Chapter Text
Saturday, July 2nd: Night
“Have you decided to tread the path of strife…? Very well. Let us proceed with the contract at once. This should be your moment of truth… but still, even now, you hide your true self? From those around you, from yourself? Then I suppose I will assist you, for the time being.. But there are more revelations to come. I am thou, thou art I… Or so it would seem to most. You are beginning to find your justice. Please, never lose sight of it again. This memorable day marks what is merely the first step in graduating from your false self.”
Makoto tossed and turned in her bed. Those words had been playing on repeat for days now. Words only she heard. Sighing, she sat up in her bed, checking the clock. 11:54 pm. At least tomorrow is Sunday , she thought. Another late night wasn’t the worst thing here. Sis might be annoyed if she was still sleepy tomorrow morning, but at least it wouldn’t interfere with her school life.
She stood up, giving up on the prospect of sleep for now, walking over to her desk. It was where she did her studying. Maybe it’ll help me make sense of it all , she thought to herself. She opened her notebook and began to replay the events of the last several days.
She had discovered the identities of the Phantom Thieves, a group she believed to be criminals who had mysteriously begun “changing the hearts” of high profile adults in the area, making them confess to crimes they had committed. First the school’s gym teacher admitted to sexually harassing students in April, then in May, a famous artist confessed to plagarizing work from his students.
She convinced the Thieves to find a mob boss in Shibuya and “change his heart” in order to stop him from harassing teens from the school. However, she accidentally got the four of them (Five if you include the cat, which she still couldn’t believe she had to specify) into massive debt with the boss, Junya Kaneshiro.
The thieves retaliated by entering a world within his mind, which they called a Palace. There, they donned new outfits and masks, using superhuman strength and abilities to fight monsters called Shadows. They did this using a power called Persona, the strength of one’s heart made manifest. If they defeated the Shadow that represented Kaneshiro, it would force the real man to change his ways.
In the Palace, Makoto found herself under such stress that she had no choice but to confront her own weakness. In a situation where many would give up, she powered through. And that was when she heard those words, the words that had been wracking her brain since. Her own Persona, Johanna, spoke to her, and allowed Makoto to use her power.
Over the next few days, she helped the Thieves defeat Kaneshiro, stealing his Treasure, the manifestation of his cruel desires. The Palace collapsed, leaving nothing behind. And now, as she was told, she simply had to wait. Wait for Kaneshiro to contact her. That was the worst part.
Putting her pen down, Makoto looked over the notes she had taken. Was that everything? Aside from my Heart taking the form of a motorcycle and having the power of nuclear fission, Makoto thought to herself with a wry smile. Interesting as that factoid was, it wasn’t important to her overall goal of deciphering the meaning of her Persona’s contract.
She tapped the tip of her pen against the paper a few times, observing the small ink blots that appeared in her notes, before crumpling it up and throwing it away, not wanting Sis to find them and interrogate her on the insanity she had written down. Makoto would have thought she was insane herself, were it not for the four- No, five, she corrected herself again, people who shared the experience with her.
Finally, she stood back up and looked at the clock again. 12:17 AM. This was going nowhere. She needed a new set of eyes on the situation. Pulling her smartphone off of its charger, she opened a personal message chain with Ren Amamiya, de facto leader of the Phantom Thieves. He seemed decently intelligent. Nothing against her other new friends, but Ren seemed to be the one who could help most.
Hey, if you aren’t busy, would you be able to meet up
with me tomorrow? I’m still trying to figure out
everything that happened. I’ll be in front of the school.
She closed the app, carefully placing the charger back into the phone and leaving it on her desk, and went back to bed. As she expected, she didn’t fall back asleep for quite a while.
Sunday, July 3rd: Daytime
Makoto stood under the arch of the school’s entrance, listening to the rain pouring down around her. It was a calm sound, something that had soothed her since she was just a kid. She closed her eyes and let herself be taken back in time, just briefly. Her sister, her father, and her, all sitting quietly in the living room on a rainy Sunday just like this one. Each member of the Nijima family was completely absorbed in their own book. She was wrapped in a soft blanket with tiny pictures of Buchimaru the Panda patterned across it. It was a comfy memory. Part of her always wished she could go back.
The sound of footsteps broke through her thoughts, pulling her back to reality as she watched a young man approach, still getting damp despite his umbrella. He walked with purpose, one hand in his pocket, the other holding the umbrella over his head. Stepping under the arch with Makoto, he closed his umbrella, taking his glasses off and wiping the droplets of water away before returning them to his face.
