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There’s a kid in a well again.
They get the call in the middle of their shift. Everyone in the truck freezes and looks at Eddie when it comes through on the radio.
“I’ll be fine.” He tells them, sternly.
Buck’s leg won’t stop bouncing, so Eddie puts a hand on his knee to steady him, and says, quieter, just to him.
“It’ll be fine.”
When they get there, the kid is indeed stuck in a well—or maybe a pipe. Either way, neither Eddie nor anyone else is going to fit in there, so they have to come up with a plan B.
Which is apparently, getting another child stuck in the well. When that doesn’t work, plan C becomes sending someone down.
“I can do it, Cap,” Eddie says.
“Absolutely not,” Buck interrupts.
“You’re still recovering from your shoulder injury and we need Hen and Chim up here for medical assistance,” Eddie says, and the look on Buck’s face is pleading.
Bobby looks between them for a second and then sighs.
“Eddie, you’re going down,” Bobby replies.
Buck helps him get his harness on, and the entire time his hands are shaking. Eddie thinks he can’t be doing much better, but realizes now is not the time to freak out.
He knows that the last time they were near a well, he had almost died. But Buck was reacting to this call a lot more strongly than he would have anticipated.
It’s not unwelcome, it’s just odd.
“Please be careful,” Buck whispers to him as he secures the last clasp.
Eddie thinks about cracking a joke, lightening the mood, but Buck’s eyes are wide and terrified. His instinct is to look away and down at his shoes, so he does.
“I will be,” He tells Buck. “I promise.”
Buck pats him on the back, and they get to work.
At the end of the day, both of the kids and Eddie get out safely. Buck is visibly more relaxed on the ride back to the firehouse and Eddie eyes him curiously.
He doesn’t find out why until later when he’s trying to go home and runs into Chim in the locker room.
“I can’t believe we sent you down another well,” Chim says.
“Yeah, I’m just glad I didn’t freak out or anything,” Eddie replies.
“At least Buck handled it better than last time.” Chim laughs, pulling his stuff out of his locker.
“What do you mean?” Eddie asks.
“What, nobody ever told you?” Chim raises an eyebrow at him.
“No?” Eddie says, confused. “Tell me what?”
“Dude, Buck was a whole mess when that well collapsed on you,” Chim says as if it is common knowledge. “He tried digging through the dirt with his bare hands, yelling for you.”
Eddie did not know this.
“Oh,” Eddie says.
“Yeah, Bobby had to physically hold him back.” Chim looks serious all of a sudden, and it makes Eddie more uncomfortable than he thinks it should. “We had to make him sit out for a bit, he was too close to you emotionally, you know?”
Eddie kind of knew that.
“Well,” Chim says before patting him on the back and leaving.
Eddie stands there for a second, processing what he was just told. It would explain Buck’s behavior today. He thinks about his eyes as he went down the well, wide and blue and terrified.
Before he leaves, he decides to swing by Bobby’s office.
“Hey, Cap?” He asks, and Bobby looks up from his paperwork.
“You alright?” Bobby asks.
“You know a few years ago, when that well collapsed on me?” Eddie starts but isn’t really sure how to phrase his question in a way that doesn’t sound insane. “Why did you have to sit Buck out?” Is what he settles on.
Bobby’s expression softens a bit, looking at Eddie almost sympathetically.
“He was too close to the matter at hand.” Bobby shrugs. “You know the protocol.”
The protocol.
You can’t work on family or loved ones.
Of course, he considers Buck family.
But the entire 118 is family, and God knows they get injured enough that they’re constantly working on each other.
“He cares about you,” Cap says, and Eddie goes still.
“Right.” He says, finally. “Thanks, Cap.”
He leaves then, not wanting to know what else Bobby might have to say on the matter.
In the car, he decides to just drive. Maybe it would help clear his head a bit.
But as Eddie often forgets, this city is so loud.
Buck is his best friend. They’re family.
He’s near the intersection where he was shot.
“Just hang on”
He trusts him more than he trusts anyone else.
There’s a crack of lightning, a limp body hanging from the ladder. He’s running, screaming, desperate.
He thinks then, that he too would have tried to dig his way through the earth to get to Buck.
He turns at the intersection.
He’s inside the church before he even knows what he’s doing.
The priest is alone in the sanctuary and looks up as Eddie walks in.
“Hello, welcome in,” the priest smiles. “Let me know if you need anything.”
Eddie pauses, realizing that his heart is beating out of his chest. What does he need?
“Do you have a minute to talk?” He asks, voice echoing in the room.
