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A month had passed since the incident at the festival. Though, for Mizuki, it only felt like it had just happened yesterday.
Initially, they hid away from the outside world out of fear. In their mind, nowhere was safe any more – not school, not the mall, not their street- hell, in there mind, there was no place on earth where they could be safe, save for the comfort of their own home. After all, what if they were confronted about it- or worse, what if they were attacked? The idea of being confronted was enough to scare them away from even touching their phone, in case an intrusive message popped up on the screen, demanding for answers.
Thankfully, the worst of it was, for the most part, over. The conversation surrounding Mizuki's secret had largely dissipated, but even then, a lot of people still weren't all that friendly about it. Those who disapproved of it did little to hide their disgust. Wherever they went, it felt like they were being stared at. Sometimes they caught people turning and laughing to their friends, not bothering to hide the fact that it was very much aimed at them. They felt like a caged animal in a zoo; a freakish display for others to stop and gawk at.
Just how far had it spread- jesus, how did it spread in the first place? Mizuki was certain that everyone who knew them within Kamiyama High knew about their secret – or, more specifically, the fact that they were transgender – at least to some degree. So, why had everyone around them (well, save for their friends in Nightcord, obviously) seemingly started to treat them worse than they ever had before?
Defeated, Mizuki flopped back onto their bed, their mind still swimming with countless thoughts as they held onto a pillow for comfort.
They'd been going to school a lot more than they previously were. Mizuki figured it would be common courtesy to make up for the two weeks of school they lost in the wake of the shitshow that ultimately lead to them getting outed. Of course, this meant that they'd be going to school tomorrow, no matter how much they dreaded it.
They let out a quiet sigh as they turned over onto their side. Mizuki had messaged Ena earlier in the day, asking if they could meet after school – Ena's day didn't actually start until much later, but she had to go to the school earlier to sort something out nevertheless. It reminded Mizuki of when they first talked to Ena before the festival, telling her to meet on the roof. Of course, that didn't work out in the way they wanted to.
They still remembered Ena's face that day; how the look in her eye told them everything that they needed know, as well the horrific feeling of dread that came with it. No illness or ailment of any kind could ever dream to make them feel as nauseous as they did in that moment.
It was clear now. They practically had to tell Ena again, regardless of if she already knew or not. Mizuki was certain that it was the only way that they could find even the slightest bit of closure, especially since they had been dodging the topic for the past month.
They dwelled on that fact for a moment. Perhaps that wasn't the best idea, after all. If anything, it most likely did little to help with their already existing anxiety, and only added to the grief they felt over not being able come out to Ena – or anyone in Nightcord, by extension – in the way that they wanted.
The next day rolled around much too quickly for them. Before they knew it, they were in class, anxiously anticipating what was to come.
How could they possibly concentrate, knowing what awaited them in the afternoon? The teacher's words quickly became a consistent drone, passing through one ear and leaving through the other. Mizuki's thoughts were entirely consumed by the speech they had rehearsed countless times in the mirror, both the previous night and the night before the festival, and their mind struggled to grasp at anything else.
Even still, Mizuki couldn't help but feel a little confused by their own fear. Why were they scared? They knew Ena would accept them. Technically speaking, she had already accepted them; if she hadn't, would they really be sat here right now, worrying as they were?
They inhaled deeply, staring at the maths worksheet on their desk, idly scribbling out random doodles as they struggled to grasp the concepts presented before their eyes. The diagrams and expressions printed on the paper were nothing but random, incoherent scribblings of gibberish to Mizuki. Hell, they didn't even know what they were meant to do. Maths was never really their strong suit to begin with. For the life of them, they could never make sense of it.
Lunch wasn't much better. Mizuki was unusually silent as they sat with Rui on the roof, avoiding the canteen as usual. They picked at their food as an oddly oppressive atmosphere hung in the air, ignoring the fact that their appetite was dead thanks to the constant nausea they had felt since the previous night.
