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It’s been a week since Changmin actually moved out of their shared dorms.
It’s not like Chanhee doesn’t understand… actually scratch that, Chanhee doesn’t understand. But he understands that his best friend has been wanting to move out for a long time, been wanting to build something of his own.
And what can Chanhee say to that? That he’d hoped they could build something together?
Maybe it’s naïve of him to want that. To want to build his life with his groupmates. Yes, living with 12, even 11 of them had been a lot. But since they’ve moved into dorms of 3-4 people, it’s been comfortable. Chanhee really likes living with Younghoon, Changmin, and Sunwoo. Even if they sometimes drive him mad.
Liked.
Sure, he still has Younghoon and Sunwoo, but without Changmin here it’s like someone is missing. Someone to complain to about Sunwoo leaving stuff lying around the apartment. Someone with who to gang up on Younghoon with insignificant stories, because he’ll listen no matter how stupid it is. Heck, someone who will bring up horror stories at uncalled times which Chanhee would usually pretend to hate but now that he’s gone…
It’s not like he’s completely gone, of course.
They still see each other at schedules, Chanhee calls him every night.
But it’s not the same.
It’s not the same as getting ready in the same place in the morning. Calling and texting is not the same as knocking on each other’s doors.
Tonight, again, Chanhee is calling Changmin.
“Q, I can’t live without you.”
Chanhee hears him chuckle through the phone.
“What do you mean, you’ve still got Sunwoo and Younghoon there with you.”
“But it’s not the same, I miss you,” Chanhee complains, and Changmin let’s out an exasperated sigh.
Chanhee knows that the other acts annoyed for both of their sake. Truth be told, moving out hasn’t been as easy for Changmin either, and he misses the others a lot too. Chanhee calling so often helps.
Even besides that, Changmin has all these things to look forward to - decorating his space, working out how he wants to spend his time when he’s all on his own, making cooking plans because now he’s on his own and actually has to deal with it. Changmin doesn’t have much time to be lonely.
For Chanhee, though, it’s probably harder.
Chanhee wakes up every morning, knowing there’s an empty room in the apartment, walks by the closed door every day, finds himself cooking a portion too much for dinner.
Of course, Younghoon and Sunwoo miss Changmin too, but it’s not the same. For them, it’s missing a close friend and flatmate. Chanhee feels like half of his soul is gone.
Both his remaining flatmates are there for him, though.
Sunwoo comforts Chanhee a lot. He listens more than he’d usually have patience for. Younghoon is also kinder, indulging Chanhee in more hugs than he’d normally put up with. Chanhee has the feeling he needs them too.
During the day it’s hard enough, the traces of his best friend’s everyday mannerisms no longer alive.
But the hardest part is falling asleep at night, knowing that the room next to his is empty.
He’s been napping a lot in Younghoon’s room, but eventually the other would kick him out once he wanted to sleep himself. Which is when Chanhee would wake up again and be unable to fall back asleep.
Over the last week, the little naps have unfortunately not been enough to compensate the sleep he misses at night.
Sunwoo notices Chanhee’s growing eyebags and bugs him about them until he confesses that he’s been having a hard time falling asleep.
Having seen Chanhee come out of Younghoon’s room at night, Sunwoo puts two and two together quickly and presents Chanhee with an idea.
“Why don’t you come sleep in mine then?”
Chanhee raises his eyebrows.
“You sure? You were so happy to finally have your own room after Eric.”
Sunwoo shrugs. “Yeah but that was Eric. Also it’s ages ago.”
“Okay, we can try.” Honestly, he’s a little doubtful but he’s grateful for the offer and too tired to think of anything else.
Sunwoo grins. “What are you shy.”
Chanhee shoves his face away.
After the first time, Chanhee ends up sleeping in Sunwoo’s bed often. Correct that, every night.
He’s been sleeping a lot better, the presence of someone in the room sufficient to soothe him enough to fall asleep.
He still misses Changmin, but it’s nowhere near as bad when he can see the light from Sunwoo’s phone screen, hear him shuffle around before his breath evens out and Chanhee knows he’s asleep.
By the end of the second week, he’s stopped calling Changmin every night.
Younghoon takes notice of the sleeping development.
“Why do you even have your own room,” he jabs laughingly.
Chanhee rolls his eyes. “What, if you’re jealous we can have sleepovers too.”
Younghoon smirks.
“No I like having space to move in my bed.”