“There you are, Makoto.” Ren said with a smile, running one hand through his dampened black hair. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”
“Well-” Makoto began, before a blush grew on her face. “I hate to do this right after bringing you all the way out here, but do you think we could go somewhere else? Just to get out of the rain?”
Ren chuckled kindly under his breath. “Not a problem at all. In fact, I know just the place.”
~~~
Makoto followed closely behind Ren through the streets of Yongen-Jaya, doing her best to stay under her leader’s black umbrella. The streets were quiet, with only a few mom and pop stores open around them. The underclassman led her through an alleyway and into a small cafe, with a sign above reading LeBlanc .
The door made a bell ring as it opened up, catching the attention of the owner. He was an older man, a bald spot atop his head with a pointed chin that transitioned cleanly into an equally pointed beard. He stood behind the counter, seeming to purposefully ignore the television in the back of the shop that had been tuned to a news station, spreading more rumors about the Phantom Thieves. The shop was empty, save for a single older customer in one of the booths enjoying a plate of curry in silence.
“Ah, back already?” He spoke to Ren, his tone showing distance, yet some warmth buried within. Seeing Makoto, he let out a playful chuckle, his voice taking on a self-satisfied tone. “And you brought a girl with you, eh?” He crossed his arms knowingly, insinuating a relationship between the two. Before Makoto could speak up to correct him, Ren spoke over her.
“Sorry, Boss. We were going to go to the diner, but it was pretty packed. She’s a senpai of mine, and she offered to help me out with studying for my finals. Do you mind if we go upstairs?” He lied with grace, which seemed to convince the owner.
“Alright, but keep it quiet up there. I don’t want you bothering my customers.” He replied after a second of thinking it over, tilting his head to the older gentleman in the booth.
“Thanks, Boss.” Ren said, making his way towards a staircase in the back of the restaurant.
“Hold on a second,” the owner said, catching Makoto’s attention, who motioned for Ren to go upstairs without her as she walked back to the man, taking a seat at the bar. “I never caught your name, young lady.”
“Oh!” Makoto said, blushing slightly. “My apologies, sir, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Makoto Nijima. Like Ren said, I’m a third year student at Shujin. I’m also the president of the Student Council.” She said, trying not to sound as if she was bragging.
“Really.” The man said with slight disbelief in his voice. “He’s friends with the Student Council President?” His voice dropped a few decibels, as if he were telling Makoto a secret. “You know he’s a delinquent, right?”
“I’ve… heard the rumors, yes.” Makoto responded, thinking back to the many bizarre rumors that had spread around the school in the past several weeks. Supposedly, Ren had been convicted of everything from drug running to mass murder. “Truthfully, though, I don’t know if I believe them. He seems better than the things I’ve heard.”
The owner nodded in agreement. “I just wanted to make sure you knew. If he tries anything funny up there, just tell me. I won’t hesitate to kick him out.” His tone was stern, but softens up quickly. “And if you need a coffee or something while you’re up there, It’s on the house.”
“Thank you, sir.” Makoto said with a slight bow.
“No need to thank me. And don’t call me ‘sir.’ I’m Sojiro Sakura, but most people here just call me Boss.” Taking a moment to memorize the name, Makoto nodded before repeating her slight bow.
“Well, then, thank you, Boss.” She corrected herself before walking up the steps.
~~~
Makoto quickly climbed the squeaking wooden staircase, entering a small, dusty room. Ren was seated on a small couch, looking at his phone. A CRT television sat on a wooden table, with a video game console that even Makoto could recognize as vintage sitting beneath it. Against the far wall, there were three milk crates lined up with a mattress on top creating a makeshift bed, topped only with a thin blanket and Morgana taking a cat nap. A few feet away stood a potted plant, which was in remarkably good shape, considering the environment it was in. Aside from a few other meager furnishings, it seemed like a standard storage room, with shelves full of coffee beans and boxes of ingredients lining the walls.
“Sorry about Boss.” Ren said, shaking his head. “He’s got a good heart, but he’s still a bit cold to me. We’re working things out.”
Makoto looked around the room again, before speaking the only question on her mind. “Wait, do you live here?”
