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He doesn’t remember much about their journey, only flashes of images and sounds. Naomi’s screams when she’d realized the hand she was holding was covered in blood. Pain when his wound was poked and prodded by the best struck off doctor their stolen money could buy. Endless hours of unfamiliar roads, and the swaying rhythm of the ship John found for them. And through it all, John’s voice, the one familiar constant. Calming Naomi whenever she freaked out, giving orders to the doctor, negotiating with the captain; he kept up a steady commentary along the road, keeping Gordon awake and making sure he was okay. He thinks maybe that he heard more words from John on the trip than he has in all the years they’ve known each other.
Now that they’re finally in Jamaica, and he’s well on the way to recovery, he’s starting to realize just how much he’s come to rely on John being there. Much as he loves her, he knows that Naomi couldn’t have found this house, or coped with caring for him on her own. And he knows that John has been watching out for her too. She’s clean, and given the stress she’s been under that’s a fucking miracle.
The dream of Jamaica had been her talisman for so long, and he’d been terrified that the reality wouldn’t match the memories she treasured. Because if she’d lost that hope, he thinks he’d have lost her along with it. Jamaica seems to suit her; she’s becoming more like the girl he remembers from before the drugs took over her life.
He thinks the routine they’ve fallen into helps, that it gives her the structure she needs to feel safe. They’re drifting, not talking about the past, or planning for the future, just living in the moment. It can’t last forever, sooner or later they’re going to have to start making decisions, but Gordon’s strangely reluctant to bring it up.
Once he’s well enough that he doesn’t needs John’s help anymore, there’d be no real reason for him to stay. It’s getting closer, the day when he’ll be able to get by on his own, he can hobble about with help, and as soon as the rest of the stitches come out, he’ll be able to shower and dress himself. It should have been awkward, having John wash and dress him like he was a little kid, but he’d been too sick to care at first. And by the time his mind was clear again, he’d got used to the gentle touch of John’s calloused fingers smoothing over his skin.
That John could be so good at acting as his nurse was a surprise, but not as much of a one as the ease with which John seemed to be adjusting to life in Jamaica. His suits ditched in favour of frayed denim shorts and cheap t-shirts and his classic cars replaced by an ancient battered jeep. He’s slipped into any easy routine, working on the house and picking up the supplies they need in town.
He goes to the beach every day, spends time doing odd jobs around the house, and even managed to track down an old associate of Scott’s to take of their money. He finds himself watching John more and more, taking in the way he moves, and looks, cataloguing all the little changes he sees. He finds himself missing the sound of John’s voice now that he doesn’t need to keep Gordon awake all the time, and he finds it hard to sleep in the silent room.
Naomi and John both seem content with letting things go, Gordon’s the one on edge. Hearing about Jake, Jesse and Lilly had only made things worse for him. Losing AJ had been hard enough, but he’d hoped that the others had managed to get away. The rumours about the way things had gone down only made it worse. If he closes his eyes, he can see it all play out in his head, Jake and Jesse walking into a hail of bullets, like some modern Butch and Sundance. He can’t stop feeling guilty about their deaths, he brought each of them into the game, and their safety had been his responsibility.
“We’re Takers gents!” He’d said, so damn sure of himself, like his every plan would always work out. But it’d been Ghost’s game from the start, and he knows that it’s pure luck that led to him and John surviving their old friend’s revenge. He keeps replaying it in his mind, looking for the tell-tales that would have warned them what Ghost was up to. It’s an exercise in futility, and it always leaves him feeling worse than when he started, no matter what he can’t bring them back. But he knows that just surviving isn’t going to cut it, not in the long term, and he’s been avoiding thinking about the future for too long. He’s starting to believe he’s cursed, and that if John stays around, he’ll just wind up getting him killed too. He can’t keep John here, so maybe it’s time for him to start showing that he can help himself.
