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Hope.
That’s what he believed that he was stepping towards. The notes that filled the stage were suddenly devoid of his tenor tone, the presence and vocals of his opponent filling the space even further in his absence. It didn’t matter. That familiar head of pink was all that he needed to see. Till wasn’t sure exactly how it managed to happen. He had seen the way she disappeared… endless days watching that stage between her and Luka, questions from other aliens about if he had known what happened that day. The small hope that she had simply disappeared that day was almost completely erased from his heart.
Holding out for hope and holding out for a miracle were two very different things. One implied that the future was looking bright but ever since that first round, that fateful first day when he saw the way Mizi’s expression twisted in grief at watching Sua die… holding out for a miracle was idiotic. They were brought onto this stage to die. It wasn’t some sort of fun competition where they were singing for fun. The ones who lost were never meant to come back.
A familiar face with black eyes and a glimmer of red in the void flashes into his memory but it can’t haunt him right now. He can’t haunt him with the way the life poured out of him just hours earlier. He looked at Mizi in the crowd, the hope that he held out for was alive. Maybe there was hope to be gained after all. For the first time since the round started, since Luka had caught his attention with grasping his neck or touching his lip where a tooth pressed against it, Till felt at ease.
He reached out. For a familiar face. Someone that could spur that same hope within him. Almost like he had reached for the falling stars on that day. The outstretched hand that pulled him towards that infinite tomorrow before he had turned back. The reason he had turned back was right in front of him and she looked so happy to see him. Ever since Sua had died, this was the brightest he remembered seeing her. It was almost like they were back in the Garden, young and naive and full of hope for the future.
But, just like before, they had no knowledge of how their dreams were completely out of their reach as hell released in a familiar pattern.
Everything fell into chaos as a shot sounded. It almost felt like he was detached from himself. His vision slanted as a piercing pain landed in his neck. The bass from the music almost seemed to resonate as he felt the blood rush up into his throat, bubbling as it spilled out of his mouth. The smile and hope on Mizi’s face was a cruel repetition of the past as Till realized… he had lost.
He had forgotten in his haste that just because he had something to live for, it didn’t mean he was promised to live. The world seemed to move slower, the purple lights that were filling the stage only made the world seem more distant as he felt himself falling to the cold floor. This was entertainment. It wasn’t what they were meant to live. That hope was just to keep them bright eyed so it looked more tragic as the expectations came crashing down, blood pooling on the stage just like he had watched happen to Ivan earlier.
Did Ivan sacrifice himself just so that he could die the round after?
Till blinked blearily, not used to the softness as his head rested on Mizi’s thighs, rain falling on his face as she wept, running a hand on his face as he almost wanted to comfort her. She shouldn’t be crying for him. He had wanted her to regard him… but with a smile on her face like before… he hadn’t ever expected it to happen. Is that why he was going to die now? The strength he had to hold her hand in his for a moment was all he could muster before it fell next to him, going limp against the ground, the last feeling he remembered being her clutching his face as his eyes shut for the final time.
-
That familiar world of purple and green seemed to fade after his eyes closed. Till was almost hesitant to open his eyes again but the fear was beat out before he squinted. The world was horribly bright all of a sudden. White filled the space before a hand covered his eyes. He was still resting on someone’s legs but this wasn’t the stage that he was just on. He placed a hand on theirs and tried to move it away before it stayed on his eyes, pressing down firmer.
He cussed before he heard a voice shushing him and his mouth pursed shut, awkwardly. There was a fear to speak that was overwhelming him in this moment as he heard a hauntingly familiar voice. “You’re… not supposed to be here yet.” His mouth opened slightly in shock, the smooth baritone voice filling his ears as he felt his eyes snap open, still met with darkness from the man’s hand that was shielding him from the light.
“Ivan, you-” He was shushed once again as he heard the voice begin, gently.
“I want to be selfish… but I took enough of that with my time.” He felt the way Ivan’s hand quivered and silenced himself. The way their round ended left him with far too many questions, too much trauma to bear so he wanted to allow him to speak. The least that he could do was listen. It was far more than he had done before for Ivan.
“I want to keep you here… but that wouldn’t be fair.” What sort of expression was he wearing? Till wanted to see. For all the times that he looked, Ivan was never paying attention when he did. He never sounded like this when they sat together. It was hard to not feel the way those piercing black eyes stared at him behind his back. Why was he comfortable enough to sound so broken now? Were they somewhere that was unreachable? Where the only gaze that was on him was Ivan and nothing else? He could discern when he looked at him, but right now, he only knew that he was looking at Till’s face while he was met with that solemn darkness against the light that he knew was enveloping them both.
“You’ve already been a victim of my emotions in life… so I don’t want to use them to shackle you here. You deserve more than that as an ending.” Till feels that familiar rain. A warm rain that lands on his lips. It wasn’t the rain when they sang together but he knew exactly what was falling down on him again as he felt Ivan’s body shake slightly, the hand on his eyes quivering while Till remained quiet.
“So, please… go back. Mizi still needs you there. Do it for us since we can’t.” The word ‘we’ hung heavily on Till’s head as he became conscious of a second gaze that was resting on him before a sigh sounded. That same exasperated tone that usually clung to Mizi… she was here too which told him about where he was. He couldn’t leave her alone… if that was her blessing, she’d make sure he wouldn’t do anything if he didn’t keep that promise… or at least try. She had already tolerated it when they were both alive. Sua knew of his feelings for Mizi because they were one and the same in them, but if she was sending him off, this was something that he could do.
“Ivan.”
He felt the way the other man tensed up at the statement. How many times did Till say his name while they both drew breath? Should he have noticed more when he did it? The trauma was welling up within his chest before he pried the words out of his chest to speak. “I’m sorry for turning back.” It was all he managed to get out before the hand over his eyes smacked him gently, getting a few curses out of him before he felt the darkness shrouding him once again.
“You… It’s fine. If you turned back, I was always going to go back too.” He felt indignation bubble up in his chest at the admission, almost causing him to spit them up in disgust. Did he deserve the reverence that Ivan looked at him with? It wasn’t like he had done anything… but in the same light, had Mizi done much for him? Everyone had their reasons for living… and if his sun was Mizi, then was he Ivan’s?
“Ivan-” His words were cut off, feeling that tooth pressing against his lips once again before the world of light that once kept him warm was now ripped from his grasp once again. Ivan’s lips against his own had once again taken him from a world that he was never meant to know. The first causing his death and the second preventing Till’s own.
-
A shuddering breath came to him as he shot up in the bed that he was in.
“Oh! You’re awake!” The sound of a white-haired man who was shockingly buff came as TIll looked at him worriedly. “Don’t worry… we were just worried you wouldn’t wake up.” There was another man in a cap who looked surprised, “I thought the medcare would only kill humans here but that’s good at least.” Till felt a shudder run down his spine at the casual admittance.
He… was still alive. But, the sound of music and a familiar voice ringing out only worried him further.
Mizi was singing on broadcast again.
He shot out of bed, ignoring the searing pain in his body and the wires that were hooked up. The sounds of protests from the two men, saying that there were still aliens on high alert given the break-in. Till didn’t care. He promised Ivan and Sua that he’d be there… and by the sound of Luka’s voice, he didn’t have much time to keep that promise if he continued to compete.
He wouldn’t let them down.