Ren looked surprised by the question for a moment. Having grown more or less accustomed to it over the past months, he forgot how strange it could seem at first glance. “Sorry, with all that happened in the last few days, I guess I never got the chance to tell you about it. Boss lets me sleep up here. He’s my guardian while I’m living in Yongen, more or less.”
Makoto had more questions, but before she could interrogate his living situation further, Ren spoke over her. “So, you said you had some questions? I’m still pretty new to this myself, but Morgana and I might be able to give you some answers.”
Hearing his name, the cat stood up from the bed, apparently having been listening in as he woke from his nap. He lept over to a small desk with a collection of tools, sitting down on it as Makoto took a seat on a wooden chair.
“Yeah, if you’ve got any questions, just leave it to the experts!” Morgana said cockily. As the first member of the Phantom Thieves, he took a lot of pride in his knowledge of Palaces, despite the amount of guesswork he often had to do.
Makoto took a deep, nervous breath, before pulling the notebook out of her bag, flipping to the page with her notes, where she wrote down the contract Johanna had given her earlier in the week.
“So.” She began, turning to Ren. “You have multiple Personae, but when you summoned your original persona for the first time, did he speak with you at all?”
“Oh, yeah, the Contract.” Ren nodded, thinking back to Kamoshida’s Palace, his first foray into the other world. “When you first summon a Persona, no matter who you are, you have to sign the contract and rip off your mask. You remember that much, I’m sure. Nobody forgets their first summoning.” He turns to Morgana, who had shrunk back slightly in embarrassment. “Well, except Mona, but he lost all his memories, so that one doesn’t really count.” Ren scooched over on the couch, closer to Morgana’s desk, and patted his head gently. “That’s why he’s with us, we’re trying to figure out what happened to his memories.”
“That’s our deal!” Morgana added, before going back to purring as Ren continued to pet him.
“Ok,” Makoto said, scribbling Ren’s information into her notes, before continuing, “Do you remember exactly what he said to you?”
Joker nodded again. “Of course, as clear as day.”
“Do you think you could give me a quick recap? I don’t need everything he said, just a general idea of it is fine.”
“Well, let’s see. Ryuji was being attacked by some of Kamoshida’s Shadow’s guards. I wanted to stop them, and then Arsene’s voice started going through my head. He asked me if I was willing to do what I had to do for what I think is right. I was, so he said I had the willpower to summon him if I said his name. ‘I am thou, thou art I.’ I tore off the mask, called his name, and that was that.”
Makoto nodded again, lost in thought as she looked over her notes.
“‘I am thou, thou art I…’ was that all he said?” She finally asked, still nervous but wanting to understand.
“Pretty much. In fact, when I get new Personas in Palaces, they always say something like that. Why?”
“Well, when I first summoned Johanna, she said that too, but she seemed almost like she thought I was still hiding something. She said, ‘I am thou, thou art I, or so it would seem.’ Like she wasn’t actually my true self.”
Ren cocked his head slightly in confusion, leaning back on the couch in thought.
“Do you remember what Zorro said, Morgana?” Makoto asked the cat hopefully.
“I don’t remember anything, except for ‘I am thou, thou art I.’ I don’t think he said anything like that to me, though…”
Ren sat up again. “Well, since you’ve been keeping notes, would you be able to remember exactly what Johanna said to you?”
Makoto responded by flipping a few pages back in her notebook, and began to read aloud the same words that had haunted her for the past week. Ren and Morgana listened intently, taking in every word that she said. When she finished, the two looked at her, both with a look of surprise and confusion on their faces. After a thoughtful silence, Ren spoke.
“Well, as it is right now, we only have my awakening, and your own, with Morgana’s memory of his own being incomplete. I don’t think we know enough yet to tell if what Johanna said is abnormal.” In response, Makoto sighed, with her investigation seemingly coming up short, before he continued. “If you’d like, we can call the others in. Between Ryuji, Ann, and Yusuke, we might be able to gather enough information to figure it out.”
“I think… I think that would help a lot.” A smile grew on Makoto’s face as she pulled her phone out, opening the group chat that the Thieves had been using since she joined, typing out a message to meet at LeBlanc.
~~~
Ryuji was the first to arrive, out of breath as if he had sprinted all the way to the coffee shop from the train station. Yusuke was the next to arrive, followed almost immediately after by Ann. Makoto could hear each of them being greeted with more familiarity by Sojiro as they walked through the shop, making a beeline for the staircase that led to Ren’s room.
