Chapter Text
In hindsight, it was probably a rash decision. But dammit he was 26 years old and had a serious case of the singles. Maybe the holiday aisle of Kroger wasn’t the best place to make a life altering decision, but it was where Kili made it anyway.
Not that his decision was meant to be particularly life altering. Well, not really. People made the decision to find a date all the time. And it was definitely not such a rare thing to resolve to have a date for Valentine’s Day.
Okay, so maybe for Kili, it was kinda a huge deal. Which was pretty much hammered home to him as soon as he walked into the apartment he shared with Fili and Gimli.
“Hey! You’re back!” Gimli exclaimed from where he was lounging on the couch, draped across his boyfriend, Legolas. Fili was stretched across the love-seat and grinned at him as he dropped his bags onto the kitchen table and began putting his groceries away. “Please tell me you got the beer?”
Legolas rolled his eyes. “If you did, please tell me you got something other than that hipster PBR shit this idiot likes for some reason.”
“Not everyone is pretentious as you, dear,” Gimli quipped, smirking up at him.
“Sorry, Gim,” Kili sighed as he put the meat he had bought into the freezer. He had known that he had forgotten something. “I kinda got distracted by all the hearts and cupids everywhere.”
“Already?” Fili asked, looking away from the tv and giving him an incredulous look. “It’s barely January. Capitalism at work people.”
“Hey, don’t hate,” Gimli said with a smug smile. “Besides, this just means that there’s more choice candy in the stores. Besides, Fili, you know they make those Reese’s Eggs you like so much in hearts for Valentine’s Day.”
Fili lit up at that. “I love capitalism!” he declared. “I’ll have to go get some!”
“No need,” Kili told him after he had put all his food away. He threw the six-pack of Reese’s Hearts that he had gotten into Fili’s lap. He pushed the blond’s feet off the love-seat and plopped down. “Saw them and I thought of you.”
Fili beamed at him as Gimli scowled. “Sure, you get him surprise chocolate, but don’t get the beer I specifically asked you to get me. I knew you liked Fili more.”
“Maybe if you didn’t break my wagon when we were little, you’d be my favorite,” Kili retorted.
It was Fili’s turn to give his cousin a smug grin as he tore open a heart and ate half of it in one bite. Gimli promptly through a pillow at him.
Kili couldn’t help but smile at the two cousins’ antics. No matter how much they might fight sometimes, he knew that Fili and Gimli were as close as brothers. The Durins were a pretty tight-knit family, and Fili and Gimli had pretty much always been together since they were both in diapers.
Kili never felt jealous of their closeness, though, because he had joined them as soon as kindergarten had started and they had instantly accepted him. He spent as much time as he could growing up at one of their houses or the other. Compared to the cold quiet that was his house, the Durins’ family gatherings were wonderfully warm and usually loud.
His parents had never really had a problem with his closeness with the two cousins. Until both Fili and Gimli came out senior year.
That had put a little strain on their friendship, as his parents had forbidden him from hanging out with them. Thankfully, it was only a few months later before they were all moving off to college, and his parents couldn’t control who he was friends with then. And if Kili conveniently forgot to mention that he would be rooming with the Durin cousins, well, his parents never visited the city anyway.
“What was so upsetting about hearts and cupids, anyway?” Gimli asked grumpily, after Fili had snatched his chocolate from his questing hands and threw the pillow back at him. “You’re not usually one to mind those things.”
“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug, unsure if he wanted to tell his friends his decision. He leaned over and stole a heart from Fili. “It just got me to realize that I haven’t had a Valentine since we were seven and Tina Thompson gave me a sparkly pink heart and a lollipop.”
“Aw, young love,” Legolas quipped wistfully.
“You haven’t had a date since high school,” Fili said with a frown. “You’ve never even mentioned dating before. I didn’t think you were that interested in it. Why the sudden change of heart?”
“I’m interested in dating,” Kili protested. “I just never… found someone I wanted to date?”
That was a lie. He had definitely met people he wanted to date. Just none that he felt that he could date.
“Is there someone you want to date now?” Gimli asked eagerly.
Yes, but again, no one he could date. “Not really,” he lied. “But I’ve been single since Homecoming of junior year. Maybe it’s time to lower my standards.”
“You shouldn’t lower your standards, Kee!” Fili cried. “You deserve happiness!”
Before he could respond, though, Legolas butted in. “More importantly, you deserve to get laid. Please tell me that your dating dry spell does not mean that you are a virgin. Because that would just be sad.”
“I’m not a virgin,” he huffed, folding his arms across his chest and slouching back into the couch cushions.
It was a touchy subject for him, for good reason, he thought. If he were honest with his friends, which he most definitely was not going to be, he only had sex once, and he wasn’t really sure if it counted. He had been dating a girl, Cindy Rubinstein, in junior year and after the Homecoming dance she had wanted to “go all the way” with him. Only he couldn’t actually… finish.
