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My Tuesday started just like any day does under Gibbs Command. Ok, maybe it was a touch earlier than ‘normal’ but what is normal when Gibbs doesn’t seem to believe in down time. Anyways, other than the time everything started off ordinary. Dispatch called me at zero three hundred hours telling me we caught a case. They won't call Gibbs anymore because all of dispatch is fed up with the gunny’s bullshit, and frankly I cannot fault them for that.
Once again I am playing peacemaker for a man who does everything in his power to belittle me. Don't waste good, my ass. If I didn’t know any better I would assume that he got his rocks off by making me miserable but I really, really don’t want to think about that. It's funny to me, in a twisted sort of way, that everyone seems to think I have a thing for Gibbs, I mean sure I did for like a week when we first started working together, but that attraction was gone before we even solved our first case together. Looks are not enough to keep me ‘entertained’ so to speak, I am not that shallow dammit– and if we are being honest, Gibbs personality is a fucking dumpster fire. I get it, dead wife and kid, the trauma that comes from war, hell even our job can destroy the happiest of people. When I was told that the second ‘b’ in Gibbs stood for bastard I though they were kidding. Well, jokes on me.
Anyways, I am way off topic– the case involves three missing petty officers. Well they started off as missing. Unfortunately two turned up dead, COD? Well, they were stabbed repeatedly, and despite Gibbs’s wishes I cannot do an autopsy to determine COD. Oh, and the third petty officer is still missing, the important question is are we gonna find his corpse or are we gonna find him with blood on his hands. Regardless of who murder them, odds are they cut their hand in the process so we have to check for the assailants blood on our corpses. What initially looked like a case of three petty officers simply missing curfew turned out to be much much more. We have no leads on the missing petty officer, he was last seen leaving a strip club with his other cohorts, and, as we have established, his cohorts are dead. By all accounts the deceased petty officers were well liked, which leads to the question: ‘was it a case of wrong place wrong time’? ‘Were they purposefully targeted, if so why?’ Ugh, so many questions and not nearly enough answers.
Of course Gibbs was already in one of his infamous moods upon arriving at the scene and it gets worse the longer we go without a lead. The cause for this mood? Well your guess is as good as mine, I gave up trying to figure out the “why” of his fits when Leon took over as director– and don’t even get me started on McGeek’s and David’s behavior. I have never been the victim of so much childish passive aggressive behavior before in my life. You know, I could respect passive aggressiveness if I was slacking off. But instead I’m doing all my work and a chunk of theirs just to ensure that our cases don’t get thrown out immediately. Oh well, this bullshit certainly isn’t new.
I look down at my little calendar on my desk and count the days I have left in this hell hole, even though I already know the answer, it’s almost a ritual at this point. Eleven days left. Eleven long, draining days ahead. Then, then I will be moving to Chicago, to live with my daughter Bella, my life partner Kelly, and our Matty, speaking of which–
Tony’s thoughts are interrupted by Toby walking out of the elevator loudly proclaiming “DiNutso, I think these two are yours” with Kelly and 8 month old Isabella in tow. Well, he isn’t wrong, they are mine– that's weirdly possessive…I just hoped the MCRT would never learn about this portion of my private life. I was so close to them never finding out too, oh well, too late now.
Tony took one look at Kelly and instantly knew that something was wrong. “Hey Tesoro, you know I'm scheduled to see you guys in eleven days, right?” He says in an almost joking tone trying to gauge where Kelly’s head is at. Getting nothing more than a noncommittal hum as a response he pressed a kiss to Kelly’s forehead before taking Isabella from Kelly before she squirmed out of his arms. He kisses her on the forehead and says “Beh, ciao principessa”.
Knowing that this isn't a conversation Kelly wants to have in the bull pin any more than Tony wants to pry it out of him in the middle of the bull pin, he all but drags Kelly and Bella into the nearest conference room. After pushing the door closed he pulls them to the farthest corner of the room, out of the line of sight that comes from the windows on and around the door. He takes a breath, the uncertainty is overwhelming but he shoves that down in favor of focusing on Kelly and Bella.
“Tesoro, not that I'm unhappy to see you. You know I am always happy to see you. But what brought on this visit, what's wrong? How can I help?” he asks quietly as he envelopes Kelly in a big bear hug with Bella in between them. It is silent for several long moments save for the ticking of the clock before Kelly spits out the words: “Shay’s dead… she died on a call, I– we– she couldn’t be saved.” with his voice cracking and tears start to spill.
Well fuck, it can’t get much worse than that, I squeeze Kel a little tighter, both providing him the comfort he desperately needs and seeking comfort that I need in one fell swoop . I rack my brain searching for anything but an empty platitude to say in response and that is all I can find. Apologizing is the standard response, but do we apologize when someone dies? Saying ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to magically rid anyone of the pain that comes with death.
“Oh tesoro, I’m so, so sorry.” and they stand there crying and hugging each other for a few minutes before Tony takes a seat on the floor. Sure there are chairs available but sitting on the floor should keep us out of the line of sight for a little while longer.
Once he is settled on the floor he pulls Kelly into his lap, so Kelly is sitting sideways with his head resting on Tony’s left shoulder, his face buried in the crook of Tony’s neck. Tony then places Bella on Kelly's lap. He loosely wraps left arm around Kelly and snakes it around towards Bella to the best of his ability considering the circumstances. He grabs ahold of Kelly’s right hand, gently squeezing it with his own, before he pulls him even closer knowing that they both need the comfort and that together they can summon the strength they need to get through this.