Ren had pulled the desk out slightly, turning it into a makeshift table to gather around. Ryuji sat next to Ren as Ann took the spare stool next to Makoto, leaving Yusuke to lean against the wall. The Thieves were each caught in their own conversations, Ryuji and Ann reminiscing on a story from their time in middle school as Yusuke debated with Morgana over the correct dish to pair with sushi. After a few minutes, Ren stood up to grab the attention of the others, before signaling to Makoto that she could take the lead in the conversation.
Makoto cleared her throat, speaking what she couldn’t help but rehearse in her head as she waited for the rest of her teammates to arrive. “Thank you all for coming on short notice. I-”
“Awh, you don’t gotta be so formal with us!” Ryuji interrupted. “After changing a heart together, I think we’re all more than close enough to ignore boring stuff like that.”
Ann kicked Ryuji’s leg beneath the table, a harsh reminder for him to be more quiet when discussing their work as Phantom Thieves, while Makoto blushed slightly in embarrassment. This speech she was giving was already her trying to speak more casually…
“R-Right,” She stumbled over her words as she tried to get back on track. “Anyways, Ren and I asked you here because I had a few questions regarding when each of you first awakened to your Personae. Ren said each of you would most likely remember, so I’d like to ask each of you to give me a quick recap. Specifically, I want to know what your Persona said to you when you first summoned them.”
“Oh, let me go first!” Ryuji said, pumping his fist into the air excitedly. “I totally remember what the Captain said to me! He was all, ‘Why not hoist your flag and wreak havoc?’” He said, putting on a deeper voice as he imitated Captain Kidd. “‘The Other You within desires it thus… I am thou, thou art I!’ Then the pirate mask was on me, so I just yanked it off and he appeared out of thin air! I didn’t even realize my clothes changed for like, twenty more minutes.” He finished his story with a quick “Hah!” before looking back at Makoto, clearly proud of himself for being able to remember everything.
“I see,” Makoto nodded, jotting down his story. “And did he say anything else? Anything about a false self, or anything that confused or upset you?”
Ryuji’s face became serious again. Despite his playful exterior, he was able to tell that something was genuinely bothering Makoto. “Well, I mean, he said my name had been raked through the mud, but that wasn’t exactly news to me. Ever since I confronted Kamoshida, people always saw me as a no-good delinquent. I think that’s why I look like such a punk in Palaces. I guess my heart decided that if I can’t fight that image, I might as well embrace it.”
Makoto smiled with warm surprise. This was the most open she’d heard Ryuji be with his feelings around her. “Thank you, Ryuji. I think that’s all the questions I have for you. I would still like to hear from you two, though.” She said, pointing the tip of her pen first at Ann, then at Yusuke.
“Ok, I guess I can go next.” Ann began, with slightly more hesitation in her voice. “I was tied up by Kamoshida’s shadow, and I was feeling all bad about myself, thinking I should have just let him do what he wanted in the real world to keep my friend Shiho out of trouble. That’s when Carmen knocked some sense into me. She started telling me off about how I had to be the one to avenge Shiho after she… Well, you remember.” Her voice became sad for a moment before she continued her story. “She told me that I wouldn’t get anything done just feeling bad for myself, and that I should go kick his ass. So I did!” She smiled, proud of the knowledge that Kamoshida would be in prison for a long time after the things he did.
“And then, the same question for you. Did she say anything that upset or confused you?” Makoto asked again.
“Well, I was pretty upset, but mostly at myself. I felt so stupid for thinking the solution was to just let it happen to me, instead of taking action. But it was something I needed to hear, and then I was ready. She was pretty clear about what I needed to do, I think.”
Makoto nodded again, the look on her face growing visibly worried. “Thanks, Ann. This has been very informative… And you, Yusuke?” She looked pointedly to Yusuke, who had been deep in thought, remembering every detail of his awakening.
“Of course, I recall everything that happened to me that afternoon, as if I had written the story myself! Allow me to paint the scene for you!” He shot a hand out dramatically, as if pointing to a landscape that only he could see. “It was in a filthy, gold plated museum of greed and jealousy! The shining lights of truth had finally pointed down upon the man who was once my Sensei, Madarame, exposing a shadow that revealed the wretched reality of his misdeeds!”
Ryuji interrupted him before he got too deep into the monologue he prepared. “Sorry, buddy, you might need to save all the details for another time. Makoto just needs to hear the jist of it. For now, just tell us what your Persona said to you.” He turned aside to Makoto. “He could have gone on for hours if you let him.” He whispered across the table.
