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“Don’t piss me off. I have an essay due in a week and I haven’t even written the introduction,” Till said tiredly, shoving Ivan off of his bed.
“But-”
“No,” Till sighed, feeling his will to start his assignment rapidly fleeing away as he caught sight of Ivan’s eyes.
They were pitch black with specks of red in them, though somehow, it only added to the allure. Intense and somewhat melancholic, as if filled with deep pain and longing.
For some reason, every time he caught a glimpse of them, his heart twinged in pain.
Either he was severely allergic to making eye contact with his friend or he was experiencing a mild form of cardiac arrest. In his professional opinion, both situations seemed equally likely.
“Fine,” He relented, not even a minute afterwards, letting Ivan crawl up his bed again and flopping on it carelessly.
It didn’t matter that he just changed his sheets or made his bed. Ivan was almost always going to crumple it up again almost immediately with how frequently they hung out together in his room.
“What are you working on?” Ivan asked happily, instantly sitting up and draping his chin over Till’s shoulder.
Till stiffened slightly before relaxing.
“I was supposed to write an essay on human civilization a thousand years ago and how they suddenly disappeared off of the face of the Earth for a couple of centuries before returning, but it feels almost impossible. There are barely any records.”
Ivan hummed contemplatively, causing goosebumps to rise on Till’s arms. He always did love his friend’s voice.
“Why’d you even choose that topic? Maybe some things are better left undiscovered,” Ivan offered.
Till straightened up, causing Ivan to move away as he turned to look at him fully.
“Don’t you find it intriguing how a whole species suddenly vanished into thin air? There must be a reason why a species that’s so adamant on recording everything, suddenly leaves no traces of their existence.”
At Till’s passionate reply, Ivan could do nothing but smile.
“I suppose so. It sounds quite mysterious.”
Till smiled, turning away his attention back to his laptop.
“Right? Which is why I need to focus , Ivan. Don’t distract me.”
Ivan let out a deep chuckle, shaking his head.
“I promise I’ll behave, only if you agree to dinner afterwards? It’s on me.”
Till laughed.
“If you insist.”
-
“He likes you,” Sua deadpanned, causing Mizi to gasp.
“Sua, have some tact! He’s supposed to figure it out on his own,” She fussed, causing Till to look between the both of them helplessly.
“What…” He began, only to leave his sentence unfinished.
“He likes you, you like him, just date already. What’s the hold up?” Sua demanded, causing Mizi to sigh exasperatedly beside her.
“I- You’re just saying things! Sua, how many times do I have to tell you?! I liked Mizi when we were kids. That was more than ten years ago . I’m not a threat to your relationship, if that’s what this is about!” Till exclaimed, borderline hysterical.
“Ivan has a terrible personality,” Sua said, as if that was answer enough.
“And?” Till began.
“He barely tolerates people.”
“Help?”
“But he treats you so well.”
“... So?”
“He likes you.”
“No,” Till firmly denied, not wanting to get his hopes up any longer.
Ivan was his friend . His tall, handsome, infuriatingly charming friend with looks to die for and a killer voice. He was voted as the Campus Heartthrob for two consecutive years. He was Ivan and he was just… him.
There was no way that someone like him would fall for someone like Till. It wasn’t logical, it didn’t make any sense.
“I appreciate your support, although it’s based on nothing but lies,” Till sighed, taking a sip of his drink.
Now that he thought of it, the campus cafe wasn’t really the best place to debrief his friends on his other friend’s weird actions. It was way too public. Way too risky.
Sua scoffed, shaking her head.
“No offense, Till, but Ivan is rude, obnoxious, pushy, arrogant, condescending, insufferable-”
Before Sua could go on, a voice chimed in.
“True, but ouch? Unprompted?” Ivan said casually as he slid into the booth next to Till.
Till, on the other hand, adamantly avoided Mizi’s knowing gaze.
“As I was saying , he’s all that but he isn’t as horrible when he’s with-”
“Stop,” Till pleaded, ignoring Ivan’s raised eyebrow and Sua’s smug look.