~~~~~~~~~
Fornell follows closely behind them and determinedly guards the door as he pulls out his phone “Hey Ducky, can you send Jimmy to get Leon. I need all three of you to meet me at conference room A to run interference for Tony, Kelly, and Bella. I don't know what happened but Kelly called me to pick them up from the airport– it was clearly unplanned. He was dead silent the entire trip from the airport to the Navy yard. It was unnerving, not to mention that he is clearly in distress. I'm worried something happened to Shay or Matt– seeing that neither of them are here with Kelly and Bella.”
“Oh dear heavens. I shall send Jimmy now. We will be at your side– their side, in mere moments.” and with that Ducky hung up. “Jimmy, my boy, I need you to go get Leon and meet us at conference room A. Kelly and Bella made an unplanned trip and Tobias is facing MCRT alone.”
“Will do, we will meet you at conference room A” responds Jimmy sufficiently, and with that they both leave the autopsy suite bracing for the disaster that comes with MCRTs entitled and childish behavior.
~~~~~~
Gibbs waits all of half a second after Fornell hangs up before demanding answers “Who the hell is that?” Gibbs growls as he stalks over to Fornell. “On the phone? That was Ducky, I need his help” he responds with a nonchalant shrug, knowing that's not what Gibbs meant, but not finding it in himself to care. “Who is Kelly, and why is he here? And who is the child? What does Tony have to do with that child?” he snarls like the answer is any of his business. “Oh him? That's Tony's life partner, and the beautiful little girl is theirs” he responds with a knowing smirk, waiting and watching the MCRTs heads collectively explode one by one.
“What the hell do you mean life partner, he has more notches on his bedpost than your average frat boy. There is no way that Tony has a kid let alone settle down with anyone!” McGee shrieks as Ducky appears at Toby's side with a look of disappointment pointed at Gibbs and McGee, not that they catch it of course.
“I think that is pretty self explanatory, Mcdence and co. You all fell for the act that Tony put on. It started as a game, but eventually he found that he needed to keep it up for self preservation. Maybe you should ask yourselves why he never disclosed real personal info. Furthermore it's not his fault that you heard him talking about Kelly and assumed that he was talking about a woman. At that point it became a game for all of us, occasionally pairing a random initial to his name anytime we brought him up around all of you to see if you all, as investigators, would ever pick up on it, but none of you did. How many versions of ‘Kelly S.’s’ did he tell you about? What model number did he stop at? Hmmm?” Toby asks with a quirked eyebrow.
“I just thought he had a thing for Kelly’s or that he was being rude to Gibbs” McGee sputters out.
“He should have just told us instead of playing games.” huffs Abby.
“Frankly I can not blame him for, as you say it, playing games. He doesn’t owe you guys anything besides his best work when on the clock and it took him a while to learn that his responsibilities to you all ended there. Thankfully his family, his true family– not your twisted definition of family Ms. Sciuto– helped him see that" quips Ducky.
“But we are his family, not that stranger that Fornell dragged in, as if either of them belong here. Besides there is no way he's gay, he can't be.” she says as she crosses her arms across her chest in an unnecessary display of defiance. “Plus he would have told me if he had a kid.” whines Sciuto as she receives an eye roll from Fornell
“Do something about this Gibbs! He is clearly playing games, you know he is supposed to love me, you know we would be good together. He is loyal to you, fix it!” David says with an unconvincing pout as she gets louder and louder with each word.
Wow, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised when all of MCRT fails to mask their surprise when Jimmy and Vance flank Ducky and I. They all assumed that Vance hated DiNozzo, afterall he did blame DiNozzo for Jenny’s death, in their world anyways. Hell, they still believed that Leon sent DiNozzo to be the agent afloat immediately upon taking office. Little did they know that his ‘stint’ afloat was actually a cover up for paternity leave, plus a mental health break, after all he felt so much misplaced guilt over Shepard's death. Fools. Each and everyone of them. Which is a shame, I thought Gibbs was a better investigator than that, should have known that he would never leave Frank's shadow. This would be funny if it wasn’t so damn sad.
“Leon, so glad you could join us! I have a burning question for you though, where did all your investigators go? They seem to have been replaced by children” snarks Fornell.
“Well, first I have to hand it to Kelly, he best predicted how this would go down when the ‘agents’ of MCRT learned about their relationship. Imagine if Matt came too” he responds with an eye roll and a shake of his head “But to answer your question, I don’t know when my agents got replaced with children. The fact of the matter is that each and everyone of them bought the masks that Tony hid behind, it’s sad to see just how predictable their reactions are.” He then turns to knock on the conference room door and crack it open just enough to be heard.
“Tony, Kelly, It's Leon. I have Ducky, Jimmy, and Toby with me. What do you need from us?” he asks compassionately. After several moments filled with unintelligible murmurs he hears a quiet “You guys can come in, please keep everyone else out. We don't have the patience to put up with the third degree today” from Tony. “That is perfectly reasonable, I'm going to send Ducky and Jimmy in, Tobias and I will join momentarily.”
After Ducky and Jimmy disappear into the conference room Fornell turns to Vance
“Are you gonna tell them to stay out or should I? I will happily do it and I won't pull my punches.” he says with an evil smirk.
