Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The cold tile of the Bright Moon halls pressed against Catra’s bare feet with every step she took, sending chills from her heels up to her neck. In her shaky hands, she held a glass cup full of water she had retrieved from the kitchen—alone, in the dark. She didn’t want to turn on the lights, afraid Glimmer might poof out of nowhere and question her whereabouts at the unreasonable hour.

As much as she was working on not doing so, Catra still hated talking about her feelings. Over two decades spent as a Horde soldier taught her that bottling things up was free therapy, and now she had to rewire her brain into disregarding everything she had been told.

Suddenly, she came to a halt, the water sloshing violently over the brim of the cup. Catra didn’t seem to notice. Her eyes remained glued to a portrait that hung on the wall—a portrait of the four of them; Bow and Glimmer posing next to Adora with arms around her, wide smiles gleaming across their faces. Adora stood center left, an open smile spread on her lips, accentuating her cheekbones. Next to her, a smiling Catra stood, looking up at the girl she liked to call hers. A fond memory, that photo was for Catra. Taken the day they arrived back on Etheria, back home after their intergalactic travels. It had been a month since their return, a month since Bright Moon became Catra’s new stomping grounds. Or rather, tiptoeing grounds, as she often found herself quietly sneaking around on nights much like this, scavenging for water or even just taking a walk to let the thoughts spill out of her head.

She looked down at the cup in her hands, the condensation on the glass dripping down the fingers that clutched it. She lifted it to her mouth and took a big, long sip. The feeling of the cold water running down her throat and into her stomach soothed her in the way it usually did. Back to bed now, she decided.

But walking a few inches forward brought her to face a big room filled with moonlight that stretched across the tall walls. At the end of the room, a glimmer caught Catra’s gaze—the shattered Sword of Protection. She hadn’t seen it since who knows when—but Catra knew when; when Adora had used it against her, which now seemed like an eternity ago. The memory was still fresh in Catra’s mind. The blood had trickled down She-Ra’s back in eight even marks where Catra had dug her claws so far deep into her skin. The many nicks Adora easily left on Catra’s limbs with the sword’s edge, despite her stealthy and quick maneuvering. War. It had torn them apart. Without realizing it, Catra cried at these memories that she had thought long since left her.

“Catra?”

Her hands released the glass cup she had been gripping tightly, her claws extracting as the cup fell. Fell, fell, fell, and shattered onto the moon-washed floor, glass flying in all different directions. Catra stumbled backward, letting the person who had called her name catch her before she fell too.

“It’s okay, don’t cry,” a soft voice spoke in a rushed whisper. Catra gazed at the colorful shards scattered across the tiles in front of her feet, then up at the girl who held her in her arms. She cried again when the pair of bluebell eyes stared back down at her. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

It’s okay was a saying Catra had heard a lot over the past few months. Mostly from Adora.

The blue-eyed girl looked up to find her shattered weapon displayed in the glass case at the end of the room. Her expression faded. She had known it was there, but she often would purposefully forget about it to avoid the memories that came with it—the memories of herself being used as the weapon. She knew Catra had rough memories of the sword too, but seeing her as startled as she was now got her thinking how much bigger of an impact it had on her than she thought. The fresh tear stains on her cheeks proved the theory even more, and Adora brushed them away softly. “Back to bed with us,” she finally remarked as Catra barely nodded, allowing Adora to scoop her up in her arms and carry her back to their room.

The—now shattered—glass mimicked Catra’s heart when Adora had left for the Rebellion those four years ago. But when a warm hand began stroking her ear gently, lulling her into a deep slumber, she forgave Adora, forgave herself; her shattered heart became mended once again. A kiss on the forehead and a subtle, “Goodnight,” reminded Catra that she was loved and was full of love to give.

Chapter Text

It was an unsuccessful meeting that day. Queen Glimmer, with her infuriating attitude, had stormed out of the war room when the four of them couldn’t agree on a very simple topic: what course would they take to get to each planet in their intergalactic journey to restore magic to the entire universe? Very simple, really. They just had trouble with coordination.

