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Buck loved Halloween.
It was his favorite holiday.
It was one of the few holidays that wasn’t family oriented, and it didn’t make him feel untethered when he inevitably spent it alone.
Easter? Sure, the candy was nice, but the one and only time Buck had shown up to an Easter egg hunt as an adult, the cops had been called. He was just lucky it was Athena who responded.
And, while Maddie got to do Easter egg hunts when they were kids, Buck did not. Meaning that the entire holiday felt a little bitter to him, and he never could bring himself to ask to join one of the 118’s family celebrations for it, even before everything.
The 4th of July? It wasn’t so much a family-oriented holiday, and Buck used to love the fireworks. But, this year, they’d only made him think of the truck bombing, and he’d spent the entire night whimpering into Eddie’s shoulder while Hen rubbed his back and Christopher curled up in his lap. That would not be an option next year.
Thanksgiving? Buck loved food. And any holiday that devoted that much time to eating food would have been great in his books, if he didn’t spend the entire day sitting on his couch wishing Bobby had let him work it instead of giving him the day off. This year, Bobby probably would make him work it, given the strained state of their current relationship (or lack thereof).
Christmas? The day did nothing for Buck besides bringing up bad memories of all the Christmases he’d watched Maddie run downstairs to presents under the tree, and knew there would be none for him.
Maddie tried making it up to him by secretly sharing her presents with him later, and the Christmas after she got her first job, she’d bought him the first Christmas present he’d ever had that was just for him. But she’d left with Doug before the next one.
Buck had never really had good experiences with the day, not even as an adult, though he did try to be extra cheerful on the days leading up to it, because Maddie loved the holiday so much.
This year, he wouldn’t have to. She’d stopped talking to him the same day Chimney had.
But Halloween? Buck couldn’t help but love it.
His parents never took him trick-or-treating, but Maddie did. She’d always dress him up in the silliest homemade costumes, and walk him around Hershey to collect candy, and she’d even let him pick his favorites from her bag at the end of the night.
When he got a little older, he realized it was just because she’d felt bad about how little else he got to do, and she didn’t actually want to go trick-or-treating, but she’d still done it for him.
Buck never went trick-or-treating again after Maddie left with Doug, but the memories of Halloweens before that kept the holiday in his good graces.
Even now, he’d still dress up on Halloween, even though he never let himself give into the urge to go trick-or-treating.
He was going to go this year, but then the lawsuit happened. Eddie had never officially rescinded the invitation, but he didn’t have to. Buck knew it was gone.
Truthfully, he didn’t feel like doing much at the moment.
The entire 118 had been ignoring him for almost a month now, and he couldn’t bring himself to actually do anything that could possibly make him happy.
And that meant, for the first time since Buck was 3 years old, he left the house on Halloween without a costume on.
Even during his SEAL training, he’d used his field kit to paint something on his face. It got him reprimanded, but he’d been so flawless in every other aspect of his training that the reprimand had only been verbal.
This year, he didn’t even so much as glance in the direction of the Sterilite tower that held his costume supplies.
He worked Halloween this year, just as he had last, but it was going to be different, he knew.
No one was going to talk to him, or laugh at the women’s masquerade mask he’d worn in, or throw candy at him when his back was turned or any time he did something other than smile.
Bobby wasn’t going to sigh in fond exasperation every time Buck knocked on his office door and said ‘trick-or-treat’.
Hen wasn’t going to sit on the couch and share a bag of candy corn with him between calls.
Chimney wasn’t going to stand with him at the table in the truck bay and entertain the kids that passed through by dropping little plastic eyeballs in Buck’s coffee cup when he wasn’t paying attention.
And the fact that wouldn’t be happening was going to slowly but surely rip Buck’s heart to shreds over the course of the day.
Buck hefted his duffle bag onto his shoulder and locked his apartment door behind him with a soft click.
His shift would only be 8 hours today. B shift would be coming in to relieve them at 5:00, just an hour before trick-or-treating would officially start.
And then, while everyone Buck used to consider family would go home to their real families, most of them going trick-or-treating with kids that Buck would never see again, Buck would be back here. Wallowing in self-pity and probably drinking himself into a coma.
Buck had just opened the driver side door of his Jeep, when a sudden force met his side.
Buck immediately fell into defense mode, but he was at an odd angle, trapped between the door, the car, and his assailant.
There wasn’t much room for him to move a bunch.
Consequently, his attacker was able to rain blow after blow on Buck without the amount of resistance Buck would have been able to give in a larger space.
