Chapter Text
Ari groaned, rubbing her face as she rolled over. The TV was still radiating blue light from her negligence to turn it off before she went to sleep. Now that she was facing the humming glow, it was impossible to ignore. She begrudgingly accepted her fate and sat up slowly, shifting around for the remote. With her luck, she’d have to reconstruct the entire couch to find it, but a small part of her still hoped for something her sleep-addled body could manage easily. Squinting harder in the darkness, her eyes finally landed on something remote shaped, which was a small win that was quickly nulled when she saw the pale hand attached to it.
Ari knew Nicole was there, but it was something different to actually see her. It just reminded her of everything that she’s done wrong. She knew Nicole would love to hear that she had that power over Ari, to haunt her even in facial recognition, and somehow that made her feel worse. Ari didn’t like to realize the extent of Nicole’s disinterest, she supposed.
The hand twitched slightly, snapping Ari back to the moment. She gently pulled on the remote to no avail, as Nicole clutched it harder in protest. Ari rolled her eyes a little bit.
Come on, can’t you cut me one break Nicole…
She took another shot at it, this time ripping it away and turning the TV off in one fluid motion.
The absence of the TV’s constant drone seemed to rouse Nicole, who was previously sleeping like a wasted frat boy on the floor. She originally had a blanket, and maybe even a pillow or two, but the blanket was the only remainder, holding on for dear life around her legs. Its valiant efforts were proven futile as Nicole kicked her way into a sitting position, knocking out everything over top of her.
“Uhm…Hi…” Ari muttered, clearing her throat.
”That’s all you have to say?” Nicole flipped open her phone and grumbled at the time, as if it wasn’t already obvious by the lack of light through the slit windows.
“What do you want me to say…?”
“I don’t fucking know, get creative. Surprise me for once.” The snap of her phone closing made Ari jump, which she tried to play off.
“Nicole…can you just be nice to me for once? I get you have your whole…thing…going on, but I’m your girlfriend…Shouldn’t that count for something?”
“You were the one who fell in love with me knowing who I am. If anything, this is your fault.” Nicole said dryly, propping her elbow up on one knee.
“Would you mind being serious for one second?” Ari huffed, tight-lipped.
”Yes, I would mind, it’s like 6 in the morning. Can’t this wait until I’m not sober at least?”
“Nicole stop! Just…Just let me talk, okay? Just…be quiet. Please.”
Nicole’s eyes widened for a second, but they eventually settled into muted curiosity. “Fine, what?”
“Sorry. It bothers me sometimes that you don’t actually care. I know…I should be fine with it, and I am, I really am! I know, that’s what I should expect from you…but I don’t know. I guess…I just kind of wish you didn’t treat your friends better than me. And like…everyone…better than me…”
“Hey, that’s not true. I treat Jeffery way worse.” Nicole interrupted. “And most of the teachers.”
“Yeah…that doesn’t count. You hate Jeffery. Not to sound…entitled…or anything…but I feel like the fact that I’m even in the same league as Jeffery kinda hurts.” Ari sighed. “Anyway, it’s not…the way you treat me…Nicole…it’s that I know you could treat me better. The reason I…uhm…fell in love with you was because you protected me. It showed another side that I thought I’d be able to see if I dated you, but, Nicole, you’ve only gotten meaner.”
Ari struggled to blink away tears, her voice slightly shaking.
“How am I still pushing you away…when I’m trying everything to bring you closer…?”
Nicole searched the dim room with her eyes for a good minute, doing absolutely everything but make eye contact. Eventually, though, she landed back on Ari’s trembling figure, brows furrowed.
“Look. Ari.” Nicole took a deep breath. “You aren’t…pushing me away. That’s not what’s happening. I’m…sorry you expected more from me. I don’t know if you’re looking at the right person for what you want.”
“Nicole, I’ve seen you. You cared about me before, you care about Jecka all the time. Why won’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”
“Because you’re still expecting it to be about you, and I’m telling you, it’s not.”
”Then what is it about?” Ari argued.
“Why does it matter? If it’s not even about you, why do you care so much?”
“Because I care about you! And I want this to work! I want to work with you! But, I can’t do that if you never tell me anything, Nicole!”
There was a pause as they both recollected.
“I’m sorry. Do you want me to shut up? I can leave…I’m sorry…” Ari said softly, “Nicole? Please answer.”
“Ari…shit. No. No. It’s fine. I…I get it, okay? I understand. I guess…I dunno. I assumed going into this that I’d never be an actual girlfriend. I mean, I knew I’d have a girlfriend, obviously, but I think I forgot I have to be one too. That doesn’t make sense. Whatever…You know what I mean.” Nicole continued, “Sometimes I…don’t place that you care about me…and are…a real human being. Wow, I sound like an asshole, okay. I’m messing this up really bad. Point is, I didn’t try in this relationship and I’m sorry. You…don’t deserve that. Not because you’re perfect or whatever, but like…I don’t know. Does anyone deserve that?” Nicole cringed at her own word vomit. “That was a lot. I sound almost as bad as you.”
”Aren’t you…like…supposed to be nicer now?” Ari said, half heartedly slamming a pillow into Nicole.
“Okay look…I’m not changing my whole personality on your whims. Or any of it.” Nicole thought for a moment. “I guess I’ll…think about you more or something though. Maybe I’ll just think in general. I don’t do that a lot.”
“I can tell.” Ari was met with a pillow moving admittedly much faster and harder than anticipated toward her face. She squeaked and ducked.
”You know what, maybe I like you better when I’m less of a bitch to you anyway. You’re really fucking awkward around me sometimes.” Nicole quipped, met with silence. “Thanks for like…actually talking to me instead of just killing yourself and assuming that I’ll figure out what I did.”
“Uhm…yeah…I was kind of debating between those two though.” Ari hugged the pillow sheepishly.
”That figures.”
“Do you want to watch Harry Potter?”
”Fuck no.”