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He was supposed to enjoy today. Today was supposed to be the most important, if not the most exciting day of his life.
And yet all he wanted to do was just go home. He didn’t want to go into the waiting room with the sticky floor and the squeaky chairs and the creaky door. He didn’t want to go on the stage with the flashing lights and the deafening crowd and the loud announcer. He didn’t even want to sing, he didn’t need more noise, he didn’t need this.
But he did, and that was the problem. They all did, this was important for all of them. He couldn’t just ask them to cancel the biggest performance of their lives because he “couldn’t sleep” last night and he was running low on the two cups of coffee he had had that morning to ease the nerves… Which in hindsight he wasn’t sure why he had thought that would work because now, on top of the constant firing of signals in his brain trying to process everything, was also the buzzing of his neurons, amplifying it all.
His cue was coming.
No… No we can’t- It’s already so…
Well. Should have thought of that before, then.
No-!
And like a good teammate, like a good partner, he sang.
~~~
He… He couldn’t…
‘Wuah! That was amazing!’
No… Please-
‘I still can’t believe it…’
Please stop.
‘Should we celebrate?’
No- He really can’t-
‘Yes! We definitely should!’
He really didn’t want to.
‘Tch- where should we go, then?’
He wanted to go home.
‘The new cafe seems nice!’
No.
‘Really, a cafe?’
No. Home.
‘What a shame… They even had pancakes~’
‘Wait-’
Home. He wanted to go home.
‘What’s that? Does someone still wanna go?’
Take him home.
‘A-An-chan…’
Please.
‘Alright… Let’s go.’
No…
~~~
Why… were cafes so loud.
“Oh, it only opened three days ago.”
“And it’s already so popular?”
“So the food has to be really good! Come on Kohane~”
Just one look through the shop window and he could already see the swarms of people crowding the place, plus the very loud radio music that he could hear even from out here. No…
“Yo, Toya,” Yes! Akito had noticed, he would- “You coming?” Fuck.
~~~
He didn’t want to drink it. It was too bitter, it was too thick. He didn’t want it.
“Aoyagi-kun, your coffee is going cold…”
He didn’t want it.
“Huh? Toya? It’s not like you to leave your coffee cold…”
He didn’t want it.
“Toya~ Let’s have fun, c’mon~”
She nudged playfully against him and he didn’t want it.
“Mother, I don’t want to play…”
His shoulder felt bunched with his skin.
“Liven up a little, Toya… You won’t get anything done if you say things like that.”
But he didn’t want to!
And his trousers were too tight and clammy and his hands wouldn’t stop clawing and the music was too loud and the cafe was too loud and the lights were too bright- fuan gubbai jibun - and his friends were too loud and his head- kimi to dakara - was too loud and his- aa kara- thoughts were too loud and- all ou- and his coffee was too thick and- kanchigai- and he- out - and he-
“Father, please.”
“You have to. Everyone is looking, Toya.”
“Toya, just do it quickly! Then we can leave.”
“Just play, Toya. It’s just this song, okay?”
But…But…
“Toya, begin!”
But he didn’t-!
He began to cry.
“T-Toya?”
“Toya! An, what did you- what the fuck happened?”
“Forget about me! Toya, what’s wr-”
He covered his ears. It’s too loud. Too…
“Mhn-!”
“An-chan, can you call Ken-san?”
“R-Right.”
“Fuck- Toya, you’re gonna be good, okay? Hold on partner-”
And we’ve already embarrassed them.
On the day we achieved our goal.
You couldn’t just let them be happy? You had to ruin it?
Really? We couldn’t hold it in a couple more hours? We used to be better at this.
We used to be better at everything.
…
~~~
His head bumped against the car window as he “slept”. He was awake, hearing everything: the traffic, the horns, the shouting, the vendors, the arguments, the conversation, the wind as they entered the tunnel. At least his eyes weren’t aiding the strain, but the strobing lights of the tunnel passing over them and his already sensitive hearing made that obsolete anyway. He was only keeping his eyes closed because he had somehow passed out on the way to the car and now everyone thought he was asleep, and he didn’t want to bother them by “waking up” because then they’d only worry about him again. Why did he do this to himself?
Yeah, why do we do this, Toya?
You ask as if we know.
As if we aren’t part of the problem.
“Your focus was amazing, An-chan!”
