Work Text:
The weather was good today.
Sensing the breeze of the sea, he remembered this forbidden perfume of salt mixing the summer memories and conforting sunlight. It was sparkling. The water is shining, even blinding the gray eyes of the teenager, gasping as he glances at each wave crashing endlessly. What a beautiful show, he whispered to himself, letting the light of the sun caress his body.
Noah was standing beside him. They were almost touching hands. But neither of them spoke, as the scenery was taking their minds away from stress. It was finished. High school was the end of a long journey.
“Did you like high school Yejun-ha?” Noah started, turning his head toward the taller teenager.
“It was okay. I mean, people would always ask me for help.”
“You were the student representative, what a terrible idea…”
“Who was the one who helped you with your absence?” Yejun replied with a dead look.
“... I was just joking, please don’t look at me like that.” He answered, almost praying not to be scolded by his best friends.
It was tiring, perhaps too much for teenagers who just wanted to be free. But now, as they were walking freely, everything seemed to be possible.
Yejun glanced at Noah, who was heading toward the abyss. His blond hair danced through the wind, shimmering like a living painting. He didn’t know how to explain how Noah was beautiful. In his eyes, his childhood friend is everything that he has treasured for the longest time. Surely, he loved his family and friends, but it felt different. How can he explain it?
He could stare at him for hours, explaining each detail and every color of his personality that he loved dearly. Was he crazy? Or, crazy about him? Oh, the teenager didn’t want to know. No matter what happened, change, or if somehow fate decided to separate them. Yejun swore to always keep an eye on his best friends. Even if life decided to take him away, he would be his guardian angel.
“Yejun, what are you doing?” Noah asked, worrying because he didn’t say a word.
“I’m staring at you.”
The blond teenager's cheeks turned pink as he muttered some word under his breath.
“Ha, you punk. Come here, take my hand!”
Yejun accepted, letting him palm touched his best friends fingers. It’s soft, warm, a feeling that he wishes to cherish.
As his eyes meet the blue of Noah’s one. He knew it.
“Han Noah.”
“Yeah?” He answered, smiling at Yejun.
“Can I kiss you?”
Everything was beyond perfection.
His life, career and health –Han Noah couldn’t wish for anything better. As he walked towards a beautiful landscape, the wind carried the scent of dazzling flowers, gently brushing against his cheek, leaving a warm kiss. Together, with his boyfriend.
If happiness could be eternal, love would flow like a river, full of dreams and peaceful moments. Imagine yourself, resting on the hand of the person you cherish the most. It’s perfect, like love, like eternal happiness.
But, what if we return to reality? Like the rain who crashes into a river, letting cries echo through a gray sky full of doubt and anger.
Maybe he was the one who left their relationship in a shipwreck? If he grabs a memory with his bare hand, running toward nothing but a wall and despair, could he be happy once again?
Ah, Noah doesn’t know anymore. In his apartment, everything was messy, collapsing without a single drop of bravery to clean all this mess. Clothes everywhere, dry flowers on the verge of death, and a bunch of soju on the dining table... The blond man didn’t want to drink because he hoped to forget the memory of his previous and only boyfriend. No, it was the opposite. He wanted, as clearly as possible, to remember every detail: a touch of his lover’s lips, feeling of being alive through his hand and cuticle. Because now they were living in his mind like an unstoppable movie with a never-happy ending. All, because of love.
“Noah, I’m sorry but… We can’t be together anymore”
“Wait, why?” Feeling his heart shattered, every second was suffocating, like a rose stem he couldn’t untie.
“It’s not your fault. I was the one. The coward.”
Yejun stands in front of his “boyfriend”, letting his hand fall through his body.
“Why are you saying this Nam Yejun?! What about our promises, moments that we shared and… our love?”
...
“It’s in the past now. Take care of yourself, please.”
Taking care of myself? It’s the funniest thing Noah heard in a decade. If he was healthy, it was because Yejun was near, glazing with his ocean eyes, pulling him back when life seems to fall apart. Is there anything he can do by himself? Probably, but tiredness took over his body. Moving his hand, closing his eyes, feeling his eyelashes go down and up. It was too overwhelming, like he didn’t find any strength to look for his own self. Friends, family members and even coworkers tried to let him open up. Regardless if they couldn’t get what they wanted, rumors weren't needed. Only their eyes were judging his state.
And, as if life were crushing his entire soul, escaping the embrace of his ex-lover was impossible. In every train station, poster or social media. Nam Yejun is everywhere, but not in Noah’s life.
His voice, sweet and delicate, wraps in soft blankets with a slight sound of loneliness. Singing songs about love, happy and heartbreaking ones. Posing in a magazine while looking good in every photo...Succeeds in his dream of becoming a singer.
What if Han Noah was the problem?
He stopped. Staring at every corner of his bedroom, searching for an unknown answer, while hearing his heartbeat go faster. There was something. A little picture frame on top of a closet. Just a photo of two teenagers in a classroom, holding hands while singing a forgotten song. His smile, beautiful pinkish curling lips, let the shade of the sunlight on every part of his body. Gosh, he was beautiful, and still, Noah couldn’t forget Yejun's smile.
But it soon tore apart. He knows. Noah is the problem. All because of his decision, like a hero who saves an entire village, victorious for winning and killing the devil. Han Noah was the devil himself. Thinking that his action was for the sake of his beloved. Sad, how can he be sad? His entire body and flesh were tiring. Letting every corner of his muscle implore for his emotion to stop, at least for a second. He just wants to rest, just a little...
-
It was a cold night. Noah scrolled through his social media with a weird feeling on his mind. Something fell off.
