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Taking on Atsushi wasn’t in Dazai’s plans. The very boy taking on Kyouka wasn’t in Dazai’s plans. Finding a new reason to wake up every day wasn’t in Dazai’s plans. So many people refuse to let him die, which is very annoying. But.. maybe that’s what it’s all about. Perhaps this is why Odasaku wanted Dazai to become a good man. Dazai was bound to die brutally in the Port Mafia. You can’t trust anyone there. Dazai doesn’t know how he ended up trusting three people. His mistake.
Although it’s not such a mistake anymore. It hurt more than anything in the moment. Yet, now that he has his people… he can’t imagine just- giving it up. He wishes Odasaku didn’t have to die for him to have this. He wishes Odasaku could’ve had this. Now all he has is a memory of him and his ideals. To think Dazai would’ve let Atsushi suffer the same fate as him if he’d gone off and died like he planned. And for what purpose?
He would never really justify Odasaku’s death. But it had a butterfly effect. To put Atsushi through that pain with no rhyme or reason? It feels wrong now, like an untuned guitar being played on stage. While Dazai isn’t perfect, he tries more or less to ignore the call for death. It’s not as important as what he has now. Giving up isn’t his choice now. It will always be an option, still, he’s proud to say he has picked joy. He’s picked Kunikida’s nagging, Ranpo’s bragging, Kyouka’s queeries, Kenji’s silly supportive texts, and Atsushi’s appreciation.
His phone buzzes, and he can tell right away that he doesn’t want to answer it. It rumbles some more, and he flops over, ignoring the device. Ten minutes later, he hears a gentle knocking, instead of the violent door assault that Kunikida is privy to. Who have they sent to fetch him this time? He was doing fine with his internal revalations; if he has to put them to practice so soon, he will actually grow nauseous.
“Dazai, may I come in?” says Atsushi from outside the door.
“Hmph.”
Atsushi politely lets himself into Dazai’s dorm.. huh, Kunikida must’ve given him a key, and sits down on his legs and gently prods at Dazai’s shoulder.
“C’mon, I need your help.”
“Get Ranpo to do it.”
“He’s out today.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, you’re out of luck then!”
“Dazai,” Atsushi says, lowering his voice and looking around to check that no one is listening in, “I need your help specifically..”
“You have thirty seconds to make it interesting.”
“Ineedhelpwooingaportmafiamember.” Atsushi says in one fell swoop.
“What?”
“I need your help wooing a Port Mafia member..!”
“Wow, I didn’t know it was getting serious with the Port Mafia’s rabid dog,” Dazai begins to mock, “you kids grow up so fast!” he declares.
“Dazai,” Atsushi says through gritted teeth, “be quiet.”
“Ahhh, I see how it is~” he teases.
“Shut upppp, seriously, just help me out..!”
“Fine fine, so the first thing you’re going to do is…”
—
“Kyouka, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Dazai throws on an overexaggerated smile and crosses his legs. It’s not that he dislikes Kyouka, not at all. He simply doesn’t know how to talk to her. She’s not very expressive, so there’s nothing for Dazai to bounce off of.
“I need help with using the stove after work today.”
“I see..”
Kyouka stares at him. He stares back, both waiting for an answer. Dazai’s head is swimming with questions and anxieties about how this conversation could turn out.
“Right,” Dazai stalls, “I’ll help you with the stove two hours after I’m off the clock..” he looks uncertain but finishes anyway, “does that work with you?”
“Yes.”
“Alrighty then..!”
God, that was awkward. Dazai wishes his life had ended four years ago, so he’d never have been responsible for such a conversation. How does Atsushi deal with the embarrassment? Wait.. Dazai might have prepared his colleague well enough on his own for dealing with embarrassment, huh.. Whoopsie? Well, no! Actually, Dazai did him a favor, and now Atsushi is a pro at having conversations with Kyouka. He may have unknowingly made his young coworker surpass him, but to be fair, there was no one to be a Dazai to.. Dazai. So he had no clue how to handle this embarrassment now.
By the time Dazai comes to, Kyouka has already gone back to her workspace. Why had Kyouka even asked him for help? The hopeless detective eats almost exclusively canned crab! He has no real experience with a stovetop. Fuck okay, Kyouka would normally have asked Atsushi but he’s been busy with his budding romance lately, (thanks to Dazai of course) and hasn’t had time to teach Kyouka life skills. But still, Dazai? Why on earth would she come to him for help. Was it.. perhaps because Atsushi.. trusts him? So she does too?
Wait, no—that doesn’t make any sense! Kunikida is always the more viable option! Right, Kunikida. He needs to drag that man away from his work (heh) and force him to teach Dazai how to use a stovetop in time to teach Kyouka everything she needs to know. This is his moment to +..｡*ﾟ+shine+..｡*ﾟ+
He needs to go bug Kunikida RIGHT NOW! Dazai saunters over to Kunikida’s seat and drapes himself over the man.
“Kunikiiiiidaaaa,” the badaged man whines, “I need your help right now, it’s dire! Urgent! My life depends on it!”
”Dazai, leave me alone, some of us have things to do during the work day.”
“Kunikida, you don’t get itttt, I need your help for realzies!”
“What are you bugging me about, Dazai? Spit it out.” Kunikida wears an unimpressed expression.
“Soooooo-”
“Get on with it, Dazai.” Kunikida’s irritation is palpable.
“I maybe need to learn how to use a stovetop, hehe?”
An exhausted self-restraining sigh forces it’s way out of Kunikida, “Dazai, you are banned from cooking for a reason..!”