“Of course,” The priest replies, walking up the aisle and pointing him towards a pew. “What’s on your mind?”
“I just had a weird day at work,” Eddie replies. “I’m not even sure why I’m here.”
The priest hums in acknowledgment.
“Sometimes we’re drawn to where we need to be for things to make sense.” The priest tells him.
Eddie doesn’t even know where to begin. In his head, he’s sitting next to an overturned firetruck, holding Buck’s hand, praying to a God he’s not even sure is listening anymore.
“Do you ever just realize something, out of nowhere, that you can’t make sense of?” Eddie asks.
“All the time,” The priest laughs. “What realization did you come to today?”
Eddie pauses and thinks about the conversation with Chim. He thinks about Bobby’s confirmation, and Buck’s bouncing leg on the way to the call today. The way he acted so carefully around him the entire time.
Buck cares about him so much.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever been cared about as much as this one person cares about me,” Eddie says, and he feels the walls breaking down in his head.
His parents were hardly there for him. He was expected to be so tough at such a young age, that they never provided him with care. His sisters treated him like a roommate rather than a sibling as they got older.
His abuela loves him, but he is one of several grandchildren she has and he was always relatively put together compared to some of them.
Shannon also loved him, but he was understandably not her priority.
He was Eddie, husband, father, soldier, firefighter. There was no reason to worry.
And then he met Buck. Who has always made him his priority.
“And I don’t think I’ve ever cared about anyone, besides my son, as much as I care about this person,” Eddie continues, on an exhale.
“Is that a bad thing?” The priest asks.
“No, of course not,” Eddie replies uncertainly.
Buck came into his life without asking and just started caring. About him. About Christopher.
“You sound conflicted on that.” The priest says.
“I don’t think so?” Eddie says, more certain. “He cares about me. That’s a good thing.”
“So, this friend,” The priest starts. “Is a ‘he’?”
Eddie’s head stutters for a second.
“I’m just curious because of all of the previous people you mentioned, your sisters, your wife, your abuela. They’re all women,” The priest continues. “Is it possible you’re conflicted because this time, it’s another man caring for you?”
And that is something Eddie hasn’t thought of before.
Growing up, his dad was the only man in his life. He thinks there were friends from school. But they never lasted. He pushed them away. Never brought them home to hang out or play.
Why did he do that?
He remembers being young. Younger than Chris. Sitting in the passenger seat of his dad's car, talk radio rambling on in the background.
“Damn queers are ruining this country.” His dad muttered, responding to something on the radio.
“What’s that?” Eddie had asked, too young to know better.
“God said Marriage is between a man and a woman Edmundo,” His father said. “Some people think they know better than the Lord.”
Eddie just blinked at him.
“Boys marrying boys,” his father scoffed at something the radio said. “What a joke.”
“I think I was scared of relationships with boys,” Eddie tells the priest.
“Oh?” The priest replies.
He remembers feeling guilty every time he got too close to a boy at school. He wasn’t sure why. He felt like his dad would accuse him of being gay, which was ridiculous because he was not gay.
So he got older, got with Shannon, hung out with her friends, joined the damn military. He still didn’t have many guy friends, that is until Buck.
“It’s just-“ He starts. “My friend, he is so important to me. And he cares about me. And I do not know what is happening or why I am even here.”
“What happened before you came here?” The priest asks.
“I’m a firefighter, and so is he,” Eddie starts, aware that he had left that out. “We had a call today that was similar to one that I almost died on a few years ago. He was antsy all day. When we got back to the station our other friend mentioned that last time, when I almost died, he kinda lost it trying to rescue me.”
They used the spouse protocol on him, he doesn’t say.
“And you didn’t know that?” The priest asks.
Eddie shakes his head no.
“So why did that make you uncomfortable?” The priest presses.
Eddie thinks about the drive here.
“He almost died,” Eddie starts, voice smaller than intended. “He almost died, more recently, and I felt desperate trying to get to him.”
Eddie, you drive.
Bobby had removed him from caring for Buck.
They used the spouse protocol on Eddie.
“It sounds like you love each other quite a lot.” The priest replies.
Something on Eddie’s face must show the growing panic that he feels inside because the priest is quick to continue.
“That doesn’t necessarily mean romantic love. It can be platonic, too,” He says. “But it is clear that there is quite a lot of love there, either way.”
Eddie still feels like he’s panicking.
“And despite what my colleagues may have to say, I do not believe that love can ever be wrong,” The priest finishes.
And Eddie feels like a bucket of ice water was dumped into his veins.