Oh shut up.
We ‘are’ the problem.
“Yeah, gotta say. Even I was surprised at that.”
Hear that? You know what we are.
You know what ‘you’ are.
“Woah~ So I have Shinonome’s approval do I?”
And you know where we should be right now?
“Oi-! You-”
The cafe.
We should be at the cafe. Celebrating.
But look where we are now.
The rev of a motorbike zoomed past, disturbing any potential sleep he could say he had.
Going back.
Ruining it all.
Many, many car horns followed.
They were all so happy too…
“I wonder what kind of event we’ll have next…”
We were supposed to be happy too. Why can’t you just be happy?
The car made a sharp turn left, Toya’s head bouncing against the window.
“Hey, look…”
Why…
His eyelid flinched from the sudden bright light that fell upon him, no doubt from all the cars, and perhaps traffic lights too, after emerging from the tunnel.
Why was it so hard…
Akito sighed, sagging next to him.
To hold it in for his team?
Another turn, then a slow stop into a queue in front of a traffic light. His head rocked a little at the stop.
Akito hummed, agreeing dazedly.
For his ‘partner’.
The light flicked from amber to red in his iris, through the lashes of his eyes.
“Toya?”
“Oh– Aoyagi-kun, are you awake?”
Fuck.
He grunted a little, pretending that he was just waking up.
“Mhn…”
“Toya! You feeling better?” He nodded, rubbing at his eyes. “That’s good,” An sighed, smiling. She fell back into her seat, playfully grunting as she did so for effect. Toya didn’t need the extra sound. “So, now…”
“We’re going home?” Kohane finished.
“That’s right! We can relax now, we’ve earned it…” she said as she broke into a long yawn.
“Mhm.” She agreed happily.
They turned again, the significant decrease in street lamps indicating they were no longer on the M40. A couple more traffic lights, a couple more road signs, the buildings becoming less and less fancy and more brick and slated roofs as they went further, becoming more and more familiar as they went.
His eyes flitted up to the sky, a couple more stars visible from the dimmer lighting. The moon was hung next to them, following their car. It was a childish thought… but no one would reprimand him right now.
His father. His father would. Though, his father would reprimand him for anything.
And he was going home right now. And his father usually came home about now.
What if he ran into him at the door? What if he was in the living room, having that tea Toya despised the texture of? What if he came across him on the staircase landing across from the piano room? And what if the door was open, and he saw him… And there would be no one around to see him or say anything or do anything - as if they would ever be able to at all - if he just decided to make Toya come in there at late night for “one song”.
You’re a talented boy, Toya. Use it.
And then what would he do? Refuse? Fight- he was too tired to fight. He was too tired to play. Please, it was supposed to be a good day, let it be a good day, please.
~~~
Toya was essentially dragging his feet as he walked back, the street lamps becoming more and more scarce as they turned the corners.
Akito noticed, of course he noticed. He noticed everything about him. Even his “sleeping” in the car, he had known, but he didn’t say anything because he knew Toya would feel pressured to respond, and he couldn’t do that to his partner; especially after he failed to notice his overstimulation. Fuck- What was he thinking?
“You ready, Toya?”
“A little tired but… I’ve had coffee so I should be good.”
“Great! We’re all set then. Oh… This is gonna be amazing, partner!”
“Mhm.”
‘I’ve had coffee-’ Bullshit. Bullshit, how did he not notice when it was so obvious? Toya always rested as well as he could before big performances - ‘a little tired’ - fuck, he should’ve known. His foot kicked a rock as they walked, turning his head ever so slightly to look at his partner. But he found that instead of having to flit his eyes up, he could just look straight at him because he was slouching, and no matter how many times he tried to stand himself up straight it would only take a few moments before he’d fall into a slouch again and there were bags under his eyes and he tried and failed to suppress a yawn and his voice silently whimpered in tiredness as he blinked himself awake and-
How did he not notice?
Shadows fell over them as they entered the wide alley, the light of a few street lamps and the occasional rush of a car warming their backs. The clack of their feet drummed against the stone, the faint melody of strummed strings and the song of keys windling through the air in faint strokes. Akito looked up at the yellow windows, some whiter and some more orange from where he assumed the sound was coming from. He felt anger bubble on the acid of his stomach, that this had once been Toya too. Then, quietly from next to him,
“I’m sorry.”