“I got it, but feel free to stay here and watch, I am sure there are more fits to come after all.” responds Vance with a malicious grin on his face.
“As fun as that sounds Leon, I think I am going to join the others in the conference room. Holler if you need back up.”
“Of course, I will join you momentarily.”
“You better or I'm sending the calvary.” Toby promises with a wink and then he turns to enter the conference room.
When the conference room door shut behind Fornell, Vance turned toward the bullpen, particularly the MCRT and Sciuto “If any of you so much as attempt to enter this conference room I will suspend you without pay for as long as I see fit, and that is the bare minimum. Each and every one of you are on incredibly thin ice with HR, and you are dangerously close to getting written up for discrimination and harassment. With that said, at this moment you are all very lucky to still have your jobs. I suggest you don't push it.” he says as he looks each and every one of them in the eyes “Oh and don't you dare hack into the cameras that I have already turned off, or you will be jobless. Now get back to work, all of you!” he demands, watching them all scurry off before he joins the others in the conference room.
~~~~~~~
The scene in the conference room is heartbreaking. Tony is on the floor with Kelly in his lap, his face buried in the crook of Tony’s neck and Bella sitting in Kelly's lap in the farthest corner of the room. It’s clear that Tony has been crying, which only adds to their concern.
Taking in the scene Jimmy decides to sit on the floor in front of them. Close enough to easily reach out if needed, far enough away that he isn't suffocating them. Even though every bone in his body is screaming at him to reach out and comfort the man who is his brother in every sense of the word if one ignores the lack of shared DNA.
Ducky decides to take the chair closest to them at the head of the table. It allows plenty of breathing room for both men but it also allows him to be close enough to provide physical comfort to his chosen son, Tony, and to grab Bella, his granddaughter, if needed.
Toby is joined by Leon, standing on either side of the door, prepared for MCRT to act like fools, while also refraining from crowding Tony and Kelly.
Neither Tony nor Kelly acknowledge anyone else in the room at first. Bella happily grins at her Nonno Ducky. She starts babbling and squirms out of Kelly's lap before crawling towards her Nonno.
“How is everyone's favorite princess?” Ducky asks Bella as he picks her up and plops her down on his lap. Bella grins vibrantly, her grin closely resembles Shay's and she claps her hands, her glee is unmistakable.
It's that grin that breaks Tony out of his daze, he looks up at her and back to Kelly before he says “She definitely got her smile from her mother” with a sad, knowing smile.
“Yeah, she really did!” exclaims Kelly with a sad chuckle. “I can't believe Shay is really gone, I mean I was there and yet I am just waiting to wake up from the nightmare from hell. Whatever happens, we can't let her forget her mother… ever.” he finishes somberly.
Suddenly the room is dead silent, not that it was loud to begin with. All of them are putting the puzzle pieces together and realizing that it is the worst case scenario. Shay is dead– she passed, leaving behind her baby girl and her best friends. They all knew Shay, everyone met her and Bella at a friend's giving that Tony hosted the previous year. They all adored her, you would be hard pressed to find a reason to dislike her.
Flashback:
They all met 2 month old Bella, Shay, Kelly, and Matt at Tony’s ‘secret’ apartment. They were regaled with story upon story about the chaos their little family creates, ranging from funny injuries to goofy calls and drunken shenanigans to silly pranks. They learned that Shay wasn't only Kelly's best friend but she was also really good friends with Tony and Matt.
In fact out of all of them she has known Tony longer than the others. She told the tale of how she met Tony in Peoria, Tony had gotten injured because he was left without proper back up. She encouraged him to leave that precinct behind and all but demanded that he stay in touch. She was delighted that he not only left behind Peoria, but kept in touch just like he promised, and their friendship only continued to blossom from there.
They all learned that Matt, Kelly, and Shay all work in the same fire station. They learned that Matt and Kelly went to the academy together, the difference between truck and squad training and the differences between being a truck and squad lieutenant. They also had the privilege of hearing tales about their friend Andy, who they lost tragically and way too soon.
Shay happily told tales of Tony and Kelly 'helplessly’ pining after each other, how it went on for far too long and she was afraid that is she didn’t intervene they would still be pining when they were old and gray, since neither of them were willing doing anything about it, both of them making up excuse after excuse for why they couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't, each excuse getting more and more pathetic.
Shay relished in the tale of Kelly and Tony's first date that she orchestrated by telling each of them that she would meet them at her favorite bar, but little did they know that she intended to be a no show. Had she not called Kelly 30 minutes after they both showed up and said “Enjoy your date” in a sing-song voice and promptly hung up, they still wouldn't have come to the conclusion that she didn't ever plan on showing up. They would sooner believe that she was having car troubles or assume the worst before either of them would have ever come to the correct conclusion.
According to Tony, Kelly was flustered for all of 5 seconds before they settled back into their easy banter, teasing each other, and slowly inching closer to each other as the night wore on. They ordered and shared wings, fries, and fried mushrooms while slowly sipping their one and only beer each that night.
Their night ended in Tony's hotel room, as neither of them were ready to call it a night but both of them wanted out of the crowded bar. They spent the rest of their evening trading slow kisses, neither of them in a hurry for it to go further, and both silently thanking Shay for meddling. Even though they both complained about it the next day, good naturedly of course while she crowed in delight knowing it worked.