“Thank you,” Eddie says, jumping up from the pew, his voice shaky.
“Any time.” The priest replies.
Eddie texts Buck while walking to his car.
Eddie: you home?
Buck: yeah, tommy just left.
Buck: what’s up?
Eddie: mind if I come over?
Buck: ofc!!!!!
Buck: or wait I dont mind
Buck: whatever you have a key see you soon
Eddie smiles a bit and starts driving.
When he lets himself into Buck’s loft, he stares at the key in his hand. That might be something else to unpack, another time.
Buck is at the kitchen table, shoveling food into his mouth.
“I made you some,” He says through the food. “It’s on the stove.”
Eddie nods and grabs himself a plate. There is no way he made this in the ten minutes it took Eddie to drive here, yet Buck is offering Eddie his dinner anyway.
“So, what’s up?” Buck says from behind him.
“I don’t really know, actually,” He answers honestly. “Today was just-“
“A lot?” Buck offers sympathetically.
“Yeah,” Eddie replies, sitting down across from him at the table.
“You never told me that you freaked out when I got buried by the well a few years ago,” Eddie says.
“Oh,” Buck looks somewhat surprised. “I thought that was probably a given.”
“Maybe,” Eddie shrugs, eating his food. “Chim told me you tried to dig me out with your bare hands.”
Buck looks away, and blushes. Eddie lets himself look.
“Yeah, Bobby had to pull me back,” Buck says.
“Chim told me that too,” Eddie replies.
“So is that why you wanted to come over?” Buck asks. “Remind me of when you almost died? I think the well earlier was reminder enough.”
Eddie sighs.
“We almost die too often,” Eddie says, and Buck snorts out a laugh.
“But no, that’s not why I wanted to come over,” He starts. “I just realized that you had never mentioned that, so you probably felt alone with it, and I know how that feels.”
“You do?” Buck asks skeptically.
“Yeah, when you got struck by lightning, I was also a bit of a mess,” Eddie says. “I was giving you chest compressions and Bobby pulled me off and had me drive the truck.”
Buck is staring at him. His eyes are more blue than he ever realized.
“I don’t know, I just think since Chris left I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Reevaluating.” Eddie continues, rambling on.
Buck's eyes widen.
“My dad was a dick, made caring a really bad thing. Especially if it was towards another man,” Eddie says, and Buck’s eyes soften. “I might not always be used to you, caring about me, but I do appreciate it.”
“Of course, always,” Buck says, reaching across the table to grab Eddie’s hand. “I appreciate you, caring about me, too.”
Eddie pauses for a second, looking at Buck’s hand on top of his. It would be easy to turn his hand over and lace their fingers together. The thought makes his heart race, but he doesn’t feel nauseous anymore.
“I’m glad you’re my best friend,” Eddie says, and Buck softens even more.
“I’m glad you’re mine,” Buck says back, as sincere as Eddie has ever heard him.
They sit there for a moment, comfortable in each other's company.
“So, was the mustache part of your middle-age rebellion against your dad, or-“ Buck says, cracking a smile.
“Middle age?” Eddie replies, mock offended. “I’m 33.”
“You look like you’re from the ‘70s with that thing.” Buck laughs, and Eddie smiles.
“It might be a dad thing,” Eddie starts, ignoring Buck’s teasing. “Maybe I thought it would make me more manly and serious.”
“Did it?” Buck asks.
“No,” Eddie replies quickly. “I think if anything, it just proved that my dad's idea of manliness is overrated anyway.”
Buck smiles, and Eddie feels butterflies in his stomach.
“I don’t want to feel bad about caring ever again,” Eddie says, softly.
“You don’t have to,” Buck replies, just as softly.
“I think if I’m letting go of things that my dad taught me, I should probably let this go too,” Eddie says, brushing his fingers against the mustache.
“Really?” Buck says, surprised. “If you want to, there’s a bathroom right behind you. Don’t want you changing your mind on the way home.”
Eddie laughs but gets up anyway and starts walking towards the bathroom. He hears Buck following behind him, and when he gets there Buck flips on the light and grabs the razor.
“After you,” Buck says, handing it to Eddie.
Eddie’s thoughts are still jumbled, he still doesn’t know what exactly he feels towards Buck, but he knows that he cares about him. Loves him. In every sense of the word.
When the mustache is gone, Buck takes his chin in his hands to inspect his handiwork. He smiles at Eddie, his thumb rubbing softly against his cheek.
“Very handsome,” Buck says.
Eddie, for the first time today, doesn’t panic.