Cindy had tried to be gracious about it, but their relationship pretty much ended that night.
He had been so embarrassed, he hadn’t even told Fili and Gimli about what had happened. He had only just begun to realize why he hadn’t been able to keep an erection with Cindy when Fili and Gimli had come out.
And after seeing his parents’ reactions, he knew that he could never let anyone know and he definitely could never act on his… desires.
So he had just not dated. Never even tried to do the whole “one night stand” thing either. He didn’t really see the point. He wasn’t sure he could actually go through it with a woman, and he really didn’t see the point in torturing himself with something he could never have.
“So because you don’t want to be alone for Valentine’s Day, you’re what? Gonna just choose a random girl to get together with?” Gimli asked skeptically. “That doesn’t sound like you, Kili.”
“I’m 26!” he exclaimed in exasperation. “It’s time I found someone to settle down with anyway. I should do it before you two lovebirds move off on your own and Fili finds someone and kicks me out.”
Fili rolled his eyes. “I’d never kick you out, idiot,” he told him with a roll of his eyes. “And suddenly you’ve gone to wanting a date to getting married or something?”
He shrugged. “Isn’t that why people date?” he asked, looking down at his lap and fiddling with the candy wrapper still in his hands.
Which is how he missed Fili’s devastated look.
“Well if you’re going to try and woo some poor girl, the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day are definitely the time to do it,” Legolas said thoughtfully. “If you’re really serious about this, it shouldn’t be too hard. I mean, you’ve got a job and are fairly good-looking. Getting a date shouldn’t be difficult.”
“But are you sure you want to do this?” Gimli asked in concern, shooting a glance at Fili, but the blond didn’t chime in with any support. Gimli growled in frustration. “If you haven’t met anyone you really like, maybe you shouldn’t just settle?”
Kili really couldn’t argue that he was always going to be settling, no matter what girl he chose. “People go on dates without having feeling for the other person all the time,” he argued instead. “That doesn’t mean feelings can’t develop.”
“Well, if you think this will make you happy…” Gimli said with finality, turning his attention back to the movie they had been watching before Kili got back
He didn’t really think this would make him happy, but he wasn’t particularly happy now. But it could make him happy, right? He could find a girl, settle down, maybe have a family. That was what he was supposed to want, right?
Kili couldn’t help but sneak a peek at Legolas and Gimli cuddled up on the couch together. Why couldn’t his parents be as accepting as his friends’ parents?
Maybe it was his fault for not being brave enough to risk being disowned from his family, which he was fairly certain would happen. They may not have been as loving as the Durins were, but they were his.
Fili grabbed his hand and stopped him before he went to bed, after Gimli and Legolas had long since retired to Gimli’s room, making them both very grateful that his room didn’t share a wall with either of theirs.
“Kili, if you’re going to go through with this whole dating thing, just… be careful, okay?” he said earnestly.
He didn’t think it was very fair for Fili to look at him like that while still holding his hand and actually think that he would be able to process anything he said. “Okay,” he murmured.
“I’m serious,” Fili said insistently, tightening his hold on Kili’s hand, which was really counterproductive to his intent. “Don’t do something just because you think you should be doing it. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“I’ll be careful,” he assured him, mostly just to get him to stop looking him so sincerely and to let let go of his hand. If Fili didn’t stop, he might do something he had been fighting for longer than he really cared to admit. “I promise.”
Fili gave him a tight smile. “Good,” he nodded. “Goodnight.”
“Night,” he replied before slipping off to his bedroom. He sighed as he shut the door and collapsed on his bed.
Tomorrow, he’d start the hunt for a woman to date. His Valentine.
Which meant that tonight, he had to get the man he had stupidly fallen in love with out of his head.
#
With two weeks to go before Valentine’s Day, Kili was sure that he had found the perfect woman.
She was beautiful, with long, sleek auburn hair and dazzling green eyes. She worked in the marketing department of his company, which was perfect. It meant she was nearby but didn’t work so closely with him that it would be weird. Plus, from his few interactions with her, she seemed nice and friendly.
He had done some surreptitious asking and found out that she hadn’t been in a relationship for at least a year, which meant she knew what it was like to spend a Valentine’s Day alone.
His target acquired, he now just had to ask her out.
Considering he hadn’t really asked anyone out since high school, though, he really wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to go about that.
Could he just drop by her cubicle ask her if she wanted to grab lunch? Was that romantic enough? Did he want a lot of romance for the first date? He didn’t want to go overboard or anything.
Kili took a deep breath and strode towards the marketing department before he overthought everything and lost his nerve.
“Tauriel, hi,” he greeted with a bright smile.
Her genuinely happy smile was a good sign, he thought. “Kili! Good morning! Do you need to get to my computer?” she asked, half rolling away from her desktop in anticipation.
It was a fair assumption, considering he worked in IT, but it was a slight blow to his confidence all the same.
“No,” he said, holding a hand up to stop her from getting up. “Actually, I was wondering if you had plans for lunch?”