“Hm?” His head shot up, looking at the drained state of his partner. Toya stayed silent, hoping he wouldn’t have to speak again. “Sorry for what?” His voice shook at the end. Fuck. He just… He couldn’t look at his partner like this. How did he not-
“Everything went well.” Did it though? If it left Toya like this?
“Hm…” Toya dragged slightly more at the lack of a response. “Yeah, I guess,” he landed on. “You could say that,” He added.
Toya kept trying to continue what he was trying to say but his throat wouldn’t let him. ‘You could say that.’ Fuck.
God fucking dammit Toya, you couldn’t have waited until tomorrow to ruin it? It had to be today?
He waited his whole life for this moment…
What have you done?
Tch- Selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
Go on, tell him to leave.
Tell him we can walk the rest of the way.
Don’t make his day any worse than you already have.
But he couldn’t-
But you have to.
For him.
If you care about being his partner.
“I-I’m so-rry.” His voice cracked as they made it a few feet away from his house. They stopped.
“T-Toya?” Akito asked, suddenly worried for his partner, more than he already was.
“I-I-” His throat choked on itself, forcing out some weird gag that he didn’t think he was capable of making, as if his words were trying to throw themselves up.
“Toya!” He ran to his side, one hand on his back and the other in front of his chest in case he fell. Toya choked.
You idiot! What have you done?
He tried-!
Fuck, now he’s going to think it’s worse than it actually is.
Fix this!
“I-I-ack-!”
Stop! Stop talking!
“Toya- Toya it’s okay, I’ll-” He looked around for some bush or sewer or anything for Toya to throw up in.
But we’re not-!
You’re making it worse! Stop!
How-
Move away! Just move away!
He tried to push himself out of Akito’s hold, but he just didn’t have the energy and instead the movement caused his knees to buckle.
“Toya- Toya it’s okay, it’s okay. Hold on, alright partner?” His chest landed against Akito’s hand, the one on his back looping around to hold him up by the waist. He could hear Akito trying to calm down his own breathing. Fuck.
“N-No- it’s…”
“It’s alright partner, it’s okay.”
But it isn’t.
Toya… let’s just tell him…
“...Make it st-op,” he sobbed, quiet and choked.
“H-Huh?” He breathed. But Toya didn’t have the strength to repeat himself. Instead, he broke himself through Akito’s loosened hold, staggering forward then immediately taking a long step onto his doorstep, wincing at the harsh white light of the door lamp and taking a weak hold of the handle. Of course, Akito was right behind him. “Toya!” He called out, distressed. Toya hated that he was wasting his breath on his name. “Toya, talk to me! What happened?” He wished he could, he really wished he could, but his throat was constricting again by the second and he-
“L-loud,” he whispered.
“What…What was that?” And he genuinely didn’t hear and Toya hated it even though it wasn’t his fault.
“Stop…” What was this? Suddenly his words refused to cooperate.
Talk, goddammit. “Make it stop…” and he wasn’t even sure what he was asking his partner to do.
“Make… what stop, partner?” And he said it so softly and now he felt bad.
“E-verything,” his voice cracked, still facing the door, palm shaking on the handle, finger tapping against it to let less than a fraction of the pain out. “Everything…”
“Everything?” he breathed. Toya shakily nodded.
“Everything. ‘S too much…” And then Akito understood.
“Do you… want me to stick around? I could do something for you,” he tried.
Leave us.
“Leave me.” And he heard Akito take a step back, and he knew he was a terrible partner.
“Y-You sure?” Again, he nodded.
“Alright… Alright. At least tell me what you're gonna do so I can check up on ya, yeah?” He asked it so sweetly and Toya wanted to cry. Because Akito should never know what he wanted to do, he should never-
“Die.”
…
…
…You love making things worse for him, don’t you?
“Wha-Huh?” He stepped forward, taking off his hood, hoping he misheard.
Fix this now, Aoyagi.
“I want to die.” What. “I-I need to.”
What. What was his partner saying? His irreplaceable partner, his wonderful Toya. The boy he had spent years trying to achieve their goal with; the boy who had stayed by his side during all his lows; whose heart he heard pounding in performances, on the night they met and on the nights that came after, wrapped up around each other; the boy through whose eyes he watched the car lights through on the way home, pretty blue hair glowing against the window, silver pools reflecting and rippling with neon reds and greens and yellows. His aibou… His Toya.