“I rest my case.”
Ivan looked between the two of them suspiciously, before shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.
“Have you eaten?” Was what he asked instead, causing Till to turn to look at him, surprised.
“Yes?” He answered unsurely, causing Ivan to smile.
“You don’t sound so confident,” He teased, causing Till to blush.
“Shut up.”
He ignored both Mizi and Sua’s knowing gazes.
“He hasn’t eaten, so feed him a feast. We’ve got to go, our movie’s starting soon,” Mizi said, giggling.
Till could only stare at her in disbelief, silently cursing Sua for corrupting his bestfriend. Mizi would have never abandoned him before this!
“Mizi, wait-”
“Bye Till, bye Ivan!” Mizi exclaimed, before dragging Sua away.
He sighed, slowly turning towards Ivan.
“This is your fault, by the way,” Till accused.
Ivan raised his hands up in surrender.
“Someone’s hangry,” Ivan chuckled, lowering one hand to push the menu towards Till.
“So, what do you want to eat?” He asked easily, causing Till to grumpily snatch the menu and flick through the options.
“I’m not hangry,” He frowned, ignoring Ivan’s laughter.
“If you say so.”
-
“Till is so pretty, what the fuck.”
“I know.”
“He’s so cute.”
“I know.”
“He has such a nice voice. It’s so heavenly. It sounds like an angel. It sounds like what the gates of heaven should sound like.”
“... I know…”
“I want to kiss him. I want him to kiss me. I want him. He’s so-”
“I know , Ivan, God,” Sua sighed, shaking her head. “You guys are hopeless, really. You deserve each other.
Ivan shook his head, defeated.
“I don’t deserve him. He’s too good for me.”
“He’s just a guy.”
“No, he’s not,” Ivan sighed wistfully, causing Sua to roll her eyes.
“Look, why don’t you go and tell him all of this? I’m sure he’d appreciate it. Really. Trust me on this,” Sua began, only to be silenced by Ivan’s finger to her mouth.
“If you’re going to tell me lies, save it.”
Sua groaned, shoving his hand away.
“You’re so fucking annoying.”
“I know, which is why Till would never love me back.”
Sua closed her eyes, exhaling slowly as she tried to regain her composure.
“There’s no use. I’m going to have to bring reinforcements.”
Ivan sat up straighter, suddenly feeling the coldness of Sua’s bedroom floor.
“You wouldn’t,” He whispered, dread creeping up as she picked up her phone.
“I so would,” She cackled as she dialled his executioner.
Minutes later, a bob of pink hair made itself known in front of him.
“Ivan…” Mizi said menacingly, causing the sweat to drop Ivan’s back.
“Mizi… Have mercy…” He began, though it was all for naught.
By the time Mizi had chewed his ear off on the importance of self-esteem and why even “someone like him” still deserved love, it was already late at night and Ivan was weakly making his way back to his dorm.
In his dreary state, he failed to notice a pair of green eyes looking at him with concern. In which, if he did, he would have been able to prepare his heart for the sight that was about to greet him.
“You okay?” Till asked, suddenly appearing before his eyes in a white t-shirt and checkered pyjama pants.
His hair was all over the place and he had sleep lines on his left cheek. It seemed as if he’d just woken up from a long nap, judging by the state of things.
Ivan’s heart clenched at the adorable sight, though externally, Ivan let out a tired smile.
“As okay as one would be after listening to Mizi’s lecture on the importance of self-love,” He laughed weakly, causing Till to grimace.
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” He said, shaking his head in pity.
It was silent for a few seconds, the both of them standing awkwardly in the corridor.
“I’ll just-”
“If you need someone to talk to, you know I’m here for you, right?” Till said, causing Ivan to close his mouth shut.
He didn’t say anything in fear of his voice betraying him, but it seemed as if Till had mistaken it for something else entirely.
“I mean, only if you want to, of course. It’s okay if you’re reluctant. I mean, we aren’t even that close and- Well. You know? Forget it. I-”
“I will. Thank you, Till. I mean it,” Ivan said, smiling softly.