From the shadows of his room, a few tweets gained his attention. Not a regular text with some kind of joke. Photos, messages, even videos of him with someone. A sharp breath caught his throat, letting his phone fall on his bed. Quickly, he looked at the other side. Thankfully, Yejun was sleeping peacefully.
How? Did they spy on us? Scared for their security, Noah was looking everywhere. To his balcony, door, security cameras or anything that could protect them and even choked on himself because of his erratic breathing. But their world felt like an insignificant sand castle, taken away from a tide wave, drifting until it broke apart.
While staring at his phone with wide eyes, he looked at some answers. Hoping, at least, that some people or someone could support them.
They were too little in front of this monster : anger.
Insult, wishing for their downfall and confusion towards others, saying: “How can they claim to love each other when they have their devoted fans?” It was too much. Too much for a single human who just wanted to love innocently. Is it impossible to be in love? He didn’t want to know, because the answer was in front of his sight.
As the news unfolded. He found himself unable to forget his face, feeling helpless with the only person he couldn’t protect. Yejun’s smile faded away as his hand trembled, like a rabbit caught in a hunter’s sights. Crying or showing vulnerability would be normal. But he didn’t. He placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder, whispering caring words, saying that everything would be alright... Oh, if only it was true!
A few days later, some fans and media called out this so-called ‘weird behavior’. Death threat, hurtful comment, and even worse than a human could possibly think. Telling them to stop because their songs weren't anything but weird and unpleasant. Getting criticism because, how can two men be in love with each other? So this is the way of being an idol—to shine because of their own tears?
“Noah, it’s going to be alright. Just let them talk behind our backs.”
Yejun was sitting beside him, looking at some sheet music while holding his headphones tightly.
“… Are you going to let these people say shit about yourself?”
Noah got up from his chair, trembling because he didn’t want to fight with his boyfriend. It was too much now.
“Well…” He paused briefly.”There is no other way to protect ourselves. I don’t want to cause any problems.”
“It’s not a problem!”
The room fell silent. Regaining his breath, Noah closed his eyes while tears rolled down his cheeks.
“Loving someone despite their gender is not a problem. I love you, not because you are a man, but because you are Nam Yejun.”
b i p…
bip…
Bip …
His eyes opened, slowly drifting his gaze at the yellow curtain and night sky. It was raining. He tries to get up to close the fabric, only to see his reflection.
Tonight, Noah is drowning.
-
The streets were empty, allowing the sound of raindrops fill the silent atmosphere. Noah loves it when it rains. Like any young child—at least he thought—running and dancing in the rain was like a fantasy, a playground where children could believe in dreams. Does he feel the same now?
He just wanted to breathe, to take a little moment to calm himself and regain his emotion. His vision blurred, and the wind, now colder, slowly brushed against the back of his neck. Ah, if he didn’t forget his notebook, he could write a beautiful song about love! But he forgot again. Being a songwriter is a pain, much more than he imagined.
As he continued to walk, he didn’t even notice what was in front of him. The sea. Something he once loved. His phone started to ring, but he didn’t answer. Remaining his eyes on the scenery. Bip… Stars shine, letting their reflection in the deep blue of midnight. Bip… If only—
Piercing the night with a harsh melody, the sound of the ringtone tugs him back to his senses. Why would anyone call him at this hour? His hand moved reluctantly, fingers brushing the cold weather.
“Eunho, what is happening? Do you need help?”
Noah walks towards his apartment, far behind the sea.
“Hyung, there is an offer for a new song. I just received a mail.” Leaving a gap in between, the blond man looks at his phone, raising his eyebrow with a worrying look.
“What is it? Are they requesting a bunch of songs for next week?” He answered, in an ironic tone.
“No. Just one song. It’s from the singer Nam Yejun. We already worked with him in the past. I know that both of you were close…”
Noah freezes as he hears his name. A name he loves, a melody resembling the cold waves he once fought. How many years has passed since he didn’t hear it properly?
“ –But, I wanted to have your opinion. He especially requests you for his new album! Seems like he is doing something big…” Eunho tries to cheer up his senior, as he laughs to lighten the mood. “Take your time Hyung! If you want to talk with him, we can find a way.”
Seeing him? His heart starts to clench. He hasn't seen him for the past 3 years. Their breakup wasn't the first issue. Actually, he didn’t know why he was so scared to see him. Is it because he's scared to let people find out?
Society didn’t need to know if they were friends or not; photos were enough to start any rumors. He didn’t want to see his crying face again or feel Yejun’s cold hand as they both sat on a couch, looking at nothing but a dead end. Noah doesn’t understand his feelings. Love, hate... Desperately, as he was going to die tomorrow, his desire of looking for his ex-boyfriend still remains. Even if it’s just for a few minutes or a second, it was enough to fulfill his happiness. How can he be so desperate?
Rain keeps falling off his shoulders, as he bites his lips, believing he finally succeeded to bury the soloist’s face.
“... I will think about it. Thank you, go back to sleep.
“Of course, see you later in the office!”
-
The next day after work, he was in front of a shop, wearing a white shirt underneath a gray blouse with a pair of black jeans.
How did he accept so easily?!
Yesterday, he was walking through the rain, consumed by love and distress, looking pathetic on the road of Seoul. Now, in front of a coffee shop, the same man looks exhausted as he stayed awake all night, stressing over the rushed decision he had made.
After he came back from his walk. Noah couldn’t help but stare at the mail for an hour straight. He quickly recognized Yejun’s way of writing. It was light, straightforward, but professional. There was nothing crazy about the text; as Eunho said, it was a simple offer to work for a single song. No more information. So why would he refuse? It’s not like they could be friends. It would be amazing, but he wasn’t the only one in the relationship. Calm down, you only accept to talk with him. Just a simple conversation. He said to himself, shaking his head.