And sure, he knew Toya was struggling, but he didn’t think-
“What- What are you saying, Toya…” And Toya couldn’t take it.
“What do you think?” he all but snapped.
Somewhere in that sentence was a hidden ‘Akito’. But no one wanted to hear him attach such a horrible idea to his partner's name. Even in his selfishness, he could at least understand that he should keep his partner free of his terrible, terrible thoughts.
“Wha- What do I-?” And he had already failed at that too.
Akito was taken aback. The most beautiful boy in the world had just told him he wanted to kill himself. What was he supposed to think?
“T-Toya…” he tried again. “Was…Was the show too much for you?”
Yes, yes it was. But it shouldn’t have been.
At his partner immediately figuring it out like he had been hoping he’d do all day, he stilled, the tremors in his body reducing to the grinding of his foot against the doorstep. He grunted lightly in affirmation, which he hoped Akito picked up on.
And he did. And now he wondered why he suggested all those crazy effects for their event. Sure, he wanted to go all out, but… He looked back up at his partner. But he also knew Toya, and if he had really wanted the best event for all of them he should have had Toya’s sensitivity on the top of his mind. How did he…
Toya pressed down on the handle a little. “Toya-! Fuck, I-I’m sorry, partner.”
Toya stilled again. “Don’t go…” But he didn’t mean to push the handle. The silence had just been killing him and his finger was tapping faster and faster until it wasn’t enough anymore and the excess pain needed somewhere to go so he had just- just gripped the whole thing and pushed down and now it looked like he was opening the door. He didn’t even want to go inside, he didn’t want to face his father. But he didn’t want to upset Akito either.
“No,” he croaked. His arm shook his hand, which shook the quarter-turned handle. “No, it’s not you fa-ult.” The bright lights, the effects, they were supposed to be good. This was supposed to be their biggest performance, adding all the extra stuff made sense, it was good…
And yet no matter how much he tried to convince himself of it, his brain just wouldn’t accept it - it didn’t want to understand that something that hurt so much could be good. He stiffened his foot against the step to stop it from grinding. “We planned everything together, it was fine,” he trembled, “I really was just tired.” Bullshit.
“Then I should’ve called for them to stall,” He stepped forward.
“We can’t keep the audience waiting like that.” His grip tightened.
“It’s our event, of course we can.” Another step.
“N-o. They waited so long for this.”
“So?” God, why doesn’t he get it?
“We waited so long for this, A-kito. We can’t call off an entire event just because I…” His knees went weak again. He heard movement behind him, but he wished he didn’t. He wished he didn’t hear anything at all. “Because I-” he croaked, his hand desperately keeping hold of the handle as he knelt on the floor, knees bunched up to his face. ‘God, we look stupid’, and, ‘Really? In front of him?” “I-”
There was shuffling next to him, and suddenly, he was sitting on the doorstep next to him. “We-We waited so long…” he choked, practically a sob. He let go of the handle, hiding his face in his knees and bunching closer in on himself. And then a voice, soft and sweet and light and careful from right next to him; he put a hand on his back.
“And we can wait longer, partner.” And suddenly he was crying, his body breaking out into short spasms as he cried into his knees. There was a breath from next to him and, after a few moments, he looped the rest of his arm around his partner, keeping it loose in case he wanted to stop and rested his own head on Toya’s shoulder, nesting into it. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he breathed, finger tracing light circles into his shirt. “I can wait, partner. As long as you need me to. I’ll be right here.” He only crumbled more, voice cracking miserably.
Then, even softer: “I can wait, my partner.” And he broke, turning his torso and wrapping his arms tightly around his Akito, clutching at his hoodie, sobbing into his hair. Akito only brought up his other arm to hold him in a loose hug, head nestled against his neck.
And it felt so selfish, but it felt so good. It had to be, if Akito was offering it so freely like this. Maybe, he thought, for a split second, he was allowed to indulge himself in attention like this too. Maybe, he sighed shakily, it’s okay for us to be like this.