So instead of waiting for John he pulls himself carefully to his feet, ignoring the pain, and grabs the cane meaning to head outside under his own steam rather than wait for John to get back. Unfortunately his grand plan for independence comes to a grinding halt, when he slips on the wet tile, and goes crashing to the floor. Naomi is there within seconds, helping him back to his feet.
“Dammit G, what were you thinking?” Naomi doesn’t give him time to answer, just shoves pushes him into a chair, and starts checking him over. “If you’ve hurt yourself more...”
He can’t quite hide the gasp of pain when her fingers brush over the spot on his chest where he’d bashed himself against the cane as he fell. Ignoring his protests she unbuttons his shirt so she can get a better look. When she pokes at the mark it hurts a little more than he expected, so he’s relieved when she says, “I don’t think you cracked your ribs, but that’s going to be one hell of a bruise, you and John will make quite a pair. I think he’s got some of the cream he’s been using left, just hang on and I’ll get it.”
He’s left confused by her words, he hadn’t noticed any bruises on John, and he can’t help but worry about what the other man might have been doing to get himself hurt. Naomi comes back with a pot of cream, and smoothes it gently over the bruise. When she’s done her fingers drift up, tracing the edge of the bandage covering the healing bullet wound. She’s avoided looking at it up till now, always leaving the room when John changes the dressing. Her breath hitches a little, and when she looks up at him, there are tears in her eyes. He wraps his hand around hers, and presses a quick kiss to her palm.
“I’m fine Naomi, good as new, I promise.”
“But you nearly weren’t.”
“Naomi, it wasn’t...”
“Don’t!” She interrupts him, before he can say any more, “I didn’t know what you did before, or the risks involved in what you all did. I just took everything you gave me and ignored the way you never said where it all came from. Actually that’s not fair, I didn’t want to know, it was easier just to ignore it all. But not anymore, you don’t need to keep protecting me, and hiding things. I could have lost you, and we both know it, so don’t pretend that doesn’t matter.”
“It’s a habit you know, looking out for you. It’s my job, and I’m not going to stop just because we made it here.”
“Well it shouldn’t be your job, and right now you can’t even stand up on your own, so why not let me help John look after you for a bit.”
“He won’t be around forever Naomi, we can’t keep relying on him, that’s why I was getting up, it’s about time I started to take care of myself.”
She just stares at him for a second, then bursts out laughing. “Oh you’re an idiot. After all the trouble he went to getting you well, you honestly think he’s going to leave the minute you’re back on your feet?”
“This...Jamaica, it’s our plan Naomi, not his. He’s got his own life to live, we can’t expect him to stay with us forever.”
“Gordon Cozier, you listen to your big sister for once. That man isn’t going anywhere, he’s family, and that means as much to him as it does to us.”
He’s too tired to argue with her right now, and he’s still got a question he needs an answer to. “How’d he get hurt? You said that bruise cream was his, he isn’t in some kind of trouble is he?”
“Not the kind of trouble you’re thinking of, he gets the bruises when he’s out surfing.”
“Surfing?” That doesn’t fit any of the pictures Gordon has of John.
Naomi starts laughing again, “Well surfing’s not exactly right. To hear Marie tell, he spends more time in the water than he does on the board so far. But she reckons he’s determined to keep going.”
Marie’s one of the cousins that showed up soon after they got here, and Gordon feels an unexpected flare of jealousy at the thought of John sharing this secret of his with her. “She’s teaching him?”
From the look on her face, he hadn’t quite hidden the way he felt from her, but luckily she doesn’t call him on it. “No, she works at a cafe down by the beach, seems him there most days. She says it looks like he’s trying to figure it out on his own.”
“He didn’t say anything about it to me.”
“Well he’s a proud one isn’t he? Probably waiting till he gets good enough to show off for you.”
The slamming of the front door catches both their attention, and a few moments later John’s in the room with them. He takes one look at Gordon sitting there with his shirt hanging open, narrows his eyes when he sees the fresh bruising and drops to his knees beside the chair to get a closer look. “What happened?”
“My idiot big brother decided to go for a stroll by himself.”
