buzzing about being invited to the manor to perform.
'It isn't for the Christmas party,' cheer captain Yi-Ling said when we caught up with the team after a pre-game practice. 'We're not that cool. But on the 26th Mr. Wayne is hosting a charity event for the Gotham Foundlings. He's throwing a big party for these vulnerable kids who could use some holiday cheer, so we're going to go perform and hopefully bring them some smiles. We're all super curious about where he lives, but the kids are the important part!'
Maybe if we dress up as Santa Claus, we could go too!
Bruce Wayne...
Brainless playboy billionaire
Charitable cinnamon roll
VOTE