~~~
He woke up, groaning. There was some weird wood supporting his back that he seems to be sitting on, which he identified as a bench. There were a couple bushes around them and, from what he could make out, a fence, which probably went around the area and behind the bench he was on. He blinked - revealing a distant slide and sandpit… so he was probably in a park. His entire body felt heavy, and he only winced as the street lamp above him flickered on. Strangely, it didn’t seem to shine directly into his eyes, leading him to the realisation that the hood of some coat was pulled far over his head.
He begrudgingly turned his neck a few degrees to see if Akito was there, having most of his face obscured due to having turned further into the hood. But, yes, Akito was sitting there next to him, blue light illuminating over his face from his phone, piercing through the orange light that washed over him and the shrubbery and the bench, legs crossed and foot tapping at the air, coatless. He groaned again, at which Akito’s head turned, finger immediately clicking his phone off.
“Hey…” He breathed gently, uncrossing his legs and resting his phone on his lap. “Feeling any better?” Better… His head didn’t feel ‘better’, it felt… strange. He wasn’t used to sleeping off stress… How long had he been asleep? It was still late night, but night lasted ages, that didn’t tell him anything. He couldn’t even remember falling asleep… The most he could remember was…
“I can wait, Toya.”
He buried his face in his hands, curling in on himself. He reddened in embarrassment which the warm orange lighting was not helping to hide. His legs slid back towards him, the heels of his feet retreating backwards under the bench. ‘I can wait’ - He couldn’t waste Akito’s time like that… And on the biggest night of our lives too. He probably had to drag him here too - his fingers grabbed at his forehead - fuck… What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he do this right? He wanted to apologise, to tell Akito to do anything better with his time, but-
“Agh-”
“Hey, hey,” He pocketed his phone, getting up and sitting on the floor in front of Toya. “Hey, don’t worry, okay? You can stay here as long as you need to. I’ll stay.” That’s the problem. Leave.
“N-No,” he gargled.
“I’ll stay, Toya,” he gently repeated, moving to retie Toya’s undone shoelace.
Toya couldn’t even enjoy the gesture. He could feel the slight pull of the laces as he tied them, but it was all a reminder that he was wasting his time. He tried to speak again.
“I-I’m sorry…” he choked out.
“Hm?” Akito looked up at him, tying the last part. “You don’t gotta apologise for nothing, partner. You’re good.”
“‘M n-ot…” Akito stood up. Then, Toya felt a soft hand barely lay itself atop his- Akito’s hoodie.
“You are,” he whispered. He bent down slightly, lips lightly touching the fabric. With a breath, “You are…” Toya’s hands came down from his face, burning red having softening into a light pink at his Akito’s words. His arms hung awkwardly mid-air, and he almost moved them back. Akito stayed there, the top of his trousers and his shirt and his neck taking up Toya’s view. “I’m here, partner.” And he was. And that alone was more than he could ever ask for. Hesitantly, he moved his shaky, awkwardly hung arms around Akito’s back. He breathed.
The voices all came jolting back: the one that wanted him to pull away, the one that wanted to pull Akito impossibly closer, the one that wanted him to cry, the one that wanted peace and quiet, the one that wanted him to do better, the one that wanted him to pick out everything that was wrong with him until he found something to hate, the one that wanted him to get up deal with it, the one that made him doubt everything he achieved, the one telling him it wasn’t too late to turn around and give up, the one telling him it was too late to turn around and to take it as it is— because it wouldn’t get any better than this, because he was taking this for granted and he should be ashamed, because he was using Akito unfairly and he should leave, he should leave, he should give up, he should go, he should be ashamed, he should be less selfish, he should be less of a problem, less of a burden, he should die, he should let go, he should give up, he should…
He should die. The part of him that wanted to die, holding hands with the tiny part of him that wanted him to go back to the piano, and play like a good boy.
“Father, when can I stop?”
Good and diligent.
“When you get it right.”
Smart and capable.
“Father, it hurts.”
Strong and competent.
“Many things will hurt you in this world.”
Perseverant… “The sooner you learn how to deal with it, the better you’ll become.” …and understanding.
“But father, I-”
“Silence.” Obedient. “Now, play it again.”
Compliant. Useful.
“T-Toya?” And he was crying. He was crying– how fucking pathetic- “Toya.”