“Why in hell would you do that?”
Gordon doesn’t get the chance to make up an excuse, because Naomi’s already talking. “He thinks he needs to take care of himself now, because you’ll be leaving soon.”
There’s a brief flash of pain in John’s eyes at her words, but all he says is, “I’ll be here as long as you need me, don’t hurt yourself trying to do things too quick.”
“John...” His voice trails away, and he just stares at his friend, not sure what to say now that Naomi’s forced his biggest fear into the open. John doesn’t seem any more inclined to talk than he is, and Gordon doesn’t know what to do.
“For fuck’s sake, you’re both as bad as each other. I’m going to make dinner, and by the time I’m done, I expect you both to have got this settled. Start by asking each other about those damned plans you’re so fond of.” She glares at both of them, but softens the blow by leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and giving John’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “And I do mean talk, not this dancing around the important shit that you’ve both been doing since we left L.A.”
John sits back on his haunches and watches her leave, laughing a little then saying, “That’s some sister you’ve got there G; never heard her act so damn scary before.”
“Yeah, if she’d have stuck her hands on her hips it’d have been just like seeing our mum standing there. She’d never let us get away with anything.”
John rises smoothly to his feet and extends his hand. “Want me to help you back into bed?”
Gordon shakes his head, as much as he knows he’d be more comfortable lying down, he’d feel too vulnerable, if they’re going to have this conversation, he wants to be on equal footing while they talk. Of course, doing as Naomi said isn’t so easy for either of them. Desperate to get John talking about something, anything, John says. “So I hear you’ve been surfing.”
John lets his hand fall and slumps down on the foot of the bed, his knees pressed close to Gordon’s. “She told you, huh? Been trying to anyway, it’s not as easy as it looks.”
“Wouldn’t have thought it’d be your kind of thing.”
“Well I missed my cars, needed something to give me a thrill or two.”
“Maybe you should try something that doesn’t leave you all banged up.”
“It’s not that bad, only a few bruises. Naomi just likes to have someone to fuss over, and you make a terrible patient.”
“I’m not used to her being this strong, still don’t quite trust it.”
“You should, I’ve kept an eye on her, but really I didn’t need to, she’s not gone looking for a fix at all since we’ve been here.”
“Just like she always said, this place fixed her then.”
“Not so sure it’s the place, it’s having her family safe, and not having to worry.”
“She says you’re not leaving.”
“So now we know which Cozier got the brains and the beauty.”
“John!”
“Where would I go G, this place is good for all of us.”
“But it wasn’t your plan; you shouldn’t get stuck here because of us. All that money, you could go anywhere, do anything.”
“My plan...” John stops for a moment, before taking a deep breath and continuing. “Remember those conversations we used to have, how we’d talk about what we’d do after the last big score.”
“Sure, we used to talk about it all the time.”
“But you weren’t really listening were you? Jake had Lilly and the club, and Jesse would’ve stayed with him no matter how much money they had. A.J. had a life outside of the crew, had plans for the kind of tech he could have, and the home he could build once he settled down. You were always going to take care of Naomi and come back here. Me, I never had those kind of dreams, you were all dreaming of the last big job, but I always dreaded it.”
“So why’d you stay, if it wasn’t what you wanted. Why keep pulling jobs with us?”
“It wasn’t the jobs I hated; it was the thought of them coming to an end.”
“You always seemed pretty good between jobs, the cars and the girls seemed to keep you occupied just fine.”
“They were fun, but mostly they were just about filling in the time between jobs. Something to stop me going crazy with nothing to do.”
“You were worried about missing the thrill? I always knew you got off on it.”
“I did, but it wasn’t the jobs I got off on, it was pulling them with you. If we quit, we’d all go our separate ways, and wouldn’t have any reason to see each other. That’s what I dreaded, while we were still working we’d meet up at the club, if we quit, it’d all be over.”