In the first place, why did he accept the proposition?
He doesn't have a clue. Oh, do you really think he was determined to find his ex-lover like a hero would jump to save his princess? Well, it's quite difficult to put a satisfying word about his consciousness. As much as he wanted to see Yejun but was to scared if it was too soon. The songwriter quickly understood that his offer could be the last chance of meeting him. They were both busy. Working in an industry where it is normal to stay up with three coffees in a day. Besides, it's been three long years: 36 months, 1095 days. So, when he came back from his relaxed walk, Noah sent a simple message: "What about tomorrow?" And this is how he ended up in this situation.
Inside the building, someone walks towards him. With pink hair and a concerned expression, he learned on the door next to the blond guy.
“Hey, are you waiting for someone?” The men started, cutting Noah’s past reflection.
“I’m waiting for…a coworker?”
“Oh, you mean the table for two under the name Jun?”
His eyes opened wider, as he felt his lips forming a soft crescent smile. It wasn’t anything special, but just by hearing those three little letters was enough to give him some courage
“Yeah, Jun.”
...
He isn’t there. Noah has been waiting for almost 20 minutes. It’s odd –Yejun is never late, even if he oversleeps or misses a train.
The songwriter glances at the interior of the coffee shop. The cafe wasn't anything fancy; it was rather quiet and cozy for a store in the middle of the capital. It's quite lovely. There are a bunch of plants and light wood covering the walls and ground. Soft music is playing on the radio with popular songs but also tunes he hasn't heard for a long time. It actually looks like a greenhouse rather than a regular shop.
Upon mumbling on a candy left on the table, Noah checks his phone. They didn’t exchange their numbers, and besides, it would be rushing their meeting for an unknown answer. At least it’s a miracle that they can talk face-to-face.
Let’s meet in private! I know a good coffee shop in the town–
Noah didn't want to forget the words he said to him. Even if time heals wounds, words are indelible and decisions unavoidable. It’s possible that Yejun is still mad towards him. He doesn't want forgiveness or pity. After all, he quit music to save him.
“How can I be that late!”
The door open as a familiar figure steps inside, letting the wood crack beneath his footsteps. He looks at every corner of the shop until his gazes fall upon some blond’s hair. His lips open, moving like a butterfly who just ached.
“Noah?”
Covering his mouth with a hand, his cheeks turn pink in a instant.
“I’m sorry, I meant–” He said, as he makes his way towards the only customer, placing his bag on the floor before sitting in front of him. “ –I thought you would leave. Don’t worry, I will pay the bill.”
“It’s okay.” Noah replies, still surprised by hearing his name from Yejun’s anxious tones. “I already ordered my drink. The owner was waiting for you.”
“Thank you…”
...
Oh, it’s awkward. They both thought as the room felt silent
Looking closely at Yejun without causing any discomfort, Noah's shoulder started to relax. He didn’t change. The man with dark blue hair was still the same: gray pupils with sparkling bubbles. Today, as the weather was a bit chilly, he is wearing a pale blue sweater, gray jeans, and his old red glasses. It felt like the old days, when they used to spend afternoons checking new coffee shops in the neighborhood. They were still rookies, but it wasn’t a problem if people recognized them. Above all, they were best friends.
Yejun placed his hand on the menu board, looking at the photo with a soft smile. Noah couldn’t help but chuckle at his reaction, gasping over how colorful and pretty the food is. There was something cute about Yejun that the songwriter couldn’t explain. His friends didn’t understand, saying that it was simply because he loved the soloists too much. But it didn’t go away. He was still lovely as the day they left their love story.
“Did you choose something?”
The owner put his tray on the table, looking at the new customer. As Yejun ordered a simple dessert and coffee, a few minutes was enough to leave the table adorned with cute drinks.
“Y’know, both of you can talk. I won’t eavesdrop or anything.” Said the pink hair, smiling at the oldest musician.
“Thanks Bamby, I will pay.”
“Alright! Just be aware of the weather and don’t spill anything, Hyungs.” Heading back to the kitchen while scratching the back of his head, he looked at them, signing at the atmosphere. Are they really coworkers or am I sleep deprived?
They both eat in silence, letting the music surround the shop with a comforting ballad. But it wasn’t awkward. They felt relaxed, even soothing each other’s emotions as they had planned their meetup the night before.
Yejun could still feel the warmth on his cheeks.
He looked at the corner of the windows, searching for a topic to catch up with Noah’s life. As he gazed into some blue eyes, he blurted out, choking himself on his drink, saying, “I’m just a little tired.” While lecturing himself for his attitude. He didn’t hate Noah. It was really difficult to put his emotion into an understandable sentence, as he was unsure of his own feelings. They were friends, best friends, and lovers. Now, they were strangers.
While glancing at his face, body, and movement, it was clear that Noah was exhausted. He muttered some words, desperately trying to make a move. Yejun couldn’t ask if he was alright. Not just alright but fine, like he could run a marathon and still look like it was one of his gym exercises. Why can I even ask the bare minimum…?
“ –So, about the song.” He began, meeting Yejun’s eyes. “Do you have any ideas or a pre-recorded audio?”
The azure men paused. Letting his eyes flickering before he humbled through his bag. After a couple of seconds, he carefully laid the paper on the table, lowering his head, almost as he was afraid of his reaction.
“You’ve already written the whole music sheet…” Noah said, looking closely at the details. “Are you having trouble with the lyrics?” His tone softened, worried because Yejun rarely needed help on writing lyrics.
“It’s an old song we wrote back in highschool.” Yejun admitted. “But we never finished it so…”
…
“I really wanted to finish this song with you.”