Of course throughout the night each of the men noticed the easy affection between Tony, Kelly, and Matt at the time. None of them fully understood it but they all knew better than to ask. If they wanted them to know they would have told them.
Sure enough, by the time Christmas came around they all learned about their dynamic and appreciated being confided in such a sensitive secret that they had every right to keep hidden in fear of receiving a series of poor reactions.
Back to the present:
“Oh my dear boys, I’m so sorry for your loss” Ducky exclaimed as he hugged Bella just a little closer.
Jimmy reached forward and squeezed their entwined hands. “How can we help?” he asks softly.
Tony looks up at Jimmy and looks absolutely devastated and so very lost “I don't know” he says at first but everyone can see the gears turning as he searches for a clearer answer. A few moments later and after a deep breath he tries again. Running a hand through his hair he tries to spell out what he needs– what they , Bella, Kelly, Matt, and himself, needs, which is easier said than done.
“Well, I need to move to Chicago immediately. I know I technically have eleven more days left here but my family is my priority. I need to pack up the rest of my apartment, thankfully most of it is packed already, and I need to hire movers. We need to be present for the funeral, and might end up helping plan it if her sister needs it, and I need to pack up my desk before I leave, which unfortunately means dealing with the children of MCRT” Tony says as fast as he can like the words would burn him if he dared to take his time. The pain he is feeling clear in his voice and it's all over his face.
“Go to Chicago, do not worry about finishing out your last two weeks,” says Leon. Holding up his hand as he continues, knowing Tony will give a half hearted argument before he concedes “I know that you would be miserable trying to finish out your contract and I am not going to ask you to put yourself through that. You don't owe Gibbs anything. But you do owe it to yourself to be there for Bella, Kelly, and Matt, even more so now than you did when you turned in your notice. Just make sure you take care of yourself as well.” Leon responds in his ‘no nonsense voice’. It takes a moment, but Tony slowly realizes that Leon is right and concedes with a small nod and a whispered “thank you Leon”.
~~~~~~~
When the six men walked out of the conference room, with Toby and Jimmy in front of Tony and Kelly, with Bella on his hip. Ducky and Vance follow closely behind. All ready and willing to play interference as needed and boy oh boy was it needed.
They walk into the bullpen, Tony, Kelly, and Bella are behind Tony's desk as he methodically packs all his personal effects away into his go bag and the empty box he had saved for this exact purpose. Meanwhile Ducky, Jimmy, Toby, and Leon stand around the front of the desk, keeping the MCRT back.
First thing he does when he unlocks his desk is hand Leon his badge and service weapon, not needing them any longer as he is no longer an NCIS agent. Then he pulls out the box of Gibbs’s medal and awards and sits them on top of the filing cabinet behind his desk, unwilling to fight with Gibbs over the medals that shouldn’t be in his possession. He pulls out all of his personal effects, passes off his left over snacks for Jimmy to add to his stash, he packs is emergency stash of clothes in in his go bag and rifles though the other drawers making sure he rids them all of any personal effects,
As Tony packs up his desk he tries his best to ignore the cacophony of prying questions and demands for answers. He knows that ignoring them will irritate them more and yet he couldn't be bothered to care. Instead he chooses to latch on to the hint of relief he feels knowing that he will never have to work with any of them again. He is broken out of his thoughts by Bella squealing with glee when she sees the photo of the five of them– Shay, Kelly, Tony and Matt, who was holding Bella- that was taken at the friendsgiving he hosted that he had hidden in his desk. Kelly looks down at the photo and Tony hands it to Kelly so that he and Bella can continue to look at it as if it was one of the very few full family pictures they had.
Suddenly, it’s like Bella squeal broke him out of his trance and he is, unfortunately, very aware of the MCRTs collective tantrum;
“Just where do you think you're going?” Gibbs demands as he glares at Tony. “You can not quit without my permission, we are working on a case, DiNozzo .” He growls.
Thankfully Vance, while glaring at Gibbs, decides to take on the bastard for Tony’s sake and says with an edge to his voice “You will see that he has taken bereavement leave. Furthermore, you have no say on when he can quit, he doesn't owe you shit.”
Before Gibbs can say anything else Sciuto launches into her pity party “We are family Tony, why can't you just tell us what's going on? Why can't you tell us who that strange man is, and why Fornell claims that you have a kid? Why wouldn't you tell me? Family doesn't keep secrets from one another” she whines and adds in her manipulative tears for good measure. Tony chooses to ignore her, knowing that she will never see the error in her ways, and frankly he is out of the fucks to give when it comes to anything Abby related. With his decision made and his head held high Jimmy and Tony grab his things and they all start off to the elevator.
Of course David is agitated because she is being ignored so she has to chime in with the dumbest claim in existence. “This has got to be a prank” she shrieks and McGee, ever the follower, nods in agreement.
Kelly's head snaps up at the audacity of that comment and glares fiercely at them and doesn't stop even when they start to squirm before saying “I might not know how Mossad or law enforcement prank their loved ones, but there is no world in which I would prank or joke about the death of our best friend, the mother of our child, and one of our fiercest supporters. Hell, we have her to thank for introducing us-”
“And for setting us up on a date when neither of us would make the first move– God, I am gonna miss her something fierce” adds Tony with a small forced chuckle before he turns to aim a small watery smile at Kelly as he grabs his free hand, the one not holding Bella, and gives it a gentle squeeze. Then Tony turned towards the members MCRT “Now if you will excuse us, we have a funeral to plan.” as he drags Kelly into the elevator followed Toby, Ducky, and Jimmy. Leon waved at them and wished them well before turning and staring down the MCRT daring them to try anything.