“I know! But Kyouka asked me to teach her how, and I can’t let go of this opportunity to bond with herrrrrr!”
“You’re still not allowed in a kitchen anywhere at any time!”
“Well, hang on now, you’re a bit too quick to say no—"
“Dazai!”
“No wait, hear me out!”
Kunikida's facial features morph to convey an expectant expression, but he lets Dazai speak.
“You supervise and teach me how—I promise—I won’t leave your sight. I need this to be safe too.”
The idealistic detective raises an eyebrow, but eventually accepts.
“Great! So we can start now—wonderful!”
“Wha-”
And with that, Dazai drags Kunikida to the agency kitchen. Kunikida’s anger ebbs and fades away as he watches Dazai actually pay attention and put effort into learning. Kunikida drills patience and constant vigilance into Dazai as he teaches. These are essential to cooking on a stovetop. Kunikida’s sure Dazai would even be taking notes if that brilliant brain of his wasn’t storing the information like a computer hard drive.
Once Kunikida has taught Dazai all the basics, he remembers he has a job to do. However, Dazai uses the man’s panic to drag him away again, this time to a grocery store.
"Dazai, what are we doing now?” Kunikida groans.
“Shopping!”
“Any other hints?”
“I need to get the stuff so I can teach Kyouka.”
“What stuff?”
"Oh, you know..” Dazai avoids the look Kunikida shoots his way, “stuff! Like pots and pans! And also something to stir with.. and a wisk, and.. other stuff..”
“Are you telling me that on top of your dorm being entirely unfurnished, it is also devoid of cooking utensils?!”
“Ding ding ding!”
‘How have you made it this long?”
“I wonder that very question myself oftentimes.”
“Ugh, shut up, let’s get your stuff, bandage squandering machine.”
“Yay..?” comes Dazai’s weak celebration.
They grab their items, and afterward, Dazai calls Kyouka and asks what her plans are regarding food and recipes. She had no idea what to do, so Dazai and Kunikida handled it. Aka, searching for recipes in the car and driving somewhere else to get the ingredients. Once their shopping trip is over, Kunikida finds himself following Dazai to his dorm and setting up. When Kyouka arrives, she doesn’t even question Kunikida’s presence there. She just nods and makes her way inside the barren-looking dorm.
Kunikida doesn’t know why he stays; he ends up helping Dazai teach Kyouka. She’s an excellent student. When their night of cooking is over, Kunikida and Kyouka are cleaning up.
“So what made you want to learn about cooking, Kyouka?”
“Oh, I already know how to cook.”
Kunikida pauses and turns to her, “Then why did I teach you how to cook on the stovetop today?”
“I wanted to get you and Dazai alone together because you have a lot of unresolved tension and it’s getting ridiculous,” Kyouka remarks, “and Dazai really needed to learn how to cook; Atsushi’s getting really worried about it.”
Kunikida binks and processes before he nods, “So you were killing two birds with one stone?”
Kyouka nods this time. Kunikida lets a pleasant silence wash over them and stays back when Kyouka leaves.
“She was scheming to get us together, I’m pretty sure.” Kunikida chuckles.
“Oof, yikes, a little late for that.”
“Perhaps we should have disclosed our relationship to our coworkers when we started dating.”
“Bah, they don’t need to know; besides, it’s still new! We deserve some privacy, neh?”
Kunikida shakes his head, grinning all the while.
—
Kenji is a sweet boy. A sweet, kind, observant boy. He notices when Dazai isn’t doing too well. When his mental health is dragging him through his days. He also notices that Dazai is making an effort to allow himself to be helped. He’s quiet about it, but Kenji can tell. He sees it in the way Dazai agrees to meet up at a restaurant to celebrate a recent case, even though Kenji can see that Dazai is sluggish and would much rather be in bed, sleeping through every bad thought he’s ever had.
A simple conversation with the president allows Kenji to take Dazai with him to the fields. He says it’s because he needs help with the crops. While they could always use a helping hand, Kenji’s real goal is to get Dazai out of his somber routine. Teaching him about the beauty of life and death through farming is the perfect change of scenery! Kenji even got some farm clothes for the lanky man. It's sort of hard to find clothes for such a body type when you’re a farmer, because everyone is toned from the labor.
Still! He managed! And the clothes are only a little baggy. Just slightly. Dazai is smart, and manual labor is not his strength, but that doesn’t stop Kenji from praising up a storm! Because really, Dazai is trying hard; he can see it. And while manual labor is important, Kenji knows that applying one's strengths can do wonders to break them out of a spiral. So the blonde farmer asks Dazai to consider using that big brain of his to make the process easier. And it works! Dazai found a much more efficient way to do farming while still getting the satisfaction of doing the work. Dazai learned so much! Kenji couldn’t be prouder. When Dazai returns to Yokohama, he’s brighter, and definitely exhausted from the farm work.
When he returns, he takes a couple of days off. One can imagine Dazai’s confusion when he answers his door and sees President Fukuzawa there with some thick paper, brush pens, and some ink. The silver-haired man is let in, and he asks if he might attempt to do some traditional calligraphy with him. Dazai agrees, and is still quite surprised by the suddenness of it all. He spends the next few hours calmly working next to Fukuzawa, who seems much more familiar with the practice than him. Maybe it’s just a small thing, but the calligraphy isn’t so bad, and perhaps he wants to try more of it, just for the sake of it. So he asks Fukuzawa for some tips. The president offers him a gentle smile, so he guesses he’s doing okay.