He blinked, surprised by his request.
He glanced at Yejun's eyes, catching him looking away, like he told a secret in a crowded place. Upon looking at the sheet music, Noah visualizes the melody. It’s soft, pure and sad. But he can feel the nostalgia that captivates his senses. Like a memory screaming out to be remembered, only to be hidden in the corner of his head. What can I do now?
Noah wanted to help him as much as he could. However, if they choose to be together again, what if everything falls apart? It’s not just a song –it can initiate something far more aggressive than anything they had experienced before. He didn’t have any strength left, not enough to protect Yejun. Maybe that’s why he felt so uncertain about seeing him again? He wasn’t sure if he had the courage to face it all, not after everything they’d been through—but a part of him still wanted to try. So-
“Are you sure?” He finally answered.
Yejun nodded.
“We can create something beautiful. I know that we can’t build our relationship like before but–.” His hand moved forward, almost touching Noah’s hand before pulling them back. “ –Let’s stick together, at least, until we finish writing the lyrics.” Yejun smiled, almost a broken one.
“You… still remember this promise?”
“Of course! You can think of my offer. Take your time don’t worry–”
“-I'll do it.”
“What? Are you sure, don't force yourself!"
“You’re the one asking me, Yejun…” He signed, finally admitting to giving up on running away. “Let’s stick together for now.”
There were a lot of things he wanted to talk about. When he was walking down the street, something lit up. He couldn’t just walk on this path anymore. Crying, feeling his heart stumble each time he tries to forget about who he loves and who he is. Because, and he believes it like an unstoppable truth, that he deserves to be in pain. Maybe it’s true. Who knows, there is a chance where fate would strike in his short life, saying: “You were the coward,” while throwing him into a giant tower. He would wait for his prince, someone who would have the gut to rise from the shadow, taking each rose to throw them down the bricks. But this isn’t a fairy tale. It will be difficult to acknowledge each mistake he made, every words he said. Brambles and tears will soon come out as the truth will unfold.
But love is something to achieve. So even if his heart gets teary-up by a rose, he would gladly cherish the sea and his own self once again.
-
It felt unreal…
Yejun looked at his ceiling, still thinking about his meeting with Noah. It wasn’t grandiose. Just a little chat in a coffee shop he likes to go to when he feels stressed or overwhelmed.
Later, after they leave, he thanks the pink man for his idea. They knew each other from dance practice, and while teaching a new choreo, Bamby realized that something fell off. Out of nowhere, he said, “Hyung, what about coming to my parent’s coffee shop?” He said, putting his hand proudly on his waist. I should give him a new plant... Yejun considered as he buried his face on his pillow.
However, there was something wrong. He can’t describe it as much as he would, but he noticed something. The way Noah moves, talks, or smiles... The azure men couldn't forget how exhausted he looked.
Noah said that he was alright, that his tiredness was because he couldn't sleep as he wanted. Obviously, believing in what he said would be normal. But everything pointed out to be the opposite, as he was clearly on the verge of exhaustion.
Like the old days, when they were running in their playground, Noah was the one who always protected Yejun. He remembers one time when they were lost in a forest, only to be found 4 hours later after searching for berries. The blond teenager shrugged, saying that he took the initiative to look for a fruit that both of the family already have in their garden. He was grounded for 1 week. Yet, Yejun would sneak into his room to play and joke about how their parents were shocked to hear the reason for their little adventure.
As some memories come back, he remembers their first meeting. It was a friend that they both knew who said, “Hey, I know a friend who plays music; let’s meet him!” And that’s how their story started. People would always see them in the same place, like two lovebirds who would make everyone's heart flutter. Middle school, high school... until they graduated from college, there was always a moment when they called each other by funny nicknames. Even when they became idols in the same company and started to date at the same time, everything seemed possible when they were together. Noah was stronger, but now it felt like the opposite.
Yejun's phone rings. It has been more than a week since the childhood friend talked again. Sharing some ideas, memes, and videos they find while scrolling through social media... He felt happy. On the other hand, he was scared of Noah’s reaction. But surprisingly, he seems to be as happy as he was. Fast reply, cute emoji, and even dumb stickers. Is this hapiness?
Out of nowhere, someone called him.
“Eunho?” Yejun said, sitting on his bed while looking at the screen.
“Oh Yejun hyung! I’m sorry to call you at this hour.”
“It’s okay, don't worry. What are you up to?”
“Well…” He paused. “Did you talk with Noah hyung today? I’m kinda worried cause’ he’s not answering. Even if it’s saturday he usually replies to one or two texts.”
Yejun opens his mouth, muttering some words as he thinks of a reason. It’s true, he didn’t answer my messages.
“Did you try to call him?”
“Yeah…”
He stayed silent, like a puppy who lost his owner. Yejun knows that Eunho loves Noah like a big brother. It wasn't a surprise if he felt this way.
“Maybe I can look at his apartment. Do you want to come with me?”
Again, as he didn’t wanted to tell the truth, only the sound of his keyboard and headphone could be heard.
“I think you should be the one to look for him.” He admitted.
“What? Did something bad happen?”
“I’m gonna be honest, hyung. Y’know, when we first met, both of you were still close.” Eunho takes a moment to think for the right words. “While I was practicing, I talked with Bamby hyung about you two. Oh, sorry for not telling you… But did you guys talk about the reason for your breakup?”
No we didn’t.
“We…” Feeling his eyes get blurry, he rested his head on his arm. “No. I’m still scared to talk about our past.”
“But are you okay with this?!” Another voice could be heard, letting Yejun jump off his bed. “Bamby, you’re hurting my ear! Okay hyung, I don’t know if i’m right, but Noah needs you.”