Finally in the elevator, knowing that he is practically free of the disaster that is MCRT he takes a deep breath right as he realizes that he is unaware of how Matt is doing. “Kel, is Matty ok? Is he on shift? Should I call or text him?” Tony asks hesitantly as the elevator doors close.
“He is fine physically and yeah, he is on shift. Unfortunately Boden couldn't get last minute replacements for both of us. I would text him first, in case he is out on a call. He will text or call either of us as soon as he is able to do so. I really, truly hate that I couldn't bring him with me. I know he understands why it had to be me coming here but that doesn’t make me feel any better. I uhh–” he cuts himself off when his cheeks start to heat up with a not so faint blush. “I may have ordered him to stay at the house under the guise of house sitting.” says Kelly with a grimace.
“Do I even want to know how that conversation went?” asks Tony who is trying but failing to hide his amusement.
“The only part you need to know is that he and I both agreed that you needed to be told in person that Shay had died. Neither of us could stomach the thought of telling you via a phone call.”
“I'm glad that you guys decided to tell me in person, even though I would have understood if you called me instead. You know that right?” He asks as he gently squeezes Kellys hand again as they walk out of the elevator and towards the parking lot.
“I know you would have been ok with a phone call, but I couldn't do it and I wouldn't ask Matty to do it. Herrmann offered to do it, but that felt so incredibly wrong so I booked the very first flight out… on your card you gave us by the way.”
“Ahh Hermann,” Tony says with a small smile “I will always adore that man. I'm glad he can be there for Matt while we are both here.”
~~~~~~
He unlocks his car before turning to Jimmy “Thank you for carrying this out for me” he says as he takes his box of stuff and places it in his trunk. He then turns back around to give Jimmy a hug. “I'm going to miss seeing you daily brother, don't be a stranger, and don't hesitate to come out and visit. That applies to Breena and Victoria too.”
“You know we will, but you have to keep in touch too, communication goes both ways. If you try to ignore me I will stick Victoria on you.” Jimmy says with a playful shoulder punch and a small smile.
“Now that's just cruel” he says as he feigns outrage with a big ol’ grin on his face.
Then Tony turns to Toby and grabs the bags that Kelly had brought with them “Thank you for picking them up at the airport. Don't think that the visit invitation doesn’t apply to you and Emily, too.” He says as he gently squeezes Toby’s shoulder.
“Of course we will, you know Emily wouldn't allow me to not bring her out to visit. She will miss her uncles and her baby cousin, her words of course.” replies Toby as he waves bye to Bella before Kelly places her in her carseat.
When Tony turns to Ducky his eyes are suspiciously wet when he goes to hug him “I hope you know that you are required to visit. You are the best dad my inner kid could ever ask for and Bella needs her nonno in her life.” he says with his voice trembling.
“Of course I will visit my dear boy. You know, I have been toying with the idea of retirement. If I do, I might just have to move to Chicago.” says Ducky with a cheeky smile and a parting wave to Kelly.
Tony turns to join Kelly and Bella in his SUV and with one last wave to the trio he backs out and heads to his apartment.
~~~~~~~~
Kelly is trying every trick in the book to get Bella to sleep as she really needs to take a nap and Tony is carefully packing up his suits when Matt calls three hours later.
“How is my favorite truck lieutenant?” Tony answers when he picks up the phone on the second ring.
“I'm your only truck lieutenant” grumbles Matt.
“And you're still my favorite truck lieutenant. But really, how are you?”
“I'm hanging in there. I won't lie and say I’m fine, I know you always see through it anyways.” he says with a sad sigh.
“Now don't sound so sad about me seeing through you hot stuff” croons Tony in an exaggerated southern accent, attempting to make Matt laugh but it lands short. “I thought that was kinda the goal, you know, me being able to read between the lines to help you when you don't know how to express what you need. Would you like for that to change?”
“Not at all, I like that you can read through me. Sure it's annoying sometimes but I always appreciate it. It’s just–” he pauses to take a deep breath and Tony is content to wait it out, with another deep yet shaky breath Matt says “can we switch to a video call, I- I really need to see you. And Kel if– if he isn't busy.”
“Of course we can, just give me one moment and then we will go get Kel, ok?”
“Ok” says Matt in a barely there whisper.
When the call has successfully been switched to video Tony can see that Matt has been crying, scratch that, still crying . “Hey we are going to go get Kel, he is in the living room with Bella.” states Tony as he leaves the bedroom and makes the very short trip to the living room.
“Hey Kel, Matt is on video, he wants to see both of us.”
“Well, what are you waiting for, I need to see our Matty too.” says Kelly as both men move to sit on the couch so they can both be in frame.
“Hey baby” Kelly says softly, noting the still active tear tracks on Matt’s face.
“Kelly” Matt utters with such reverence that it might as well be a prayer at this point.
“How was your shift?”
Matt huffs as he tries to find the right words before saying “It was weird in all the worst ways possible. Granted I knew it was going to be a rough day” he pauses without stating the obvious and takes a deep breath before he continues. “But they brought in Mister Debbie Downer to fill in on ambo and he did his best to make everyone even more miserable. Obviously I didn’t expect a perfect replacement, I don’t think there will ever be a perfect replacement, but there should be a mandate of some sort stating that Mister Debbie Downer should not be sent to a fire house with such fresh grief.”
