Chapter Text
2 days….just two more days and then Mom will be back,you kept thinking to yourself over and over again while showering as thoroughly as possible.
You’d never thought that this would happen to you,to you the daughter of Captain Olivia Benson!
Once you were old enough your Mom had taught you everything you needed to know about self defense,you’d even listened to lots of her Stories from work and had taken them to heart,you’d always made sure to carry pepper spray with you,to never be alone outside after dark,to not talk to strangers,etc,you’d always been super careful.
It had been a complete shock to you when it had happened.
You still couldn’t believe it,your best friend John and his brother Jim had raped you,in your own home!
Tears were falling down your face as you kept thinking about it.
They’d practically invited themselves over when they’d heard that your Mom was away for a few days for work which wasn’t something new in itself,they’d invited themselves over multiple times before so you hadn’t thought anything of it but this time it had been different.
You’d sensed that something was off with them the minute the guys had arrived but you had decided to shove that feeling down.
In the beginning you’d all just sat together in the living room with alcohol but things had escalated rather quickly when you’d refused to strip for them during a game of truth or dare.
That’s when they both had pinned you down,taken off your clothes and taken turns to rape you all while laughing about it.
This had turned into the absolute worst day of your life and you had no idea how to even cope with what had just happened.
They had just left 5 minutes ago,they’d left you lying on the floor completely naked,crying and shaking,they’d even stolen your wallet before they’d left just to show you that there was nothing that you could to to stop them in that moment!
You’d never felt so vulnerable,helpless and ashamed before in your entire life.
You were so embarrassed that this had happened to you and you were feeling so worthless and disgusting right now,no matter how hard you scrubbed on your skin you could still feel them,smell them,hear them,nothing seemed to help get rid of that feeling.
Eventually you got out of the shower with a devastated cry,you just wanted your Mom,you needed her so much right now but she wasn’t here and you didn’t want to ask her to come home just for you.
Even though you were already 21 years old right now you were still living with your Mom,you were a College student at the moment,studying psychology but you’d decided to do it online instead of moving away for College because you hadn’t liked the idea of being so far away from your Mom.
The two of you had always been close,many of your friends were jealous of your relationship with your Mom because you could always go to her with everything and you knew that she’d find a way to make everything better.
That’s what you needed right now,you needed her to make it better because you didn’t know what to do.
As you dried your body off and put on some clean clothes you got a text,it was from your Mom.
She was asking you to pick up her iPad from the Precinct because she’d forgotten it there and needed it when she came back.
Oh great,I look like shit and have to go to the Precinct now after everything that’s happened?,you thought to yourself but just send a thumbs up in response to let Olivia know that you’d do it.
As you looked into the Mirror you couldn’t help but feel sad.
You didn’t look like a 21 year old,you were only 5‘2 and quite thin with long hair and young features,people often mistook you for a 13 year old which made a lot of things like buying alcohol or going clubbing unnecessarily difficult for you and was also a part of the reason you’d chosen to do College online.
You hated walking into the Precinct on your own,not because the people there weren’t nice,they were,but you always felt intimidated if your Mom wasn’t nearby because everyone was so much taller than you.
With a sigh you quickly brushed your hair and put a light pink bow into it.
It paired nicely with the light pink tights that you were wearing under your dark blue long sleeved dress.
You paired this with your favorite ballerina’s and smiled.
Yes,you were aware that your style wasn’t doing you any favors in making you look older,infact it even made you look younger but you just loved dressing up like this,especially when you were sad,a cute outfit always lifted your mood a bit and this was your favorite dress,so you immediately felt a bit comforted.
You quickly took a Mirror selfie which you even managed to smile in and send it to your Mom with the Caption:
Miss you so much <3
Wanting to get going to the Precinct over with as quickly as possible you put on your favorite Coat,which was a long dark blue one that fell just above your knees,grabbed your purse and locked the door behind you.
When you finally arrived at the Precinct you were slightly nervous,hopefully no one could tell that you’d been crying.
Taking a deep breath you braced yourself and went inside.
There were lots of people walking around and talking which was making you very uncomfortable,especially when you had to walk past men but you managed to squeeze yourself past them and quickly ran into your Mother‘s Office,grabbed the iPad and stuffed it into your purse.