“Wait, but why me?”
“Hyung, are you dumb?” They both answered.
Of course he is dumb. He is the only one to be confused.
“Go see him!” Bamby answered, as he gave advice for a complex operation. “Don’t forget to take some medicine.”
The call end.
Without thinking, Yejun takes his jacket, walks toward his apartment door, and closes it behind. Am I doing the right thing? His mind is barely functioning on its own, wondering about everything that could happen. Is Noah alright? What medicine should I buy? And most importantly: What am I even doing?! He doesn’t know if Noah is still living in the same building. Quickly he looked at his screen. Both Bamby and Eunho send motivational texts and stickers like he was going to do a sports competition.
Yejun signs, as he regains his consciousness. It was raining tonight.
He rushes to the mart, grabs the necessary items and goes out after paying. Was he running in the street? Probably, he didn’t even realize that people were looking at him. But whatever. They can think what they want, Yejun doesn’t care anymore. He needs to see him.
Eventually, he cautiously climbed the apartment building stairs, careful to be quiet. Then he saw it. Noah's apartment was in the corner of his eyes. His hand moved toward the doorbell, trembling like a lost child. Is he really the one who should look for him? Pulling his hand away from the button, guilt started to come back. He was the one who wished to see Noah again, so why? Why is he so scared to see him now? He pressed the doorbell. Bip... Still unsure about his decision, it felt like he was going to run away… Bip. Is he even in the right to see him as he was the one who broke up? … Bip.
Is it because he’s scared to hurt him again?
“Yejun?”
Noah is standing in front of him. His cheeks were puffy and sweaty, barely breathing as he gripped the door handle like he was about to collapse. Yejun remained silent, drawing his hand toward Noah’s forehead before letting it fall along his body.
“I won't run away. Please, let me take care of you.”
Noah eyes widened.
“Wait… Why are you saying this?”
“You haven’t answered for 1 day, are you sick?” Yejun said, as he caught a glimpse of Noah’s condition.
“One day? But it's still dark outside.”
…
“Oh.”
How did he forget what day it is?
Actually, it wasn’t the first time. When they used to live together, both of their schedules were different in any way that could possibly exist. Yejun was the morning bird, doing breakfast and house chores, while Noah was preparing dinner and helping with cleaning. It was a routine, kind of surprising one but they liked it.
“You say you won't run away, huh?” He smirked, almost amused by the situation, still, looked tired as ever.
“Don't joke about it! You don't even stand properly…” Yejun gently takes Noah’s hand as he chuckles.
“Right, you can come.”
The apartment was well maintained. It's pretty he whispered under his breath as he let Noah take a shower. The living room was simple: a TV with a white sofa with some decoration at the top of the TV shelf. There were some flower’s vases—without flowers—but at least it was clean, maybe a little too much.
Heading to the kitchen, like the living room, everything was clean, and he even found a bowl, drying in the corner. Yejun started to cook, just a small portion of porridge as he already ate. The refrigerator was full of food, as he recognized one of Noah's mom special dishes. He signed, relieved that he was still eating while he would always munch on his chicken breast. It’s probably the worst negative point about him. Yes, he is a tough guy, looking like an icy princess while running at every gym he could walk past—a real gym fanatic.
There was a lot to say about his childhood friend. He could mention so many words, just for him, because he loves him.
“ –Yejun?”
His eyes flickered, turning his head as he saw Noah in pajamas. Just a simple white tee shirt and black shorts.
“You didn’t need to do that much, you know?”
“It’s okay. Do... Do you want me to dry your hair?” Yejun's cheeks turned slightly red. What I am saying! His hand wringing, almost shaking.
“... Okay, let's go here.” He answered, surprised by the sudden demand.
Noah sat on the sofa, letting the hum of the blow-dryer fill the room. As he took each strand of hair, Yejun noticed the delicate scent of lavender—sweet but bitter, comforting and nostalgic. Neither of them spoke, but feeling each other warm was enough to fulfill the silence. It’s almost perfect, like eternal happiness.
“I'm happy to see you.” Noah started.
“You didn’t seem really happy back then.” Yejun said, with a teasing tone.
“Did I?”
Noah’s phone rang incessantly with messages from Eunho and Bamby. The sudden flood of notifications made Yejun pause, his hands stilling as he stopped blow-drying Noah’s hair.
“Yejun-ha? Are you okay?”
No response.
“Hey, do you need something?” The blond man placed his hand on Yejun's shoulder. Before tears start to drop from his friend.
Wait… Noah whispered to himself, moving his hand from Yejun’s shoulders to his face
-
The apartment was cold, so cold that Yejun didn’t feel his feet down his slipper.
Why was he standing in the middle of the night, looking like a lost rabbit in a forest full of danger and death signs? Glancing across the room, his boyfriend's bedroom, a strange feeling settles. Noah, his boyfriend isn't here—but it’s his apartment, his room. What is the reason for this sudden disappearance? As he regains consciousness of each part of his body, the azure men walk toward the bed frame, looking at everything that could help to answer the strange question of him.
Only the phone, a black one with some random stickers, was left behind, like an orphan, tearing up for a fate he didn’t want to experience. Gently, as if it were a fragile object, he took the phone and pressed some button. Yejun didn’t know Noah’s password, as their privacy was important for their relationship. But, as he glanced around the notification, it was somehow, something he didn't—or won't—understand until then. Messages, photos... Oh, so many notifications for a single human! A human being who just wants to rest, or maybe to close his eyes for a few hours.
However, there was a thing . A text that made Yejun's elbow flicker as he touched the whole paragraph. And it wasn’t the only one. Ten, no, hundreds with the same message.
