Chapter Text
PROLOGUE: Let You Break my Heart Again
She hasn't been feeling like herself lately.
It´s no wonder why when all she can think about is her. In her iron blue eyes. In her pink hair always slicked back (she still can't figure out how she does it). In the stained bandages and bruised knuckles, and well... her. In her best friend. Violet. Although calling her that these days is usually subject to a more serious or intimate connotation, so just Vi. Either way, lately all he can think about lately is her and her indomitable (though sometimes cute) personality.
Honestly, she doesn't think they are both on the same page. I mean...they're always in a constant battle for their survival and to prove themselves in order to get better jobs that would allow them to have a little more money to bring something more solid to the table and....
Anyway, a never-ending cycle. The law of the strongest, I guess.
... But back to the point; Being in this constant circle of survival everyone had built walls in order to survive, to be stronger, safer. More mature (even though they were all just a bunch of kids playing at being adults). And if anyone within her adoptive family knew about being strong it was Vi. Both physically and mentally Vi was a tough machine to crack. Always so defensive, taking raw initiative. She was tough, fast, always confident in herself. But she was also very protective. At least as far as Powder was concerned (Not that she didn't love her other foster siblings, she just trusted them more to take care of themselves, she didn't blame them either, she had her own brother to take care of). To her there was nothing more important than her sister and a decent life for her. For all of them. Her included. And Violet was her best friend, her confidant, the person with whom she could let down the walls a little and let her vulnerability show. They're both about the same age (Vi is two months older, but who cares about that? -clearly Vi-). But that was it. Best friends. Sometimes almost bordering on sisters, but that never seemed to be the right term. Not when the line of their friendship sometimes became blurred (for her at least).
There were nights when the two of them would stay up late talking on the roof of an old, worn-out building that hadn't worked for years. Sometimes they would share their emotions about some event that had happened during the day or the week, other times they just liked to talk about how each one of them had fared during the time they had not seen each other, they would make jokes and remember anecdotes from years ago, when they were younger. On those cool nights on the rooftop she could sometimes notice his gaze lingered on her a little longer as they enjoyed the silence and the breeze (or maybe it was hers that lingered the longest and it was Vi who caught her in the act, who knows).
Other days, when they had free time and were tired, Vi insisted that the two of them lie together in the small bed Benzo had given her when he adopted her along with Ekko or in the rickety bunk bed Vi shared with Powder. She insisted that their body heat helped her relax, so sometimes they would simply lie down to rest cuddled up next to each other (there were even times when exhaustion got the better of them and they would fall asleep sitting next to each other).
I could give you a thousand and one more examples, but what good would that do?
The point is that with every little interaction (but even more so with the intimate and vulnerable) her heart seemed to want to burst out of her chest and create its own band to play love songs in her honor. Her empty stomach filled with butterflies that threatened to escape down her throat into her mouth and out in the form of sweet words and unspoken sentiments to keep company with the loud melody her heart created. Her breath hitched at times and her cheeks... My God... She should stop deluding herself in the face of these one-sided feelings and insignificant interactions.
Heaven knows you've tried
Maybe one day she'll stop being in love with Violet (I wish she wouldn't)
Maybe one day someone will come to love her like she loves Vi (But I wish you'd love me)
But until then she will prevent his heart from creating melodies and lock the butterflies in a little box. She will keep pretending it's all in his head, and secretly imagine loving her as she desires, and let her break his heart over and over again (even if she does it unwillingly).
Though she's just trying to understand what she is to Vi. Beyond the heartfelt conversations at midnight, beyond the beautiful Piltover sunsets they sometimes watched from the roof of some building after a job (sometimes in the company of her brothers, sometimes alone) and the stolen glances. She doesn't want to cry about it, she has so many more things to worry about, and yet she feels so overwhelmed and confused, adding her one-sided feelings to the imaginary list of things that stress her out.
If only she knew how she felt....
But probably nothing would change, maybe it would just make it worse.
Maybe one day she would stop being in love with Vi and her bold personality.
Maybe someday someone will love her as much as she loves every freckle and blemish on her face.
But until then she will keep silent. She will enjoy their moments together and lock the band of her heart inside her chest while the butterflies are bound in chains in the depths of her stomach. She'll pretend the feelings aren't there, that he doesn't see that look on her face from time to time, and of course, she'll give her his heart so she can do it and undo it with sweet actions or harsh words.
Someday...
One day.
She will be able to get over her feelings for her best friend and find someone else.
But until she does... She will think about how to heal his wounds without causing him so much pain. She'll look for ways to show her love for him without ever having to tell him she loves her (at least not in a romantic way). And she'll let her break her heart again.
At least before she puts it back together again.
Life doesn't end at fourteen... does it?