Bow, in his usual demeanor, chuckled nervously and scampered after his girlfriend in an attempt to get everything back under control. The only two left in the room, besides Entrapta tinkering with Emily in the back corner, were Adora and Catra. The power couple, quite literally. The whole “kiss that saved the universe” thing was kind of Adora’s favorite thing to brag about when she introduced people to her girlfriend. For a first kiss, it was pretty amazing. Catra, however, was still extremely shy about it and hid her face in Adora’s shoulder each time it was brought up.

Adora shifted her head in her arms that rested on the table. “Hey, Catra.” She placed a tired smirk on her face as she caught the girl’s heterochromia eyes looking back at her. She sighed and hid her face back in her arms, her hot breath blowing against the table and back onto her cheeks.

Catra smiled, patting Adora’s ponytail poof. “I guess that’s the end of that meeting, huh?”

Adora nodded, groaning and sitting up to face Catra. “We’ll get there eventually… I hope. I mean, the date is set to leave for the Star Siblings’ planet a month from now, so she knows we’ve got to get cracking on this schedule.” She kinked her head towards the main door that Glimmer had run out of minutes before this conversation.

“Battle—I mean, strategy plans are important, I should know,” Catra said, catching herself as she realized that for once they weren’t planning for war. “But I seriously want to get in my space suit, like, right now and go… bounce around on a moon or something.”

Adora laughed heartily. “Like I said, soon! Oh my gosh, I miss the lil’ cat ears on your helmet.”

Adora gushed as she reached up and poked at Catra’s ears. Catra swatted her hands away, embarrassed as she thought about the first time she wore her space helmet. Bow, for one, had despised her for years until she put it on, and when she did it had been like none of it had mattered. Part of her had been grateful for that aspect, but the other hated being called “cute” by her former enemies, especially when she had been the thing they feared most for the longest time. “Ugh, I’ll only wear that thing for you. Not for Arrow Boy or Sparkles.”

“Even better,” Adora smiled. “Also, wearing it is probably important so your head doesn't, like, explode in space.” She got up off her chair and sat up on the table so she towered over Catra, who was used to this by now, as it was a regular routine of Adora’s to attempt to flirt with her after each meeting when they were alone. But this time, her smug smile quickly wiped from her face as a thought appeared to come across her mind.

“Something the matter?” Catra asked, her brow furrowing. She studied Adora. Same old Adora, the girl who hadn’t changed since they were, what, seventeen? She still wore that stupid red jacket that had tears in the back, something Catra didn’t like to think about. Thankfully, she had swapped her ripped leggings for new ones once they had gotten back to Brightmoon a good few months ago. But regardless, she hadn’t changed. Catra’s eyes glanced up to Adora’s hair, which was up in the tightest ponytail anyone would ever see. What a dummy—at least Catra thought. But that was her way of calling Adora cute; amazing, even.

“Headache,” Adora responded. She took out that silly ponytail, snapping the tie around her wrist and falling back onto the table to rest. “All this planning… It's reminding me of all the battle strategics we had to go over with the Rebellion. I was the leader most of the time, as She-Ra, until Glimmer became Queen.”

Catra climbed onto the table and laid herself down next to Adora. An absence of voices filled the room, just beeping and giggling from the tech genius who still occupied the corner. Eventually, Catra sighed. “Y’know something?”

Adora turned on her side to face Catra. “What?”

Catra stayed put, her nose pointed at the ceiling as she continued. “We’ve all changed a lot. And don’t start to get me wrong, Adora, you’ve definitely changed as much as I have, in a different way, that is. But over the years I’ve noticed that you’re not that kind of person—the kind of person who changes physically with time. You kind of just… focus on what’s most important to you and not worry about how your appearance might affect your performance.”

Adora had never really thought of this concept that hard. “Huh.”

Catra turned to her and shrugged.

“I’ve had this jacket for so many years that I’ve lost count,” Adora stated quietly. “I’ll admit, it’s so gross.” She laughed.

Catra laughed too. “I’ll say. That thing has been through it.”

Adora sighed in a laugh-like manner. “It just… it’s always put me in the focused mindset—wearing this jacket and keeping my hair this way.”