The blush on Till’s cheeks didn’t go unnoticed.
“Oh. Well. Okay. That’s… good then. Yeah. So I’ll… I need to leave. Bye!” Till practically shouted, before borderline sprinting away.
Ivan could only stare at the spot he once occupied, a hand on his chest as his heart threatened to jump out of his ribcage.
“Fuck, I like him so much.”
-
“Your hair looks fine . Hurry up, already. We’re going to be late!” Sua said as she bodily dragged Ivan away from the mirror as Mizi stared at them amusedly.
“The love of my life is going to perform, Sua. I need to look my best!” Ivan said although he eventually relented, willingly letting himself be pulled away by the small woman.
“I don’t see the correlation but I think you look great!” Mizi said cheerfully, causing Sua to shake her head.
“Don’t encourage him, babe. He’s only going to get worse,” Sua sighed, before turning to face Ivan.
“Get your act together or so help me God, I will lock you and Till in a closet and only let you out once one of you confesses. Don’t test me.”
Ivan gasped dramatically.
“You wouldn’t.”
Sua smirked threateningly.
“I would.”
From beside her, Mizi chipped in.
“She actually would, but let’s not think about it too much! We have a show to catch, come on!”
Feeling slightly frazzled, Ivan could only nod helplessly before following the pair to the venue that Till’s band would be performing.
(Well, it wasn’t actually Till’s band. It belonged to Till’s friend, but Ivan didn’t really care about anyone else in the band and to call it Till’s friend’s band was way too time-consuming and annoying so hence, Till’s band.)
When Ivan first met Till, he wouldn’t have guessed that Till would take up singing as a hobby. He didn’t seem like the kind to be the lead singer of a rock band, but the second he heard Till sing, he was suddenly questioning why this was only a hobby to Till.
As mentioned many times before this, Till sounded like the gates of heaven. It was criminal to not let him shine on stage where he belonged, but at the same time, the selfish part of Ivan was glad that only him and a select few were privileged enough to be able to listen to him sing.
When Till sang, he performed .
It was like looking at a totally different person, a side of Till that’s been kept hidden and only making an appearance on special occasions.
He was passionate, electrifying .
Ivan couldn’t take his eyes off of him.
It was such a stark contrast to the snarky introvert he’d come to lo- like , so imagine his shock when he came to his first gig.
Several gigs afterwards and now, even Till’s band members knew to look out for him in the front row.
Not that that mattered. He only had eyes for Till.
Even now, as the three of them arrived at the rapidly filling venue, Ivan couldn’t take his eyes off of Till who was standing at the microphone, adjusting it to his height.
Ivan exhaled slowly at the sudden reminder of how adorable Till was, causing Sua to give him a sidelong glance, before she decided to ignore him altogether.
With the amount of times Ivan had ranted to Sua about Till’s… everything, he’s pretty sure that she knew what was racing through his mind right now.
Ivan turned his attention back towards Till who was looking at him. Unsurely, Till waved at him, causing him to wave back with a fond smile on his face.
Till blushed slightly before looking away, suddenly fiddling with the well-adjusted microphone.
(He was so cute. So, so cute. He’s so fucking screwed.)
“This is why I hate gays,” Sua mumbled, causing Mizi to elbow her playfully.
“Be nice,” Mizi hummed, causing Sua to sigh loudly.
Ivan ignored the whole exchange, opting to stare at Till longingly.
Soon, it was time for the show to start.
-
“Did you guys have a great time?” The leader of the band asked the screaming crowd, smiling loudly as they replied with a resounding ‘yes!’.
Till could only shake his head in amusement, completely missing the way his band members were looking at him. Had he noticed, he might have been able to stop the beginning of the end.
“Well, it’s our anniversary today, so we had something special planned!” The leader began, causing Till to look back towards the drum set where the leader was smiling cunningly.
Feeling dread pool in his stomach, he turned to look at his band members who were all supporting the same look.
(He had a bad feeling about this.)