Buck still put up a fight, of course. He was Evan Buckley. He never went down without a fight.
But then, the guy in front of him seemed to get tired of fighting, and Buck felt a cold jab in his stomach that effectively stilled his movements enough for his assailant to put a hand on the side of Buck’s unprotected head, and slam it into the top of the car door.
Buck slumped to the ground in an instant, barely conscious as he watched the man in a Cheshire Cat mask climb into his Jeep and drive it away.
Buck didn’t know how long he laid there on the pavement, before he managed to force himself to sit up with a groan.
He briefly placed a hand on the knife handle that was still sticking out of his stomach, but pulled it away after a moment.
He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he knew he couldn’t pull the knife out.
Why was there a knife?
A memory tried valiantly to stir in Buck’s dazed mind, but he couldn’t really see it.
A knife.
There was a knife in his belly.
How did it get there?
Buck groaned again, and placed a hand up to the side of his head, only to pull it away with a hiss.
Red.
His hand was red.
Why?
Blood, that’s why.
But why was there blood on his hand?
Buck blinked down at his hand with a frown.
His hand wasn’t red before he touched his head… right?
So that meant the blood was coming from his head.
A head wound.
Those were bad. You were supposed to get help for those. You were supposed to call someone for those.
But what was that number, again?
Buck dazedly looked around for his phone, but he didn’t see it anywhere. So, it didn’t matter what that number was, because he couldn’t call it anyway.
With another groan of pain, Buck managed to stagger to his feet.
If he couldn’t call someone to him, he had to go to them.
A hospital.
…but where was the nearest hospital?
Where was he even at?
So, no hospital then.
Buck started stumbling away, leaving his duffle bag laying next to a puddle of blood in the parking lot.
Hurt or not, he had to get to work. He was already nearly late.
He bumped shoulders with several people on the sidewalk as he stumbled along.
“Great costume, man!” A guy dressed like Naruto said with an impressed smile.
“You must’ve put a lot of effort into that, young man.” An old lady told him kindly, when he almost walked right over her.
“Wow, I almost thought that was real for a second!” A woman said with a laugh while he staggered past her.
Buck didn’t know quite what to make of the comments, but he didn’t have time to think about it.
If he was late to work, Bobby wouldn’t be happy with him, and he couldn’t afford to make Bobby any more unhappy with him than he already was.
Buck’s head started to loll a bit just when he got within sight of the firehouse.
Why was it suddenly so hard to hold it up?
Why was there a trail of red behind him?
What was that sticky stuff on his shirt around the knife?
Why was there a knife in his belly?
Buck’s mind just spun around and around in dazed circles as he got closer to the firehouse.
He was close enough now that he could see Eddie getting out of a truck.
Why did seeing Eddie hurt?
Buck stumbled a bit, nearly falling to the sidewalk, but managed to stay upright somehow.
He tried calling out a greeting to Eddie, but all that resulted in was an odd gurgle and something wet running out the side of his mouth.
Was he drooling?
Sure, he’d drooled over Eddie before, but never with the man standing 20 feet from him.
Eddie was looking at him oddly, eyebrows raised and mouth twisted into something that made Buck’s chest ache from more than just his injuries.
Injuries?
Was he hurt?
Buck mentally shrugged, and continued tripping towards his friend.
“Very nice, Buck.” Eddie said coldly. “Really great idea to wear a costume that’s going to traumatize everyone.”
Buck’s head lolled again, and his brows pinched in confusion.
Costume?
Was he wearing a costume?
Is that why there was a knife in his belly?
Oh. Well, if it was just part of a costume, Buck could just pull it out. It was really painful.
Buck’s hand clumsily reached for the knife handle, but missed, and he wasn’t able to grip it until his third attempt.
Eddie’s eyes were a lot less cold now, with Buck only 10 feet away and shuffling closer.
“Buck?” He asked.
Buck let out a pained grunt as he started pulling the knife out.
Eddie’s eyes widened so far that Buck could see white on all sides of the irises, and the other man lunged forward, keeping Buck from pulling the knife any further.
“Jesus.” Eddie gasped fearfully, eyes darting over Buck’s body.
It was then that Buck’s legs gave out, and Eddie’s strong arms wrapped around his middle before he could hit the ground.
“Help!” Eddie called. “I need help out here!”
Buck weakly tried pushing Eddie away, whimpering in pain when the other man’s body pressed against his injuries.
“Shhh…” Eddie’s voice soothed. “It’s alright, Buck, I’ve got you.”