Gordon wishes that John would look at him, but he’s got his head down, and is avoiding looking at him, like he’s afraid of what he might see on Gordon’s face. He knows if he says the wrong thing now, it could all fall apart, but as he turns John’s words over in his mind he realises that he’s been worried about the same things John has. Now he just has to figure out the right way to say it. “So now that we both know you’re staying, do you have any plans for what we can do here?”
John finally raises his head and looks at him, a blinding smile on his face. “Well your cousin Mark thinks it’d be pretty easy to build onto the back of this place, maybe add on an extra bedroom and bathroom off the living room.”
“Off the living room, that’s right down the opposite end to Naomi’s room.”
“Well I figured a little privacy would be good for some of my other plans.”
“And will I be helping with these other plans, or is this going to be a solo effort?”
“Eventually, but we wouldn’t want to do anything to put back that recovery of yours.”
“That offer of a hand still open.”
John’s on his feet immediately leaning down to help Gordon up, instead he winds up sprawled over his lap, when Gordon uses the last of his strength to pull him off balance. “Shit G, what are you doing, I’m gonna hurt you if I don’t get up.”
Clamping his arm tight round John’s waist, he leans in close and presses their lips together for the first time. The angle’s all wrong, their movements awkward as they try to fit together, but it’s still one of the best kisses Gordon can remember. It’s a promise of a future he hadn’t dared to dream of, and he never wants it to end.
When they break apart he tries to pull John back, but his strength is gone. “I think that’s all you’re up for right now, so why don’t you stop being a pissy bastard and actually let me help you back into bed.”
Gordon lets John help him out of the chair, and leans heavily against him as they cross the room to the bed. When he’s lying down, he lets John fuss with the covers for a minute before taking his hand and pulling him in for another kiss. This time John keeps it almost chaste, breaking off the contact after a couple of seconds.
“That mouth of yours is making promises you aren’t up to keeping G.”
“It’s nice and comfy on here; you could always join me and help me work on that.”
“I get in a bed with you, and I don’t plan on either of us leaving it for a long time, and there’s no way you’re up to that yet.”
“Well you could practice a little, if I just supervise, I wouldn’t be doing anything to wear myself out.”
“You just don’t know when to quit do you?”
“Always thought that was one of my best qualities, didn’t you.”
“Yeah, stubborn bastard is such a turn on, but I generally prefer it when my partners don’t pass out halfway through, so we’re both going to have to wait. So I’m going to take a break before you talk me into something we’ll both regret.”
Just as he gets to the door he turns back to look at Gordon, a slightly wary look on his face. “Is it really going to be this easy, one conversation and everything’s changed? We’re really going to do this?”
“Not changing all that much, not really. Like Naomi said, you’re family and you belong here, it just took me a while to figure out why I didn’t want you to go. You’re in my heart just like she is, and that ain’t going to change.”
John breathes a sigh of relief at his reassurance. “Okay, so new plan then, you get well and I’ll build us a room for when you are.”
“You’ll build us a room?”
“Well I’ll pay for it, then sit back and give the orders. Mark and a whole bunch of his brothers can do the actual building, construction isn’t really my thing.”
“It’s the thought that counts I guess.”
“And the money G, don’t forget, we worked hard for that cash.”
“Wouldn’t dare. But you know working on my half of the job would go a little quicker if I got my dinner sometime soon, after all we want to build my strength up don’t we?”
“I don’t know G, asking me to invade Naomi’s kitchen while she’s cooking. That might be above and beyond, she doesn’t like being rushed remember.”
“But you’ll do it because you love me.” His voice is light, but the words mean everything to both of them.
“Yeah, I do, wouldn’t still be here otherwise.”
As John walks towards the kitchen, Gordon relaxes completely for the first time in weeks. All his nagging worries have gone, and he’s starting to believe that they can build a life here, all three of them. There’s just one more thing that’d make it perfect.
He calls down the hall. “Hey John, are we good?”
There’s a moment when everything stops, then he hears John’s voice. “All signs point to it.” That’s all he needed to hear, now Gordon knows that everything will work out just fine.
.