Chanhee thinks about that exchange a lot.
Sure, it’s a little tight. But isn’t that kinda nice too?
Does Sunwoo think that way too, though? He has been sleeping there every night for the past week, so maybe he should try sleeping on his own once in a while.
When Chanhee doesn’t show up that night, Sunwoo comes over.
He doesn’t bother to wipe his cheeks dry when he pokes his head through the door.
“Are you okay Hyung?”
Chanhee just looks at him and pats his side, where he’s sitting on the bed.
Sunwoo finds his spot and hugs Chanhee, who immediately leans into the hug.
They don’t talk much, but it’s comforting to be held like this. No questions asked.
He ends up falling asleep with his head to Sunwoo’s chest and thinks he feels Sunwoo leave a kiss on his hair.
He wakes up alone but it’s fine, because he still feels warm as he gets out of bed and starts getting ready to head to the company. Younghoon and Sunwoo are already at the door when he puts on his shoes, and he feels like they’re in this together.
After that night, even if he doesn’t find Chanhee crying again, it becomes practice that Sunwoo comes over to sleep at Chanhee’s whenever he doesn’t sleep in Sunwoo’s room. Chanhee wonders whether it’s because he’s worried or is taking pity, though it doesn’t feel that way.
Regardless, one night he asks.
“You know you don’t have to come over right?’
Sunwoo looks at him for a moment and replies, “I know.”
It’s quiet for a while until Sunwoo speaks again. “Unless you want me to leave.”
It’s said casually, looking at his phone, but it makes Chanhee huff in amusement.
“No.”
He sees Sunwoo bite back a smile.
And that’s all there is to the conversation.
Younghoon notices this too, of course. He walks in on them lying half across each other on the sofa more often, and he definitely sees them come out of each other’s rooms each morning. He smiles when he sees them, but doesn’t address it when Chanhee glares.
He does, however, after week three of this ask Chanhee what’s going on.
Chanhee doesn’t really know what to reply. Is there something going on?
If even Younghoon has noticed, is there really something?
It’s scary to think about, because there’s so much at stake.
They’re in a group together, and beyond that, since Changmin has moved out Sunwoo has been a huge source of comfort. Of course he wouldn’t want that to change. Though, perhaps, things have already changed.
So when Younghoon asks, Chanhee doesn’t know what to say, and he just goes in for a hug.
Younghoon sighs and pats his back.
Changmin also notices that something is up with Chanhee.
Not only has he been calling less frequently, but he also has not complained about the guys in a while. So after their individual schedules end early, he pulls Chanhee to the side to ask whats’s up.
Chanhee looks around, and then hisses at Changmin in a half-joke. “You know what, this is actually all your fault.”
Changmin looks at him, slightly offended.
“What do you mean it’s all my fault, you haven’t been calling me and you even ignored my last texts.”
Now it’s Chanhee’s turn to be offended.
“I thought you were annoyed with how much I was calling you.”
Changmin scoffs and goes, “well yeah I was, but it’s because I miss you too.”
“If you miss us too then why’d you do that to us. Why would you move out when there is absolutely no resson?”
“I’ve told you multiple times,” Changmin says, slightly exaxperated. “Living with you guys was nice, but I felt like I was constantly compromising and not actually growing up. Like, I always had you guys around when I needed something, never really had to deal with certain things because there was always someone who could take care of them - it just didn’t feel complete.”
Chanhee looks at him and while he still doesn’t understand it, it does somehow make sense.
“And it was hard for me too, to be without you guys all of a sudden, and no matter how much I enjoy my independence and having to actually consciously decide things on my own, I never stop missing you guys. So it really kinda hurt, when you stopped calling. And then today you didn’t even reply to my texts.”
That much Chanhee can surely understand. So he apologises.
“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t leave to abandon us, but it does feel that way. Especially when it’s always me calling.”
There seems to be a smile almost pulling at Changmin’s lips.
“So if I call you you won’t ignore me, right?”
“What? Of course not,” Chanhee exclaims and Changmin chuckles and hits him amicably on the shoulder.
“In that case we’re fine,” he grins, and Chanhee finds himself smiling too.
They go eat together after that, and catch each other up about the way things have been going.
Changmin complains about having to cook every single day, and how now he’s the only one to be bothered by dust. Chanhee talks about how Sunwoo and he have been having sleepovers a lot, and Younghoon and he have been doing all the cooking.