Catra understood. In a way, she had been the same as Hordak’s second-in-command during the war. Keeping her hair long and pushed back, her outfit skin tight, allowing her to be stealthy and quick at any needed moment. But now—and Adora seemed to understand this concept—the two of them didn’t need to be on high alert. They could take breaks in between meetings and actually enjoy their lives for once. They could shower, for goodness sake. Catra, whose hair was now shoulder length and appeared to be growing back fast, had been adorned with a maroon jacket, much like Adora’s but without the signature shoulder pads and blazing red color. Bow and Glimmer had taken to more laid-back fashion choices, only bearing their usual formal wear when visiting other kingdoms in need of repair. Adora hadn’t changed. But now, for the first time, her physical state was affecting her mental one. Without the lingering essence of Horde Prime grasping at the seams of Etheria, Adora could finally take a breather. But even for the past few months, she still hadn’t been able to properly take a day for herself, take a day off of work and preparation.

“After this meeting today, I understand. I think I’m ready to let go of that little part of me,” Adora continued after thinking it over for a while.

“That ‘little part’ of you?” Catra questioned her. She understood what she meant, but not by much.

“The part that holds onto the past—the girl who was always needed by everyone, always needed to be alert.” She paused, speaking in a quieter tone, “The girl who couldn’t quite let go of her best friend.”

Catra turned to face Adora who looked tired, her right cheek squished against the table. But her eyes held onto Catra’s like they were the last place she ever wanted to be.

Catra smiled, knowing just as well that she had never let go of Adora during their years apart, as much as she had tried. She was glad she had never fully cut the tie.

“But now,” Adora said, sitting up and helping Catra off the table. “I have you here with me, and this jacket is a reminder of the times we fought.”

“And the times I hurt you,” Catra added sadly, thinking of the snags in the back of the fabric.

“Hey, we both hurt each other, and that’s over, okay?” Adora hopped off the table, taking Catra’s hands to reassure her. She leaned in, placing a gentle kiss upon the girl’s lips, getting a smile against her’s in return. “Now, c’mon! Glimmer gave me a gift yesterday. That’s what’s got me thinking about all this.”

“Ah! I knew there was a reason for the sudden mindset swing,” Catra gasped, following Adora out the large doors of the war room—or, rather, the meeting room, as its original name was a bit of a misnomer nowadays.

***

It was still late morning by the time the two girls had left their—abruptly ended—meeting and arrived in their shared bedroom. The blackout curtains were still covering each window about halfway, as they hadn’t had time to open them after waking up for the early call from Glimmer. Adora liked to be completely surrounded in darkness when she slept, but Catra liked the light source that the moons provided at dawn and dusk, so an agreement was made to keep the curtains only halfway closed. Noticing their state, Adora walked around to each one, pulling them back and fastening them each with a ribbon as light pooled into the room.

“So!” Catra exclaimed as she sat down on the not-so plushy bed. It was much softer than the cot they had shared as Horde cadets, but similar in a way. It was wider so they could both fit, but still the same length as their bunks had been, in case Catra wanted to sleep at Adora’s feet like she was used to. The two often slept in relaxed cuddles, but that was irrelevant to the objective. “What did Sparkles give you?”

Adora nodded with a smile and walked over to the closet, opening the doors and pulling out a short, big gift box that looked like it had already been opened. She brought it over to the bed where she sat it down next to Catra, lifting the lid to reveal a darker red jacket lying on a pillow of pink tissue paper.

“A new jacket, huh,” Catra cocked her head as Adora pulled it out of the box and held it up for her girlfriend to see. “I can see why that thing got your mind racing.”

“Right,” Adora said quietly. She scooted the box over to the side and sat down next to Catra, lying the jacket across her lap. “Glimmer is so smart,” she chuckled lightly, reaching up and rubbing her left thumb against her own collar. “This jacket holds so many memories, good and bad.”

Catra shifted into a cross-legged position atop the bed, facing Adora as she stared down at the new garment and talked.

“I think we’re both learning that we can be these versions of ourselves even with our difficult pasts, if that makes sense.” Adora looked up at Catra and smiled that smile that she had always reserved for Catra alone. “I don’t want to get rid of this jacket because it holds so much pain—I want to grow away from it instead, while still holding onto my mistakes and learning from them. And I have been these past couple years, of course. Realizing the Horde wasn’t my destiny, realizing being She-Ra wasn’t my destiny, realizing that maybe not having a destiny is okay… through all of that, this jacket stuck with me.”