The phone fell through his hand as he placed them in front of his lips. Words, insults, death threats, photoshop images of his boyfriend in any scene that a human wouldn’t think, otherwise their mind began to tear up. It was terrifying, to the point of losing his breath. "Please kill yourself, the world would be better without a bitch like you.” Said one of the texts, as the others bear the same connotation. “How?” He said to himself. “How did they find Noah’s number?” Yejun was looking at every clue that could help him, like a detective in a murder case, unable to think of a reasonable truth. Because he knows it better than these hateful humans.
Their image was the most important treasure, rather than their beauty or singing. So, why? Why can’t they be free? It’s a utopia, perhaps a dream that only crazy people can realize. But as he began to walk towards the bathroom, he heard it. A melody, something he wishes to forget even after the three years of separation. A glimpse—a sound—shattered in a broken mirror, trying to find itself while disappearing because of the years.
Noah was suffering alone.
-
“ –Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you were already hurt!”
Yejun cried, his voice breaking the silent atmosphere. The rain continued to fall, letting the dropping sound linger in the room.
“When I saw all those messages you received. I couldn’t do anything but read them all. There were so many... so many hateful words—death threats... They even found your parents’ address!” He paused, trembling and learning in Noah’s chest. “How can I stand beside you when I can’t even protect you?”
He wanted to save him—save him from the people who took it all. His career, dreams, their relationship... Like any person, Yejun just wants to be in love. It’s not even about physical touch or anything that relates to a sexual matter. He wishes to stand beside someone who could love him entirely.
“You were crying when I was sleeping. How can I look at your face and say that I love you while knowing how you struggled?” He continued, as words tangled with his tears. “We promised to sing for each other. In the end, you quit music because of me...”
“So why did you walk away?”
Noah answered, trying to find Yejun’s eyes while the azure man was still in his arm, holding him like he's about to disappear.
“I was hurt” Noah whispered “You… you are the reason why I continued to do music, even when I stop to sing.” He paused, trying to collect himself while the pain felt more unbearable.“ –But Yejun, we are both the villains of our stories.”
Yejun’s heart stuttered. The words hit harder than he expected. Villains? He blinked, trying to understand.
“When we met each other at the cafe, I didn't understand your intention. I thought you wanted to repair what happened back then –but you didn’t.” He lets Yejun calm a bit, pulling his arm towards the taller man. “We talked, joked and even thought of working together like nothing changed. It’s like the old days, when we loved each other.”
...
“I… really want to love you Yejun.”
Like eternal happiness, love , he wanted to say “I love you” without feeling the weight of his mind, something that wouldn’t let every emotion of his to tell the truth.
“I’m also a coward. I made a decision for both of us while thinking that it could protect our relationship.” As he tries to mutter some words. His eyebrow lowered, patting Yejun’s back. “When I decided to stop singing, it felt like the worst decision ever. But when you began to smile again, it felt like the right choice."
Yejun, still trembling, stares into Noah’s eyes for the first time. He wanted to argue, to prove that he was wrong. But deep down, he knew they weren't the only villains. Their breakup wasn’t just about their choices or mistakes—it was the weight of the world around them. The nights spent in fear, hiding who they were, the whispers, judgment, and unbearable pressure of living in a society where loving a man is a crime. Fortunately, both of their parents supported their relationship, saying they couldn’t be prouder as long as the two of them were happy together. So what is the problem, themselves, or the worlds surrounding them? It’s the truth that Yejun is so scared to hold. He doesn’t know who to blame, and besides, is there someone to accuse?
“I’m sorry…” His voice cracked, only letting a few words reach out for the blonde man.
“Please, don’t apologize.” Noah reaches the blue man’s hair, taking each hair strand, moving them along his fingers. He loves Yejun scent. It’s a soft fragrance of a fragile flower.
“I’m here, besides you–”
“ –So please, smile.”
-
Days, weeks, and months passed.
After their "argument", both of them acknowledge their lack of communication, or rather, the difficulties and choices they made. So, as days passed they decided to catch with time. Spending some afternoon, playing music and even going to an nearby town for vacation... Building a new relationship was tiring, but it’s a challenge they wanted to take.
When they decided to see each other, 1 week after their dispute, the conversation they had was odd, as Bamby was lurking in the corner of the pastry section. He was with Eunho and another person on the phone, saying, “Did they fight or something?” While craving for more information, just to be spotted by Noah. The pink man endured a lecturing session by the two oldest men until the shop closed. At least they didn’t forget about their “parent’s behavior,” and it was funny. Eunho was laughing like crazy when Bamby told the story. So he let them continue, praying that their relationship would bloom again. And gosh, he was rooting for them!
One day, out of nowhere Noah was in a good mood, proposing to his childhood friend a "date." Yejun was too stunned to answer, almost that he became a statue, leaving Noah crying in tears while taking some photos. It went well. They were wearing masks, so nobody could find them. But they felt free. Going to some karaoke, cafe, and photo bomb... It seemed like they found peace after the rain.
And so, as they healed side by side , there was something important. A melody that needed them.
Yejun was in front of his work desk, looking at his computer screen, or at least, something that could help him. It’s been 5 months since Noah and Yejun's relationship went smoothly. But there is a problem—a big one, actually. The song. How could he forget the song?! Well, it’s exaggerated. He has been working for months while producing his new album. Yet, even though he wanted Noah to write the lyrics, something wasn’t quite right.
So, there he is, drinking a hot coffee while holing pen in his right hand as he thinks about some ideas.
“Yejun hyung, what’s up?”
Someone walks toward him, closing the door as he sits on the black couch near the desk.