Just like that, they fall into a rhythm, and things seem to have calmed down and arrived at a new sense of security. Chanhee feels like he has a new normal with all three of them, but that comes into question again when he has a sleepover at Changmin’s new place.
Back in their shared dorm, they used to have sleepovers often, talking late into the night, falling asleep in each other’s rooms. So this marks yet another way things are returning to a new normal.
Or, it was supposed to.
Because somehow it isn’t.
In many ways, it still is as it used to be. They chat and goof around and it’s great not to have to leave as they always would have to since Changmin moved out - able to just be with no time constraints.
But what’s different, is that Chanhee finds himself missing Sunwoo.
It hits him as a surprise, because one moment he’s laughing with Changmin and the next he wants to lean against Sunwoo and realises he’s not there.
Changmin notices him freezing and looks at him with a raised eyebrow. He shakes his head but Changmin doesn’t let it go.
“What, are you blushing?’
Chanhee swears he feels his heart stop for a moment.
The shock must be written on his face, because Changmin starts laughing “oh my god, you are” and “this is hilarious,” while Chanhee is still reeling from the shock like the fuck…?
And it dawns upon Chanhee that Younghoon’s knowing smiles and the way he wishes Sunwoo was here with him might have another meaning to them. It’s not entirely an unwelcome idea.
“No but really, tell me what you’re thinking about,” Changmin demands once he’s calmed down from laughing.
Chanhee huffs at himself as he replies in slight disbelief. “I’m kinda missing Sunwoo.”
Changmin scoffs and teases, “wow, I can’t believe you’ve already replaced me.”
And Chanhee grins and begins to feel a little giddy (though he would probably not admit the last part).
He laughs at the silliness of that statement. “I could never replace you Q, you know that. Plus…, “ he hesitates for a moment, “I think what I feel for Sunwoo is different.”
Changmin goes silent, and then a small smile spreads on his face. “Ok then, go for it.”
Chanhee shoves him amicably, and they’re both grinning until they find their way back into yet another insignificant conversation.
Of course, Chanhee doesn’t actually go for it.
So Sunwoo and Chanhee just keep gravitating around each other, spending a lot of time at home. Though as time goes on also going out together more often than not. For simple things, like coffee, shopping. Sometimes with Younghoon or Changmin too, or with other group members, but also often just as the two of them.
This in and of itself isn’t anything new, but the amount of it is, and it makes Chanhee hope a little, that Sunwoo also really enjoys spending time with him, and maybe even in a different way to how he does with the others.
He doesn’t do much to confirm or deny it though, neither of them does.
The only thing Chanhee notices is their eyes meeting more often when finding each other, and it makes him wonder whether Sunwoo has always looked at him so much. Or whether he’s just quick to notice when someone is looking at him.
One day they’re snuggled up, watching a movie, when Chanhee quietly asks. His heart is beating all the way up to his ears, but he still says it.
“What would you do, if you were in love with one of your closest friends?”
Sunwoo looks up at Chanhee, on who he’s been resting his head, and replies. “I just hold onto it and cherish every moment with them I can get.”
Chanhee swears his heart is beating so loud he considers the possibility of having hallucinated the words. Sunwoo hasn’t spoken in possibilities. He’s suggesting that’s what he’s doing right now.
Chanhee swallows, throat suddenly dry, and asks the next question, lips moving on their own accord.
“Sunwoo, is this you telling me that you like me?”
Sunwoo holds his gaze for a moment longer, and then looks back at the screen, swallowing.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter, because I like you no matter how.”
Chanhee huffs.
Of course they’d both be this stupid.
“Well, dummy, I like you too.”
Sunwoo looks back up, and there’s a smile tugging at his mouth, as he goes “yeah?”
Chanhee can’t help it, and starts laughing, because gosh how is Sunwoo so cute trying to bite back that smile that’s beginning to take over his eyes bit by bit as he’s probably realising Chanhee is not going to take it back.
“Yeah,” he manages, and a tiny bit of incredulity makes its way onto Sunwoo’s features, as he asks, “are you like, sure?”
And Chanhee grins again and goes “yeah. So do you wanna kiss me?”
Sunwoo leans in.
Needless to say, they start dating after that.
Now there’s no reason not to cuddle into each other at every opportunity, or even to be lowkey or hold back on any physical affection they want to show, though.
Younghoon often finds them sprawled out across the sofa and each other, and complains with amused eyes.
“Ugh, I have to move out.”