Through all of that, you stuck with me, Adora wanted to say as she gazed into the eyes of the girl sitting across from her. The girl who’d, in the end, saved her. And even though Catra had fought against her for the longest time, all of that was made up for when the words I love you had come out of her mouth and had rang through Adora’s ears for the very first time.

“Anyways,” Adora sighed, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m not explaining myself well.”

Catra wrapped her arms around her, whispering in her ear, “I love you, dumbass. Now ditch the shoulder pads already.”

To this, all Adora could do was laugh. But not forced—free.

***

It was a nice texture, the new jacket. Stiffer material than her old one, but still just as comfortable and breathable. It had gold buttons going from the neck all the way down to the waist, and loopholes for a belt to slide into. The collar was red on the outside and off-white on the inside facing, and instead of sticking straight up, it folded down around Adora’s neck. It was also much longer than her signature jacket, reaching just above her knees like a cape that fastened at her waist. The sleeves cut off right at the end of her shoulders, cuffed up into shorter ones lacking the slits Adora was so used to. A new white long-sleeve shirt had also been tailored for her, this one being a square-cut neckline revealing her collarbones instead of her usual high-neck collar. It still had the points at the cuffs and the red stripes on the shoulders, however.

Catra whistled as she came into the main room and saw Adora. “Princess.”

Adora smiled awkwardly at Catra’s reflection in the mirror. Her eyes glanced down to her jacket as she smoothed it down against herself, not used to wearing something so new and nicely fabricated. Then she turned back around to Catra. “Yeah.”

“You like it? I like it. You better like it, ‘cause this is staying,” Catra said all too quickly while reaching up and tugging on the sleeves of Adora’s jacket.

Adora chuckled. “Yes! It’s great. I should go and thank Glimmer again.”

Catra pushed back against Adora as she started to walk forward towards the door to the hallway. “Halt!” she stated playfully as Adora crossed her arms and smirked. “Battle slash meeting slash I-sleep-with-this-in-every-night-because-I’m-a-psyco ponytail has to come out.”

Adora sighed. Fine. She could live without it. Maybe not the hair poof, but definitely the ponytail. Though she still had responsibilities, she didn't need to be in the hyper-focused mindset she had adapted her whole life up until recently. She pulled out the elastic, realizing this wouldn’t be so bad since her hair fell around her shoulders instead of scrunched against her neck inside her collar like it used to with her old jacket.

“C’mon,” Catra said as she pulled Adora over to the vanity and sat her down in the chair in front of the mirror. “We can find something new and not as brain-straining!”

Adora rolled her eyes at the statement, but still agreed. She didn’t want to keep her elastic on her wrist forever, so a half ponytail was decided. “I know you love to hate on the poof but please don’t take it out,” she hissed at Catra as she started to brush her bangs forward and away from the clutch of hair she had gathered for her ponytail.

“Hey, I never hated that abomination!” The adjective counter-acted Catra’s claim, making Adora scoff playfully. “Just let me try this one thing… there,” Catra smiled, securing bobby pins and snapping the elastic in place.

As Catra stepped back, Adora saw her reflection and immediately was in awe. The ponytail wasn’t nearly as tight as she was used to, and the bottom layers of her hair sat on her shoulders and over her ears. Tending to her wishes, Catra had kept the poof, but allowed some strands to poke free. It looked… relaxed. Something Adora hadn’t felt like in a long time. “Wow.”

“See? Change can be good. Take it from the most experienced,” Catra grinned, placing a dramatic hand on her chest.

Adora smiled at herself in the mirror, another thing she hadn’t done in a long while. “It’s a weird feeling. I guess I feel… pretty?”

Catra’s eyes widened and something almost like pity washed over her. Had Adora never really seen herself as something more than just… a warrior?

“You look,” Catra started but then paused. Adora looked up at her. “so, so pretty.”

Adora’s lips formed into that wide, upside-down smile. That one that made Catra just fall head over heels in love with her all over again each time. Adora stood up and wrapped Catra in a hug; a hug that said, “Thank you.”