Yeah, that was kinda the problem.
“What the hell happened?” Bobby demanded as he ran out of the firehouse and up to the pair.
“I don’t know.” Eddie answered. “He just showed up like this.”
Buck whined, and lolled his head down onto Eddie’s shoulder, causing the other man to hold him tighter.
“He’s been stabbed though.” Eddie added. “I barely stopped him from pulling the knife out.”
“Hen, get the ambulance ready!” Bobby barked over his shoulder.
“There’s a trail, Cap!” Chimney called from behind Eddie, looking in the direction Buck had just come from.
When did Chim get there?
Bobby followed Chimney’s gaze, and cursed. “That blood trail’s got to go for a couple blocks, at least.”
“He’s still on the blood thinners, right?” Chim asked.
Buck’s eye lids started feeling heavy, but Eddie must’ve been watching him, not Chim and Bobby, because the second he started closing them, there was a hand tapping gently on his cheek.
“Buck, keep those eyes open for me, okay?” Eddie begged.
Buck whined in the back of his throat.
“I know.” Eddie said, swallowing thickly. “But you can’t go to sleep, okay? You gotta keep those pretty blue eyes open for me, okay?”
Buck smiled slightly, a little bit of liquid running out of the corner of his mouth.
Pretty.
Eddie just called his eyes pretty.
“That’s it.” Eddie encouraged. “Just keep them open.”
The ambulance then screeched to a halt right next to them, and suddenly Buck was floating.
And then he wasn’t.
He was cold without the heat of whatever had been holding him up, and the cold metal pushing into his arms stung.
Buck tried to squirm away from the gloved hand that probed painfully at the side of his head, ignoring the voice that was trying to calm him down.
It hurt.
Buck didn’t want to hurt anymore.
He would have squirmed right off of the gurney if a pair of warm hands hadn’t caught him and settled him back onto it.
“Buck.” The voice attached to those hands said.
Buck blinked dazedly up at a pair of worried brown eyes, body immediately relaxing.
“Keep talking to him.” Another voice said from off to his right, but Buck couldn’t pay attention to it.
Eddie swallowed, Buck’s eyes idly watching the way his throat bobbed.
“Buck.” Buck’s eyes dazedly fixed back on Eddie’s. “You’re going to be okay.”
He was?
He didn’t feel very okay at the moment, but if Eddie said he was going to be, Buck had no choice but to believe him.
He always believed Eddie.
‘You’re exhausting’
Always.
“And, when you’re okay,” Eddie said, drawing Buck’s attention back to him. “I’m going to tell you that I’m so sorry for everything. I’m not going to do it right now, because I know you probably won’t remember this, and you deserve better than that, but I promise, I’ll tell you later, okay?”
Buck blinked.
Eddie was sorry.
Why?
What did Eddie have to be sorry for?
Eddie didn’t do anything wrong.
He never could in Buck’s eyes.
Buck hissed in pain when something started pressing down around the knife in his belly.
“Shit!” A voice said. “Eddie, did he move this thing at all before you stopped him?”
Eddie’s eyes looked up away from Buck, wide with fear. “I-I don’t know. It’s possible.”
“We’ve got to pull it out.” The voice said again. “It’s not doing anything for him anymore.”
Eddie’s eyes looked back down at Buck, and Buck felt a hand grip his own, before one of Eddie’s arms snaked across his chest, as if pinning him down.
If it had been anyone else, Buck didn’t think he could have been so calm about being held down.
But this was Eddie.
And he’d thought about Eddie pinning him in a different context. More than once.
“In 3… 2…”
Buck screamed in pain, and would have probably bucked right off of the gurney if Eddie’s arm wasn’t holding him down.
“Shhh…” Eddie soothed. “Shhh… it’s okay, Buck, it’s over, it’s done. Shhh…”
Eddie started to lean away from him when Buck’s screams tapered off, but Buck’s free hand shot up with surprising speed, yanking out an IV line and knocking one of Chimney’s arms out of place, and grabbed a fistful of the front of Eddie’s shirt, keeping him from going any further.
Several curses echoed out into the ambulance, but Buck could only pay attention to Eddie.
Eddie’s eyes were wide in surprise, and his lips were parted, likely for the same reason, but he recovered quickly, leaning back closer and gripping Buck’s wrist with the hand that had been holding him down.
“Okay.” Eddie said softly. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
Just then, the doors of the ambulance flew open, and hands started reaching in to pull Buck out of it.
He hadn’t even realized it had stopped.