“Burning my passion Haminie.” He answered, looking pathetic while resting his head on a blank page.
“Oh, is it the song with Han Noah?” The younger dancer's eyes started to shine, like a kitten who would run to catch a fish.
“Right, you like him a lot if I remember correctly?”
“Of course! He’s the one who gave me the courage to dance and sing, but why are you looking… Like that.” He pointed at Yejun, squinted his eyes as he tried to stay polite.
“Uh, because I'm trying to find some inspiration, I guess?”
The room felt silent as Hamin was trying to understand his mentor. He put his hand under his chin, lecturing Yejun like an abnormal species, perhaps an alien?
“Please don’t look at me like that.” Yejun said, hiding himself in his jacket sleeve.
Hamin has been beside Yejun for 2 years now, and he understands his mentor quite well. For him, Yejun is like a caring big brother but also strong enough to be around 5 or 6 children for an entire day.
He knew that it was a difficult time. His mentor was still performing, doing songs and helping other artists, but somehow, something wasn’t quite right. Hamin remembers the day when he saw both Yejun and Noah on a stage a while back then. The concert left him so mesmerized that when he came back, his mother was baffled to see him dancing in his room after all those years. They are stars, shining in the sky. Whispering words to help people find their way in a difficult time. But when he learns about the case between his two favorite singers, reality appears in front of his eyes.
Like an infinite ocean, he found himself conflicted, wanting both of the older men to talk again. Still, it was hard. As he saw Yejun crying in his recorded room multiple times because of exhaustion, calling someone name witout an answer.
So, he talked with 2 older friends, Eunho and Bamby. Both of them would tell some story about his idols. Saying that they were a perfect piece of a puzzle, assembling almost like they were meant to be together, only to fall apart without the other. They would often think of a plan, pursuing Yejun to find a way to talk with Noah. It wasn’t their choice, and they knew it. Yet, it was obvious that the stars started to fade away.
“Is it because you still love him?”
The soliest shiver, trying to find some words as stress started to circulate across his veins.
“Of course, I love him.” Yejun admitted, signing as he turned toward his apprentice. “But it’s too soon? We've seen each other for a few months –I’m not even sure if I'm in love or just… you know.”
“You’re scared to hurt him again?” Hamin answered “It’s fair but there will always be hardship in a relationship, I guess…?”
“It’s okay Haminie, it's an adult problem and you’re still a baby.” He answered, as he saw the youngest stand up, putting his hand on his waist while furrowing his eyebrow.
“I’m turning 20 this year! Look at me, I’m a big adult who can be independent by himself!”
“Right, right. You’re still a baby to us.” Yejun laughs, leaving Hamin in disbelief.
Hamin was conflicted. He didn’t want to force his friend to take a decision he didn’t acknowledge. Rather, it was obvious, even to the point of stupor that they needed each other.
Slowly, his eyes looked at the recording room, remembering the time when he was singing in his bedroom, mimicking his favorite idols. At that time he didn’t know a single thing about them and, besides the lack of information, his admiration was strong. Because they were here, without knowing it, when he had a hard time. So, it was natural to wish for their happiness.
“But let’s be real hyung, didn’t you talk about your struggle with him? I mean, back then?”
“..."
“Don’t tell me you fell asleep!”
“No– I didn’t!” This time, Yejun was the one who stood up. “I didn’t prepare myself to freak out and think about the past without controlling my emotions. Noah was the one who told me about his feelings while I was... crying.”
“He was probably thinking that you were cute.”
“That’s not the point…”
I’m sure. Noah hyung always says that he’s cute . Hamin signs, as the sofa seems to fuse with his body, letting the young adult think of a solution. Love is hard. In any way he could think, any possibilities that can exist. Why is it so hard to love someone? Determined to know the truth, he regained his composure, sitting like he was in an interview with a serious look on his face.
“So tell me, why did you fall in love with Noah hyung?” Hamin asked as his life depended.
“What?” Yejun let his pen fall on his desk.
“Just tell me! Besides, I'm really curious” His eyes shine, almost dazzling Yejun.
“Okay…”
He takes a deep breath, crossing his arms like a grandparent who would tell an old story.
“I don’t really remember when I fell in love with Noah. It was... smooth. He was always the one beside me, doing music and sharing important moments in our lives. It’s like a match made in heaven. As the day passed, I couldn’t stop thinking about his smile. There was always a time in the day when I was wondering if I could see him without being a weirdo or an obsessive best friend. He was, and still is, lovely as today.” Yejun's lips curled as his cheeks slightly turned pink. “When I found out about my feelings, it was like I finally found myself. Do you want me to tell you when we started to date?”
Hamin noods.
“It was a sunny day. We were walking through a beach after our high school graduation. Y’know, it was a little present for ourselves to achieve that far together. He was playing with water, waving at me, saying, "Hey, come here!” Yejun chuckles as he mimics Noah’s voice. “It felt like the perfect moment to talk about my feelings. I was the one who kissed him first!” He said proudly, almost like he kissed the most beautiful princess in the entire world— which is true for Yejun.
“You were the one to confess?!” Hamin almost screamed as he put his hand in on the desk.
“Hey –why are you so surprised?
He just started at Yejun, waiting for more information.
“...But love is difficult. If people hear about what I'm going to say, I'll probably be a crazy person in their eyes.” His shoulders slumped, and he gave a half-hearted chuckle, masking a trace of hesitation. “It’s easier to love someone rather than be with them. Sometimes, you are so blinded by love that you forget yourself. You let your feelings boil, craving more and more until you realize that you hurt the person you loved.
“This is what happened with Noah?”