“You're kidding right? Of all people they could have brought in they had to send McAuley, for fucks sake, that's a brilliant way to deteriorate already low moral.” Growls Kelly.
“Hey, language!” Says Matt with a giggle.
“Yeah, we really don't need Bella's first word to be a curse word Kel.” quips Tony, earning more giggles from Matt mission accomplished.
“Oh hush you, I seem to remember a handful of times where both of you ignored the little ears in the room and spoke freely. Therefore I deserve a free pass too.” Says Kelly as he tries his best to look put upon yet his eyes shine with amusement.
The call doesn't last much longer, Matt has another shift the next day and Kelly and Tony are both utterly exhausted. They wrap up the call promising to be back to Chicago in two days and they all turn in for the night preparing for another long day ahead.
~~~~~~~~
They make it back to Chicago two days later. All three of them are exhausted. Tony's moving boxes are pushed up against walls and ignored, finding that eating and sleeping are their only concerns for the time being.
Kelly and Tony take turns trying to convince Bella to eat but she is not adjusting to formula very well and the change to her routine is certainly not helping. When she is given purees she is too hungry, too tired, and too cranky and they end up wearing at least half of it by the time the bowl is empty.
Once Bella is cleaned up and Kelly is off to shower Tony collapses in the rocking chair with Bella positioning her on his chest and starts slowly rocking her. Praying for a miracle, they would all benefit from just a little sleep.
When Kelly got out of the shower twenty minutes later he realized that the house was dead silent. He quietly gets dressed in a pair of sweats and steals a hoodie of Tony’s. He quietly walked out of their bedroom to search for his very special agent and daughter. He peeked in her bedroom and found it empty, so he continued his search towards the livingroom and found both of them snoozing in the rocking chair. After snapping a quick photo to show Tony later he laid down on the couch, not wanting to sleep alone. He quickly fell into a dreamless slumber, which he will happily take no dreams over nightmares any day of the week.
~~~~~~
Kelly and Tony woke hours later to Matt walking in the door, luckily Bella slept through it so Tony kept rocking her. Matt lets them know that Herrmann, Connor and Will are on their way with meals that members of 51 and Med all chipped in to provide and pizzas and beer for tonight.
Upon their arrival Kelly welcomes in their friends “Hey guys, it's nice to see you all, Please come in but keep the volume down. Bella is finally sleeping–”
“Not sleeping anymore” says Tony as they get up from the rocking chair, with Bella grinning at Connor the second she sees him. Will nudges Connor and says “Go put that on the counter, I will get it in the fridge. Go say hi to your niece, before she wiggles out of Tony’s grip.”
“Thanks baby” says Connor before placing a kiss on Will's cheek before waltzing over and stealing his niece from Tony.
He kisses Bella's forehead “Hey Bella, are you keeping your daddies in line for us?” He asks with a cheeky grin before pulling Tony into a hug “I need you to understand I'm here for you brother, your wish is my command for as long as you need. Same goes for you Matt and Kelly, none of you need to go through this alone. We are all here for you.”
“Thanks, but–” starts Tony.
“But nothing” Hermann cuts in before Tony has the chance to finish the statement. “It's nothing that you guys wouldn't do for us. You sent meals when Cindy had Kenny. You did the same for Boden and Donna just because you could. You pulled a page from Shay's book and made Connor and Will get their shit together. Plus you helped us through Andy's death. I'm not saying we owe you, that's not how this works. But I am saying that we are all willing to return the favor. Your family, let us help, please.” finishes Hermann.
Tony takes a moment to search Hermanns face and finds nothing but compassion and sorrow. That's when it hits him that they too are impacted heavily by Shay's death, if anything allowing them to help him, Matt and Kelly with Bella could also be helping them. Guess I really need to work on learning how to accept help without expecting the worst from someone.
“OK, point taken. I can't say I know what we need, but food is good and always welcomed.” He says with a cheeky smile trying to lighten the mood.
“Food it is then. Just don't hesitate to reach out to any of us. Knowing all of us you will have the chance to return it yet again down the road.” says Will as he pulls out plates.
“I will feed Bella.” says Matt. “Maybe she will eat better for me since she hasn't seen much of me the past couple of days” he adds as an afterthought.
“Good luck, I had to shower after we attempted to feed her lunch because she flung it everywhere.” grumbles Kelly good naturedly.
~~~~~~
They all sit down in the living room to eat. Tony and Kelly are on the far end of the sectional, Connor and Will sit on the opposite end, and Hermann is sitting in the corner. Matt is sitting in the rocking chair and has Bella in her highchair in front of him feeding her squash puree. They turn on a hockey game rerun that they all pretend to watch. Surprisingly Bella did eat better for Matt, and was in a much better mood throughout the rest of the evening.
When they all finished eating they chat aimlessly, about anything and everything. While Bella happily crawls from person to person, never staying in one place too long until she falls asleep on Kelly's lap.
Hermann is the first to leave, he gently squeezes Kelly's shoulder and gives Tony and Matt each a hug before he says his goodbyes to the others. “See you all tomorrow” he says quietly before the door softly clicks shut behind him. It's not much later before Connor and Will head out, but not before reaffirming that they are just a phone call away should the small family need anything.