When you walked out of the office into the Squad room again,intending to leave,you accidentally ran into Amanda who immediately started talking to you.
“Hey y/n,what are you doing here,I haven’t seen you in so long?“,she asked nicely and ran her hands up and down your arms briefly.
You forced a smile onto your face and just replied:
“Oh Mom asked me to get her iPad for when she comes back,she forgot it here before she left“.
“Aw well that’s very sweet of you to get it for her,I‘m sure you already had other plans today“,Amanda said,unaware of how triggering this sentence was to you as it immediately brought back all the memories of what had happened earlier.
You tensed up and your hands started shaking slightly as your breathing picked up.
Amanda must’ve noticed this because a frown hushed over her face quickly before she gave you a smile.
“You know,we haven’t talked to eachother in ages and I was just about to head out anyways,why don’t we do something together?“,she offered,having a feeling that you needed to have some company right now.
Your first instinct was to say no because you didn’t know if you could keep your emotions all bottled up and you didn’t want to let on how horrible you were feeling right now but you just nodded without saying anything because you hoped that a distraction would be helpful and since your Mom wasn’t here,why not hang out with Amanda?
The two of you had decided to hang out at your Place,well Olivia‘s but also yours,because you really didn’t feel like going out but you also didn’t feel like being in the living room at the moment because that was where it had happened and you didn’t want to think about that,so you just took your Coat and shoes off and instructed Amanda to follow you into your room.
Of course Amanda had seen how bad of a state the living room was in when she’d walked in but she hadn’t said anything about it and followed you into your room instead where the both of you sat down on your bed and started talking.
Well mostly it was just Amanda talking and you listening,trying not to cry.
“Y/n….are you okay,you look like you’re about to cry?“,Amanda asked in a concerned tone and lowered her head to get a better look at your face.
Right as she asked that you started bawling your eyes out,unable to keep your emotions bottled up anymore for some reason.
You were sobbing and shaking and Amanda immediately pulled you into a hug.
“Hey….shhhhh,it’s okay,I’m here,shhh“,she tired to soothe you but it was no use,you kept getting more and more hysterical.
“I want Mom“,you managed to say between heavy sobs and Amanda immediately nodded.
“Okay….I’ll call her don’t worry,shhhh“,she softly said and started rocking back and forth with you in her arms while calling Liv.
Olivia immediately answered the Phone and started freaking out when she heard you sobbing.
“Amanda what’s going on?Is that y/n who’s crying? What happened?!“,she frantically asked.
“I don’t know what happened,she seemed sad when she came to the Precinct so I didn’t want her to be alone since you’re away and we decided to hang out,we’re at your place,so she’s home but she just started to cry and she’s all hysterical and she won’t stop,she said she wants you,Liv I think you need to come home,I’ve never heard her cry like this,something bad must’ve happened“,Amanda tried to explain as quickly as possible while also trying to comfort you at the same time.
“Put me on speaker“,Olivia instructed and Amanda did just that.
“You are now“,Amanda informed Olivia to let her know that you could hear her now.
“Hey baby,what’s wrong? I‘m coming home as soon as possible okay,hang on“,Olivia gently said which made your cries intensify.
You just wanted your Mom and you wanted her now!
Hearing her voice just made you wish she was here even more.
“Mommy come home quick I need you“,you sobbed and let out a heartbroken cry,not caring if you sounded childish right now at all.
“Mommy’s coming home baby,I promise,can you stay with Amanda until I‘m there?“,Olivia asked and only got a loud sob from you as a reply.
“I can stay with her until you’re back,it’s no problem“,Amanda answered for you which Olivia quickly thanked her for.
A few hours had passed by now and you weren’t crying anymore but your eyes were red and burned from the tears and from you being overtired.
You were currently sitting on Amanda’s lap on your bed with your head resting on her shoulder.
“I want my Mommmm“,you whined and Amanda immediately ran a hand through your hair.
“I know honey,I‘m so sorry,I‘m sure she’ll be here soon“,Amanda said in an effort to calm you down but you were so sad,traumatized and overtired that it didn’t work.
“I need her to make it better,I want her back
now!“,you whined again,this time louder.
“Shhhhh it’s okay y/n,I‘m sure she’ll be home any minute now“,Amanda said assuringly,trying her best to make you feel better.