He sniffled, moving back on the bench. He could feel where each of the vertebrae on his spine pressed against the wood. He choked, trying to breathe. “Hey, partner.” Shivering, he raised his eyes to meet his partner’s. Upon the confirmation, Akito slowly sat back down, right next to him this time. Toya wanted to fall onto his shoulder, and he was pretty sure that’s what Akito was letting him do as well. But he couldn’t just– he couldn’t just…
The more his brain tried to come up with a reason not to accept the invitation, the more stupid he felt. Then Akito’s arm came around to his shoulder, gently holding it over the hoodie and pushing his body towards him. Then Toya’s head was on his shoulder, and their hoodies hugged each other, soft, warm. Then he breathed.
They stayed like that for a while - for as long as Toya needed to. Everytime he felt his breath building up again, he snuggled further into Akito’s shoulder, who only held him more softly in return. The last of the adrenaline ran out, removing a portion of the burden in his chest; with every heave, his shoulders dropped lower, and he felt more relaxed.
He tried thinking of something good to quicken the process, but all that came to mind was the pain of performing and the terrible events of the day, which only led to him beginning to spiral about all the performances he had slipped up for them and how he had ruined the biggest night of their lives and how he really shouldn’t have been here and… He took another shaky breath.
It was probably better to focus on something else. The best thing would be to just stop thinking, but he knew he couldn’t just do that, not with his kind of brain. Focusing on his thoughts would only make it worse, because they no doubt had only terrible things to say about him that he couldn’t face right now.
His shoulders sagged again, and he felt lighter. A few more tears escaped from his eyes, but with every one that escaped he felt this strange but… soft sort of smile grow on his face.
Relief, he figured. Relief. Because there was a voice - a voice that he usually kept in a cage at the back of his mind – that had finally, after so much thrashing and breaking, been set free and given control.
His sensitivity. He had suppressed it for so long, longer than he usually did and longer than he was supposed to. When he lied about his sleep, when he braved going on the stage, when he tried to hold it together at the cafe, he had been pushing it back. Strange, he thought, relieved. Usually, he had been able to hold it in for weeks at a time, but now, it wandered out of its box so easily. Maybe because it had been able to do so safely for such a long time that… that now it had gotten used to being cared for and treated like any of the other voices. So when he had fallen back on his old habit…
He tilted his head, looked up at the orange highlighted face of his partner. God. He was so grateful for Akito, his partner. His partner – how did he even do that? He smiled.
Akito turned to look down at him, smiling. He met orange eyes, the light of the streetlamp overlaying the silver of his iris. He breathed, smiling. “Feeling better?”
“Yes… Thank you, Akito.”
“Nah, no need.” He pushed his shoulder so they were almost pressed together, nuzzling into the hood against Toya’s hair. “Wanted to help you, partner.” Toya snuggled closer against his neck.
“No… I should have told you.”
“I should’ve thought about it anyway,” he replied. Toya was too tired to fight about this, he just wanted the day to end. “Wanna go home?” Akito gently nudged his shoulder with his hand. Toya groaned, shaking his head. “To my place.” Toya grumbled lightly.
“It’s a little far…” It was only about forty minutes away by walk, but let’s face it, they were too tired for that.
“I can call Ken-san.”
“I wouldn’t want to bother him again.”
“It’s been a long night. I’m sure he won’t mind.” And again, Toya was too tired to retaliate, so he just sat there, head against Akito’s shoulder as his partner texted Ken-san – once again taking care of him by not having called, causing that terribly loud ringing. Akito kissed his head again. “Ten minutes,” he whispered. Ten minutes… Yeah… he could stay up for ten minutes.
And he did. And they got up with a stretch, struggling at first but managing to walk off some of the tiredness as they went back through the alley, wincing at the brightness of the open road, where Akito had to manoeuvre him over to Ken-san’s car. A short drive, a few traffic lights, and one street that went on for too long later, the door was being unlocked, they stumbled upstairs and he collapsed into Akito’s bed. And after begrudgingly having to move into a more comfortable position, he drowned under the blankets in Akito’s arms, and…
And he couldn’t sleep anymore. All the movement had taken some of the tiredness out of him. But it was okay, because Akito couldn’t either. Akito giggled, and he giggled, and he breathed, and Akito breathed. And it was okay, and Akito was okay. He was all okay.
And eventually, at some point in the night, they fell asleep in each other’s arms, snuggled close together in hoodies, happy. And it was a good night.
He was okay.