~~~~~~~
Just a short time later Kelly gets up to put Bella to bed, which went much smoother than any of them anticipated then heads to the guest room ready for Matt. But if he is being honest it's not really a guest room, it's Matt's room. Has always been Matt’s room. Will always be his room. He doesn't sleep in it often as he prefers to sleep in the master bedroom with Kelly and Tony. The room serves its purpose though, it's a safe space for Matt to retreat to when the word becomes too much, it symbolizes that he is always welcome in their home.
Now if only we can convince him that it is just as much his home as it is ours. One day– Maybe.
He knows that their Matty has been struggling the past few days, he and Shay were close too after all. If Boden had been able to give both of them the time off he would have dragged Matt along with him and Bella to DC. Unfortunately Boden couldn't get last minute temporary replacements for both Lieutenants.
Therefore he and Tony intend to take extra care of Matt tonight. However he may need it for as long as he may need. Before making his way back out to the living room Kelly lays out a clean towel and his own clothes, t-shirt and sweats plus a hoodie of Tony’s, for Matt to sleep in. Then he switches off the light and finds Tony alone in the living room. Raising a questioning eyebrow Tony points to the kitchen, and with a small nod he turns towards the kitchen and stands in the doorway watching Matt clean the kitchen for a moment noting the obvious nervous energy radiating off of him.
~~~~~~
When Kelly leaves the living room to put Bella to bed Matt gets up too and starts to clean up the kitchen despite Tony's protest. Knowing that Tony is in Chicago permanently is making him nervous for reasons he cannot explain. He welcomes the change, he knows he is happy for Kelly and Bella, knowing just how long they have waited for him to finally move in.
‘Hell I'm excited too. Tony started off as such an understanding friend ever since I met him. He helped me through the turmoil that came from Hallie's death and now he is my go to person when my emotions are starting to spiral out of control. Kelly can sometimes pull me out of a spiral, but surprisingly, to myself only though, Tony does it best. The only thing he has ever asked for in return from me is to keep Kelly from doing anything too idiotic so he can keep coming home to all of us.
As if I haven't been happily doing that for years, even when Kelly blamed me for Andy's death I still tried my hardest to keep him seeing reason. God, I'm glad we made it through that, though if I am being honest a good chunk of that is due to Tony not putting up with our shit any longer. Not that I could blame him. I don't know what I would have done without Kelly's support, let alone losing the physical, but not sexual, comfort Kelly provided me when needed… and what a learning curve that was, learning to ask for what I need when I need it. At some point Tony became more than Kelly's life partner and my friend. I found myself longing for that type of relationship with both Tony and Kelly, and boy was that a shocking realization. I couldn't figure out how to express that I wanted more from them both, fortunately or unfortunately, depends on how you look at it, they were able to see right through me and–”
Matt's musings are interrupted by Kelly “Hey baby, I have the guest room set up for you if you would like to stay.” He says as he wraps Matt up in a comfortingly tight hug, and chastely kisses his cheek. Kelly embraces him until he feels the tension start to melt from his body, but holds on just a little long for a good measure. Pulling away, after pressing one more kiss to Matt’s other cheek he goes to grab another beer for him and Tony.
“I'm gonna grab more beer, would you like one?”
“Yes please.” Matt says quietly. Then he grabs the offered bottle from his hand and follows him into the living room to join Tony.
~~~~~~~
They both plop down on the couch, Kelly beside Tony after handing him his beer and sitting his beer down within reach. Matt hesitates before he sits on the opposite end of the sectional, not wanting to assume that they want to comfort him right now. Because of his self doubt he carefully avoids looking at Kelly or Tony, rightfully assuming that his hesitation was clocked by both men. Of course they won’t leave it alone, although I suppose I don’t really want them too.
“Matt” Kelly says in a soft yet commanding tone. He waits patiently for Matt to look up at him before he continues. It takes several moments, even without seeing Matt’s face he can tell that he is fighting with himself, when Matt finally looks up it's clear trying to mask his longing and his anxiety from Kelly and Tony. Unfortunately for him Kelly has had many, many years of ‘how to read Matt Casey’ experience, not to mention that Tony is a trained investigator so they both notice it immediately.
“You know you can sit over here with us, right? You can sit beside me, between Tony and I, or on either of our laps, no questions asked. Just because Tony has permanently moved in doesn't mean that our dynamic has to change, unless you want it too.”
He pauses for a moment to gather the rest of his thoughts, to ensure that his message is clear before continuing;
“I'm sorry I couldn't take you to DC with me to finally bring Tony home, and I know being left behind in the immediate aftermath of Shay's death was unfair to you. If Boden could have gotten both of us temporary replacements I would have taken you with me, and I hope you know that. However, since we are all home now, we would like to help you. Please let us help you, whatever you need, it's yours. We promise.”
“Promise” Matt asks warily, looking to Tony for reassurance, like he is bracing for rejection.
“We promise-” echoes Tony with a reassuring smile “now get over here, we need our Matty” he finishes with an exaggerated wink.
Matt gets up and walks over to the opposite side of the couch where Tony and Kelly are sitting. He looks at them with a shy smile before asking “Can I sit between you two, I want to be a Matt sandwich” which earns him a chuckle from Kelly and as he scoots over to accommodate Matt.
