Chapter Text
It had been three years since Tsukishima entered college, four given that it was his senior year. He began taking classes a month ago, bringing himself together enough to put on an act. He stared at the ceiling of his apartment room, having a whole week off. He didn’t live in a dorm. Yamaguchi and he were planning on rooming together, but it seemed that Yamaguchi’s parents had a different idea. Tsukishima resented Yamaguchi’s parent for that. He always thought to himself, if it weren’t for his parents, if his parents had let him roomed with me, I-... his thoughts trailed off, feeling guilty for thinking such useless thoughts.
He sat up, feeling something come up to his throat. A frequent sensation, ever since he had met his ex-girlfriend. He stood up slowly and forced himself to walk to the bathroom, throwing up whatever food and water that was left in his stomach. He wiped his mouth with his hand before standing up to see himself in the mirror. He looked horrible, dark eye bags, dead eyes, and a deathly pale and skinny face. His hair was a mess, the faint bruises and bite marks that scarred his body didn’t help. He looked away, slumping down onto the cold floor of the bathroom. He could feel his eyes close, only to sleep to nightmares.
~~
A loud banging outside the door jerked Tsukishima awake. He didn’t answer, he knew it was Yamaguchi when he heard the door open and close on its own.
“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi’s voice called out. Tsukishima didn’t respond, feeling his eyes close against his will. The sound of steps and a few doors opening followed by a strong shake made him open his eyes. “Tsukki, you can’t sleep here,” Yamaguchi said, mother mode. “At least sleep on the couch,” he nagged dragging him out of the bathroom.
Yamaguchi had brought food, clean clothes, and wipes. He prepared the food first, making おじや(ojiya),a porridge commonly eaten when one had a cold, and fresh strawberries. He fed this to Tsukishina, knowing that he would throw most of it up later, but trying to get him to eat normally. He used the wipes and towels and wiped his body down, adding ointment to the everlasting bruises and bite marks.
Yamaguchi’s hand lingered on Tsukishima’s wrist where numerous cuts had been made. Three black fainted flowers lingered there, symbolizing that he had three soulmates, destined to be together. However, the scars and the fainted black flowers weren’t only on his wrist. It was on his neck, his thigh, his back, the back of his hand, his forehead, his ankle, and on 3 of his fingers. Now the pitch black trio of flowers nestled in his inner thigh, close to his crotch.
“It’s been about a year since you broke up with her,” Yamaguchi finally says, clothing Tsukishima. Tsukishima only nods, ever so slightly. “Do you want to try to go outside tomorrow? Maybe get some fresh air?” he asks softly.
Tsukishima finally turns to look at Yamaguchi, he looked into his warm, kind eyes, now tainted with everlasting worries. He forces a smile, nodding his head. He owed it to Yamaguchi, the only one who he had kept in contact with throughout the three years of dating his lover.
His lover had broken off Tsukishima from everyone he knew, and was dear to. But Yamaguchi stayed, his lover unable to separate the two, even when she broke things off between Yamaguchi and his family with three years of silence between them. And it was Tsukishima’s fault. His fault that Yamaguchi lost contact with his family, his fault that wasn’t good enough for his lover. But that was why he had to go outside, for Yamaguchi’s sake, not to disappoint anyone else.
~~
Tsukishima had somehow managed to get ready, bandaging his scars, putting on his gloves, and putting on makeup to cover his eyebags and the scar on his forehead. Yamaguchi had once asked him why he covered his scars, and Tsukishima responded, saying he didn’t want to scare anyone. It was the truth, but he was also scared that the scars would make people view him as a monster.A sigh escapes from his lips as he leaves his room, placing a fake smile on his lips.
“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi’s voice called, Tsukishima turned around, finding Yamaguchi standing near the entrance of the station. He smiled, happy to see Yamaguchi happy.
“Hey,” Tsukishima responded quietly, walking to him. “Where are we going today?”
“Actually, there’s a reunion party from the volleyball training camp. Do you think you can handle it? I haven’t told them we’re going.”
“I’ll be fine,” hopefully , Tsukishima thought to himself. “You want to go, right?”
Yamaguchi nodded. “If I notice somethings off, we’re going home though.”
“I’ll be fine,” Tsukishima insisted, thinking to himself; I can always hide in the bathroom .
~~
“Yamaguchi! You made it! Tsukishima! You finally showed up after four years!” Hinata greeted them at the door, Kageyama holding his waist, raising his hand as a greeting.
“I was busy with school, finding a job and all,” Tsukishima said, hiding his anxiety.
“What? You quit volleyball?” Hinata asked.