They could tell Rui knew something was wrong. He kept exchanging glances with them every few minutes, as if he were expecting them to have said something or, at the very least, made even the slightest noise by now – though, each time, Mizuki glanced in his general direction for half a second, averting his gaze as they did so, before turning back, continuing to pick at their food at a snail's pace.
In the end, Rui was the one to finally break the silence, cutting through Mizuki's rapidly spiralling thoughts.
"Mizuki, are you alright?" Mizuki instantly jolted upright. "It's nearly the end of lunch, and you haven't said a single word. What's bothering you?"
"I..." They opened their mouth to protest, but couldn't think of anything worth saying, grumbling as they accepted defeat. "So... I may be planning something involving my secret... if I can even call it that anymore."
"Oh?" Rui was suddenly intrigued, if not a little concerned.
"Look, it's gonna sound stupid, but... I'm telling Ena. Again." Mizuki's voice wavered a little as they spoke. "A-and I know she already knows by now, and I know she accepts me completely- but- I feel like it'll help me make peace with what happened.. that makes sense, right?"
Rui nodded. "I can understand that. You didn't get the chance to tell her the first time, did you?"
"No... and I haven't done anything but dodge the topic ever since then... No matter what, I just can't bring myself to talk about it..."
Mizuki looked down, tears pricking at their eyes.
"That's why... That's why I want to do this. I want to tell her again. 'Cause I'm tired of hiding."
"I see..." Rui nodded solemly, carefully processing Mizuki's words before speaking again. "I'm glad you found the confidence again."
Mizuki smiled a little. "Thanks... I don't really know why I'm so nervous... I know it'll be fine..."
"Maybe you don't have anything specific to worry about anymore," Rui began, "But, no matter how you look at it, coming out is stressful enough on its own. It's fairly normal to feel nervous when it comes to these kinds of things..."
Mizuki subconsciously shifted in their seat a little.
"Like I said before... I may not be able to get rid of your fears..." Rui's voice was gentle as he spoke. "But, like always... I'll wish for your heart to be protected."
As Rui uttered those words, Mizuki immediately thought back to when the two of them spoke, just before the festival. Back then, their fears were... different, to say the least. They remembered that, above all, they were most afraid of being treated differently. The thought of everything changing; of people they once knew and loved suddenly acting as if they were walking on eggshells around her... it hurt her in ways even they couldn't imagine.
Of course, in the end, Rui's words only turned out to be darkly ironic. He had wished for their heart to be protected, hadn't he? So... why did it end in the way in the did? Why did they freeze the moment they opened the door, in silent realisation that they had lost the chance to come out to Ena, potentially for good? Had his wish somehow failed to come true?
Though, in spite of that, Mizuki noted that this time felt oddly different. No longer were they petrified of the "what-if's" that may have loomed over them. Their fears of everyone treating them differently ultimately never came to be (At least, not among their friends. The rest of the school was a different story.).
To add, Rui's wish felt more... well, Mizuki was just certain that it would come true this time.
Mizuki had completely lost track of time after lunch. They had no more lessons that day, so they opted to sit in an empty classroom on their own, and zoned out remarkably quickly. When they came to their senses again, it was already sunset.
Hurriedly, they made their way to the roof, noting the notification they got from Ena as the sun's fading rays illuminated the school's hallways with a golden tint. They headed up the stairs, before opening the door to the roof a little too violently, and, for a moment, it felt all too familiar to them – though, that feeling of déjà vu dissipated quickly.
There, sat by the fencing on the roof, was Ena. She looked up, pocketing her phone as she waved at them, Mizuki returning the gesture as they sat down next to her.
"Hey-" Ena started, before stopping herself. "Geez, how long have you been waiting? You actually weren't late this time."
Mizuki thought for a moment, before shrugging. "Hmm... like.. three hours?"
Ena chuckled, slightly amused. "Okay then... anyways, what did you want to talk to me about?"