Once Matt sits down Tony wraps his right arm around him tugging him closer and he presses a kiss to his forehead, relishing in the blush that graces Matt’s face. Kelly places his left hand on Matt's right thigh just above his knee with a gentle squeeze. Matt lets out a happy sigh as he leans his head against Tony's shoulder and places his right hand on top of Kelly's, linking their finger together, returning the gentle squeeze.
No words are said, none need to be said as they sit there basking in each other's presence. It doesn’t take long before Tony and Kelly realize that Matt is peacefully asleep between them. Eventually they will get up and get ready for bed, carrying Matt to bed since he is dead to the world, both of them hoping to get just enough sleep to make Shay's funeral bearable, as bearable as funerals can be of course. Until then they are content to silently pull strength from each other while they pretend to watch yet another hockey rerun on TV.
~~~~~~~~~
Tony's POV:
Today is Shay's funeral. I'm in charge of giving the eulogy because I have a way with words according to everyone around me. Sure they are not wrong, but most of my words I come up with on the fly and Shay deserves better than my improvised chaos embellished with movie quotes and pop culture references. I spent many hours trying to write the perfect eulogy fit for just how perfectly imperfect Shay was but the words just won't come.
Putting the pen to paper, yet again, I try to capture not only my grief, but I am also determined to capture the essence of Shay,and that is not a simple feat.
Are jokes of any kind even appropriate in a eulogy?
How long is too long?
Is there such a thing as ‘too much’?
Which tale do I tell?
Do I go with how we met and she was instantly my biggest supporter?
Do I tell the tale about how she sent Kelly and I, unknowingly, on our first date?
Or do I tell the tale of how she came to Kelly, Matt, and I and told us that she wanted to try for a baby and that she wanted one of us to be the biological father but all four of us would be parents regardless of the DNA said?
Ok, so maybe *not* that one. Since not everyone is truly aware of our little family dynamic that we built.
Decisions, decisions… and yet I'm still mulling this over, or spinning out as Kelly says, as we leave for her funeral, I have nothing written. How does one do such a beautiful soul justice, gone far too soon, while selflessly serving her community. It feels like I am making this so much harder than it has to be, and I don’t know how to avoid that at this point. Even though truthfully its a little late for that.
The funeral is held at the firehouse, as it should be. Full honors, a real hero's funeral. Not only is the entire 51 family there, but there are doctors from Med and police officers and detectives from the 21st district. Not to mention her sister and other family and friends.
Shay would be proud to see all her friends and family come together.
It's my turn to speak, so after a deep and shaky breath I stand before everyone leaving Bella with her aunt, Kelly and Matt standing in their dress blues at attention. I speak from my heart since I didn’t give myself another choice. I look out at the crowd, all the people who got to love Shay, and suddenly it was a little easier to find the words.
“Today we are all here to celebrate the beautiful soul that was taken way too soon”
And I swallow, hard- I knew this would be hard, but damn.
“I like to believe that we all met Shay when we really needed to. Some may say that is fate, and I'm inclined to agree with them. You see, I met Shay in Peoria after a bad op. I was left without proper back up which led to me being horrifically injured. Shay was the EMT that rolled up to the scene ready to save the day. But she didn't just save the day, and she didn't just save me by tending to my injuries.”
And cue the tears, I was really hoping I could keep it together until *after* my speech.
“She showed up and sat by my bedside everyday until I was released from that hospital. She was my only visitor for the entirety of that week that I was stuck in the hospital. She held my hand when I need the comfort, she told me that I deserved better, and heavily encouraged me to leave that precinct. She became my biggest cheerleader and filled a void in my life that, as it turns out, could only be filled by her.”
My voice cracks, and my vision is blurred by tears, but I'm not done yet, come on, deep breath.
“The thing is if I were to go around and ask any single one of you about Shay, if I asked you to tell me a story about her, I’d know that I would find several more stories remarkably similar to mine. Once Shay chose you, once she chose to love you, you were given her unwavering support regardless of how stubborn you were, regardless of how many times you tried to push her away. She would still show up, still cheer you on while telling you exactly how it is, she never pulled her punches. She would give you the harsh truth and finish with ‘but I love you anyways’.”
“To be loved by Shay was a privilege I will never forget, and I will make it my mission until my dying breath to love my daughter, my friends, and my family the way Shay loved us. She may be gone, but she will never be forgotten.”
I move on auto pilot back to my chair beside Megan. Bella practically throws herself at me when I sit down. Not that I'm complaining, because Bella snuggles are top tier.
~~~~~~
Once the funeral service was complete they returned back home they all changed out of their dress clothes and put Bella down for her nap. With Bella asleep and all three men exhausted they all decide to climb into bed themselves. With Matt on one side, Tony in the middle, and Kelly on the other side. Once Tony is comfortable on his back both Kelly and Matty roll over to rest their heads on his chest before they all drift off to sleep.
They will all be up in a few hours to eat dinner with Will and Connor, who will then take Bella to their house, as they have done many times before, allowing Tony, Kelly, and Matt the time to reconnect. They will wake up tomorrow with a renewed determination to live each day to the fullest just like Shay did. Kelly and Matt will report back to work the following day. As for Tony, well he doesn’t know what he is going to do with his career yet. He has plenty of money so he doesn’t have to make an immediate choice, so instead of rushing to choose he is going to spend at least the next few months at home with Bella, while making a point to find joy in the small things.