“I’m only on break. I want to see all of my options,” Tsukishima assured. Hinata grins before being dragged away by Kageyama.
“You okay?” Yamaguchi asked. Tsukishima nodded.
“I’ll be fine,” he repeated, for himself more than anyone.
They entered the house, greeted by many familiar faces he hadn’t seen in years. He excused himself by making himself extremely busy about why he couldn’t meet them. He told some of the people, like Suga and Kiyoko-san, that he had an illness that prevented him from acting freely.
The greetings and socializing ended, and Tsukishima walked out onto the balcony with water in his hand. He gazed at the sunset, sighing to myself.
“That’s quite the heavy sigh,” a voice approaches him. Tsukishima blinks in surprise, turning to find Kuroo.
“I’m just tired,” Tsukishima says, looking back at the sky.
“Is that so,” Kuroo mutters, reaching a hand toward Tsukishima’s back to pat it. He flinches away from the touch before quickly apologizing. Kuroo frowns, feeling Tsukishima seemed a bit different, but he shook that feeling away. Four years ago is a long time, enough time for someone to change. “You know,” Kuroo begins, hesitating, “you know that Akaashi, Bokuto, and I are in a relationship, right?” Tsukishima nods. “And how we’re still looking for our fourth soulmate?” Tsukishima nods again. “I hope we find them soon. They must be lonely,” Kuroo says, looking up at the sun.
Tsukishima rubs his wrist, where the three marks originally resided. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”
“Do you think so? I don’t,” he says, raising an eyebrow. “There’s a myth where you can feel your soulmate's emotion. Especially when they’re in pain or in need of help,” he pauses before continuing again. “The three of us felt it.”
Tsukishima looks at him in disbelief. Kuroo lets out a laugh.
“I know, I know. It sounds bizarre, but it's true. The number of times we’ve felt it, it scares us. We’re worried. What is happening to them? But recently, it’s gotten better. Less panicked and anxious.”
Silence takes over for a few moments. “Why are you telling me this?” Tsukishima finally asks, feeling a panic rise inside him. Kuroo stays quiet for a while before answering.
“Because my gut feeling told me you would believe me.”
"Oh…” Tsukishima says, his anxiety rising. All the food and water he consumed seemed to come up. “I’m sorry, I need to use the restroom,” Tsukishima manages to say before rushing out of the veranda, glancing back to see a concerned look on Kuroo’s face.
He arrived to the bathroom safely, locked the door and threw up. He flushed the toilet, resting his hand against the wall.
There’s no way, it can’t be. It can’t be possible. It can’t be. We went to training camp together. No, I used concealer. There’s no way they would’ve known. No way I would’ve known. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’ll be fine. I’ll just, I’ll just keep away from them, make sure they don’t find out. Nobody would want someone with an impure and disgusting body. No one. Tsukishima thought to himself, his breathing becoming uneven.
Twenty minutes passed until his breathing became slightly better, enough to text Yamaguchi that he needed to go home. Yamaguchi replied right away, knocking at the bathroom door in seconds.
“Tsukki? Let’s go home, I gathered your stuff,” Yamaguchi said. Tsukishima stood up, unlocking the door.
“I’m sorry,” Tsukishima mutters.
“Shhh, don’t be sorry,” Yamaguchi soothes him.
“Yamaguchi? Is Tsukishima okay?” Suga called out, walking towards them.
“Yeah he’s fine, his asthma started up out of no where. Don’t worry he already used his inhaler. We’ll be going back though, he pulled an all nighter last night,” Yamaguchi assures Suga.
“I’m fine,” Tsukishima smiles weakly. Suga looks at him in concern, not quite believing them, but letting them go.
“I’ll let the others know,” Suga says, smiling back.
“Thanks Suga-san,” Yamaguchi says, pulling Tsukishima to the entrance. “C’mon, let’s get you home.”
~~
The sound of text messages going off woke Tsukishima up at 10:50 am. He grabbed his phone and checked at who was texting him. To his surprise it was three unknown numbers. He opened the messages.
Unknown #1:
Hey Tsukki!! It’s Bokuto!
Unknown #2:
Save our numbers 😉
Unknown #3:
I apologize for their behavior, Tsukishima-kun.
Tsukishima:
Thank you Akaashi-san
How do you have my number
Kuroo:
I asked Yamaguchi for it, in case you pulled an “I’m off for four years, bye guys~” again
Bokuto:
We also need you to play volleyball!
Akaashi:
Don’t bother him so much
Tsukishima sighs, massaging his brows as he puts his phone down. He would just ignore his text messages, he needed to keep distance between them. He didn’t need them to know that he was their missing soulmate. He didn’t need to disappoint them like he did with his lover.