“Totally free. Did you have something in mind?” she asked eagerly.
Kili blinked. Maybe this would be easier than he thought. “Um, there’s a great sushi place a couple blocks from here. My treat?”
She grinned impishly. “I’ll hold you to that! Swing by and get me when you’re ready to go. Sometimes I get too caught up and work and forget lunch.”
“Will do!” Kili promised, grinning back before he went back to his office with a little bit of a pep in his step.
For the first time in forever, he had a date.
And it went well. They ate, they laughed, they talked about their friends and their families. All those things you were supposed to do on a date. He was glad that she didn’t try to hold his hand or give him a kiss or anything.
He thought it was best if they worked up to anything physical.
“This was fun,” she told him as they got in the elevator of their building after lunch. “We should hang out more.”
“Definitely,” he replied, though he was a little confused about her phrasing. Was “hang out” code for dating? He was so bad at this.
“Give me your phone,” Tauriel demanded. He handed it over with a frown. She began typing before smiling triumphantly and handing it back to him. “There. Now you have my number, and I texted myself from your phone so I have yours.”
He grinned and took the phone back. “Thanks.”
“No problem. I’m a firm believer in sticking together,” she replied with a wink as they stepped out of the elevator. “See you later.”
Sticking together? What did that mean?
He went the entire day puzzling over those words until he finally asked Gimli what he thought when he got home.
“Maybe she meant single people in February?” he guessed, looking as confused as Kili felt. “Or did you both go to the same college or something?”
“No, maybe the single thing makes sense,” Kili mused. “But why say that after going on a date?”
“Maybe it wasn’t clear enough to her that it was a date? Maybe she just thought you wanted to be work buddies,” Gimli suggested with a shrug.
“Then how do I make it clear?” he cried, grabbing a pillow from the couch and burying his face in it. “Why is this so hard?” he asked, voice muffled.
“Maybe because you’re trying to force it,” he answered, pulling the pillow from Kili’s face and giving him a knowing look. “Why are you so concerned with finding someone? You’ve got all the time in the world! I mean, I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there and everything, but do you even like this girl?”
“I like her!” he said defensively.
“But do you like her in a romantic way?” Gimli pressed. “I’m not saying you have to be in love with her or anything, but does just the thought of her make you smile? Do you want to hold her? Kiss her?”
Kili sighed. Of course he didn’t want to do those things with Tauriel. There was only one person he wanted to do those things with. “Not everyone is as lucky as you and Fili. Some of us have to compromise so that we don’t end up alone.”
“Kili!” Gimli exclaimed, giving him a stern look. “You are never going to be alone. Not as long as either Fili or me is alive. And even then, I’m pretty sure our parents pretty much consider you a Durin. Please tell me you are just trying to find someone to marry to please your parents.”
“Not exactly,” he said, shrugging. “It’s complicated.”
“Your happiness shouldn’t be complicated, Kili,” he told him. “And if the only way to make your parents happy is for you to be unhappy, then your parents can suck it.”
That surprised a laugh out of Kili. “I wish I were brave enough to do that,” he said with a sad smile.
Gimli pursed his lips. “Well, if you ever do decide to do something that brave,” he said after a moment. “You gotta know that Fili and I will be here for you.”
Fili had come home shortly after that conversation, and the topic of conversation quickly shifted. But Kili came away with two things to consider. First, he had to make sure the next time he asked Tauriel out, it was very clear that it was for a date. Second, he was left to wonder if having Fili and Gimli would be enough if he were disowned.
Since one of those things was much easier to wrap his brain around than the other, he decided to tackle that one first.
He waited until after work the next day, and then he gave Tauriel a call.
“Kili, hi!” she answered after only one ring.
“Hey! Sorry it’s kinda short notice, but do you have plans tomorrow night?” he asked hopefully.
“Shockingly, someone as stunning and charming as me has absolutely no Saturday night plans,” she joked. “Are you in the same sad predicament?”
“Well, I was hoping you’d help me avoid that, actually,” he quipped back, an easy smile spreading over his face. He appreciated how easy Tauriel seemed to make things. “Wanna do dinner and a movie?”
“Well that depends on the movie,” she said mischievously.
“I was thinking Pride & Prejudice & Zombies,” Kili answered. He knew that suggesting the new Nicholas Sparks movie would probably set the mood better for a date, but he really couldn’t bring himself to suggest that kind of movie. Besides, Pride & Prejudice was romantic. Adding zombies couldn’t change it that much, right?
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to see that!” Tauriel exclaimed. “I am so in! Let’s go to that theater on 7th. There’s a burger place a couple blocks away and I have been craving a nice juicy burger. And dinner is on me, since you paid for sushi!”
“Great!” he agreed. “I’ll look up movie times and then text you about figuring out a time?”
“Sounds good to me,” she said. “And I’ll just meet you at the restaurant to make things easier. I’ll see you tomorrow!”
“Can’t wait!”