“We’d like to invite one lucky fan on stage to perform with our lead singer. He’s been in the front row of our shows ever since the beginning, so I’m sure he’d at least know the lyrics.”
He could see Ivan’s eyes widen amidst the cheering crowd.
“Let’s welcome Ivan to the stage!” His band leader Hyunwoo, also known as Satan himself, exclaimed.
While Ivan was being shoved to the stage, Till hurriedly went to Hyunwoo to demand an explanation.
“What the fuck is going on?” He whispered urgently, only to be dismissed by a wave of Hyunwoo’s hand.
“We’re tired of your pining, Till. Consider this as us officially extending a helping hand,” Hyunwoo smiled, before gently guiding Till towards the microphone.
Beside him, Ivan could only smile awkwardly as another microphone was set up in front of him.
“What…?” He asked, stopping when he saw the apologetic look on Till’s face.
“Hyunwoo.”
It seemed that that was explanation enough, going by the look of understanding on Ivan’s face.
“I’ll try to do your voice justice,” Ivan said seriously, before turning to Hyunwoo and speaking into the microphone.
“So.. what song will you force us to sing?” He asked exasperatedly, causing the crowd to laugh along.
Till’s heart skipped several beats at how effortlessly confident Ivan was despite being put on the spot. He shook his head to keep his cool, though he didn’t think it did much to help.
“You know this song well enough, Ivan and so does the crowd. For our special event, please accept a duet of our debut song, Cure!”
-
“Why the fuck are you here, Till?” Ivan asked as he turned to face Till, only to be met with a fist to his face.
“How dare you!” Till cried out as he landed another punch and another and another.
Ivan could only stand lifelessly as he took each hit that grew weaker and weaker, until it stopped altogether. He could do nothing but watch as the love of his life sobbed, each cry piercing his heart and twisting it painfully.
“How could you? For me…” Till whispered, slumping down on the ground once he was spent.
Ivan silently sat down next to him, ignoring the tears that were steadily streaming down his face.
“You aren’t supposed to be here. Not yet,” Ivan said lifelessly, eyes never leaving Till’s slumped form.
“It’s you who’s not supposed to be here. Why would you…”
The words ‘Sacrifice yourself for me’ went unsaid.
“Do you believe in reincarnation?” Ivan asked, dodging the question.
The unexpectedness of it all caused Till to raise his head.
“What?” He asked weakly, although he heard him perfectly fine the first time.
“Do you believe in reincarnation?” Ivan asked again, patiently waiting for his answer.
Till paused, wiping away his tears as he pondered the question.
“I don’t know, maybe?”
At that, Ivan smiled.
“Maybe, in another life…”
-
“Ivan, God, you… Fucking hell, you can’t just.. Can’t just…” Sua opened her mouth, before closing it again, feeling exasperated beyond words.
“Can’t just kiss Till in the middle of a performance?” Mizi helped finish her sentence, gleefully looking at the dazed Till and the smug Ivan. “I think it’s cute, but what drove you to do so, Ivan?”
Ivan looked over at Till who was a blushing mess.
“Instinct? I guess? I don’t know, it just felt right,” He answered confidently, only to be rapidly attacked by a furious Sua.
“All that advice and for what? I had to listen to you wax poetry about Till for months and you just… decide to ignore every single thing I said? Beating you up isn’t enough, I need to physically-”
“Babe, please-”
“When I get my hands on you, you better-”
“I’ll be whisking her away now, take care you two!” Mizi said hurriedly, before bodily dragging her girlfriend away.
It was silent for a beat.
“Ivan… Why?” Till asked, his green eyes piercing Ivan’s heart and soul.
For some reason, it felt like deja vu. Like the question spanned beyond the here and now. As if it spanned centuries before, back when human civilization suddenly vanished. Around that time it suddenly made a reappearance.
Why did you kiss me?
Why did you let me win?
Why did you die for me?
Ivan smiled softly, eyes crinkling as he took in the dazzling green eyes that were finally looking back at him.
“Because it’s you.”