Mizuki steeled themself, breathing deeply. They opened their mouth to speak...
...
...and froze.
Of course. Classic Mizuki. They knew that they would end up doing something like this right before they actually said what they wanted to. So far, at every point in their life where they had come out to someone, be it their friends, family, or other relatives, they always locked up out of fear. And they absolutely loathed it.
They cursed at themself internally. They were so close. So, so close.
Breathe. It'll be okay. Just breathe.
"Are you okay?" Ena asked, concern evident in her voice. "You're trembling..."
Bewildered, Mizuki looked at their hands. Since when did they start shaking?
"Um... y-yeah, it's just..." They struggled to get the words out, feeling the ever familiar sensation of tears welling up in their eyes. "I wanted to, um... tell you something. A-and.. it's you may already know about it."
Ena nodded slowly, her demeanour changing entirely as she began to connect the dots in her head. "Take your time, okay? I'll wait for as long as you need."
Slowly, but surely, Mizuki was able to calm down – though, not entirely. Their mind still swirled with a thousand different anxieties, none of which were decipherable at all, and they were still trembling, but only slightly. They wiped the sweat from their brow, hugging themself as they spoke.
"Ena..." Their voice cracked a little. "I.. I'll admit. I've been dodging this topic for way too long, and, well... like I said, I feel like you already know this- but... I never really g-got the chance to tell you properly.."
Ena listened carefully, shifting closer to Mizuki as she held their hand, tracing circles around their palm.
With a deep sigh, they continued, their voice cracking as they spoke.
"I..." Fresh tears began to cascade down Mizuki's cheeks. "I'm... I-I've never said this out loud before, but... I'm..."
For a moment, they locked up again, trembling even more. In the end, they had to force the words out of their mouth.
"I'm... transgender."
At that moment, Mizuki lost their composure, breaking down into sobs as the internal script they had been following immediately faded from their memory. They tried to breathe, to do something to regulate their emotions, but it was no use.
"Mizuki..." Ena's voice was gentle. She quickly moved to comfort them, wrapping an arm around their waist as she let them weep into her shoulder.
Her heart shattered when she saw just how exhausted they looked. Mizuki was entirely right. Ena did, in fact, know that Mizuki was transgender, though, it was phrased incredibly poorly by the people who told her. Even then, she couldn't help but wonder; just how long had they been wanting to do this? How long had they wanted to come out again; to take control of the situation, and take back what was taken away from them? How many nights had they spent, unable to think of anything else but that, and therefore unable to get a single hour of sleep?
Ena figured that none of that mattered right now. Above all, she wanted to comfort Mizuki; to make sure that they knew that they no longer needed to worry. And she was willing to do that in any way possible.
"I-I'm sorry-" Mizuki choked out, "I.. I wasn't brave enough to tell you at the time... I-I didn't want things to change-"
"Mizuki," Ena's voice was gentle, yet firm. "Nothing like that could ever change anything between you and me, got it? No matter who you are, transgender or not, you're still the Mizuki I've always known!"
They looked up at Ena, their tearstained face painted with astonishment. This was new. Never in their life had Mizuki heard someone openly say that to them before. Most of the time, the people who accepted them did so quietly.
Furthermore, Mizuki had never heard someone be so openly passionate in doing so before.
"You..." Mizuki inquired, dumbfounded. "You're fine with it?"
"Yeah, of course! Why wouldn't I be?" Ena responded, confused by their question. Why wouldn't she accept them? "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't show you that respect?!"
At once, Mizuki felt tears welling up in their eyes once more, completely breaking down as they threw their arms around Ena.
"Ena...!" they sobbed, "Y-you're so... so kind! I... I-I love you...!"
She graciously returned the gesture, hugging Mizuki tightly as they cried, their body trembling with every sob.
"I love you too, Mizuki... I'm glad I'm your friend."
Mizuki noticed that Ena hugged them a little tighter after she said that.