Maybe , he thought as his lips opened a little before closing like an unbreakable door. He is scared to love him. So he buried his love into his dream, thinking that perhaps it could help him to forget about his smile. It didn’t, it was worse. They both acknowledge what they did, but still, he's unsure.
...
"We were reckless, thinking that we could protect each other. At the end, when the sun rises in front of my eyes, everything that I loved about him vanishes away… This is when I understand that I love him sincerely.”
‘This is it!” Pointed Hamin as he smiles with all his teeth.
“Huh?”
“You need to tell him what you say! Or anything that resembles your sentence!”
Yejun is lost, trying to figure out what his friend is trying to say, until…
“Oh Hamin, you’re a genius.”
So, he began to write new lyrics. He didn't know if he wanted a bitter or sweet ending. Does he even know if their story will have a happy ending? It's an idea he wished, from the bottom of his heart. However, he needed to be prepare for every situation. They were cowards, reckless, people who were blinded by love. But he wants to change, for the better, for them.
Because he sincerely wants to love the sun.
-
“Hey, old man, what are you dreaming about?” Said a deep voice from across the room.
Yejun opened his eyes, still tired from his short nap. He glanced around him, almost disappointed to be in his recording session. Noah was walking, handing a cup of coffee as he sat in the chair next to him.
It was the time. The day when Yejun would ask Noah an important question. He is so scared to the point of fainting! What if he doesn’t understand or turns it down? It doesn’t matter if he just wanted to remain friends, the azure men wanted to tell him about his feelings. Something he keeps inside his consciousness for weeks now.
“ –So, about the lyrics, you said that the plan changed?”
“Yeah. I want to do a duet with you.”
Noah's lips opened, almost shouting but his voice didn’t come out. Blinking a few times, like he was dreaming or seeing a crazy scene. He turns his head toward Yejun.
“Are… are you sure?” He blurted out, like a drunk person.
“Well, it’s my album. Whatever people are saying, I think it’s a good idea.”
“But –don’t get me wrong. Are you okay if people start to send hate once again?” Noah asked almost with a broken voice.
“Noah.” He said, with a comforting tone. “You said that, no matter if I was a man or a woman, you will love me because I'm what am I, right?”
“Of course, it’s still the same. But I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“So what? It’s not like I'm alone, we are…” He paused, almost forgetting that they weren’t in a relationship. It’s hurting… Yejun whispered to himself. As he was about to tear up, but–“We are singers, people who bring happiness when others are suffering. This is what we are doing.”
The soliest didn’t know if it was the right choice. There are a bunch of people who wish to see them in a grave or anywhere else than a stage. So what? Hates come with more viewers; it’s actually a benefit.
However, their wounds are still alive. It’s hurting a lot. Bandages and kind words weren't enough to recover. They made bad decisions without telling the others, like they sacrificed themselves to people who didn’t appreciate them. It’s dumb, even nonsense, for someone who is a spectator of their play. It hurt—it hurt so bad to the point of ripping his skin, almost forgetting why he loved him in the first place. Yejun didn’t want to associate Noah with this emotion. When he saw his blue eyes, he felt alive. It’s love. Something he forgot.
Past, future, present—whatever is going to happen, they're going to be hurt to the core. So what? Love comes with hate and happiness; it’s a fate, a sin that can't be prevented. That is when he realized why he loved Noah. Because he simply wanted to see him smile.
If he doesn't resonate with his feelings, then he will let him walk away. If he wished to remain friends, he would gladly accept.
“As for our happiness, your happiness. We will find out together.”
…
“So, do you want to sing with me?”
There are so many words to respond, but he couldn’t find anything that would suit the situation. Noah is lost to the point of thinking: why did I agree in the first place?
Is he ready to embrace his love, Yejun love? Would his courage be strong enough against people who hate them? So much question, so much doubt, only to be hopeless again. “I want to love you” He said, catching his breath as he heard his heartbeat go louder and louder. But Yejun didn’t hear anything because Noah is trapped. Stuck in the past with the decision he made. For what? He’s not a princess, and moreover, a prince in shining armor. If he decided to see Yejun again, it's because he wanted to see his face until it's too late.
“Why did you decide to do a duet?” He finally asked.
“Do I need a reason?” Yejun smiled, his eyes turning into a crescent moon.
That’s right. If they started to sing, it’s because both of them simply loves it.
...
“Ha, let's do it.”
Writing about a break up is hard. Especially when I was the one who walked aways. Like the rain who drops in an endless ocean. I was lost, thinking “Why did I fall in love?”
Sometimes, it’s fate. Somehow, it fell.
Only after the flowers withered
Only then
I realized it was spring.
…
When I saw the look in your eyes the day when you ran away, I didn’t know how to react. Did I hurt you because of my stupid choices?
I feel hopeless; I was careless.
If I held you then
If I had smiled more
Will it be different for us?
...
I kept singing because it made me remember your embrace. But when I look in front of a mirror, I feel like a monster, someone who breaks a promise.
Is it possible to call your name?
Can we go back to those times, when we were happy?
…
It’s hurting so much, because I realized my mistake.
How can I call myself your lover when we are strangers?
It was only after you left, that I thought it was a breakup.
…
…
As the melody ends, they face each other.
Three years. It took them three years to catch the other. And then, Noah remembers. He recalled why the song was bringing some memories back. It's because it was the time, the song when he fell for his bestfriend.
So what’s next, is it possible for them to be happy again?
“You said that you won’t run away?” Noah asked, gazing at Yejun’s eyes.
“Never, because we will stick together.”
“And, If I decide to go to the sea once again?”
“Then, I will gladly take your hand.” Yejun replied, wrapping his fingers around Noah’s one.
…
“What if I said that I love you?”
“I will kiss you, because I do.”
End.