Buck tightened his grip on Eddie, both on his shirt and his hand.
He didn’t want to be away from the other man.
He’d already been away from him too long.
He couldn’t be away from him again.
There were several pairs of hands now, trying to pry his off of Eddie.
But he wouldn’t let go.
He couldn’t.
Eddie’s eyes bore into his own, and he was saying something frantically, but Buck couldn’t hear it.
He just held on even tighter.
There was a sudden sharp pinch in Buck’s arm, and Buck’s limbs started to feel absurdly heavy.
He was crying now.
He could feel it.
“’ddie…” Buck knew the gurgling was butchering his friend’s name, but he didn’t want to leave. “’ddie…”
Eddie’s free hand rested on Buck’s face, and he was saying something that Buck couldn’t understand, eyes looking so earnest and soft that it almost made Buck want to melt right there and then.
The hands were finally successful at wrenching Buck’s fingers away from the front of Eddie’s shirt, but Buck still had a tight grip on his hand.
“’ddie…”
Eddie’s thumb stroked over Buck’s cheekbone, and he said something else, before ducking down and kissing Buck’s forehead.
And then Buck’s hand was finally pried away from Eddie’s and he was being rushed away from his best friend, screaming and reaching out for him as he was wheeled though a set of double doors.
The last thing he saw was a tear running down Eddie’s face, and then the doors were swinging shut, blocking his view, and Buck started thrashing on the stretcher.
Voices talked frantically above and around him, and there was another sharp pinch in Buck’s arm, but he didn’t stop trying to get away.
He had to get back to Eddie.
He didn’t want to be away from Eddie.
Buck managed to sit up at one point, but multiple people in blue scrubs pushed him back down, and the next thing Buck knew, there were cuffs around his wrists, securing him in place, but he didn’t stop screaming and thrashing.
“’ddie!” He cried out. “’ddie!”
Someone above him barked out a couple harsh words, and, within what had to be less than a minute, there was a familiar pair of brown eyes over him, and a hand combing through his hair.
Eddie.
Eddie was saying something that Buck couldn’t catch, but the man’s presence alone was enough for Buck’s body to relax.
The people around him jumped into action, taking vitals, hooking up wires, messing with his knife injury and head wound.
But Buck’s eyes didn’t leave Eddie’s.
There was another sharp pinch in his arm, but, this time, Buck felt himself drifting off.
“’ddie…”
Eddie ran his hand through Buck’s hair one more time, saying something in a soft voice that Buck couldn’t understand, before Buck’s eyes fell closed.
He wouldn’t let go.
He couldn’t.
Eddie’s eyes bore into his own.
“Buck, you’ve got to let me go.” Eddie said frantically. “You’ve got to let me go, okay? You’ve got to.”
He just held on even tighter.
There was a sudden sharp pinch in Buck’s arm, and Buck’s limbs started to feel absurdly heavy.
“’ddie…” Buck knew the gurgling was butchering his friend’s name, but he didn’t want to leave. “’ddie…”
Eddie’s free hand rested on Buck’s face.
“Buck, please.” Eddie begged. “You could die if you don’t let go of me and let them take you. Please, Cariño, I can’t lose you.”
The hands were finally successful at wrenching Buck’s fingers away from the front of Eddie’s shirt, but Buck still had a tight grip on his hand.
“’ddie…”
Eddie’s thumb stroked over Buck’s cheekbone. “I promise you, Cariño, I’ll be here when you wake up.”
He then ducked down and kissed Buck’s forehead.
-
Someone above him barked out a couple harsh words, and, within what had to be less than a minute, there was a familiar pair of brown eyes over him, and a hand combing through his hair.
Eddie.
“Cariño, you’ve got to calm down, okay?” Eddie said. “They can’t help you if you keep doing this. You have to let them help you. I need you to let them help you.”
-
There was another sharp pinch in his arm, but, this time, Buck felt himself drifting off.
“’ddie…”
Eddie ran his hand through Buck’s hair one more time. “Rest now, Cariño. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”
Buck’s body felt like it weighed a couple tons.
What happened?
What was that annoying beeping sound?
All at once, everything flooded back, and Buck’s eyes snapped open.
He immediately tried to sit up, only to thrash around in panic at the restraints on his arms.
Why was he restrained?
Who had restrained him?
He couldn’t think.
He couldn’t breathe.
“Buck!” A voice yelped in shock, before more than one pair of hands was trying to push him back down.
“I told them this would happen—”
“He’s going to tear his sutures—”
“May, get Christopher out of here!”