Yusuke scoffed, but relented. “I was providing much needed context… But very well. Madarame had revealed to me that the painting I admired most of his, the Sayuri, was in fact the work of my deceased mother, whom he let die before defacing the last work of art she had produced. My rage filled me, and all the things I had heard about Madarame, things I had experienced myself but denied, they came to the forefront of my mind, before I heard Goemon’s voice. He convinced me that Madarame truly was nothing more than a pale imitation of what it means to be a true artist. I couldn’t let that stand any longer, and I was determined to make him see the error of his ways. So I forged the contract with my Persona.” He finished, before remembering Makoto’s previous reactions. “And before you ask, I was not confused either. I knew exactly what Goemon was saying.”
With that, she had heard everything her other teammates had to say, and the answer was obvious. Her experience was not the same. It was different, somehow. But thinking over everything again, she couldn’t place where the inconsistency layed. She was in a moment of extreme stress, using her own force of will to decide to rebel against an adult who held power over her. She tore off her mask, she never gave up… So what did Johanna mean when she said Makoto was still hiding? Why did everyone else seem so sure, yet her own heart seemed as if it didn’t believe her? Makoto had been trying to hold it back, hoping she could figure it out with the help of her friends, but hearing everyone else only made her more confused still. She knew it was coming and that she couldn’t stop it. She began to cry.
A quiet moment passed, with everyone unsure of how to best comfort her. To Makoto’s surprise, Ryuji was the one who held a hand out, gently patting Makoto’s palm. “You don’t need to tell us if ya don’t want to. But if you want to tell us what Johanna said to you, we might be able to help get to the bottom of what’s confusin’ ya.”
Makoto looked up, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, before flipping to the tear stained page with what she first heard. She’d written, read, thrown out, and re-written it so many times she didn’t need to have it open. She memorized every last syllable. But still, she wanted to look at it again, as if somehow the words had changed after she heard the others.
She read aloud to her friends, who listened without interruption, even as Makoto struggled to hold back another sob. As she finished reading it, unchanged as always, silence filled the room. Nobody else knew what to make of it either. Just as Makoto expected, honestly.
“That’s… a lot.” Ann broke the silence, hoping it didn’t come across as rude. “I don’t know what it means either. But what I do know is that you’re still one of the strongest, smartest people I know. And I know you’ll be able to figure this out. And when that happens… If this is some kind of ‘fake persona’ or something, just imagine how strong you’ll be when the real one comes out! Those shadows won’t stand a chance!”
Murmurs of agreement came from the rest of the thieves, and Makoto appreciated it, a small smile reappearing on her face. “Thanks, everyone. I think I need some time to think about this more… But I really do appreciate you all coming to help today.” She stood up, about to begin a more formal exit, before remembering what Ryuji said earlier. Instead, she simply waved a hand as she grabbed her bag and prepared to leave. “See you all later!” She said with real happiness in her voice, before making her way to the train station.
~~~
Sunday, July 3rd: Night
Makoto sat on the couch in her apartment after putting her umbrella away to dry. Sis was working late again. Normally that meant she would have to figure out her own dinner, but she wasn’t particularly hungry tonight anyways. Johanna’s words ran through her mind, but this time, so did Ann’s. Makoto pulled her phone out again, returning to the IM thread she had opened with Ren last night, and began typing again.
Thanks again for calling everyone over. Even if
I didn’t find all the answers I wanted, it still
felt good just to talk to the others about it.
I actually wanted to ask. If it’s not too much
trouble, do you think I could keep talking
with you about this? I feel like just having
another person to talk this through with
might help me figure it all out.
Of course. Call me any time.
I want to help you figure this out, too, and
I’m sure the others feel the same.
Thank you. It’s a big help.
Makoto put her phone down, putting the charger inside. She thought back to something her dad told her, years ago, when she was trying to figure out something much more simple and inconsequential. She was certain a toy of hers had been stolen, as it wasn’t in her room anymore.
“If you can’t figure it out with what you have, find another way to look at it. If that doesn’t work, find a new angle. You’re a smart one, Makoto. I know you can figure anything out. You just gotta frame it right.” He tilted the couch back in their living room, a feat of superhuman strength to her young brain, revealing the stuffed panda she had been looking for trapped underneath the springs.