“Evan, calm down!”
Buck planted his feet down on the bed and bucked upwards in an attempt to escape, eyes wild as they darted around, not really seeing anything, until they homed in on a pair of brown eyes to his left.
Buck froze.
The brown eyes stared back at him, silent even as several voices clambered over each other around him.
“Eddie?” He asked in a small voice.
Eddie’s hands squeezed his shoulders, before they moved up to cradle his face.
“Buck, I need you to breathe, okay?” Eddie said softly. “In… out… in… out… that’s it, Cariño. In… out…”
Buck’s breathing slowly calmed down, and the hands on his body were able to let go, though several pairs of eyes immediately averted from him awkwardly, due to his blanket having slipped during his struggle.
Buck relaxed, untensing his muscles, and straightening his legs back out.
Maddie carefully fixed the blanket for him with a strained smile, but Buck’s head was too foggy to really register why.
“Eddie?” Buck asked.
One of Eddie’s hands moved up, and started running through the blonde curls. “Yeah, Buck?”
“Love you.”
Eddie’s hand froze in its movement for a second, before it resumed, and a soft smile broke out on the man’s face.
“I love you too.”
“I’m sorry.” Buck croaked. “I never meant—”
“Hey, no, shhh…” Eddie shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry, Cariño. You were desperate, and hurting, and you did the only thing you thought you could. I’m sorry I got so mad about that. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t there.”
“You needed me.” Buck croaked, a tear slipping out of his eye. “Chris needed me. And I—”
“Shhh…” Eddie’s thumb gently stroked along Buck’s cheekbone, wiping the tear away. “Buck, when I said those things, I was mad. And not even at you. I just— I think I wanted you to hurt like I was. And that was so wrong of me, and I am so sorry.”
Buck opened his mouth to say something, but cut himself off with a groan.
“What is it?” Eddie asked in concern.
“Head.”
Eddie nodded. “I’m not surprised. You’ve got a pretty nasty concussion. Do you remember what happened?”
Buck gave a shallow nod. “I was coming to work… he-he came out of nowhere. I-I tried to fight back, but I didn’t really wanna hurt him y’know? And I was trapped between him and my Jeep, so I don’t know if I could have fought him anyway, but he-he—”
Buck tipped his head back, a strangled sound leaving his throat. “He stabbed me, a-and hit my head on the door, a-and stole my Jeep.”
“Si lo encuentro voy a matar a esa bastardo—”
“I’ll be back,” Athena said quietly, holding up her phone. “I’ve got to call this in.”
“Did you see his face?” Eddie asked.
“No.” Buck croaked. “He-he was wearing a mask. The—uh. The Cheshire Cat. You know, from Alice in Wonderland? T-The animated one.”
Eddie leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to Buck’s forehead. “it’s alright, Cariño. Everything is going to be alright.”
“E-Eddie.” Another tear slipped down Buck’s cheek, and Eddie pulled Buck’s face into his chest, leaning further forward so that Buck wasn’t straining from the restraints to reach him, hand moving from Buck’s face to gently stroke up and down Buck’s spine.
“I want you to come home with me.” Eddie said softly. “They wanted to keep you overnight for observation, and then discharge you tomorrow morning, but I don’t— I don’t think I could handle having you away from me. Not right now. Not after this.”
Buck sniffled into Eddie’s chest, and nodded slightly. “Okay.”
Eddie stayed at the hospital that night, despite Buck’s protests, and Christopher went trick-or-treating with Bobby and Athena, before staying the night with them.
The next morning, at 9:00, Buck was discharged from the hospital with the stern orders to take it easy and the knowledge that he’d be off work for the next 2 weeks, and taken straight to Eddie’s house, where he would spend the entire leave.
Eddie took 3 vacation days to stay with him, but, eventually had to hand Buck’s babysitting responsibilities over to Carla.
2 weeks later, Buck was welcomed back to the 118 with the welcome banner that he didn’t get a month ago, complete with a cake shaped like a person with a knife handle-shaped candle sticking out of the center, courtesy of Hen and Chim.
All wasn’t quite well.
Buck still had to have several uncomfortable conversations, starting with one with Bobby.
Not to mention, the fact that he’d discovered Eddie’s street fighting halfway through his second week of leave, and was struggling to not emotionally shut down about it.
But, even though everything wasn’t quite alright yet, Buck knew it would be.
Because Eddie had told him it would, and, even when he was furious at his boyfriend of 2 weeks, he always believed Eddie.